Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me- sadly.
Setting: between fall of Coruscant and Battle of Borleias (2nd)
Somewhat AU: because Jaina and Kyp separate after Hapes to undertake different missions and reconvene 5 months later in the days before the Borleias engagement; also because Jag is not in the picture at the moment (let's say he had to return to Chiss-space for some time). I have nothing against Jag, I just wanted this story to take place while Jaina was still suffering from loss of Anakin/believing Jacen to be dead
Rating: T
Nothing so Simple
Kyp Durron was going to die.
That wasn't wholly surprising; millions of people had lost their lives in the past two years fighting the Yuuzhan Vong onslaught, and Jedi were no exception- Kyp's own apprentice, Miko, had been among the first in the galaxy to come into contact with them, and he had died nobly so that others might escape and live to die another day.
Kyp Durron would not die so honorably.
It was not the knowledge that he would die that bothered Kyp. Everyone died eventually, and he had no illusions of immortality- such thoughts could easily pull a Jedi down a slippery slope towards the dark side of the Force. It was the fact that Kyp knew precisely how he would die that bothered him; perhaps he did not yet know of the where and the when, but he knew how, and that was enough to bother him.
Many beings in the galaxy might have wanted to know, if only to imagine they could attempt to prevent the inevitable, or at least delay it. Kyp knew though, there was no delaying, and no preventing. He was indeed going to die.
Because Han Solo was going to kill him.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Two years earlier
"Hey, Durron," one of the technicians called over, "you better check out the holoscreen here- some girl's going to beat your record."
Kyp turned and raised an inquisitive brow, glancing at his apprentice, Miko, before strolling towards the indicated screen. "What's the time?"
"Six minutes, thirty-seven seconds," a spectator replied distractedly, wincing as the modified TIE slipped narrowly through a gap between two large asteroids spinning in opposing directions. "Oh!" he gasped as the craft went into a dizzying roll.
"She's still got nearly five minutes to go to top," Miko put in. "Who's out there, anyway? She's a hell of a flyer."
Kyp frowned and closed his eyes, stretching out in the Force towards the impressive pilot- and was surprised to feel a returning touch on his mind before he was violently pushed away with a sentiment of 'don't distract me!' lacing the gesture. He chuckled and responded at the same moment as the technician who had called them over in the first place.
"Jaina Solo."
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene
Had it started then? Perhaps, though she'd been just sixteen at the time. Still a child, really, and he'd say, had it not been for the war that erupted full-force soon after that she was still a child. But after all she'd done and seen, after losing friends, wingmates- her brothers- how could he call her that? He'd watched her slide slowly down the wrong path and helped pull her back out, but even now she was in tremendous pain, and that only intensified his feelings.
He didn't want to see her suffer anymore.
But she had parents, and a loving aunt and uncle, and a new cousin to help her. Who was he?
A man who had inflicted some of that pain to begin with. He regretted it, but still thought it had been the right decision to destroy a Worldship. A man who had been, for however brief a time, her mentor, and surely that was grounds to make the whole thing a matter of questionable morals.
But something had happened in the hangar last week, and he couldn't explain it and he didn't want to think about it, but he'd thought about nothing else sense- except his impending death from Han, his old friend and rescuer.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
A week earlier
The XJ x-wing settled onto the duracrete landing platform with a hiss and the pilot popped the hatch and jumped out, landing smoothly next to a perplexed ground-crew member who had been en route with a ladder. Kyp watched from the shadows of his own vessel and chuckled.
The diminutive figure removed her helmet and half-turned in his direction. "Are you hiding or simply lurking?" she called out.
"Can't it be both?"
"Hm," she approached, undoing the top fastenings on her flight-suit as she walked. For a long time, they considered one another before Jaina quietly murmured, "It's good to see you again, Kyp."
He sensed no wariness in her tone or in her mind. Perhaps a bit of hesitation, as though unsure of his thoughts towards her, but he detected no lingering bitterness or anger and was glad that the good terms on which they had last parted seemed to remain intact. "It's been a while."
Some five months had passed since Kyp had left Jaina on Hapes with her parents, shortly after the funeral ceremony for Jaina's younger brother Anakin. Shortly after he'd helped her see the extent of her descent towards the dark side, and she in turn made him realize how much he had influenced it.
"How are you?" she asked after a few moments' silence.
He shrugged. "Fine. Doing some scouting but taking a much-needed break from the heavy action. I was offered a full leave, but…" he trailed away and shrugged again, this time somewhat uncomfortably. Jaina understood though; she'd been pushing herself harder and harder as well, trying to distract herself from the fact that she had nothing else- everyone she knew and cared about in this galaxy was fighting- or already dead.
"You coming in or heading out?" she frowned at the flight-suit he wore and the helmet tucked under one arm.
"Out." Her face fell, almost imperceptibly. "I was supposed to take off ten minutes ago, but they said you were heading in, so I told the squadron that I'd be forming up a tad late. I wanted to see you."
She flushed and he couldn't help but admire the pink glow of her cheeks. "I'm glad you waited," she finally said. "I don't know that I'll see too many friendly faces here on the Ralroost."
"I'll be back in a week," Kyp said before he thought. "I mean- if you'll be here that long."
"Command has ordered me to take a month of emergency on-call duty here while they train rookies in the field. Someone thinks I've been working too hard," she grinned ruefully, but the amusement was short-lived, and Kyp remembered how rarely Jaina smiled anymore.
"Sounds like a boring life of recce and scout patrols, I'm sure you'll hate every moment of it."
Jaina made to smack him playfully on the arm but he caught her hand and raised it slowly to his lips, laying the briefest kiss just below her knuckles. "Take care of yourself, Goddess," he murmured, releasing her hand and running his own lightly down her cheek. "I'll see you when I'm back."
"One week," she responded automatically, a clear note of surprise and confusion resonating in the Force. It wasn't quite a question- more of a verification.
He nodded. "One week. I promise."
It wasn't a promise that he'd be on time; it was a promise that he wouldn't die.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Yesterday
"Durron! Look alive!"
He jolted in the cramped cockpit and winced at the soreness of his muscles.
"You've been distracted all through the mission," Corran Horn commented idly. "Everything alright?"
"Fine," Kyp muttered into the helmet comlink, forcing the last of his weariness out of his head as he fell back in formation and headed towards the waiting Bothan cruiser where his mind had been stuck for most of the past week of his absence.
The hodgepodge of Jedi pilots, remnants of his Dozen, and assorted other craft and crew entered the hangar and settled down on the landing pad. Kyp and Corran popped their canopies almost instantaneously after the hangar re-pressurized, and Kyp hopped out, stretching his aching muscles after a week of cramped living.
He looked around, with a bleak attempt at doing so nonchalantly, but he sensed no familiar presence inside the hangar. Mildly disappointed but not discouraged, Kyp hastily removed his helmet and strode towards the exit into the main part of the ship. Corran rushed to catch up to him.
"Where's the fire, Kyp? You know Kre'fey wants a personal debrief on this one…"
Sithspit. He forgot about that part.
He turned as the doors slid apart. "I just want a few minutes to stretch and shower," he finally told Corran. "I'm sure the whole squad would appreciate it."
"Okay," Corran frowned. "A half-hour then. I'll see you upstairs."
Kyp nodded his thanks and turned to head down a side corridor when he almost collided with someone coming the opposite direction.
"Kyp!" Leia Organa Solo smiled warmly. "Just the man I was looking for."
"Oh?" he smiled back but looked around the corner to see if Jaina was perhaps with her mother…
"She's not there, Kyp," Leia said quietly. "They called her up for some reconnaissance over Borleias, three days ago. They expect them back in tomorrow."
Kyp swallowed and nodded, more than a little uncomfortable about whatever Leia was assuming regarding him and her daughter. "When did you and Han get here?" he finally forced himself to ask.
"About four days ago. We ran into a bit of a skirmish with some Peace Brigade types and Han wanted to get the weapon and shield systems checked out. Jaina asked me to let you know when she'd be back, if we were still here," she explained, eyes dancing in amusement at Kyp's apparent confusion.
"Thanks," Kyp said, relaxing slightly. "I just- how is she?"
Leia shrugged. "Holding it together. Like the rest of us."
"Yeah," Kyp murmured.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
It would probably be a painful death.
That was all Kyp could think about as he watched her sleep.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Earlier that day
He stood on the walkway that surrounded the hangar, protected from the shifting pressures as ships flew in and out by a thick panel of transparisteel. Her squadron was landing; not the usual Twin Suns crew, but a temporary recce squad that had been randomly assigned the Borleias mission. He saw Han and Leia approach her fighter once the hangar was safe again, and Jaina climbed out wearily, for once accepting the use of the step ladder instead of using the Force to leap out acrobatically.
She hugged her parents and- Kyp wasn't quite sure if he imagined it- glanced towards his fighter on the far side of the large hangar. He smiled faintly and she suddenly turned and looked up to where he stood. He doubted she could actually see it was him, but she could sense his presence nearby and knew he was watching.
A light inquisitive touch pressed against his mind. He returned a vague thought about spending time with her family and he sensed her displeasure but she did not push it- in fact, she pulled her mind away from his with a suddenness that make him flinch.
"So," a new voice sounded from his right, "the Solo girl again?" He really needed to focus more; people were sneaking up on him entirely too easily. "I thought that was long over."
He frowned- not at Corran, who was observing the scene below with detached interest- but he frowned at his own thoughts.
"So did I."
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
That night
A tap sounded at the door to his temporary quarters aboard the Ralroost. He didn't need to check the security cam to know who it was. With a flick of his wrist, the door slid open and revealed the small, dark-haired figure standing calmly in a freshly laundered robe- not quite traditional Jedi-type attire, but something similar. Her hair was damp, suggesting she had finally broken free of her parents and was able to hit the refresher. Kyp checked his chrono- it was just past twenty standard hours.
After several seconds during which Kyp sat quietly and Jaina stood patiently, he finally asked, "well, are you going to stand out there all night?"
Her mouth quirked. "Am I invited in?"
He sighed. "Don't be ridiculous." Standing, he crossed the room in two quick strides and gently grasped her arm, pulling her into the small but functional living area.
"You've been avoiding me." It was stated without censure or anger, but he sensed a lurking question.
"I wanted you to have time alone with your parents before they ship out again."
"They'll still be here for another few days," she shrugged off-handedly.
He considered her for a minute or two while she meandered aimlessly around the small living space. "How's Borleias?" he finally asked.
She turned sharply and he saw a shadow cross over her face and felt a recoiling sensation in her mind. "How's Coruscant?" she replied evenly and he winced.
"Point taken." The reconnaissance mission to Coruscant had been kept under the strictest of security, but he supposed Kre'fey might have told her where his squadron was heading. "They're terra-forming the entire planet," he murmured. "If we don't soon stop it, I don't know that it'll ever be livable to any besides the Yuuzhan Vong again."
"That is the point," Jaina said pointedly.
Another minute of silence fell across the room; Kyp sat on the edge of his bed and Jaina perched on the edge of the chair beside the nearly empty desk. As a Jedi Master, Kyp had even fewer possessions than the usual nomadic starpilot, but even traditional pilots learned early in training to carry the bare minimum of necessities around with them.
"Why are you here?" he finally asked.
She frowned and shrugged. "It's nice seeing a friendly face on a huge ship like this," she reiterated from their first meeting the week prior.
"Are you convincing yourself or me?" Her brown eyes widened and she blinked three or four times in confusion. "Come on, Jaina," he gently pushed. "We don't hang out and we've never been 'buddies.' What do you want?" His tone was entirely curious but it put Jaina on the defensive anyway.
"We're friends," she snapped.
He laughed. "You were my apprentice for a few months before you got angry and declared you'd never trust me again. And the next time I saw you, I left you despondent from your brothers' deaths and recovering from nearly slipping into the dark side."
Now she was angry. "Why'd you wait around then?" she demanded. "When I got in for duty last week."
"I-," she had a point. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. I'm sorry- I didn't mean to start this- thing, whatever it is…"
"There doesn't have to be a 'thing'," Jaina countered, expression softening slightly. "Come on, Kyp- we're living on stolen time here, we're both stationed on the Ralroost for a couple of weeks…" she trailed off and her face went pink again.
Kyp stared at her, not sure if he was understanding what she was suggesting. "Right," he said slowly. "The 'we're in the middle of war, I don't know how much longer we'll live' line?" He regretted it almost immediately as her face went from pink to red and she stood abruptly.
"Damn it, Kyp," she sighed. "You don't have to make me sound like some kind of…" she dropped it and set her face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to offend your honor. It seemed you were interested a week ago, and I was merely pointing out that relationships at a time like this don't last, so why worry about it. I'll go now though." She made for the door before Kyp could untangle his tongue which had become tied and stuck after his insensitive remark. "Who knows," she sneered as she hit the door-release button, "maybe I'll find some nice ensign to use that line on."
She took one step out the door before Kyp sprung into action. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back in the room, slapping the pad to close the door again. Jaina turned and leaned away from him but did not try to extract herself from his tight grip. "Kyp?" she asked softly.
He responded by pushing her against the closed door and leaning in close, suddenly very aware of how much taller he was. One arm braced against the door, keeping her semi-locked in place, while the other reached out and cupped her face before he leaned further down and kissed her- hard. He reached higher and curled his fingers in her wet hair and she moaned lightly against him.
There was a brief but furious battle for control which Kyp easily won. Jaina found herself turned, cheek pressed against the cold durasteel door, Kyp's hot breath against her ear and his hands on her hip and neck, holding her firmly in place as he murmured lowly.
"Is this what you want, Goddess?" he asked, and she shivered against him. His hand crept lower down her neck, pulling aside the folds of her robe and skimming the newly bared flesh beneath. "This isn't about a friendly face, it's not about taking advantage of being stationed together… this is about giving over control, isn't it? For a minute, an hour, a night… you just want someone else to tell you what to do, don't you? For however long or short a time, you just want to forget how miserable you are."
She stilled under his grip but he didn't relinquish his hold on her body.
"Yes," she finally whispered.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
They both knew that they were taking advantage of one another; Jaina was using his feelings towards her, knowing he'd give her what she wanted- what she needed- rather than turn her away and see her in more pain. In turn, Kyp funneled his anger and frustration of that fact- the fact that, he'd cared for her since she'd apprenticed herself to him the first time, and she wanted him now as a last resort, rather than a choice, the only one possible to give her what she needed- he channeled that anger and took what he wanted from her. He was demanding and forceful, and he suspected that he hurt her more than once that night, but she did not complain- physical pain was nothing to her now, after the emotional traumas of the past several months.
And now she slept peacefully, chest rising and falling rhythmically, and Kyp could sense the mental barriers she'd kept firmly in place through the night easing in her sleep, and he smiled at her calm vulnerability. He reached out and brushed a wild lock of hair from her face and pulled the thick blanket over her bare shoulders to protect her from the chill of the ship.
She stirred slightly at the movement. "Kyp?" she mumbled.
"Hm, Goddess?"
"Lie down, hold me, and go to sleep."
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
When he awoke, he was alone and not surprised. Mildly disappointed, perhaps, but not surprised. He drew the blanket around his shoulders as he stood, protecting his bare body from the cold, and started towards the refresher unit- and stopped, seeing a small piece of flimsi on the otherwise empty desk. Frowning, he picked it up and skimmed over it quickly.
Kyp,
Sorry to sneak out, but you were sleeping so peacefully that it seemed a shame to wake you; after last night, I'm sure you need all the rest you can get today.
The Mon Mothma just entered orbit this morning and I told my parents that I'd join them, Admiral Kre'fey and General Antilles for a working breakfast to discuss my squad's recce mission.
See you later?
Great One
Trust Jaina to be able to leave a note that left him more confused than when he went to sleep.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Kyp almost choked on his lunch when Han Solo slid into the seat across the table, leaning in close and conspiratorially. "Alright- who is it, Kyp?"
"Who- what?" he swallowed with an effort and chugged half a cup of caf just to stall for time.
Han leaned in even closer. "Jaina- I think she's seeing someone." His stomach dropped. Was this a trick? Was his day of reckoning already here? "She showed up late to a meeting today and was very evasive when I asked about it."
"Maybe she was embarrassed about over-sleeping?" Kyp supplied helpfully.
Han frowned. "Jaina's extremely serious about her military career. She's nothing if not punctual; I mean, being on time is like, the second most important part of the service."
"What's the most important part?"
"Always keep at least two pairs of clean socks on hand before embarking on a mission."What? "Anyway, that's not the point. She showed up late, and she had some very suspicious bruises on her neck. Might have been- you know- hickeys," he said the last word like it was some sort of swear.
"Ah…" Kyp stalled again and reflected briefly on just when and how those marks had been inflicted before shaking his head clear of such memories, lest his guilt show on his face. Needless to say, there was little doubt that they were hickeys, as Han so delicately put it. "I mean- she is an adult… head of her own fighter squadron… almost a Jedi Knight…"
Han raised a warning finger. "Hey- I don't care how many 'skips she's vaped, or how close to full Knighthood she is- she's still my baby girl- my only daughter…" he trailed off uncomfortably and Kyp winced internally at the thought that she may well now be his only child, period. "And even with all that, I mean, she's barely eighteen years old!"
Ouch. Point one, Han.
"Anyway," Han continued smoothly, "I just thought- you being a Jedi master and all, and she was your apprentice briefly… maybe she's said something, mentioned someone…"
"Han Solo!"
Kyp let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding as Leia marched angrily into the mess.
"I told you to drop it!" Leia reached the table where Han had Kyp cornered and yanked on Han's arm, forcing him out of his chair, which fell backwards with a clatter. Anyone who was not already watching the scene turned at the commotion. "Stop interrogating poor Kyp, I'm sure he doesn't know anything- and if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't tell you, since it is Jaina's business and she is a full grown woman who is extremely capable of making her own decisions!"
Han grumbled something indistinguishable and Leia rolled her eyes and pulled him out of the dining facility after straightening the toppled chair- though as they reached the door, Leia turned back and gave Kyp a knowing look and mischievous smile.
He groaned and put his head down on the table with a thud.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
He was half-expecting the quiet tap on his door that night.
Much of his day had been spent alternating between meditation and attempting to clear his mind, and quiet contemplation of Jaina Solo. He knew it could not, would not be so easy as a one-night fling; not with their past hammering at the door, months of feelings gone unacknowledged. And her note had been so tongue-in-cheek… signing it 'Great One' and the line about needing his rest- was that a joke? A compliment? A complaint? Did she regret giving herself over to him so freely? Had he further betrayed her trust by taking what she so openly offered when she was clearly in a vulnerable state emotionally?
But there was a tap at his door and he supposed he would soon get answers to at least some of those questions.
He opened the door and drank in her appearance for a moment. She wore a simple grey tunic that fell just above her knee. The neckline was wide, allowing him to glimpse the dark marks that stood out against her pale skin. Her dark hair lay down across her shoulders and softly framed her face. Her brown eyes- a shade lighter than her hair- looked friendly but nervous perhaps, and he sensed a wave of anxiety roll off of her.
"Can I come in?" she asked quietly.
He smirked. "That depends- has your father planted a tracking device on you yet?" She winced and pushed past him as he laughed. "No, it's touching, really… I'm just terrified for my life is all."
She turned and faced him suddenly, a hint of a smile pulling at her lips. "You aren't even kidding, are you?" she asked incredulously.
"Why would I jest about something like that?" he frowned. "I've been waiting for this for a week now…" he trailed off and cringed internally. Jaina raised a skeptical brow but did not comment on his admission that he'd at least considered sleeping with her when they'd met briefly in the XJ hangar on the Ralroost.
She finally shrugged. "Even if he knew- he likes you," she said simply, as though that solved everything.
He sighed in exasperation. "I don't think you quite understand how fast that 'like' goes to 'despises' when the person in question is having questionable relations with another man's daughter."
"Just be glad it's not Jac…" she stopped her sentence abruptly and turned away.
"Jaina?"
"Sorry," she muttered thickly, and he sensed she was holding back tears or sobs. "It's just- well, either of my brothers would have killed you if they so much as thought you were eyeing me oddly." She grinned but the effect was ruined by the glisten in her eyes.
Kyp crossed to her and pulled her into his arms, resting his chin lightly on top of her head. "Yes, they would have," he acknowledged softly, "which is the sign of a great brother. Don't forget that."
She cried and he held her, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing her back; and when she was done, he gently wiped the tears from her face and kissed her gently, concerns from just minutes ago forgotten. "You okay?"
Her look was one of resignation. "Okay as it gets." She was quiet for a long time. "Thanks," she finally mumbled, a bit awkwardly.
"For what?"
She shrugged and looked down. "Putting up with me. Letting me do this to you."
"You haven't done anything to me," he argued softly. "I care about you, Jaina. Let me."
"It isn't that simple."
He smiled. "I know. But for now, we can pretend it is and tomorrow, I can go back to worrying about whatever painful death your father has planned for whenever he discovers who dared to touch his daughter."
Jaina laughed in spite of herself, wiping away the last remnants of tears in her eyes and taking a deep breath. She allowed herself to be pulled up from the bed and led towards the connected refresher unit. She eyed Kyp questioningly.
"Trust me," he murmured. "Close your eyes." She did so and smiled lightly as he felt his hands skim down her arms and around her waist… and then she blushed fiercely when she felt him tug the hem of the tunic and draw the garment over her head. "Shh," he pressed a finger against her protesting lips. "You trust me now, remember?"
He let go of her once she was divested of her clothing and, eyes still closed, she could hear the rustling of more fabric before he took her hand and led her forward. Her feet touched cold tiled floor and she shivered, listening to Kyp fiddle with something next to her.
She heard the sound of running water and the room almost instantaneously warmed, filling with steam. Once more, she found herself steered and was soon immersed in the hot spray. Kyp released her arms and she heard the privacy door close and opened her eyes…
And jumped, realizing that Kyp had fit himself into the small, one-person sized shower. He grinned impishly as she blushed yet again. "Close your eyes," he repeated, turning her body so he could knead her wet, slick shoulders. "Relax."
So she did.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
He swept her damp hair off of her bare shoulders and planted a soft kiss at the base of her neck. She groaned and rolled over, not quite waking up fully as she leaned against him. Kyp smiled wistfully and wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the warmth of her body, curled up together in the same blanket.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Corran Horn stopped by on his way out the next afternoon.
"Where are you headed?" Kyp asked as the two walked slowly towards the hangar where Corran's XJ was already being prepped for him.
"I'm going to rendez-vous with the Errant Venture near Kuat and then Mirax and I have a supply run to take care of on Corellia."
Kyp nodded. "Ah. Take care of yourself, Corran," he said seriously.
Corran regarded the younger man thoughtfully. A year earlier, Kyp Durron had been on his list of highly-disliked members of the Jedi Order, but now… he wasn't sure if it was due to changes Kyp had undergone since losing his apprentice and subsequent aggression, then backing off after watching Jaina Solo nearly slip to the dark side; or perhaps it was simply the changed mentality, having lost so many fellow Jedi, Corran tended to value those remaining all the more.
Whatever it was, he appreciated the other's concern and clasped his hand in thanks before striding into the hangar. He paused at the threshold and turned back. "Hey, Kyp?" The other man turned. "You watch out for yourself, too," he advised. "I hear that Han Solo is out for blood." He smirked evilly and turned and walked away.
Kyp opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head in exasperation and heading back towards his own quarters.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
He obliged Han and agreed to have dinner with the three Solos before they departed the following morning to rejoin the younger Jedi students- and their infant nephew, Ben- in the Maw. It was a decidedly awkward meal for Kyp- Wedge was also present and kept everyone distracted, but he was still aware of the periodic glances Han shot Jaina, as though she'd suddenly disappear to some co-pilot's quarters. In turn, he was all-too-aware of Leia's amused lip-quirk at Han's behavior, and he sensed that she'd been putting up with it since he'd seen them in the mess the day before. Jaina, for her part, was acting entirely casual, spoke off-handedly but politely to Kyp when occasion called for it, and generally ignored her father's suspicious looks.
As Han and Leia said their farewells to Wedge, Jaina pulled Kyp aside.
"I'll be up late with my parents tonight," she murmured quietly. "They're heading out around oh-eight-hundred tomorrow morning. You should come see them off."
He understood- don't wait up for me.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Kyp waved as the Falcon took off, putting a comforting but innocent hand on Jaina's shoulder as she blinked back tears. Kyp couldn't blame her- at this point, it had to be hard to see any of her family leave, and he didn't doubt that, underneath the sorrowful farewells, there was a hint of 'I may never see you again.'
As soon as the ship cleared the hangar and sped out of sight, Jaina turned away, face set. Kyp followed her quietly, sensing her desire for silence through the Force. He briefly pondered returning to his own quarters as they neared the intersection where they would normally split, but she must have felt the thought and returned her own emphatic 'no.' And so he followed her to her own temporary living space.
It was even more barren than his own- the only thing on the desk was a datapad and he suspected that, if he checked the drawers, he'd find them mostly or completely empty. How much of that was due to practicality and how much due to the avoidance of physical comforts and extraneous decorations in her current distracted and depressive state, he could not guess.
He didn't have much time to guess- he was quickly distracted by Jaina, who was sitting on the edge of the cot. She caught his eye and reached for the top fasten of her anonymous tan jumpsuit. His eyes never left hers, but he was more than aware of the slow uncovering of skin; underneath, she wore only the simple white undergarments usually worn with a flightsuit.
Smiling sadly, Kyp crossed the room and sat next to her, grabbing her hands in his and pressing them to his lips. She opened her mouth, confused, and closed it again as he regarded her carefully.
"Jaina," he murmured, "why are you doing this to yourself?"
Her expression darkened and she yanked her hands from his grasp; he relinquished them but cupped her face and ran his thumb lightly across her cheek while she re-fastened her jumpsuit. Through the Force, he sensed a subdued embarrassment, though she did not exhibit it physically.
"Goddess, please," he whispered. "Talk to me."
"You knew what this was," she said shortly, pulling away from his hand.
"Yes," he nodded, surprising her. "I did. Which is why I should have done something three days ago."
She stared icily at him for a few seconds. "Why didn't you then?"
Kyp sat back and crossed his arms, contemplative. He tried to read more of Jaina's feelings through the Force, but she was doing a marvelous job of blocking her emotions and generally limiting her presence in the Force as much as possible. "You came to me knowing that I was the one person who wouldn't turn you away," he stated mildly, trying his best to keep any hint of accusation from his voice. "And that's my weakness."
"What's mine?" she asked bitterly.
"You're in so much pain and have no idea what to do with it," he said sadly. "And you think that if, for an hour, you can act like someone else, that pain will go away; but it doesn't. It lies dormant and then hits back ten times stronger when you remember it again." She shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "Remember, Jaina," he murmured, "I've been where you are."
"Where's that?" she asked blankly, reflecting on his words.
"You're afraid of relapsing so, rather than use the Force to help lessen your pain, you shun it, tune out as much as possible, desperate to keep out the thoughts that drove you down the self-destructive path in the first place. But all you end up doing is hoarding the pain and blocking off the emotional release- so you seek physical reprieve from the pain in your mind. Possibly by intoxicants," he raised an eyebrow and she assumed he was talking about his own path, "possibly by denying yourself even the simplest pleasures in life," he gestured around her dull, barren room. "And possibly by using others, letting them take control so you don't have to think and make decisions for yourself, in the hope that you'll forget your troubles in the face of blind obedience."
It was like water breaking through a dam. First, she sat, staring at him, eyes wide but blank as she took in what he was saying; then, he felt her slowly release the tight grip she'd maintained over her emotions for the past several months; and then, trickling at first and then flowing faster and faster, he was nearly overwhelmed with the onslaught of her sadness, fear, and anguish as she collapsed into his arms, shaking and sobbing.
He folded her against him and let her finally grieve and mourn the loss of her two brothers, her fear for her parents, her aunt, uncle and cousin, all of her friends and fellow students at the Jedi academy… and she cried until it seemed she simply had no more tears, or lacked the strength to continue, and breathing heavily and occasionally hiccoughing, she eventually fell into an uneasy slumber. Kyp moved and laid her down properly, covering her with the spare blanket folded at the bottom of the bed, and let her sleep.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
When she woke, he was fiddling with his datapad. He heard her turn over and sit halfway up, looking around in mild confusion.
"You're still here."
"A keen observation," he teased lightly. His tone turned more serious. "I didn't want you to wake up alone. How do you feel?"
She frowned and thought. "Empty," she murmured. "Like I've let go of something I'd been holding on to for entirely too long."
"Good. That's the first step."
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Over the next week, Jaina joined Kyp in several meditation sessions, trying to re-open her emotions in the Force without being overwhelmed by them. He was pleased with her improvement, and her abandonment of some of the more self-destructive tendencies- and then she showed up at his door late one night.
He frowned but stood back and allowed her to enter. She did so quickly, crossing to the far side of the small quarters and turning to face him, worrying her lower lip and barely realizing that she was letting off such a physical sign of her nervousness.
"What's wrong?" She stopped chewing her lip and approached him slowly. "Jaina?"
She didn't speak. Instead, she leaned forward, standing slightly tip-toed, and pressed her lips to his softly.
Kyp did not push her away; nor did he return the kiss. When she pulled away, he grabbed her upper arms and held her still, while he searched her eyes. She stared back, calmly, unblinkingly. He felt a sense of desire rolling subtly through her but without the need and desperation that had defined the first night she came to him. Perhaps a bit of melancholy- but none of the heart-wrenching despair from a week earlier.
He would never turn her away; that was his weakness.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
His datapad beeped early; groaning, he rolled over and grabbed it- and promptly realized that he was decidedly more alone than when he had fallen asleep. He took a few seconds to marvel at Jaina's ability to extract herself from a tangle of blankets and limbs without disturbing him but was distracted by the message. It was an automatic one from Starfighter command, informing all stand-by, on-call, recce, and scout pilots that they were on emergency alert for the foreseeable future. The Mon Mothma was preparing to jump to Borleias to engage the occupying Yuuzhan Vong forces, and the Ralroost would be ready to jump in an instant to back her up if the battle went awry.
Kyp groaned, desperately in need of some caf to wake him up.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Around mid-day, Kyp began to worry about Jaina. He hadn't seen her in the dining facility, and it seemed she was trying to suppress her Force awareness again- or at least towards him. Frowning as he walked slowly back to his own quarters, he stretched out in the Force and reached for Jaina- and was mildly alarmed by how reduced his awareness of her was. He tried his best to give her mind a gentle nudge, but it went unreturned and he wondered if she didn't even feel it.
Deciding to risk being overbearing, he altered his course to see if she was in her own temporary quarters. There was no response to his knock on the door though. He reached for her again- and froze.
It wasn't that she was suppressing herself- she was just distant.
Ignoring any semblance of security, Kyp prodded the door release button through the force and the door slid open- revealing a totally empty room. Even the linens were torn from the bed.
Cursing, Kyp sped the opposite direction down the hallway, finding an information and directory computer terminal. Punching in his access codes and clearances, he typed in Jaina's name, but knew approximately what he would find already:
CPT Solo, Jaina- reassigned as of 0600 today- Mon Mothma- Red squadron leader
Kyp's mind went completely blank for a few minutes as he ambled slowly back towards his own room. She had known- of course she'd known, she must have arranged it with General Antilles. That was why she was sad last night, why she'd wanted one more night with him. That hidden thought of I might never see her again pressed at Kyp's mind much of the rest of the day, ridiculous as he knew it was. She had flown countless missions, destroyed hundreds of coralskippers, been in more danger since she was a small child than Kyp had in his life…
He just wished he'd known last night- but he had little doubt that she'd had no intention of ever telling him she'd requested to be reassigned, lest he attempt to change her mind.
Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene. Scene.
Six Months Later
"I name you the Sword of the Jedi. You are like tempered steel, purposeful and razor-keen. Always you shall be in the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends. Yours is a restless life, and never shall you know peace, though you shall be blessed for the peace that you bring to others. Take comfort in the fact that, though you stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow that you cast."
Kyp raised his brows and felt Luke Skywalker's concurrent wave of surprise at what had come out of his mouth. He'd known that about Jaina since she'd left him aboard the Ralroost to take the lead in the Borleais mission, but to have Luke say it in front of the whole room… it was clearly a Force-inspired speech, and the nineteen-year old girl took it in stride, but he felt her own shock at the pronouncement.
After the ceremony, he kept his distance but she sought him out anyway, detaching herself from her parents and her newly recovered brother, Jacen to come and talk to him.
"Long time," she murmured, falling into step beside him as he walked around a decorative pool in the courtyard of the ornate building where they'd held the knighting ceremony.
"So it is," he returned. "Congratulations on your knighthood."
"Hm," she was silent and contemplative for a few minutes. He sensed they were both thinking about Luke's speech. "I'm sorry," she finally broke the silence.
He stopped and turned, surprised. "For what?"
She laughed ruefully. "Come on, Kyp. I used you horribly. And then I just left. No word, no warning- not even a lame note on a piece of flimsi."
"I understood," he returned quietly. "And I don't begrudge you any of it."
Jaina regarded him closely for a few moments before smiling and shaking her head. "You're a good man, Kyp Durron. I don't care what anyone says."
She started walking away and Kyp stood, confused, before chasing after her. "Wait! What does that mean? What do other people say?"
Jaina laughed and turned, wrapping her arms around him and leaning up to kiss him once on the cheek. He smiled and hugged her back, relieved that Jaina had overcome her issues in the past six months. The relief was short lived as he heard Han's and Jacen's voices nearly simultaneously.
"Jaina? Kyp?"
"Durron! What the hell?"
Jaina laughed and stepped away and to Kyp's side, folding her arm in his. She reached out and slung her spare arm around Jacen's shoulders as he approached, and Kyp winced, feeling Han fall into close step behind him. His glare on Kyp's back would have been sensed, even by someone who wasn't a Jedi.
The End
A/N: Hope you enjoyed- my little Kyp/Jaina vision- not quite a romance and, like I said, nothing against Jag- just a complicated relationship exacerbated by their own inner demons.
Thanks for reading!
*~Lexi~*