Disclaimer: I own nothing. Lucky me. Credits to Stephenie Meyer.
Everything is as close to glass.
A look defines perfection only if you were at a distance close to no mistakes, but hadn´t been closer enough to see the truth.
What you see in a mirror is instantly what you get. No drawbacks. Just you and everything else with it. But somewhere in between there would be tainted fingerprints of people who touched you and altered it altogether and sometimes even a crack, when the damage is worse.
Jacob saw that the minute she walked up to him and those pieces suddenly fell into place. At first they were in symmetry, gleaming visions of her the minute he knew that the hands plastered against his world had only been Renesmee´s, and no one else.
There had been fractures before, but little by little they were blemished back to a flat smoothness of precision she had once fixed.
And Jacob saw the best of both worlds regardless if he was there or not. It didn´t matter. As long it was in a world she breathed in.
"I'm dating someone"
Even through bits and pieces of shrapnel.
Her voice was a snap of rubber in his ear and instinctively his hand stopped tampering with the motorcycle. He turned to see her brown eyes expecting a sudden reaction while leaning against the stairway of the garage. Slowly, Jacob stood up on both legs and hardly felt the blood throbbing in them.
"What?"
Renesmee cleared her throat, "I'm dating a guy from school"
The blow went first to his head until he had to think about it and headed straight to his chest, directly a punch to the heart. The hole was a void sent in a complete blur, stirring everything his head possibly thought of.
"You're dating?" he slurred at the words, "Since—since when?"
"A few weeks"
The fingerprints kept coming, running down the length of his torso down to the feet covering an absolute reality he never saw coming. How long was few?
"You went out and I didn´t know?" Jacob felt the surge of heat rushing in but kept his voice calm enough for her to stay, if he managed. And make her explain.
She left her back against the banister and looked straight at him, nervous "It happens only during lunch breaks by the diner near school. Not really ´date´ material"
He skimmed a hand frustratingly across his face and paced in circles trying to not get his emotions muster into the situation. Renesmee moved closer to a reasonable distance and every one of her steps caused a deeper smear through the edges of her rubber soles.
Part by part the cracks grew bigger.
"Don´t get mad, Jake" she told him, "He´s just a boy"
"And you´re what? Just a girl?"
"At least I try to be"
Jacob craned his head to desperately glare at her with fists already clenched at each side, "So making a farce over an idiot helps you with that?" he laughed mockingly, "C´mon, Ness. You can do so much better"
She glared back, crossing her arms that made him laugh even sheepishly that the blood in her cheeks grew hotter, "This isn´t a joke, Jacob. We are serious."
In a blink, that symmetry went wild into chaos. There was nothing but grey, fogged and cynical in believing that his mirror really was what he came to see everyday. He couldn´t stop the madness in him and his veins were screaming. If he wasn´t hot enough, Jacob swore he could´ve already phased.
"H-how the hell do you even know this stuff? You can´t tell I guy is serious just because he says he likes you!"
"You would know if you knew him. He´s a real nice guy"
"I have a personal definition of "nice" and am my own judge"
"For God´s sake, he´s not the Volturi!"
"I don´t give a damn whoever he is!" Jacob almost shouted, but didn´t. "What matters is that you didn´t tell me, Ness."
Renesmee took another step forward but he moved away first now that his blood throbbed everywhere inside his body. The smudge was stable at his chest, lingering fractures of deep markings that meant to stay and the truth had done it with every word she said.
Her brown eyes dreadfully searched his, but it hurt so much more when it did. Renesmee sighed, "I tried to, Jake. I just—I knew what you´d say but I still had to let you know"
"And letting me is just going to stop from there?" His breath came uneven—virtually panting. He was close, so close to Sam´s mistake and he didn´t want that to happen to again. Especially with her.
There weren´t only fingers on his glass now. Reality was a hand slapped into his face, painful but conceding for a piece to fall apart.
She let her mouth open for an answer but closed the next second without an argument. She knew how Jacob would´ve handled it, knowing him. She only had to take it deliberately slow enough for everything to calm down and precede with time.
A minute in silence was even worse, if words could describe. He couldn´t even stand being there with her and it tore him apart, literally. Somewhere in all of it Jacob had to get away. And fast.
He spun on his heels out the door but her hand came to land on his arm, stopping him intentionally. The change of his temperature was obvious against her skin and she probably already knew that but still hadn´t let him go. Jacob couldn´t look at her.
Her face was only a portion of what she always used to be and more of the pieces started crashing. Renesmee tightened her palm on his wrist, talking through the silence.
It´s not what you have to think it is.
On instinct he turned to her. She let go of him before he had attempted to but the look on his face was too palpable for anymore ideas. Anyone had to know that Jacob hurt—and the glass kept cutting him deeper.
He took a deep breath before saying, "Then what should I think about it?"
"That it´s going to be okay. I can handle myself—"
"He doesn´t know who—what—you really are, Ness. How can you trust him with anything?"
"Maybe he doesn´t have to know" she said
"And it´s already happily ever after?" he shook his head disbelievingly, "He´s just going to be another prick, I swear"
She hardened her features at him, struggling for a fight that wouldn´t last and probably, if hopeful, she´d win "If you don´t like me dating him then you have to just deal with it. It´s my life!"
"I don´t like you dating, period"
"You´re not my father!" Renesmee snarled
Jacob raised a brow at her and carefully took a step nearer, "Does he even know?" he whispered
Renesmee avoided his eyes digging her into the ground for answers and when ten seconds passed with nothing, he took her arm into his hand and fought for her attention until he got it back, forcefully.
"Does Edward know?" he repeated in a low, serious voice.
Her mouth was pressed into a thin line, but her upper lip vaguely trembled. "N-no. But that´s why I told you first—"
"Jesus, Ness. To what? Hide your little boyfriend? Bullshit!"
His hands were shaking when it left her and fire rose all over him. He gripped his hair tightly to make it come off, and the physical pain was there to feel agony. There was more than just shrapnel. But everything had come crashing down on him, staggering pain in his legs, arms, back—everywhere.
It was too fucking hard to keep going.
She tried finding her voice in all of this, knowing how Jacob was already messed up and yet things had already come this far, how could´ve she stopped? Renesmee had to try or else nothing was ever going to be okay. If it still was.
"You have to understand, Jake. I trust you with everythi—"
"Not this, Renesmee! Never."
She blinked at him, twice. The way he said her name sounded different, almost repulsive. Not the sanctity over his devotion for her, but more potently stronger than she would´ve expected him to say it. Almost scarier than usual and there were sirens blaring her way.
Jacob Black was a grenade. And she was close to collateral damage.
"This doesn´t have to change anything between us" Renesmee explained, "This is a new pace for me and you have to know that I like where I´m already at. I could be naïve at other things, but maybe I could be better if I tried. And that´s what I´m doing. I´m trying and he…he makes me happy."
They came fast and hard destroying each mirror that covered every gaping flaw of a world Jacob didn´t want to see, but there it was again and nothing could´ve gotten even worse. The world was a globe, scratches of dents embedded into the core of what his world used to be. He couldn´t stand it. Jacob saw nothing anymore from this point—the mirror was already broken.
With the reflection of his heart wrecked and undone.
"He makes me feel me. Normal, human—just Renesmee and part of what I managed dreaming to be. It´s not love, surely but that connection is enough for me to want it. So I might be a little crazy, but I know at least what I want. For now"
"And this is it?" his voice cracked and tears brimming at the edge of his eyes.
She felt the pain obvious in them and said reassuringly, "I´ll still be your person, Jake. Nothing has to be different"
Her person. A friend. That was it. All he ever was since Bella and relived that nightmare once more. Just the stupid fucking friend.
"Fine" Jacob surrendered to her, though unwilling "Go out with him for all the shit I care. I won´t stop you. Not anymore and I won´t tell Edward either because I´m sure as hell won´t sulk over the idea anyway. But I don´t need you to tell me how it won´t affect anything"
"It doesn´t—"
He turned away before she got to finish. Jacob heard her feet after him but didn´t stop from walking further into the forest. He knew they were far enough from home and the only sense he got was when Renesmee stood to block his way and had been dangerously close to smell the heat come off his body. It was a risk, she knew, but probably worth taking.
Jacob didn´t look at her; didn´t want to and shoved her off to continue the trail.
Frustrated, she still ran after him, "We have to talk about this"
"I gave you my blessing. Deal with it"
"You´re upset. I get it, but you think it was easy for me to tell you this way? I didn´t have a choice, Jacob"
He stopped at his name and briskly turned finding that she was a foot away. Dangerously just a foot away. Now that they were outside it was easier to phase when necessary, but not like this. Not while she was there. Words are easier to phrase in your head than saying it without the conviction to prove a point. Jacob could think of all the things he could tell her but the want of making her believe them was a completely different pacing. It took time.
And his clock was easily running out.
"You have me"
For once, she understood what that had meant. She reached a hand to touch him but Jacob didn´t let her. Five feet away. Renesmee moved and he stepped back a ratio of steps to hers. Somehow impossible, she actually felt his pain.
"Can we just…just go back?" Renesmee pleaded softly
"I have patrol" he briskly turned away, "Double shifts"
"Jacob, please—"
Before he had a chance to run and fly out, he phased. It was hard not to stop it coming, but it happened anyway. Renesmee leaped fast avoiding the impact of what possibly came next and ran a distance away from where it took time to reach her. She was high up a tree, still visible to see whatever there was below and her wolf jousted for a scent until it spotted her, almost 15 feet above.
He was beautiful.
Russet and beautiful. Jacob didn´t try the least to bark after her or scrape the tree whole, but for the shortest of moments, he only stared, and the tears stayed.
And for the strangest reason, Renesmee felt them in her eyes instead.
No one had to prove anything otherwise. There was nothing else to break when your whole world was already broken.
.
.
.
.
.
Days turned into weeks until the variation flew to months—3 whole fucking months. Jacob never told Edward about her relationship and kept it to secrecy just as he promised. But nothing was the same after.
Until that day he phased, everything had to only be at a distance. It was hard, admittedly, especially when it didn´t make situations easier.
By winter, they stopped.
Everything came frozen and preserved to a hopeless return. When snow stuck to the ground it was the season Jacob loved best and frequently visited to always keep her warm against the fireplace but after their confrontation, he hadn´t coped to staying at the main house like before. In the back of her mind, Renesmee knew why.
They both missed out a lot of things that used to happen between them. The surface emptied their void keeping limbs emotionally and physically apart in need that most people noticed, but never asked without the decency of trying. Including her father.
Renesmee grew conscious now that she was older, and there were things she withdrew perfectly from him, even if he pried. Jacob was completely in a new territory. He wouldn´t touch her as much as she wanted to like always. Even when she´d expect him at the cottage by her window just watching during patrols, Renesmee knew longing. And it grew worst day by day.
She still kept it open for him, in case he thought of visiting again, but didn´t move on impulse to enter her room and stay until daybreak before shifts were over like he always did. Change is palpable and living it was a horrid memory.
She missed him so, so bad. And either way, Jacob felt the same.
"I´ve snuck the chocolates into your liking before Bella even finds them gone. You better thank me now before she kills me" Turning over her shoulder, Alice beamed wildly and her hair had grown up to the shoulders seemingly making her even more attractive.
Bella forbade Renesmee any extra sugar but since it was the Holidays, her aunt usually caved in. Sometimes it was the idea why Alice had been her favorite relative than the rest. There were no decorations to pass time for the weekend since it wasn´t tradition and being provocative kept everyone´s A-game for the meantime—especially Alice.
Renesmee returned the smile, "Do I have to share?"
"You could if you had anybody to share it with. Too bad cherry isn´t B-negative"
"Great. More for me"
"Unless your mongrel sniffs his nose on them"
She lied back into the couch without a word and tore her eyes from Alice. There was no one else who knew except probably if she had seen her future even before Renesmee figured out the truth. Edward went hunting early in the morning and won´t be back an hour later so it was safe to say she wasn´t guarded. Leaning an elbow against the armrest, Renesmee looked back.
"He´s not coming"
"I know" Alice said plainly. The facts were simple, obvious not to see. Of course at this point, she already knew.
"How long?"
"It depends. Stubbornness is time´s court trail. No one really wins until proven guilty"
"We´re stalling," Renesmee reasoned
Alice waved a length of hair in the way and snorted, "There´s nothing left to hide if I´m your keeper Ness, and fun fact: I am"
"I´m sure mom isn´t the only one who´d kill you later" She chuckled and replied sarcastically
"Honey," Alice grasped her niece´s chin to steady a gaze into her eyes, "I can see you. And a future I sense that´s a bit boyishly surprising"
Renesmee struggled for a reasonable explanation but pins kept harboring into any cumulative idea leaving her speechless. Defeated, she stood up pacing back and forth with nothing left to hide.
"I like him, Alice. I´m entitled to that"
"But how willing are you?" she asked her
In a click, more pieces broke her eyes. She could see the shatter in them, glowing to a threat of tears, but not enough to have stung. The question was a confession to reality, something Renesmee couldn´t admit even to herself, but Alice could´ve been right and the advantage of knowing firsthand just all of a sudden magically make sense. She didn´t ask out of prying, but intentionally for her to know.
Trapped in a spin, Renesmee felt her aunt's eyes on her, and forced to look back "Would I be willing in the first place?"
A question to a question. Alice smiled.
"When a window is open sometimes we don´t often notice that there´s a door much easier to walk through. You can´t always make things fit if it doesn´t."
Pushing her brain to an abrupt stop, she understood exactly what that had to mean. But fractures hurt too much to understand, much less think of anything. Then Renesmee remembered the wolf, staring—crying the same time she did. Her wolf. Her Jacob. Was it how things fit?
"Tell me," Alice prompted, "Do you really like him? This guy?"
"We´ve come at a long shot, maybe…maybe I do"
Alice´s expression didn´t change. She gave a short nod and stood her height in front of Renesmee and offered a small smile. A million of things were on her features not too notice, but she placed a hand on her shoulder giving it an encouraging squeeze instead.
The future is another ride from here, Alice knew. But Renesmee had to find out.
By that she let the words slip intentionally, "Then you´d have to want him enough to keep him. If not, then you´d probably want something else instead."
.
.
.
.
For the first time in 16 weeks, Jacob picked her up from school.
Renesmee called, he answered, and now he was riding on his bike meeting her at the same place they used to that felt surreal. Half of the roads were covered in snow so it took much effort to drive through and maneuver all the way the trail smoothly without any delay.
When he arrived, she was already waiting. Her skin was nowhere far from the ground beneath her, except for the blood in her cheeks that was close to other exacting conditions. He stirred the bike further until it stopped sideways making it easier for her to ride on without any added effort since it wasn´t her favorite option to drive in.
Jacob still consciously left a space apart. Draped in a knee-length coat, the cold still got to her system and proof enough to keep it normal, still. All of the days he deliberately avoided her, the smile she gave him was totally worth the rift-raft against the weather. He smirked back, but didn´t make it last.
God, he missed her.
"I´m glad you took the call" Whips of frost shaped from her mouth when she talked, freezing her breath in mid-air. Her voice didn´t hide anymore excitement.
Jacob looked at her, shreds of glass visible and that throb in his chest palpitating, "Only because you thought of me first"
Renesmee rolled her eyes, "There aren´t many guys with a motorcycle that can ride it like a monster truck around Forks anymore."
"So I´m Cinderella´s magical pumpkin. Fantastic"
She didn´t laugh at the joke, even if it had to sound like one, but it didn´t. They were back to where it left off months ago and neither of them had moved forward, or at least tried to. Renesmee clutched her arms around her adding more warmth and sensing the discomfort; Jacob held his helmet out to her and flicked his head to the side signaling to hop on.
Renesmee took the offer but raised a brow at him without one, "What about you?"
"I´m sure my head´s hard enough"
"Jake, seriously"
He shrugged, "Didn´t have a spare"
"You could´ve at least borrowed one?"
"C´mon Princess, it´ll be midnight soon and I just might run out of gas"
Renesmee stood firm without submitting to the idea. Jacob frustratingly smiled from her genetic stubbornness and luckily laughed off the tension in between. Somehow, it didn´t help. She let the helmet snap itself around the handle and settled behind Jacob to comfortably sit on his bike instead. He turned to her, perplexed, and growled lowly in disapproval.
"You are going to wear it" he pressed while handing it back and almost shoving into her hands
She hadn´t acted on rejecting it when she suddenly caught the toss at her and Jacob started gearing the engine to life, hurdling it a few feet away. When Renesmee nearly gasped, he stopped to look back and check.
Renesmee furrowed her eyebrows and grimaced in frustration, "The hell? You could get hurt, Jake"
It could've been her imagination but the flash in his eyes surged through him and the thump of a heartbeat resounded louder in her ears. Their aura changed; burning into an ash of requited emotions all over again, lingering just for a short while.
But Jacob insisted a smile, "I´ve had worse."
.
.
.
.
Christmas Eve. Lights. Snow. Presents.
While all of them were stuck in a blur, Renesmee felt a hand to her back and turned to see her mother crucially eyeing her. They sat together by the piano and she opened the lid to press a few keys that somehow meddled out of tune.
Renesmee winced and laid the music sheets for Bella to follow while she inwardly fought a smirk.
"I´m not so good with music"
"I´ve noticed"
Bella raised a brow, "Am I that bad?"
"Not really," she confessed, "Just a little practice, I guess"
"Or probably because you´re just too good at it to judge my skills"
Renesmee laughed and waved a hand, "You´re deflecting my modesty, mom."
"Everyone knows how amazing you are with the piano. Especially Jacob"
Bella sensed her difference the second she said his name. Renesmee immediately turned grim and focused on the score sheets instead. At that, she was driven into a corner. No one minded them, but Bella was sure Edward knew everything by far.
Persistent enough to know, she continued prying, "He´s not here"
It wasn´t a question. Her mother probably had more leverage than Alice did with Jacob to understand, but Renesmee didn´t want anymore explanations. He got mad, they fought, she hated him, end of story. It was the perfect embodiment of ´simple but complicated´, though, of course, people aren´t always so comprehensive. Except if you were her father with his benefit of meddling but then again, it´s just another part of an equation left unsolved.
Renesmee didn´t answer
"Esme´s disappointed about the cookies" Bella said
Her daughter had no say to that. She turned to smile sadly and play a few tunes on the piano while deliberating about leaving. There was nothing more potent than fleeting emotions obvious not to recognize, and Renesmee justified the perfect example of nostalgia—and more, if possible.
Bella took both hands in hers, and forcefully trapped them to gain attention. Renesmee didn´t fight back, but glared meaningfully at her mother. She waited.
"Are you going to tell me why?"
"No"
"Why not?"
Renesmee looked around to find her father still busy with Emmett and Bella followed her gaze. When she turned to her again, Renesmee made a face that meant ´I´m on radar´.
Instead, she told her "It´s just a stupid fight. We´re fine"
"Jacob is not here. On Christmas Eve. A fight is not something that´s just fine"
"You´d understand that I´m just as disappointed about this as you are. No, I´m devastated. But we´re working it out, okay? It´s hard, but we´ll come through. I have to believe that it will"
Bella nodded and decided to leave it at that. Admittedly, it was normal with friends to be that way, but their case was beyond ordinary. It´s destiny to be how and who they are because of each other, although fate isn´t always rational. Bella understood conflict more than anyone—especially when you´re in the middle.
She placed a hand to Renesmee´s cheek and whispered, "He does love you, you know"
"I love him too—"
"No, Jacob loves you. It´s more than the context of what you always thought, but it´ll always be more than what you think it should be. You´re all he ever has to live for and I don't know how that can´t explain anything else when it´s the truth"
"I don´t understand…"
Bella moved to stroke her hair and lovingly place a strand over her ear. She smiled and tapped a finger to her forehead for added emphasis, "If there´s anything he hates anything more than loosing you literally, it´s loosing you because he was a part of it and couldn´t stop himself from happening, even if he could´ve."
Renesmee stared at her mother with uncertainty. She could be right, or overlooked her judgment, but nothing felt right anymore to know the truth. Nothing ever really felt the same.
"Where is he?"
"I don´t know"
"Even werewolves believe in Santa, I don´t think they´d order any patrols today"
"Maybe Billy wanted a Christmas Party. That´s reasonable"
"Renesmee" Bella warned her
"I´m sorry", she amended "But Jacob is as stubborn as I get. He´d be here if he wanted to, but he´s not. You, of all people, should know that"
"Pride eats you worse than your stomach" she told her, "But nothing´s changed, Renesmee. He watches at you all the time, maybe you just have to try and look back."
.
.
.
.
Things break, fall apart and eventually stay broken. Anyone knew pain, but hurting was different.
Renesmee wanted it to be an understatement but there wasn´t a right word enough to convey it entirely. She got what she always wanted—a life, a school, a boy, and the entire package other vampires never had. But her package left a string open, uncoiled and detached until loosened.
Life is supposedly unfair because we make it happen and, yeah well, it´s bullshit. Complete bullshit.
She got a boyfriend, she lost her world.
The prejudice of her pride inhabiting normal came beyond the idea of what really had to be the right choice, until it fought into a cracked hole.
Huge bullshit.
Tonight, Renesmee wanted to change that.
So there she was in Jacob´s room, intruding herself through an open window, though stupid. A minute later the door creaked open and by the entryway stood an astounded, and shirtless, alpha. Renesmee couldn´t tell if it was from shock or confusion that met his brows over the other even when it seemed reasonable to be. Slowly, ever so slowly, Jacob stepped in and closed the door behind him, still unable to say a word. But the silence kept creeping slower. He could be mad about two things: that she was here; or because he subtly made her.
Frustration never felt so potent. Unwillingly, Jacob turned to her before recovering any sense to think.
Renesmee spoke first, "Mom asked where you were"
He sneered and drastically ran a hand over his face before processing whatever there was to say. It was rude to miss out but he was sure enough she´d understand—but not her parents.
Jacob smiled apologetically, "I´m sorry. Is she mad?"
"I bet the cookies were since no one ate them. It´s practically tradition"
"Yeah," he sighed. Every year Esme baked cookies by midnight and she´d expect not a crumb left for the next day, although tonight broke a habit that seemed almost unbreakable. Jacob felt relentless, "I take it that you´re bloated"
"There´s really nothing distinguishingly special about Christmas Eve; I just try to like it because everyone else does"
"Or when you get presents"
Renesmee faintly smirked, "And that"
"So, Bella sent you here to—"
"I came by my own initiative. Mom didn´t actually tell me to check on you, but I wanted to"
"Should I call—?"
Renesmee shook her head without the coherence of a sentence to answer and just like that, it was as if his effect was too tangible, it scared her.
Jacob sighed and approached her across the room, carefully placing his hands against her thin forearms and rhythmically roamed up and down, soothing the process. Renesmee shuddered under that familiar touch after not feeling it in a long, long time. She looked up capturing two familiar eyes that burned into her soul and saw a part of her in him—like a mirror.
But broken.
She gave a sad smile, "Hi"
"Hey," he whispered back
Renesmee wanted to take a step closer and have him then and there, to touch him like she´d been able to touch him and the ache in her chest exploded to a burst of emotions she didn´t know, but too much to feel all at once. She stayed in place avoiding her thoughts and let the silence eat her into solace if it was the last thing it could do to her. Renesmee stepped away from him, from his hands, and forged an expression.
The brows on his face burrowed further, "Why are really you here?"
"I couldn´t sleep"
"You´re here…because you can´t sleep" Jacob said while taking in her words into a clearer clarification while still confused
Renesmee shrugged, "Basically"
"And I´m supposed to make you?"
She laughed and fought back giggles. She missed this, all of it, and desperately wanted the usual. Renesmee could propose a resolution to stay, like she´s supposed to, and decide for herself later.
She looked at Jacob and nodded.
Jacob was happy for the shortest while to have her, even if tomorrow would be different. But she was here. As a friend. Nothing beyond expectation.
"I have dinner in the microwave for a few leftovers, but I could order pizz—"
"I´m not really hungry" she cut off, "Just tired"
He pocketed both hands into his jeans and continued to stare at her. Of all the moments they spent together, Jacob could´ve been more bemused. He didn´t know how to be with her anymore, act like he should or just the basics of being a best friend. It frustrated him, honestly, and the thoughts in his head kept cluttering into a bigger puzzle.
All at once, Jacob felt hurt.
He was only second in command—a fallback. Rebound. Somewhere between friend and interest, to a possible option. Second best.
A constrict in his chest warned him to leave a distance until normal meant being okay and in an instant, Renesmee saw his features change against the light. Nothing felt like it fit anymore with them, like a picture entirely slipped and cracked to dust. Like it was hopeless.
They stared at each other with no words. No sound. Just spaces in between.
Jacob finally broke away to stir towards his closet. "What are you—?"
"I should take you home," he grabbed a shirt and the keys to his bike, turning to her and wasn´t surprised to a protesting reaction.
"But I want to stay" she argued
Jacob stopped midway to the door and meaningfully casted a look. He didn´t want to fight, especially at midnight, but she wasn´t giving him a choice. Damn it, nothing was ever this hard. Jacob badly wanted to fuck off.
Renesmee moved to sit on his bed stating her claim against his and crossing both arms across her modest chest, Jacob felt defeated. He was frustrated, true that, but he couldn´t ignore those demands from her, and at some point, had to make her happy. Shutting his eyes to nowhere out of the situation, Jacob threw his keys back on the side table carefully landing where it should while Renesmee watched every move, muscle, and breath he took into roaming around inside the room with her that felt even more awkward than the ride home.
Jacob stood directly in front of her, but avoided her eyes. She still continued eyeing him. He was perfect in the dark, if possible. Renesmee sharpened her senses further, memorizing every contour she wanted to remember even with a shirt on. Jacob was just as amazing in the day, but here with a single night lamp made him better, beautiful. Like a wolf that´s hers.
She playfully nudged her shoe against his for attention and when he glanced back, Renesmee forced a grin, "Do you want me to stay?"
Jacob knelt on one knee to face her, with arms at each side which wasn´t the distance he warned himself, but hardly ever mattered. He was a choice for her and he wanted just as bad to keep those options open. He wasn´t as far to not feel her, but he wasn´t close enough to have pressed their bodies together into a more compromising position either. Renesmee didn´t pull away. This was the farthest they had gone to touching after six long months and Jacob wanted her. Needed her. No more, no less.
Carefully catching her eyes, he said "I more than just want it Ness, but I don´t know how I should let you"
"What do you mean?"
"Halves of a whole were made to fit each other because it creates a picture. Either you like it or not, it´s pieced to be the way it is." he kissed her temple, "You, Renesmee Cullen, are a puzzle. But I´m not that missing piece. We can try to fit, but we keep falling apart only to find that picture broken."
Two of his fingers tilted her chin to meet her face with his and took a glimpse of her lips from a peripheral view. Renesmee caught his look, but made no protest. Her eyes nearly burned to a sting of tears, blurring a light of sight she tried as hard to see. There were a lot of things to blame for, but all at once she knew it´d be a pretense. What else was there to say?
Jacob had been her piece.
He kissed her lightly to know what it felt like to be kissed and muttered, "But you´ll always be my perfect fit. No matter what."
Things break, fall apart and eventually stay broken.
But no one said it´d hurt to fix them.
Fin
Yeah, well, it isn´t "entirely" finished because I lost my inspiration in writing this fic and it totally sucks. But I hope you liked enough it to still finish the whole thing. Thank you, by the way.
Reviews will let me know how I did even if I write like crap sometimes but I hope this isn´t one of them. There might be punctuation and grammatical errors because I´m human. Bear with me, dear.
REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS LOVED. And constructive criticism.
Tata