Hey all. So I have decided to make this where I dump my one shots. They will mostly be very sad and somewhat dark but in away that is more emotional than anything. I'm not sure how often this will update. I just kind of day dream and started to allow them to wander here. The second chapter is new. Okay bye.
Madness envelopes me. It caresses my soul to the very brink of sanity only to prevent the final plunge. My soul fights back, it screams out in need. Need for something, I have yet to obtain. Perhaps I am mad, or perhaps I just must wait for the world to destroy me.
~It's not enough~
Another show, another critic, another praise, and other lash from my family. Never can I be what they want me to. Too many times I fight against the norm, staining the porcelain flesh of what they dictate as perfection.
Yet again I walk down the darkly lit stage hall another girl on my arm. She is bright and cheerful, something I can only wish to absorb into my dark world. The red velvet curtains trail on the ground, fading and frayed. I fixate on the beautiful decay placed before me, immune to the sound of life chattering away beside me.
If only…that something missing would be mine I could…
"Soul, you played so well tonight. I am so impressed with how well you have improved on your personal pieces. But, why are they all so sad." She stares at me directly demanding an answer in a form of trick. She wants to connect, wants to be important, wants me to need her. I need nothing and no one.
"Life is a dark and depressing thing. Nothing is 'sad' it simply is. The misery of the world had consumed me long ago." She sighs, a typical response to my reply. They believe I bared my soul to them but in reality, I simply watch as they all fall for the same con.
"Oh Soul…you're so broken. I wish I could help fix you." I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I fight the scoff at her stupidity. Nothing she could say would mark any importance to me. She is just another cow in a heard waiting for me to pick them out for slaughter. They can not fix me, I was broken so long ago and had no one else to do it. I fixed myself.
"Indeed." We reach the door and pause. It is nothing special just a pain wooden door painted a fading black to match the back of the stage. The knob is a bronze colored metal and cools my hand. I stare down at the cracks ready to face the mundane.
My attention is drawn by markings in the door. Tiny little scratches covered over with paint, faint but still visible. A rough heart is carved into the wooden canvas. SE + MA make a pocket on to the other wised unblemished wood. So much like me, but I will not last nearly as long.
The girl follows my gaze to the marking, carefully analyzing it with a smile. "How cute." She says it with a grin in her eye and traces it with pale fingers. "I wish I could love like that, too feel so close to another and never have to worry."
"What does this say about love? It's just a marking on a door, the people most likely drifted apart long ago. Left each other and moved along to the next person they so eagerly wished to please. It's disgusting and cheap." With an angry pull the door opens, wiping the runic sight from the displeased eye. The hinges creak and the door slams against the wall, rebounding into my palm.
She jumps, her blonde hair bouncing with the sound of splinting wood. The room before us is black and devoid of any semblance of life. I switch on the light, flooding the room in a harsh light, only emphasizing the bleakness of it. My dressing room is nothing, just another place in this world.
Seemingly encouraged by the dark and devoid space she smiles even brighter. Her eyeliner smudging with the creased skin. She is nothing special, average build, average height, but her eyes. Something about them screamed life when I picked her from the rest of the people all bidding for my attentions.
A secret hope stirred inside me, one that fears dying alone and forgotten. But in this light I discover I have succumbed to another childish wish that will end as they always do. Me sneaking out and moving on to the next, always looking for more ways to waste time.
She steps toward the couch lying seductively on the worn fabric. The elegant dress rides up her pale thighs as she traces her hand along the hem. Another night, another girl, and another way to pass the time. I take long strides to the couch and kneel over her.
She attempts to play coy, but we both know what this is. My life is not hidden from the tabloids and magazines. They are all just snakes waiting for the next mouse to prey on. Quickly losing patience I untie the neckline yanking down the front.
She gasps as the cold air hits her chest and attempts to cover herself. I sigh and lick her collar bone tracing my hands past her stomach. She relaxes and her hands drift peacefully to her side. Another girl, another night, another way to pass time.
My tongue traces down circling her breast while my hand slides down her thigh moving the thin fabric aside. She claws at my back and moans out my name. Another trick I have seen too many times. I growl in annoyance as her fingers hook below my jaw.
The look in her eyes is so innocent that it makes me nauseous. She is no flower, no beautiful thing to be tainted. All we are, are spiders, scurrying on the ground in hopes that we are not squashed before our time.
She tilts me to the side, nipping at my neck in an urge to mark me as hers. I pull away with a distasteful look on my face. She pulls me back to searching for my lips but I slap her hand away unwilling to provide her with that common decency. But, instead of fighting, she simply apologizes and we move on. Her submission repulses me. She is so willing to give in to whatever I want, simply because I have my name on a poster. But, what do I care? It's just another girl, just another night, just another way to throw away the time.
~It's Not Enough~
As the general rule I leave women as soon as I'm done. I have learned if I don't then they just start speaking about relationships and futures. What a joke. This girl is no different.
"So Soul, I was wondering-"I roll off the couch pulling to an easy stand. My hands fall into my pockets and I grab my jacket slinging it of my shoulder. Her lingering pull on the last word makes me sick. She speaks like a child hoping it will get her what she wants.
"Look, I don't have any interest in extending this any further. I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want a fuck buddy, and I don't want to hear you bitching to me how you're pregnant in a month when we both know you're not. So I'm just gonna leave and you can tell all your little friends who you slept with okay?" I grab the door knob the white hair falling into my face. They always cry a whiney high pitched wail I like to avoid. They always look so ugly when they cry.
"Oh no, I was just wondering…can I eat your soul?" My back is faced to her and I lazily twist around to face her. She has managed to lower her dress but it still hangs in shreds around her chest. I sigh used to the insane things women say.
"What? Eat my soul? Look I find sex puns annoying, so why don't you just make this easy okay?" I open the door behind me, the room becoming uncomfortably annoying. The door in front of me slams shut before I can so much as touch it.
My head snaps back to the girl to find her laughing madly. Her dress flying wildly around her ankles. I guess in a way it was kind of beautiful. In a dark- demented kind of way, but then again, is there another way?
"Oh, Soul Evans. The magical musician who can steal the heart of any girl, a dark soul just waiting to be fixed. Where a dark secret rest inside. How clique. You think I could just let a tasty little soul like yours go? No, no I'm going to kill you and eat it. Don't you see?" I drape my jacket over a nearby chair and pop my neck. Why do I always pick the craziest ones?
The girl laughs and the bottom of her dress begins to meld into her skin, tainting it green. Her hips reshape into a long and flat body and tail. The skin of her legs becomes scaly and split into four with a disgusting slurping sound. I shake out my muscles and pop my neck.
"Joy another one of you. As if fan girls weren't bad enough now I have to deal with you brats. Look my soul is mine and I can't just have you screwing everything up so now I'm afraid you have to die." My arm transforms into an elongated blade. The black hilt is accented by red triangles and has been stained by the blood of those unfortunate enough to think that they can hunt me down. I don't ever try to hide it but neither do I publicize it and every once in a while one of them will find me.
"Oh, got some fight do we? Well that's easy enough." Her body morphs back into that of the girl from earlier. She stands in front of me naked another innocent look on her face. "Souly, would you really hurt such a harmless girl?"
I drop my head and stumble toward the girl my arm falling back into shape. She opens her arms with a smile pulling me in further. I reach out for her hand and I pull her to my chest. Below my hand I can feel the heartbeat, fast and shallow. It almost makes me…angry.
"You think such a cheap trick would work on me?" My fingers change into scythes and dig through the flesh presented in front of them. I hear her cough and feel the blood splatter on my face but dig deeper looking for the source of my contempt.
I burst through the cavity feeling her heart pumping rapidly in an attempt to make up for the loss of blood. She gasps when I clench my hand around it. The beat is weakening in my grip and my face contorts into a smirk.
"Just who the hell do you think I am? I have encountered hundreds of you over my life time and you seem to think that you could beat me? What a laugh. I have been on my own since I was 6, only with others to be chastised and belittled. You, you are a worthless child, who had everything you could have wanted except for power. But that wasn't enough was it?"
She cries out as my hand grips tighter, the life quickly fading from brown eyes. She steady's herself against me until I twist, the vessels breaking open and blood dripping down my face. I stare psychotically into her eyes as I watch the light drain from them.
"Don't worry. I have no problem putting an end to your miserable life. As a matter of fact, I wish I could end everyone on this planet, but you'll just have to do for now." I am careful to reform my fingers before ripping my arm back. The girl takes one more ragged breath before falling to the ground lifeless.
I watch until the beating heart slows to a stop. Black ribbons surround it twisting and reshaping into a dark red orb. I drop the soul to the ground and wait until the girl's body has faded away. With a rising of my foot I stomp down hard, the soul bursting into a puddle of liquid, just like a popped water balloon. The liquid fades and I stand up stretching.
I check in the mirror admiring the way the blood trickles down my face, enveloping me in a warm caress of insanity. With some dismay I leave the room, sure to shut the door behind me. Before I leave something catches my eye.
The door, the ugly, cheap, poorly painted door now only hangs off the top hinge. There is a crack running up the middle from when I had slammed it back. The heart is now split into two and I can't help but smirk. I told you, love will never last.
I take a step away but am hesitant to leave. With a sigh I bend down. I carve a heart into the door with my finger followed my SE + MA. I make sure to cu tit deep enough that no amount of paint will cover it. Somewhat satisfied I turn down the hall walking away.
Hey you never know. Maybe they did end up making it after all.