So I see a lot of these around and I kind of wanted to do one too. So it's time for TechnicolorMassacre to review this. Be afraid.

x(Okay, that right there is a good indication that this is going to suck balls.)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Fuck the what.)

CHAPTER 1

Hi my name is Twila (Geddit. "Twila" like "Twilight" so clever! Not.) Beatiful (Beat-iful?) Psyco (P-syco.) Topaz (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) (HOLY SHITTY FAN FICTION AND MARY SUE BATMAN!) n i live in waschington (Okay, one: that sounds racist. "Was-ching-ton"? What the hell? Two: I'm very offended that you can't even spell the wettest state in the continental U.S. (which I happen to be a native born Washingtonian, so that only worsens it) correctly.) wif my sister Midnite (Oh hey, you misspelled "midnight" dumbass.). we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS. (I think my MS Word abhors this more than My Immortal…)

i go 2 a hi (Oh hi there!) school n every1 finks dat im really hot (OH EM GEE, NO WAY!), i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez (umm are her eyes suddenly albino?). i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes (NO SHIT me too, but mine are from anemia and sometimes lack of sleep.), (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword (…"Ed-Word"?) has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok.) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (you mean "misanthrope"? And who the hell uses a word like that?) (a/n loook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite.

one day i met a realli sexi vampore (Am I the only one who thinks "Vampore" sounds like a Southern Asian country? Probably because I'm thinking of Singapore, Malaysia) named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me (And over 80% of the white people population in Washington, including myself). he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) (Well, that doesn't sound inane AT ALL.) so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat (Honey, she's a Sue, just like you, what else can you expect?). edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous (assuming you mean "adventurous", how does one smile in a way that's sexy and adventurous?) n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine. (Wait, I'm no Twilight expert (actually, I have the utmost distain for the series- no offence or disrespect to those who like Twilight, I just am not a fan) but doesn't Edward have gold eyes, not topaz ones? I mean you the dumbass writer said that Twila has topaz colored eyes.)

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass (Happy donkey?) ghetto ppl (What? There aren't "Ghetto people" in Washington, I mean people and places that are hella sketch, but not "ghetto". PLUS aren't you being racist/stereotypical?) in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite (*repeats that several times* "n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite"? Oh. Wait that must be your perverse way of saying "and it's like 'yeah, whose tuff now haha.' Right," yes?)

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose wnated 2 meet me. n his sisters alice (You know, if you say "Alice" in a French accent it sounds like my middle name "Elise" (just saying.), rosmarie, jasper n emet all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2.

so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way. (Uhh…)

when we got there carlose (So is their adopted father now Hispanic?) came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty (Go figure.)

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) (Yeah, because Forks is TOTALLY in Washington, "Japanese".) "nice to met you i said.

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it." (Please don't cum in their house, it's rather impolite.)

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends. (ASDFGHJKL REALLY? Oh boy!)

XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD (Okay.*says nothing*)