Okay so here's my songfic for twilight, the song is My Worst Fear by Rascal Flatt's. I don't really know if it's any good or not but i think it kinda fits there relationship, but since I'm writing it at about 5am it might not make sense although I hope it does. Please R&R. I think it will just be a one-shot but I'm not really sure. What do you think? I own nothing of twilight or of the song.
My Worst Fear
Last night
when you gave me a kiss
As I climbed through your window into your room I knew you'd be waiting. As I entered she gave me a huge kiss, and I was barely able to restrain myself from hurting her.
You didn't know it
but I was awake when you did
You were quiet,
You were going to let me sleep
Later, when I was holding her in bed, she must have thought I'd fallin' asleep because she was trying really hard not to make noise, as she tossed and turned.
So I just laid there pretending to be
I started wondering why she might be so reastless, what might be bugging her? In the end i decided just to pretend to be asleep and ask her about it in the morning. After all it couldn't be that important other wise she would of told me about it, right?
You said some things you didn't know I could hear
And the words I love you,
never sounded so sincere
You must have thought I wouldn't be waking up anytime soon, because you turned to face me, touching my face lightly with your hand, obviously trying not to wake me. I heard you as you started whispering, and then you said those three little words, the ones I'd been dreading, but also hoping for oh so very much for. I couldn't believe it. How could someone so pure so good love a monster like me? I knew that you really meant it, just from the way you said and from the fact that you thought I was asleep.
Its gonna make It hard to tell you that I'm leaving
Now that I know
just how much you care
Knowing now how deep your feelings are for me, I knew it would just about kill me to leave you, even though it was really my only option at this point. I couldn't believe I was letting myself hurt you like this but it was the only way. If I stayed and you were hurt, how would I ever be able to forgive myself, knowing I could have prevented it?
You finally gave me one good reason
not to go
Staying here
It was beyond tempting to just stay here now. It had been tempting before I knew that she loved me, but know that I know for sure that she does, that she might actually be able to except me for the monster I am, it seems almost irrisistible.
And its my worse fear
But I'm just so afraid for you. What is I lost control just once, and ended up hurting you, or killing you? Or worse turning you into what I am? I just couldn't take it if you lost everything dear to you so that I could have you with me. I can't be that selfish.
This morning
I rolled out of bed
Recalling all the sweet things you said
Later, after I was certain you had fallen asleep I quietly left her room and ran home. I had to be calm when I talked to you. I couldn't let my emotions control me. I have to do what's best for you, not myself. Once I reached our house I changed my clothes as quickly as possible, much faster than would be possible for a human.
As I stood there I went back over what you had said and couldn't hold back my grin. Forcing myself to concentrate on the matter at hand, I ran back to your house all the while thinking about what you had said. It made me so happy to know how you felt.
This was the day
I was going to hurt you bad
But then I feel so bad considering how badly your going to hurt knowing you love me, but thinking I don't love you back, even though I do, more than you could ever possibly comprehend. I knew eventually you would get over me, after all isn't that what humans do, move on? It hurt to think that one day you might not love me any more, but give your love to someone actually worthy of you.
Called out your name
but you didn't answer back
When I climbed back through your window I was surprised that you weren't in your bed. I called your name softly, trying to figure out where you could have gone. As far as I knew you weren't doing anything today.
I searched the house
to find out what was wrong
I went through your house quietly trying to find where you went, but I couldn't even find Charlie, nor hear his thoughts.
Like a ton of bricks
it hit me you were gone
I wandered through the house, seriously confused. I went back to your room to try and see if you had left any sign as to where you'd gone. That's when I saw the plane ticket, one from here to phoenix. No. Next to it laid a note, written in your light scrawl.
Its gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leavin
Now that I know
just how much you care
I picked up the note not really wanting to read it, already guessing to what it might say. I started to consider how you might react when I tell you. It will be so much harder now to tell her, but I knew that I would no matter how she felt, no matter how much she begged. It was so she would stay safe after all.
you finally gave me one good reason
not to go
I knew it would be heaven to stay with you, to be able to live with you for eternity, more so now that I knew you loved me back,
Stayin here
its my worse fear
But I also knew that I would never be able to live with myself if anything happened to her because of what I was.
All along I knew that there was something missing
I've always known that our relationship was missing a very important part. Honesty. I couldn't be honest with her because I wouldn't be able to stand it if she knew what kind of monster I truly was. Even though I tried to hide it, and not be it, that's what I was. Evil. How could she forgive me for what I was when I couldn't myself? How would I be able to live with myself if I told her and instead of understanding and giving me a chance she looked at me in fear?
And only one thing left to do
I had to leave behind this life we've been living
I knew that I just had one more thing to do and then you would be safe, and I would be free to wallow in self-pity for all of eternity, for I knew that doing this would be the worst thing I would ever do to myself,
And the only thing that was left was you
But the best for you.
Its gonna make it hard tell you that I'm leaving
Now that I now
just how much you care
Putting the note down for a second, I turned determined to figure out where they had gone. Being able to do nothing else I was forced to listen in on thoughts of people in her neighborhood, hoping that maybe one of them knew something, had seen something, anything. I had to tell you soon or I would lose my courage, and stay with you regardless of the consequences.
You finally gave me one good reason
not to go
on being alone
She had given me the knowledge of what it was like not to be alone, to have someone who cared about you just like you cared about them, knowing that you would always put me first just like I was doing with you, that I would be able to count on you even if you were mad at me, but
And its my worse fear
And stayin here
Is my worse fear
my worst fear is staying here and hurting you, making you lose your precious innocence and kindness, making you lose your chance to have a real family.
Finally after not being able to get anything from your neighbors, I looked at your note, and reading it with just a glance I knew that you knew. Knew that you had known I was going to leave, so you left first, to make it easier on me. But then how did you know? How could you comprehend what I was enough to leave? And most importantly, How was I ever going to go on living without you here with me?
Dear Edward,
I love you with all my heart and that's why I'm leaving. I know you'll
understand. I understand why you need to leave, why it is so important
to you so I'm just trying to make it easier for you. Please forgive me
someday, and know I'll never forget you.
Love You forever and after,
Bella