I'd only been in the UK for a few days. The anticipated Europe tour was mid-way through, and it was going well, from what I'd heard from the girls and Sonia.
Last night they played London, which was my first time joining them here in the UK this time. It was a high energy show and Tegan was exhausted afterwards. Even now, as our bus edged its way through the dreary inner city streets of Birmingham, everybody on the bus sensed the growing fatigue which was gradually seeping into the band and crew. But still, it was tour, Sonia was here and I knew that by show time, everybody would be buzzed.
As our bus passed tonight's venue, The Institute in Birmingham, I caught a glimpse of the fans already queuing outside in the street. The UK fans were really something, I remembered from last time. We rounded the corner and our bus parked up.
"Come on, Sara, put your book down already. Let's go. God, I need some air." Tegan was striding down the bus aisle, her exhaustion apparently faded as the excitement for tonight's show was already building. Sara, still quiet, reluctantly stopped reading and stood up. Sara had been distant recently. She was missing Stacey, I could tell. Their relationship had become so intense now. Of course, I was happy for her. She was finally happy. But all this intensity sort of resembled how things were when she was with Emy, and I just hoped she'd not get so absorbed this time. It didn't help that I was here with Tegan now I suppose, especially after the London gig. I hadn't seen Tee for a while and things got a little carried away. Memories of last night drifted into my head and I banished them; I couldn't think about that now. The fans were outside.
"I feel like such a dog", Sonia complained. "I mean look at my hair! I don't know how you girls can stick doing this all the time. And the fans, look at them! They're all looking their best and I'm here still in my pyjamas!" She slung a long coat over her body and did the buttons up; the pyjamas were invisible. Sonia's excitement and tenderness gave another life to the tedium of touring, and I know the girls really appreciated it.
Outside, in the fresh English air, we were serenaded off the bus by a group of fans singing 'Call It Off'. Although they were behind railings, the passion and utter excitement on their faces was evident. Tegan, being Tegan, started to sing along with them. Sara too greeted the fans. My camera was at the ready and I wanted to capture this moment. I wasn't alone with my camera; Sonia too was videoing the sing along with her iPad and even Sara was recording it on her phone. At some gigs the girls passed by the fans waiting outside, but this was going to be different, special. I could feel it already. We moved off into the venue and the crowd dispersed back into the queue.
"Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at…. " Tegan was still singing and her voice trailed off as we took off our coats and studied our surroundings. "God, I need coffee! Not a bad backstage area too. So, what are we going to do this afternoon?" Tegan's hyperactivity was unrelenting, even though the bags under her eyes suggested otherwise. She slipped her arm around my waist, automatically, and kissed me on the cheek.
"I'm going to finish my book." Sara said, grabbing a coffee that Johnny had made for everyone and settling on one of the black sofas, her legs tucked under her like a bird.
"Okay. Actually, Sara, I might join you. And later we need to talk about the medley." Tegan plonked herself on the sofa by Sara.
"Yeah girls, you need to add another song into the medley!" Sonia's eyes glittered as she suggested song titles. "Wait, what was that one the fans were shouting?"
"Um, Frozen I think. Damn, I can't remember the lyrics to that one," Tegan said as she scrolled through her ipod to find it.
"Well you were a very vocal youth," Sara smirked, looking up from her book.
"You can't talk, with some of your early obscene sex-driven lyrics." Tegan retorted. Sara blushed, and went back to reading.
Ted joined them on the sofa, resting his head on Tegan's shoulder. "What, you mean I have to learn more chord progressions?"
"Yes! I for one am very excited about tonight's show." Sonia seemed to be in a perpetual state of excitement or at least contentment. "Hey, I want to go shopping this afternoon."
Everybody groaned.
"What? Why are you reacting like that? You know I want to take things back for the house!" Sonia's habit of buying things had begun to be an inside joke; Sara joked that she had 'Expanding Disorder' as her possessions kept multiplying. "At any rate, we should get some fresh air. Anybody care to join me?"
"I'll come." I said. "I think I saw a vintage shop as we drove by anyway. It might be nice to look through some stores, or at least have a walk anyway. Sitting all morning made me feel like a slug." It was true, but I also wanted to spend some quality time with Sonia. She was like a second mother to me.
We got our stuff together, Sonia freshened herself up and changed out of her pyjamas, and then we headed for the door. Just before we left Tegan caught me by the hands. "Don't let her buy too much", she smirked, signalling to her mom. Her tone was flirty and her eyes shone with humour.
"I'll try and keep her under control," I replied, winking, before giving her a quick kiss. I tried to not be too open about our physical relationship in front of Sara. Even though I knew she didn't mind it, I knew it made her miss Stacey more, and I cared for Sara's feelings more than my own physical urges.
As we left the building and headed up the alley to the high street, I realised that this exit lead us straight to the queue of fans outside the building. Our approach was soon noticed, and a cluster of fans crowded round the gate which let us out.
"How do we get out of here?" Sonia questioned. Immediately, of course, the fans had a response.
"The green button! Press the green button!" I pushed the button and the gate buzzed open, letting us out onto the street where it was absolutely pissing it down with rain. I'd left my coat backstage, so my hoodie gave no protection against the torrents of water already soaking us. Thankfully, some girl held out her umbrella and I gratefully hopped underneath. The courteousness of the fans never failed to amaze me, and Sonia and I chatted to them for a while. It was sweet how genuinely interested the fans seemed to be in us, seeing as we were not a part of the band.
"We're going to go shopping!" Sonia exclaimed. "Do any of you know where a vintage store is? I think we passed one when we drove by."
"Yeah it's called Cow!" a fan responded. "It's just up the road! I can take you if you like?"
Not knowing the city, and not wanting to leave the girl with the umbrella, we graciously accepted the invitation. The fan who knew the way lead us up the road, talking all the while to Sonia, while the girl with the umbrella sheltered me on the way and we made small talk. The other people in the queue looked on, evidently realising what had just happened. It was a relief to escape the wind and rain and enter into the warm calm of the almost empty store. Surprisingly, no fans followed us into the store, which was sort of a relief. As much as I appreciated them, I wanted to be alone with Sonia for a while.
Later in the afternoon we returned to the venue. Sara and Tegan were working with Ted to try and fit the new song into the medley. When we'd come back earlier, again past the fans, I noticed that one of the girls had a guitar and they were all singing Tegan and Sara songs. I wanted to go back to see more, so I grabbed my camera and my video camera and made my way once again to the front of the building where the sing along was occurring.
I could hear the fans singing, and a guitar was being played loudly. As I approached, the song ended, and I greeted the fans.
"Could you play me another song?" I asked. "I think it's great; I want to film it!" Discussion ensued as to what song to play. More fans joined the circle of singers, with the guitarist in the middle.
The opening bars to 'How Come You Don't Want Me' played, and I focused my video camera on the guitarist. As the fans started singing, I panned out, videoing the group together and then re-focusing on a few individuals. It surprised me how good they were. They obviously knew every note, every syllable, every inflection of the song. When it finished, I applauded and stopped the film.
"This is awesome!" I exclaimed. "This is just what I wanted the tour to be like – just what I imagined!"
I chatted with the fans for a while, and we took photos, before I checked the time and realised I had to go inside and start getting ready to photograph the support band, Waxahatchee.
I left the fans and re-joined the others inside. They had given me an uplift, and I suddenly felt excited about the prospect of tonight's gig.
"Hey, baby!" Tegan called to me from the couch. I went over and settled myself on the sofa next to her, snuggling up. I had missed her so much.
"Your fans are amazing. They're all outside singing your songs. Look, I videoed it." I showed Sara the video of the fans singing her song.
"They're pretty good, actually," Sara acknowledged.
"Not as good as you," Tegan replied, giving Sara a playful elbow in the ribs.
It was nearly show time, but I had to freshen myself up first. I left Tegan to go and have a shower – yes, a proper shower! – before the night began. It was the last night of the UK tour so I knew the girls would give it their all. This would be a good one.
And it was.
The show lasted a long time, longer than usual, and it seemed that the girls didn't want to leave when we all piled back onto the bus at the end of the night. They were tired though, it was evident. Sara said a hasty good night, and I managed to pull her into a long hug and kiss her cheek before she crawled into her bunk.
Tegan and I stayed up a bit longer, with Jasper and Johnny, at the back of the bus. Ted had already excused himself; he seemed to need more sleep than all of us put together. Sonia was reviewing her purchases and trying to tidy up her bunk.
I was sat close to Tegan, our shoulders pressing together, and she kept resting her hand lightly on my thigh and occasionally kissing me on the neck. I knew what she wanted; we both did. Admittedly I wanted it too, but that was another thing against the rules of the bus. And anyway it wouldn't be respectful to Sonia, or Sara for that matter. Before it became too intense and before we both discarded the rules, I excused myself.
"Guys, I'm so tired," I yawned. Tegan pulled a face at me, and I tried to non-verbally convey my thoughts to her. "I'll see you all bright and early in the morning! Goodbye England, hello mainland Europe!"
Tegan's hand slid around my waist as she tried to keep me there, but I disentangled myself and kissed her on the lips before leaving. "Goodnight, baby. Sleep well." I said, while my eyes conveyed my apology.
"Fine, then. Leave me." Tegan retorted, but I could see the grin hidden under the expression she pulled and I knew she too didn't want to break the rules. "Night, sweetie."
I curled up in my bunk and shut my curtain. I could hear Tegan and Johnny still laughing about something in the back of the bus. Sara's quiet breathing above me indicated that she was already fast asleep. I could hear the tapping of Sonia's nails as she was texting, or possibly updating her blog.
My eyes closed. The bus rolled on.