Disclaimer: I don't own this movie or anything... if I did, I wouldn't be on FanFiction, and I would be busy coercing Chris and Chris to get their own TV show.
Movie-verse. Post-Avengers. Just a collection of silly stories for Steve and Thor versus New York City. No plot really, just something inspired by a tag on Tumblr about how funny it would be to see the two of them as roomies and not understanding anything.
Prologue: Tony decided it would be best if Steve and Thor, the two most accident-prone Avengers to modern times, stay together in an apartment until they sorted out the world (rather, a remote section of the Stark Tower, but same thing to Tony). Since he was always busy with science or whatever, Steve and Thor are often left to figure out their own problems, and chaos ensues.
.: Steve and Thor vs. Supermarkets :.
Steve pushed open the door to the apartment he shared with Thor, exhausted from a hard workout, as well as the several flights of stairs that led to the far end of Stark Tower. Tony had marked off staircases that Steve and Thor should take to get to their home, because most of the building was still in renovation, but part of Steve wondered if the elongated route was Tony's idea of a practical joke. Still, he'd rather get the extra exercise than end up stepping off an unfinished walkway and falling down to the busy New York streets below.
Thor was sitting at the counter, eating, as usual. It was any wonder that the demi-god stayed in shape. Steve felt his stomach growl at the sight of food and he made a beeline for the cabinets, only to find them empty.
"Thor, where did all the food go?" Steve noticed Thor's hammer sitting on the marble counter top next to his plate. "And how many times have I told you not to leave your hammer on the table?" Steve made a feeble attempt to at least push the hammer off the counter with no avail.
Thor promptly moved his hammer and smiled, mouth full of cereal. "I ate it! It seemed a shame such bountiful amounts of food should sit and go to waste!"
Steve sighed. "No, Thor, how many times do I have to explain-" He shook his head. "Never mind. Come on, we're going to the supermarket." Most of the time Tony found a new recruit to do the shopping, but seeing as he was doing business (also known as drinking excessively and passing out on the lab table), Steve and Thor were on their own.
After weaving the maze of staircases and finding their way through the crowded streets, they made it to Shop Rite. Steve had almost lost Thor twice, once to find him admiring woman's clothing in a shop window and stating what wonderful capes the dresses could make, and a second time to find him trying to make friends with some pigeons.
"What do you want for dinner tonight, Thor?" asked Steve. He didn't trust himself to cook with the fancy modern-day appliances, yet he trusted Thor even less. It would have to be a learning (and mostly failing) experience for the both of them. Realizing he'd lost Thor again, Steve rolled his eyes and re-traced his steps. He found Thor opening a box of poptarts. "Thor, you have to wait until we buy the food before you can eat it!"
"My apologies, Captain." Thor handed Steve the box. "May I finish this so called Pop Tart? It is mighty delicious."
Steve added the box to the shopping cart and nodded. Anything that could hold Thor's attention span long enough to keep him out of trouble was good news for Steve. "Come on, we have to finish shopping."
Thor followed Steve through the isles, from time to time pointing at things he claimed were copied from Asgard. Steve stopped believing him after Thor pointed to a box of Lucky Charms, claiming that the rainbow was actually the Bifrost.
After collecting both things that Thor could get into (poptarts, cereal, and chips), as well as couldn't (hamburger meat, raw pasta, and canned goods, since Thor had yet to learn how to use the can opener), the pair headed towards the checkout line. Steve had learned by now that the dollar was worth less than the 40's - a lot less - but that didn't stop him from grumbling as he opened his wallet. It was filled with cash and coins due to the fact that Steve didn't trust credit cards, nor did he know how to pay bills, since Bucky had always taken care of that.
"I do not understand how why Midguardians exchange paper for food. It is ever so strange," remarked Thor. "May I see one of these paper items you find so valuable."
Not trusting Thor to tear the bill in half, Steve handed the man assorted coins instead. "The paper is called money, and we use it as a sort of in-between, so that we don't have to trade a chicken to get vegetables, or whatever else," said Steve.
"Who are these men?" asked Thor, pointing to the heads of the coins.
"Our presidents. We elect them, and they're sort of like a king except with less power and less ruling time."
"You humans would be better off with kings. It is a system much simpler than your own."
"We tried that," said Steve. He chuckled. "Didn't work out so well. England ended up at war with America because of..." Steve trailed off, realizing none of this would make sense to Thor. He ought to get a history textbook and have Thor read through it sometime.
Thor's face contorted in confusion. "Who is England?"
"It's a country, not a person. It's sort of like another world, except not. I really don't know how to explain this to you, buddy." Heck, Steve ought to even get Thor a map. The poor guy probably thought New York City was the only part of their world. At least Steve had a general knowledge of the world, although to be honest it had come as a bit of a shock when Bruce explained that the United States now had 50 states, not 48.
Luckily the checkout woman didn't notice the superheroes, and they were able to pay without a fuss. The supermarket hadn't been too bad, considering how it could have went, decided Steve as he walked with Thor back home.
The next day, Steve returned home from his usual morning workout, only to find Thor eating (again), and the pantry empty (again). Including the raw meat and pasta. Steve shuddered at the mere thought of Thor eating the two. However, the cans were missing, and Steve had no clue as to where those went.
"Thor, where did the-" Steve turned around to find Thor sitting at a messy plate of beans, two halves of a can discarded further down the counter, with a sauce-coated hammer next to it. "Oh."
Steve grabbed his wallet and couldn't help but notice how much thinner it had become. He really needed to talk to Fury about getting a weekly allowance to buy Thor food.