A\N: So the idea for this story came to me after I watched the season three premire "Always" It takes place after the events of the episode and goes from there. As I'm not quite sure what happens in the show I can't say I won't add some if it. I think what I'll end up doing is using some of it but changing it to fit my story, as I've kind of done in this first chapter. As always though I'll let you know of any spoilers in the chapters. I hope you like this first chapter and please leave a review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago Fire, NBC or Global.

Spoilers: 301 "Always"

Warnings: Character death, survivors guilt

Chapter One

It could have been hours or minutes, she wasn't sure all she knew was that she had been staring at the darken room for a long time; ever since she had gotten up to go to the washroom.

There was movement beside her and Matt snuggled closer to her, "Hey," He whispered.

"Hey," She responded, still staring up at the room, she hadn't been able to get back to sleep, in fact she wasn't even tired. There was too much running through her mind.

"Can't sleep?" He rolled into his side.

"No."

"Want to talk?" He reached over for the lamp.

No. Gabby didn't want to talk, at least not to him. She had talked to other people but for some reason she couldn't tell him why she was taking things so hard. Of course she was upset because she watched her best friend die but she couldn't tell him that she wished, that it should have been her. That would just make him angry and he'd tell her that he was glad it wasn't, she didn't want or need to hear that.

"So Severide's moving in tomorrow?" She decided to change the subject completely.

"Yeah." He took a deep breath, "Gabby I know you're not okay."

"I'm fine Matt. I'm dealing with this alright?"

It wasn't all right but Matt had to trust that she'd talk to him when she was ready. He just held her close and flicked off the lamp, turning the room into complete darkness again.

Feeling her body become warmer at Matt's touch Gabby couldn't help but move her hands to her stomach. She had gone to the doctor's only two days ago and she had been told what she had already suspected; she was pregnant, eight weeks pregnant. She wanted children and knew Matt did as well and she always thought that when this did happen she'd be overjoyed but that wasn't her emotion at all. She couldn't find a way to become excited by the new life growing inside of her. It didn't seem right that she was happy when her best friend had just died.

She knew though it was happening and she needed to tell Matt, as she couldn't hide her symptoms forever. She had been telling him her nausea had been a symptom of grief and at first he believed her but she was pretty sure he was getting suspicious and when she said she'd be late for work as she had an appointment she was ready for him to ask her; he didn't. She didn't know what his reaction would be she only knew she needed to tell him, So with her hands resting on her soon to be growing stomach she fell asleep.

The next morning she awoke to the blinds drawn and a feeling of nausea. Running towards the washroom she made it just in time before she threw-up. Matt came in behind her after just putting on a shirt.

"Are you sure you're not-"

"No. I'm fine," She lied, "Maybe I'm coming down with the flu."

How could she not tell him? He knew, he'd known for a few days but he needed to hear it from her.

"Gabby," He helped her stand and he turned her around, "Are you- are we pregnant?"

Shutting her eyes he saw only the slightest nod of her head, "Yes," She said as she opened her eyes again, "Eight weeks."

Before she knew what was going on Matt was kissing her. Realizing his lips from hers he asked, "Why didn't you tell me before the doctor's appointment? I would have gone with you."

"I know but it was just forums and blood work. I have my first OBGYN appointment in two weeks. You can come to that one."

He nodded his head; "You know this is the best news in a few weeks."

At that she began to cry, "Matt I can't be happy. I just I-" She sobbed into his t-shirt and soaked it within seconds.

"Ssh Gabby," He rubbed circles along her back, "Ssh."

"And I want this baby and-and I could have killed it in the explosion like Shay." She practically yelled.

Matt was taken aback at first, "Gabby what are you talking about?"

"The explosion. Matt I could have miscarried."

"No, no Gabby you said you killed Shay. Why would you think that?"

Gabby didn't want to talk to him about it and she didn't mean to blurt it out in the first place. "I didn't mean anything by it," She yet again lied, "We should get going over to the apartment," She opened the door above the sink to retrieve her toothpaste.

"Gabby-"

"Matt I don't have anything to say."

Matt knew that she was lying. He knew that for some reason she blamed herself for Shay's death and he knew that things would be betting worse before they got better. He knew she had been seeing a department psychiatrist but he didn't know if she had been telling him anything, he didn't know because she never talked about it.

Now as he washed her brush her teeth he knew he needed to get her to talk to somebody. She needed to for herself and for their baby that was growing inside of her. He hoped that if she wouldn't talk for herself she would for the sake of the baby. He knew though she was stubborn and at the best of times it was hard to get her to do something she didn't want to do, now it was becoming nearly impossible.

TBC

A\N: So what did you think? Please leave a review and let me know.