Author's Note: Well, I certainly never thought I would be posting something like this. At some point, a friend of mine (who has asked not to be mentioned by name, so I'll call him 'Jack') wrote this story while he was drunk. I hope. Since his internet connection is messed up, he asked me to post this for him. So, being a good friend, I agreed to post it as is. So, after reading this… uh, story, I decided there was no way I couldn't post this. I hope you enjoy it; because if you don't, I think I'll go murder 'Jack' a little…
an hey dis is ma frist tim writting fnafcition in logn tiem and do not no how i am at dat so i hop u lik da shoe now reed plz I no one hellsign but wud b cool if i did
Hellsign Zombees in Detrout
Allacard was busy polish guns when Walton came to door and sed "u r need by vampire lady what what"
"This sounded boring" Allcard mutrd an went 2 da orifice of vampyre lady cos she call herself dat cos it saund storng an pauerful an i dont remmeber her reel naem
"Vampire u r late y u not get here sooner juts kid lol" vampire lady said while chew on many sigar
Ploice gril Sars Viktoreea waked into da room listen to milley sairus on ipod and sed "whats dis about mishun I heered?"
"Lots an lots of zombees are attack detroit an locul plioce can no do stuff cos der guns dont kill dem you must go save detroit IN NAME OF PRESEDENT!"
"I will do dat lest go Sears," Alacard happied an ran strait 2 detroid cos for him it wad faster dan tak a car
Zombees were many and der were like a gazillion of dem so vampire sed "I will need to shoot many fast and will use good gun" sp he pulled out Jack-Al and started to shot zombies an shot a million of dem in a couple rounds
"No dis not fast enough" Allu-card angried and pulled out Castle too so he cud shot more zombees an he killed lots of dem but den his guns stated to click
"I AM AUT OF BILLETS!" he raged but den Sam an Deen from Soop or Nachurel show up on top of apratenmt bilding an sed "Da red guy is in trubbel ew muts HELP HIM!" so pulled out revlovre an start shot more zombies
"Thanks guyz u r da bets!" Alucard happied agen an thru birck woll up in air an punchd it so it explod into lost of bullets to reloud his guns
"whait was are dos?" Deen aksed an den haedcrbas from dat gaem wit a free man came out of sweerz an got on da zombees heds AN DEY WERE MORE ZOMBEE NOW COS DEY WERE HADECARB ZOMBEEZ!1!
Suddenly piloce girrl came "What is all des hdeacrab zombees do her?" an went hreself
"Stop be scared an shoot dem!" Alcraad angried an shot lost of headcrabs in hed with da gunz an sam an deen tryed 2 help but dey got headcarbd 2 to ploice girl had 2 shot dem 2
"Were do all des headcrabs came from?" Sreas qusechiond an lokd in far dtsitncs an saw masheen dat is was make da hadecbars so she sed "Allah-card if we kill da masheen haedrcabs will all ded!"
"U r rite!" Allah-card sed an dey ran 2 were masheen was but human was in da way an he was tall an in black clothes "Hoo da fuk r u?" vampires loudlyd
"I am Alan Wekser of Ubnerela Cotpirashun" man sed an took off jacket so he wuz in no shit "I will maek da haedcrabs form Tea virus 2 kill Aliss an den EAT DA HOL WURLD!" he evilled an laughed lik crazy guy
"U not so tuff guy" Alcuard cockid but waz punch in face so hard his brane explod all on da graund
"Y u kill msaetr u bass turd!" Sersa angrid an pulld out 2 a salt rifls an shot a thauzund byllets in2 Alan but he no die cos was imrotla guy with TEA VIRUS an he sed "U usles gril I will ate an kill wrold
"I not think so!" Allah-card drmatkicd an wuz in rubbre soot wit hed not blow to peaces an kikd Alan in groin so hrad it cutd him IN HALF but Alan wuz still tuff guy an sed "only scratch u mroon"
"Den I will do it HARDR! Allah-card yldlingd an groo lik 20 etrxa rams an kerotee chopd Alan ni2 blud on flore but den he gotd bak up an TIRED 2 RAP SEARS!
NO1 IN HOLE WROLD CAN STOPD EM Alan told but den his masheen mlafunkshund an hdaecarb got on his hed and he belowd NO I M NOT KILL ABLE GUY
U r now Allah-card sed riping hadecrab off an take da hed with it an step on da hole thnig lik da cops in movees
Halt freeze u 2 r under arrset Jim Bras sed but had hedcrab so Srase stabd it wif nife an it ded but Jim wuz fine Hey y I no in Los Anjelus
"Sity wuz over run an wip out by headcrabs an zombees an Alan Wekser" Allahcard explaned so Jimm arrsetd Alan an send him 2 prisen. Acluard an Sersa happyed an dey wnet bak 2 Woshnigton wer vampire laddy wuz
"U did god jib but sity of detriot ALL DED" she unhappyd an smokd 20 cigars at onec
"No problem ew will bring poelpe of Kandaa 2 detriot cos dey no wanna liv der cos it 2 cold" Aluracd joked an dey all laffd but den vampire lady wuz shoot in hed
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hoo did this 2 mtsaer?" vampirez angried an den door explod an lost fo poeple came in an Alan wuz at front
"Stoopud vampurez think u can stop me but my frend Eloit Satblre who is kidy rapper kill guy let me out cos I tell him I go kill pedafilez!" Alan ranted
"Ew wont let u kill humen race!" Seras sed angry "U will not rule world cos we will kill haedcrba army!"
"U vamporez no undersatdn" Alan anserd "I will mak zombees an kill all da vampure guyz to mak wrold saved from evul unded an Aliss an den I will be good leader guynot like presedent who lets vampurez an Aliss everywhere!" Then whole us army of a billion soljures an two hunderd million soup or soljures pickd up gunz an point dem at vampirez
"UI not afrade of humen soljures!" Alukard snaped but den wuz cut 2 peaces from croud by Walton who wuz haedcrab zombie "No Walton not u 2!"
"U will all die now vampurez!" Alan creepied an snaped fingers an all soljures raized guns
"Cannot let happen" voice sed an den Alan wuz fill with sowrds. Andorson came in door an sed "Alucrad an Sears I have orderz from presedent 2 saving u an take 2 from here becos PRESEDENT HAS DELCARED ESTATE OF EMURJUNCY!"
"Get them!" Alan braked an swards fell out but den vampurez an Androson gonned an soljures just shot walls "I WILL GET U ALUCARD AN SERIOUS VECTORIA IF IT IS LAST THING UI DO!1!"
an Hop u lik story cos wont finsih until i no buy for now
So, that's the chapter of the fanfic 'Jack' wrote. I'll pass along the reviews to him, and maybe get some more out of him if anyone decides they like it.