Falling out of Place- One-shot fanfic
A/N: Work and music calls so long story short schedule has been jam packed. Anyways enjoy this new one-shot based off Lacey's 5th challenge, her internet is down but she told people on twitter about the challenge and it is "start acting like a lady". So this is going to be one interesting story that's super long due to me being muah:) Enjoy;) And this is slightly Oc. Loren is falling out of place in this story;)
Loren's P.O.V.
If it wasn't enough to practically cling onto life every day. Noting each tear is caused by a struggle. My face showed the clear look of disappointment. My eyes showed the resemblance similar to someone breathing but not alive. That's why I'm like this. My Dad died shortly after a long time illness finally got the best of him. My Mom wouldn't look at me for weeks. This all took place two years ago when I was sixteen. During that time no emotions were shown in her face. All I saw was an unfilled blank space there. She wouldn't dare speak to me at all. I felt invisible to her. I still hold it against her to this day. I needed someone to comfort me and she did no such thing. I was breaking just as much as her, when I needed her warmth she apparently refused. She wouldn't even let me hug her. Now I'm just a disobedient child not caring what my Mom thinks. I've been slacking off in school not giving a single care in the world about anything. I already lost everything once valuable to me so what's the point? My Mom recently received my progress report for the 2nd semester and wasn't too pleased with the few C's I had. I shrugged it off and told her no big deal. I didn't frankly give a care in the world. If I wanted to fail in life that was my choice. My life is my decision. A couple times I came home late after curfew when I was hanging out with Melissa. We got a little carried away partying one night and ended up suffering the consequences. I wouldn't say Melissa is a bad influence, but she sure knows that having fun is a necessity.
My Mom yells at me for the simplest things, taunts me about all my mistakes in the past. She judges me without even knowing the real me. She knows nothing about me. She never will. My Mom is just some woman taking care of me that's it, that's all she ever acts like. Treats me like complete crap. So as the saying goes I treat her the way she treats me. Before all this tragedy took place I used to be your perfect little ideal daughter. I got good grades, had a great support system, a lovely family. But then all that was taken away from me, left the grasp of my hand quickly. Right now my Mom was cooking dinner in the kitchen well I sat patiently at the dining room table, waiting for food. She said she had an important announcement to make also. I really didn't care too much for it, but I couldn't take her annoying me about it anymore. I could smell the sweet aroma of grilled asparagus and steak cloud the air. I smile in complete contentment, for once. My Mom surprisingly wasn't busy with owning her restaurant for once and actually had time to spend with me. Of course her being the perfectionist she is, it was a top bustling five star place. Anybody and everybody went there. I'm happy for her and all but sometimes it gets to her head. She finally finished serving dinner and brought the plates to the table. I heard the familiar clink of glass as she poured fresh ice tea in both our cups. I had my hand under my chin and sighed out of annoyance. I hated ice tea. She knew that too and why.
My Mom rolled her eyes at me as I looked up and saw her expression, typical treatment that I'm frankly quite used to. Ever since everything happened with my Dad our relationship has been drowning deeper and deeper. There's an argument between us every day. We haven't had the same mother-daughter relationship for two years straight. I heard her slide the chair back as she softly sat down across from me. I started digging into my food before she even finally sat. I didn't find the need to wait for her. I scarfed down my food chewing like a 5 year old boy starving. I was slouched over on my chair and wasn't sitting properly because I didn't feel like it. Suddenly the curt tone of my Mom caught my attention.
"Loren sit up straight already. Learn how to eat properly; you understand how that shows everyone you have no manners right?" She asked assertively.
"So..who cares what people think of me? I surely don't." I said clawing away at my food with my fork taking petite bites now. I slowly gulped it down as my Mom looked at me with disappointment evident in her features. Of course the usual look, the one that makes me feel like I'm completely useless.
"You should care at least about having manners. It's not polite to chew with your mouth open either."
"Whatever." I said wanting to end the conversation that didn't need to start. I pecked at my food feverishly now avoiding all eye contact with my mother. I stabbed away at the small bits of food left. I took a sip of ice tea and wanted nothing more than to throw this down the drain. But I didn't like wasting food or drinks even if they were disgusting. I settled my glass down and was now drawn into the awkward silence, as you only heard the small clink of silverware hitting our plates. I reluctantly broke the silence and asked my Mom what her important announcement.
"So what is this important announcement you wanted to disgust?" She quickly settled her silverware down and locked eye contact with me. Her features showed the distinct look of nervousness, almost as if she was afraid to say something.
"Well recently I met this well-known doctor named Max Duran. I finally had the courage to ask him to come to dinner with us at the restaurant." I cut her off angrily before she could finish her sentence.
"Why do I have to join your little boyfriend and you for dinner? Why can't you just leave me here like you always do when you got somewhere." I said showing pain after all these nights she left me.
"Now you know I don't leave you on purpose you know that. And well he has a son that's a couple years older than you and I wanted you two to meet, just in case things got more serious with Max and me. We're all having dinner tomorrow at Rumor you need to come. Plus it's a big night for me after remodeling the place and everything we're reopening. I really want you there.
"No I don't want to go." I said abruptly getting up from the table with my plate in hand. I walked over to the sink as she kept taunting me about it.
"His son is really sweet and is a great musician, just like you used to be. I was even thinking about letting his son Eddie do gigs at Rumor. Please Loren I know we don't get along that great but do this for me, just this once." She said practically begging on her knees. I didn't even pay attention to the pleading and anger took over.
"And I wonder why we don't get along? It's because of you. I had plans with Mel tomorrow anyways. I don't need to go if I don't want to." My Mom slammed her utensils on the table as I washed mine in the sink. I jumped a little startled by her sudden anger but shrugged it off.
"You're grounded anyways and you're coming to that dinner tomorrow. At least you can make me happy for once in my life." I washed the rest of my dishes and stomped out of the kitchen. She acts like she owns my life. I hate it when she makes decisions for me.
"I hate that you make decisions for me. I'm 18 Mom which means I'm an adult, I don't need to listen you." I said highly annoyed by her persistency.
"If you're 18 start acting like it, and stop acting like a 5 year old! If you're an adult why don't you at least try to be like one for once. Actually try to act like a lady!"
"Whatever Mom. I'm going to my room now." And I hurriedly ran up the spiral staircase to my room, with tears streaming down my face. All my happiness had vanished. It was replaced with a permanent pain. And it still hurts every day because of her.
The Next Evening
"Loren are you ready?" My Mom shouted from the bottom of the staircase, and I sighed knowing I hated how girly I was dressing. I was wearing a perfectly fitted dark pink dress that had a short embellished hem at the bottom. I was wearing these sparkled light pink flats my Mom had gotten me a few months ago. I had on a light tint of lip gloss and some mascara but that was all. My air was curled as my tones looked exhilarant with different shades of brown. I walked down the stairs with my purse in my hand and my Mom looked astonished. I finally reached the bottom and my Mom smile proudly of me for once.
"You look so beautiful Loren." I actually was flattered by the comment and smile shyly.
"Thanks Mom." I said finally feeling appreciative of her now. She linked arms with me and I didn't pull away so quickly at first.
"Come on we don't want to keep the boys waiting." And we waltzed out the door waiting what seemed like it was going to be a perfect night. We hopped in my Mom's silver BMW and drove to the grand re-opening. I was actually excited to see what I had in store for me.
We arrived in the extremely crowded restaurant and walked right over to the guest awaiting us. The sound of loud chatter and dishes clinking filled the air. My Mom first went and gave Max a hug and formally introduced him to me.
"Max this is my daughter Loren. Loren this is Max." We shook hands warmly and he smiled at me as we did so.
"It' nice to finally meet you Loren." And then she introduced me to his son Eddie. I didn't really have any eye contact with him until she introduced him to me.
"And Loren this is Eddie Max's son." We automatically both looked up at each other and we immediately locked gazes in an instant. I could feel my heart rise in the heat of the moment, as he smiled slyly at me. I had to admit Max's son was handsome, but I wasn't in any need to fall in love anytime. I deflected my gaze from him and shook his hand quickly and sat down. He was taken back by the not so warm approach but shook it off eventually.
"So Loren I've heard a lot about you from Nora. How's school going for you/" Max asked as we all sat down, and I started at the ground. I didn't like the subject of school being brought up.
"Well so far so good. I'm improving fairly." I said my voice nearly a whisper. My Mom shot me a look saying "remember manners."
"She also told me you're also into writing music." I shot straight up when she said that and wanted nothing more than to get out of here. I never liked bringing up the topic of this either.
"I don't anymore. I gave up, but it doesn't matter it wasn't that good anyways." I said still scrutinizing the floor with my gaze blankly. I wasn't in the chatting mood, especially about all these topics.
"Oh no Loren all your work was amazing. Even your father loved it." And with the mention of him I snapped. How dare she bring that up? I quit music long after the tragedy occurred. I rolled my eyes at her and scoffed. I really didn't care about manners anymore.
"NO it wasn't stop saying that! Don't talk about Dad. You guys never even heard a single note I played. Dad never even said anything regarding my music. So stop talking about him like you know who he is. Stop acting like you know everything, when you don't even know your own daughter!" I said stomping out of there briefly running outside. The tears were streaming down my face like a river again. I hated when she brought up Dad. She just reminds me more and more of the pain that way. I sat down near the rear of the place and sat on the cold concrete ground. I buried my face onto my kneecaps and felt tears soak onto my skin. My throat felt like it was closing up as an astounding heaviness hit my chest. I heard the faint noise of footsteps near me but at first paid no mind to it. Then they got closer and I was starting to grow curious. I heard the melodic voice of Eddie, and it was loud but so peace forsaking.
"Are you alright?" He asked like he was actually concerned.
"Go get back in there enjoy your dinner. I'm sorry a stupid kid like me ruined it. That's what my Mom probably thinks right now anyways. So leave." He shook his head saying no and sat down next to me.
"Maybe that's what she sees but all I see is a beautiful girl who is just falling out of place. You just are lost right now. You need help." He said apparently acting like I was some sort of charity case, and I took it as an offense.
"You know I don't like people saying things out of pity. And I think I could decide on my own if I need help or not." I said disgusted at the fact he said I needed help, when I clearly didn't.
"You won't admit it but you do. Don't let the pain get in the way of happiness. It's not nice seeing a girl like you waste a beautiful smile I know is there." He said playfully poking my nose. I wanted to smack away his hand so quickly, but I blushed and let him do so. I smiled innocently and let out brief sniffles.
"I wish it was as simple as that."
"Oh but it is you're just too hard on yourself. I know what happened with your Dad Nora just explained, and I'm truly sorry I know what it's like to lose someone you love. You feel like you can't replace it. You can't but you can always try to have the same happiness back. Don't waste a tear on a smile that could be there instead." He said in a soft gentle voice. It soothed me and caused chills to hover around me oddly enough. I felt calm and relaxed in his presence. His voice urged me to stay strong. His words urged me too. I turned to look at him and he shot me a warm grin. I reciprocated his action and felt the wonderful feeling of staring into his dark orbs tug at my heart. My eyes met his in a duel and neither one wanted to leave each other's sight.
"Why are you so sure you see I could change?" I asked skeptical by his sudden confidence in me.
"I see it through your eyes. You have a painful story but I could tell that's what made you like this, you don't choose to act this way. You see darkness I see light. You see pain all I see is beauty staring right at me." He said winking at me in the most gentlemen like way. A rose tinted blush made it to the surface of my cheeks, and I suppressed a wide smile. We still never broke off eye contact and I could feel myself getting lost in his eyes so quickly.
"You know it's been a while since someone made me happy like this." I said being reminded of the last time I smiled before this.
"I'm glad I could be of service. Smile more though it looks good on you." He stood up and offered me his hand and I gladly took hold of it instantly feeling a spark, and that spark quickly traveled to his eyes. Maybe he felt it too? We walked back into the bustling restaurant and I had a new up boost of confidence all because of him.
Two weeks later
And then I went falling out of place again. It's been two weeks since I met Eddie. A week of him trying to help but in the end I only pushed him away. At first I was willing to let him help but my head wasn't at a clear space. I felt trapped in this same position again. Like I couldn't break out free from this empty shell I was placed in. I couldn't enjoy anything. I was here stuck in my room crying a river. I was looking at old family photos and my Mom was at work. The sun crept in through a crack of the window as the rest of the room was dark. I constantly heard the irritable ring of my phone as Eddie kept trying to call I didn't want to talk to him. I winced at the picture of our old happy family at the park for my 5th birthday party. Being a kid was so much easier, but yet I still act like one.
I feel like I'm hundreds of different girls in one, and my emotions are scattered amongst my heart. One moment I could be happy and the next I'm back drowning like before. I wish all this pain would go away and my Dad would come back, and we would be one big family again. The possibility of that happening is now a zero chance. I'll never be happy again. I wouldn't let Eddie in. These past few days getting to know him my heart already wanted to fall for him, but my inner instinct said it was no use. I went with my gut and now here I am ignoring him. I threw all these old photos angrily all over the room. I screamed out for help. I wanted this pain to go away, would someone make it disappear? Unfortunately scars are permanent and they always sear into your brain. Pain is temporary but in my case somehow it could last forever. I feel worthless.
What's the point of living in fear every day? Why am I like this? I wanted to resort to the worst possible scenario because my mind was leading me to it. I feel completely alone and neglected what's the purpose of living like this every day. I don't want to end my life I want to end the pain. My heart yearned for someone to fix it, someone to fix me. Every day is a struggle I have yet to climb. Each tear is a painful memory I haven't erased. All these heartbreaks are the ones who leave the scars. And I'm reminded of all of it every single day. I screamed internally and externally trying to release out all my emotions but none of it worked. Screaming or pleading for help never works. Nothing I ever do turns out right. I climbed out of bed with tears still trickling down my face faster and faster. They say try to smile when it hurts the most but I couldn't push myself to do so.
Each day I only drown deeper into the temptation of losing it all. I tricked myself into believing the only way to get out was this way. I traveled out of my room to the kitchen, and searched for the sharpest knife I could find. I was sick of it, sick of feeling like crap. I smile then it only gets worse the next day. I try to change but nothing comes out of it the next day. I try to feel like I'm worth something but to no avail I don't believe I'm worth anything. I took the sharpest knife out of the silverware rack and held it close to my bare skin on my arms. I held it to my neck close enough to cut it. I wanted to just dive the blade straight into my skin and relieve myself of everything, every single stress and worry. Nostalgia consumed me into an overwhelming feeling of various emotions. I could end it right here. I could slide this knife right across my skin, but that'd make it easy. It'd be too easy to run from it this time. I was going the press the dagger into my skin but pulled away, and I suddenly heard the door swing open. I thought it was my Mom at first and was terrified of her seeing what I was doing. I was left even more shocked when I saw Eddie staring blankly at me. I dropped the knife to the floor instantly and dropped down to my knees letting all my tears flow out. He instinctively rushed over to me and pulled me into his arms. He laid my head in the crook of his neck.
"How did you get in?" I asked talking between sobs.
"I forced the door open but that doesn't matter what matters is you right now. What were you about to do before I walked in?"
"I wanted to so badly just slash my skin with it. I wanted to end all this. But I didn't, I couldn't." I said I broke. I wailed violently and started convulsing and he swayed me back and forth rubbing my head.
"Don't ever resort to that as an option. Your life is worth more than anything. Pain is something that's temporary but if you choose to stay stuck in the past, well it will last forever. Promise me you will never do something like that again?" He said looking me dead in the eye.
"I won't." I said reassuringly.
"I just felt like it was the right thing to do. Nobody really cared about me. My Dad's gone my Mom is most of the time. My friends don't really hang out with me anymore. I didn't feel loved by anybody and I still don't. "I spoke out my voice nearly audible. He caressed my cheek with the tip of his thumb, and stroked causing me to feel cared for.
"I love you Loren." He said with complete honesty gleaming in his eyes. I was left utterly shocked I mean it's only been a week. He had to be lying, he just had to be.
"You're lying aren't you." I said knowing he was for sure.
"No I'm not. Two weeks made me realize that. I could see you're someone beautiful. I see it on the in and out, you haven't taken the time to realize that yourself though. Neither has everybody else, but I saw it as soon as I saw you crying the first day I met you." I was left baffled by his words. How did this happen?
"You can't love me, nor want me. Eddie you're a great guy but you don't deserve me, you deserve someone better."
"No I don't. I just want you." He said and he instantly but gently pressed his lips against mine. I felt sparks shoot off in my mouth, and was left swept off my feet. His hands cupped my cheeks softly as if he knew just how fragile I was. I melted into the kiss and didn't regret it felt right. It all felt right to kiss someone who loves you and who you love back. Two weeks didn't make me realize that, Eddie did. My feet were finally planted back on the ground and I wasn't lost anymore. I was finally where I needed to be. I wasn't falling out of place anymore. I was finally home, somewhere I needed to be. I was finally the old me. And I wasn't acting like a kid anymore, I was finally my own age. Finally who I'm supposed to be.
Did it suck? Mistakes the same human errors probably yeah well I'll go back and fix it later. Sorry if you didn't like it but I felt the song fit the situation perfectly. Hope some of you liked and review please those always help:) Thanks I appreciate it. So I met Brittany Underwood on Sunday man that was awesome, ever since then I've been quite the busy bee. Sorry just thought I'd share that. Follow on Twitter BiancaAguilar15
Sincerely,
Bianca