Set from the middle of season one through to early season two.
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the shadow.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
('The Hollow Men' T.S.Elliot)
PARADOXOSIS
The Archangel's Drums
Ianto rolled out of bed with a moan and slammed his fist down on the alarm clock. That bloody drumming again. He bolted for the bathroom and promptly threw up all over the tiled floor, then the toilet. He clutched at his gut until the heaving stopped. More drumming, Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap. Eventually he slumped back against the cold radiator, welcoming the chill, he lay there amid the vomit breathing like a fish out of water. It was another hour before he could move himself enough to get on his feet. This had been the worse one yet, bloody migraines. The incessant pounding in his ears came back in full force and Ianto swayed gripping at the towel rail for stability. Make it stop, for fucks sake stop that noise. This was getting ridiculous. He'd have to call Owen there was no two ways about it. Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap. Sucking in a couple of deep shuddering breaths he steeled himself to move. Somehow he cleaned up the mess and managed to shower without falling over, but everything took tremendous effort. He slumped back down on his dishevelled bed wrapped in a towel and reached for his mobile. Two missed calls from Jack, he must be late for work already. Ianto had no idea what the time was. He did a speed dial for Jack, the first number on the list basically because his vision became so bad he couldn't read the rest of the list. He put the phone to his ear. Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap.
"Hey, Ianto you on your way in?"
"No sir, still at home. Sorry, sick, need Owen. Can you get him to come please?" He must have sounded as bad as he felt.
"Hang on Ianto we'll there in 10."
"Thank you, sir." He dropped the phone on the bed and rolled on to his side, exhausted.
Jack hung up on his phone and leaned out of his office door and yelled. "Owen get your med kit. Ianto's in trouble we need to go." He grabbed his great coat and the SUV keys and the two of them headed down to the garage.
"What's wrong with Tea Boy then?"
Jack got behind the steering wheel. "He didn't say, but he asked for you and he sounded terrible."
Owen's eyebrows climbed into hairline. "He asked? Jeez he must be bad."
"Yep, that's what I thought. The spare keys to his flat are in the compartment under your seat."
Owen retrieved them as the SUV shot down the street, well over the speed limit. Owen was grinning he loved Jack's crazy driving, the only one of the team that did.
Ianto awoke to the sounds of a soft american accent and a loud brash cockney stream of offensive language.
Warm hands settled on his body as he was moved on to his back. Ianto muttered a protest because he was in his birthday suit and feeling very embarrassed but he was too tired to offer any physical resistance.
"Come on Ianto, wake up." It was Owen, his tone had softened considerably as he made eye contact with his patient. "What happened mate?"
"Headache, been sick, can't see straight. Ears pounding." Ianto squeezed his eyes shut the light was just too much. Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap.
"Ok, I'm gonna check you over. Been drinking?"
Ianto shook his head. Oh God, this hurts.
"Drugs?"
Ianto frowned at that one and shook his head and then wished he hadn't.
"Sorry Ianto, had to ask. You get migraines, yeah?"
"Yeah, but not like this. My head I can hear noises in my head. It's so loud and I can't shut it out…"
His eyelid was forced open and the brightness was agonising. Ianto tried to shrink away. "Oh god, that hurts."
Jack stood back watching the proceedings with concern as Owen examined Ianto. He decided to check the flat for incriminating evidence in case Ianto was lying about the drugs and drink. It was only 10 weeks ago the boy had tried to top himself by taking a Stanley knife to his arms after the whole Brecon incident. The damage to him, still apparent on his white skin. But Ianto had come so far since then. Jack didn't want to believe that he had let the young man down again. A quick check of the incredibly neat sparse flat revealed nothing untoward so Jack came back to the bedroom. Ianto was by now sitting up with a sheet pulled up to cover his nakedness and looking much calmer. Owen was putting things back into his med bag. He stood up and gave Jack his 'doctor' look.
"I'd like to get him back to the HUB and give him a full CT scan of his head and neck. Just to be on the safe side. I think it's a migraine. But he's had a lot of them over the past 10 days and he tells me each one is worse than the last. He keeps going on about a noise in his ears, and his ears look fine. We need to make sure it's not something else. I've given him a stemitil shot to knock off the nausea so he should be ok for the journey in the car in about 30 minutes. I've also given him a shot of imigran for the pain." He told Jack, thinking of Katie.
Jack recognised the thought straight away and he knew how worried Owen really was.
"Ok, lets do it."
Owen turned back to Ianto and knelt down beside the bed. "Can you get dressed? I'm taking you back to the Hub for some more tests."
Ianto nodded, though he wasn't entirely convinced he'd cope with the getting dressed bit.
In the end Jack had to help him because he couldn't maintain his balance long enough to stay on his feet. Twice the moving around set off bouts of dry heaving and Jack stood there rubbing soothing circles on his back to calm him down. Ianto barely noticed, he felt miserable and rather embarrassed by the situation he was in. He certainly wasn't happy about his boss seeing him naked. He allowed himself to be lead out of his flat and into the back of the SUV where he lay down across the back seat with a towel, in case he was sick again.
Half an hour later and Ianto was sat on the metal exam table looking thoroughly dejected as Owen took a blood sample from unco-operative viens and shone another light in his eyes. Jack, and Tosh watched from the gallery level as Owen worked taking an inordinate amount of time looking into Ianto's eyes with his opthalmascope. Ianto just sat there, patiently answering his questions. Jack eventually turned away, in need of coffee, but he didn't want to ask Gwen or Tosh to make it because they hadn't a clue how to, well nothing that was drinkable anyway.
As the examination went on Ianto became more and more nervous. It was just a migraine after all, surely all this fuss was not required. Maybe they thought he was depressed again and needed the extra 'look how much we care about you' attention. Owen though wasn't one to make affectionate overtures, especially toward Ianto. Ianto was well aware that the Londoner tolerated him at best. So he was more than a little surprised at the lengths that Owen was going to to check him over. Maybe it was something else. The noise in his ears for a start, that was new, he'd never had that before this last week.
Owen dismissed Ianto from the autopsy bay and told him to go and wait in Jack's office. Ianto went reluctantly. He didn't like Jack's office much. It gave him the creeps, mostly because every time he went up there his boss would flirt with him outrageously and Ianto, though flattered by the attention was also terrified by it. He wasn't used to people behaving that way around him, only Lisa had ever managed to break through his intense shyness. Though in fairness to Jack Ianto did occasionally rise to the bait and flirt back tauntingly so and that just made Jack more determined to play the game. Since the Brecons though it had taken a distinct change in direction. Ianto had gone home that night in an extreme state of distress that no one had noticed, because he did his usual and hid it so well. Gwen's being shot had rather taken precendence. When he'd locked himself in his house Ianto had downed a bottle of vodka left over from 2 Christmas' ago and opened up his wrists. Jack had found him by chance. Having dropped by Ianto's flat to check he was ok because he had realised no one had bothered the previous evening. Since then, Jack watched him closely, more so than he had done after the whole Lisa thing. The flirting became less physical in nature, exchanged barbs and comments with a light tone of voice in an effort to get Ianto to talk. Ianto didn't like talking much, especially about himself.
He sat on the couch in Jack's office and picked at chewed fingernails. Jack was in the autopsy bay talking with Owen, about him no doubt. Ianto felt his unease increase by the minute. He looked up as Jack and Owen entered the room Jack passing Ianto a bottle of Evian. Ianto accepted it with a nod of thanks. That blasted drumming, it seemed louder again. The painkillers were starting to wear off. And Ianto had to momentarily squeeze his eyes shut. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose surprised when he felt the couch dip beside him as Jack sat down and rested his hand against Ianto's shoulder.
"How do you feel?"
"I'm OK."
Jack shook his head and glanced up at Owen.
"Ianto mate we, need to talk. I've got all your test results."
Owen sat down in the chair to face him and Ianto had to squint his eyes to look in his direction. It did not escape Owen's attention so he turned the lamp off on Jack's desk.
"Better?"
"Thank you. So what's the deal?"
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I shall be blunt. I found an abnormality on your brain scan."
Ianto nodded. "Go on."
Owen glanced at Jack who imperceptabley tightened his grasp on Ianto's shoulder.
"There's a small shadow, could be a tumour, deep inside here…." Owen dipped his own head slightly and pointed to a spot above his right ear. "It's very deep so I can't operate to do a biopsy or remove it. However your blood work is clean, everything normal."
"Are you trying to tell me I have cancer or something?"
"Ianto, I truthfully don't know what it is. I will need to run more tests."
Ianto sighed. "Will I die from this?"
"I don't know mate. I have no previous scans for you on record. For all I know that thing could have always been there. You've had migraines since childhood, it's only very recently that the nature of them has changed, so I need to look into it further before I can determine a course of appropriate treatment. I've a counterpart at UNIT who specialises in neurology I'd like her to take at look at you as well."
"OK, whatever you think is best." Ianto responded quietly. Owen got up.
"Right I'll make that call."
He left Jack's office closing the door gently behind him. Ianto continued to pick at his fingers, not trusting himself to move or speak.
"Ianto?" Jack's hand moved across his shoulders. "Ianto' I'm going to need you to stay in the Hub, so we can keep an eye on you."
Ianto was too numb to protest so he just nodded.
"Owen's concerned you may pass out or something. So you should stay in the guest room at least until he's sorted out your treatment. You OK with that?"
Ianto nodded again. "What about work?"
"Light duties, and only when one of us is around. Don't worry Ianto. Owen'll sort this." Jack gently squeezed him.
Ianto sighed. "Of course, sir. I should get on." He rose unsteadily to his feet but Jack caught hold of his hand and pulled him back down on the couch.
"Not today you don't. Today you rest. You can barely stand Ianto. I'll get you a blanket and pillow and you can sleep in here for now, by this evening the guest room will be made ready for you."
"I should be in hospital sir, not here. You can't babysit me, not with the work we have to do. Send me to hospital. It'll be easier on everyone."
Jack shook his head. "No, we can't do that. If this is result of exposure to something unknown, we can't take that risk. Any way this way I get to look after you, play nurse. Could be fun."
Ianto gave him an incredulous look. "You are unbelievable, sir. Don't you ever think about anything but sex?"
"Not when you're around."
The blush was very bright and Ianto just wanted to dig himself a big hole to hide in. It took him a moment to realise that Jack's hand was on one of his, entwining their fingers.
"We will do what ever we have to in order to make you well. I promise you."
Ianto stared at their hands. "Sir, I know you will, doesn't mean I'm going to survive though does it."
"You can't think like that Ianto."
"I'll try not to then, sir."
Jack left Ianto curled up on the couch in his office and went to find Toshiko. He passed her a set of Ianto's house keys.
"Can you go over to Ianto's, bring back some of his clothes and over night stuff, he's going to be staying here at the Hub for a bit."
Tosh nodded. "What's happened?"
"He's not well. I can't go into the details, it's not my place, but he can't be left on his own for long periods of time so he'll be staying so he's not on his own at night."
Tosh pulled on her coat. "Is it serious?"
"Potentially, yes. Owen's doing everything he can."
"Right. He won't mind me going through his flat will he?"
Jack smiled at her. "You're his best friend Tosh, I don't think he'll mind."
Toshiko smiled at the compliment. "Well, I'll be back just after lunch then."
"Thank's Tosh."
Gwen who'd over heard the conversation came over. "Anything I can do to help Jack?"
"Yep, we have a guest room to set up."
"At the hour when we are trembling with tenderness lips that would kiss form prayers" (T.S.Elliot).
Ianto did not especially mind living in the Hub. The guest room was more luxurious than his flat and it meant he didn't have to drive for half an hour each morning or each night for that matter. Owen and Dr Juliano Costanova subjected him to every test known to man and could not decide on a diagnosis. However the headaches settled down, and the noise seemed to reduce to a base rumble at the back of his skull only becoming a real annoyance when he was trying to get to sleep. Ianto stayed busy working in the archives with continuing to catalogue their vast stores of artefacts, he made the coffee, he cleaned the Hub and fed the animals. The pain killers Owen finally settled on seemed to be doing the trick. The follow up scans showed no worsening of his condition and Ianto slowly put it out of his mind. He broke his heart over Tosh's encounter with Mary, held Jack the night John Ellis died. Slept with Jack the night after John Ellis died and suddenly all the worries once focussed on his condition were now focussed on his boss. His own feelings of shame and self loathing were the worst coupled with the over whelming knowledge that if Jack asked him again he'd do it with out hesitation. Sex with Jack had been the most amazing night of his rather sheltered life. Ianto wasn't especially experienced with women but he'd never considered the possibility of jumping in the sack with another man, let alone his employer. It surprised him that he'd done it all. Jack could be very persuasive, but Ianto was not usually one to be persuaded so easily. A week had passed since that night and everyday at some point during the day Jack would find him, when he knew they'd be alone. They'd talk, they'd hold one another and exchange kisses, not the hurried hungry ones of 'that night', but gentle, loving ones that made time freeze and left Ianto feeling like he was standing on the moon. He wondered if it made Jack feel the same way, but Ianto very much doubted it.
Jack slammed the receiver down making the phone bounce on his desk.
"Ianto!" He shouted as he stormed out of his office to find that calming young man and demand coffee. Ianto appeared to have anticipated him as the much needed brew was there under his nose before he'd even asked for it. Jack smiled taking the mug and wondering how the hell Ianto knew. Not just this time but every time.
"Was that Harold Saxon again, sir?"
"Yep, if he wasn't so damned handsome I'd have shot him by now. He has to be the nosiest politician in the galaxy. He was even asking me how you were."
Ianto gave him a knowing look. "I often have to speak with him, he always asks after my health. I think a certain Doctor Costanova at UNIT let slip about my recent problem."
Jack took a sip of Ianto's amazing coffee and closed his eyes for a moment. "You know what Ianto?"
"No sir."
"Your coffee is damn good."
"Always happy to obligue, sir. Is there anything else?"
Jack leaned in and whispered into his ear. "I want you naked in my bed in ten minutes."
Ianto took a pace back and blushed furiously. He glanced over his shoulder in Gwen's direction and Jack discreetly grabbed his hand and pulled him close.
"I'm going to send them home. Now go and be ready."
Ianto rolled his eyes and eased himself away. "You can be very demanding sir. I think some manners are in order, don't you?" He dead panned. Jack just pulled him back and growled in his ear his lips brushing the skin on Ianto's neck. It was damned hard not to shiver.
"I think I may need a bit of assistance getting naked anyway."
Another growl and a soft bite of his ear lobe. "OK. I'll be there in five."
The following day Tosh and Jack spent the day in 1941 and Ianto shot Owen in the shoulder.
Ianto awoke to the sound of the phone up in Jack's office. He eased himself out of the bunk careful not to disturb Jack and pulled on his boxers and a shirt as quickly as he could. He took the call and realised that he would have to get Jack out of bed anyway. Everything was going to hell.
Ianto was devastated when Abadon killed Jack. He was hurt by Gwen's refusal to leave Jack's side and ecstatic when Jack kissed him, really kissed him like Ianto meant the whole world to him. He died inside when Jack left.