[The End Where I Begin]
Disclaimer: I do not own anything copyrighted that you recognize here, especially Gakuen Alice, but the plot is solely mine, as it is a technical epilogue of Senior Tales.
Dedication: To all participants and supporters of May Madness 2011. Cheers to the last day of May!
A/N:*Western terms. *Confusing tenses (I have to yet settle my mind between 'is' and 'was'.) The End Where I Begin is an idea stuck in my mind right after I came home from my seniors' graduation ceremonies last March. (And yes, I cried; I've so much that night!) Listening to the valedictorian's and salutatorian's speeches was like a journey: a road trip of my past and a glimpse of my future. Around those times, I was stumped with zero ideas, but I apparently have this habit of staring at the stars with the lights and fan off, and I did just that, hearing nothing, until I accidentally laid on my phone and music started to play. In comes a The Script song, the very title of this epilogue.
You know how people always say that every ending is just a new beginning? Well, here it is.
…
Sometimes tears say all there is to say;
Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade away…
"A year ago, I woke up with a scrunched up face," Nonoko Ogasawara's voice slightly cracked at the beginning of her salutatorian speech. "Senior year, I saw, was such a stretched winding seemingly endless boulevard unlike those of Paris where you get excited by the mere sight of, and I know that everyone else here is as eager as I was to fast-forward to where we are all now. We all wanted to get through it without having to work or even lifting a finger. We wanted to jump to the vast world and explore the taxing place where we are granted even more freedom and more chances."
"We knew we had enough of it. We didn't want to bother or mess with schoolwork or projects or term papers. What we wished for was college and its opportunities, its prospects and the thrill of acing the entrance examination to your dream university. That was what we wanted, and we thought, if we could breeze through senior year, it'd be done sooner or later. We were sick and tired of broken hearts, of skinned knees, of bated breaths and drenched souls. We wanted to get through with high school drama."
"Today, I woke up with the same scrunched up face. Senior year, I saw, was a road coming to its end, and I can be sure that everyone else here wants it to drag on, even for just a day. Maybe we'd write an essay about the government, submit a Physics project or get quizzed by Mr. Jinno's famously painstaking and time-yanking tests. If you ask me, I'd do anything, because with the road ending, it also means kissing it farewell— it, with all the people who made the year not as the burden we thought it would be, but a lifetime worth of memories." Her eyes closed and she took a satisfied smile. "I stand here, wishing for twenty-four more hours, hoping you're all doing he same. I close my eyes and they are bombarded with stories."
"And when I open them," her dark eyes flickered open, "We are all still here, but the faces aren't the same as then, nor as impeccable. Arcane emotions are stirring, for here we stand is the place where our tears will later decant worse than the storm. This is where we began— Alice Academy, and this is where we will place and tinker with the ultimate finale of our journey. After all those hours of stinging, days of mistakes, weeks of faults and months of flaws; after all the drama and the tears and the anger; after all the accusations and troubles and fights; after all those times when we thought we couldn't take it anymore and drove off to some unknown place, just to walk away. After all those, this is it."
"Today, after 243 days, I think it's safe to say that yes, we have made history."
By that line, Mikan Sakura felt her tears brimming. She held on to Sumire Shouda, who stood beside her.
Sumire chuckled and whispered, "Good idea to wear waterproof make-up, huh?"
"I love your mother, Sumire," she mumbled, lightly dabbing the tears, just as Nonoko continued with her speech.
"Sure, we caused a big ruckus this year. Our cars swerved to campus like we owned the world; we walked the hallways feeling like kings and queens. We made promises and broke them. We made choices. We hoped and fell short on some outlooks. At some point, hope vanished. But there's always that person, the one standing next to you right now, who pushed you up, who made you obstinate to make you rule your life again."
Her eyes flickered to Yuu Tobita, who stood in the front row before his Valedictorian-reserved seat. They shared a smile, memories of a growing friendship lingering in their thoughts. She thought of the times he pushed her, when he inflexibly moved forward and she dawdled. She remembered the monthly roses and trips to the mountains with the telescopes to look at the star-lit night sky. She saw in her mind when he helped her with the struggles of the family business when no one else, not even her friends for years, could've.
"Today, we thank that person who made us true, who kicked the brazen mask away from our faces to make our own name.
Because today marks the day we stop making history in this school, and we move on to make history on earth. Today marks the day where we, in our recently obtained wings, mark our names. Maybe they won't remember what year we're from, what our names exactly are. Maybe they'll get mixed like untagged airport packages, but surely, who, what and how we were here and have lived will be down not in paper and pen but in heart and soul. And maybe, one day, they'll forget that too, but by then it wouldn't matter because we'll know— and that's all there is to it."
And then, in a totally un-Nonoko way, she straightened the scroll that held her finished speech, tore it into two and threw it in the air. She leaned closer on the microphone, her eyes teary but full of smiles from a year of memories. "Today, March 3rd, we mark history. Don't ever forget that."
In the midst of loud applause, Nonoko stepped down from the podium, picked up the torn paper and put it into a special envelope like all others before her. But unlike them, though she had written her name down the history of Alice Academy, her name ultimately has become larger than theirs.
The best part?
She had no regrets.
…
Tried to break my heart, well it's broke;
Tried to hang me high, well I'm choked;
Wanted rain on me, well, I'm soaked, soaked to the skin…
"Hey."
Mikan grinned just as Luna Koizumi approached her. Not being able to help herself anymore, she disentangled herself from hugs and practically leaped on Luna's arms. She buried her face on the blonde's shoulders and whispered, "I'm going to miss you."
Luna's eyes were teary as well as she tightly clung on to Mikan's as if for dear life. "I will, too." She added then as a joke, "Miss myself, I mean."
The brunette laughed and shook her head amusedly. "Off to anywhere special?"
She winked and flipped her now-long light-colored locks. "You, Miss Sakura, are now talking to the recently admitted student of Julliard."
"Oh my god!" Mikan gasped, laughing and suddenly let go of the other. She jumped up and down in excitement. "New York? You're going to New York?"
"Yes, I suppose," Luna rolled her eyes. "That is where The Julliard School is."
"Oh wow, Luna, I am so proud of you!" Mikan gave her another tight hug, as if this time, not willing to let go.
"Thanks, mom," Luna joked.
Mikan pulled back a little to look at Luna in the eyes. In the last months, they had done grown to be good friends. Mikan learned that despite Luna's actions of being rude and snarky was a lonesome girl who yearned for her mother's attention and her daddy's affections.
"I'm okay," she said quietly, to answer Mikan's unspoken question.
Mikan smiled. "I know," and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I may be lounging in JK Rowling's room in Edinburgh but I'm always a phone call, a text message or an email away. Or, if you want, just poke me in Facebook and I'll poke you back so we can start an annoying poke war to end all what's dismal in life."
Luna chuckled and sighed. She echoed Mikan's earlier words: "I know."
...
It's the end where I begin;
It's the end where I begin…
After the passing of roles, the graduates were allowed to scramble around for pictures and to catch up. Sumire was on her way to her friends after disentangling herself from Mr. Narumi, who was congratulating because of her choice to pursue her talents for her inner theatre princess. She turned around and bumped to none other than Koko Yome.
She wasn't going to deny it. She would sorely miss him, and she would like to stay with him but Sumire Shouda just isn't the kind of girl who'd give in everything for romance. She had a dream, and she had a goal. A relationship was second to those.
But what he had given her these last months is not something she could easily forget. He promised her not forever, but something worth it, and surprisingly, it was. Sumire thought, after everything that happened with Mikan, genuine romance was something she wanted to chase. She wanted that Prince Charming. She had the friendship and the family, she wanted someone to spoil her rotten with love and affections, someone to tease her to oblivion and make her happy until she ends at the other end of the rainbow, but she wanted it to be true.
So, she rode with Mikan's train. When the drama ended, she decided to begin.
And she found it in a young Yome who had nothing to impress her with at first but bad puns and sick humor.
Koko grinned and his eyes crinkled. "Koko heard where Sumire's planning to go."
She rolled her eyes but joined in with his charade. "Sumire didn't want him to know."
"And why not? She should know that he's very proud of her. She's finally moving on her own."
Sumire put on an enraged look. "He should know that she is mildly offended by that fact. Is he implying that Sumire is a dependent piece of trash?"
"Not at all." His grin did not come off. "But it's nice to know, according to him, that she's found what she's meant to do with what she's best at, and he would like to note that he's glad that it's not shopping."
By that comment, she asked, "What about Koko?"
"He doesn't know," he said honestly, his face thoughtful. He looked up at the skies. "He never really planned anything. He just knew he had to get through, and then he's good." He put his arms around Sumire, who playfully shoved it away. "Sumire's still gung-ho for the city that never sleeps?"
"It has the best art schools in the world. It's a dream come true, Koko. I—"
"She," he immediately corrected her with a small smile.
Sumire rolled her eyes. "She can't not go."
It was a while before he answered. His eyes never wavered from the serene skies. Gently, he reached for her hand, and was glad that she didn't hold back. "He understands. Will he be able to see her soon?"
Just as tenderly, she comfortingly squeezed his hand. "If he drops by."
"He wants her to know that she shouldn't worry." His eyes dropped and stared deeply into hers. It was reassuring, being with Koko. He becomes what you wanted him to be. A friend, a helping hand, a punching bag… "That's all he'll be looking forward to."
…
Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes;
And sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away…
Ruka Nogi was on the phone with his mother, conversing about taking a quick vacation to Thailand. Sometime during the talk, he noticed Hotaru Imai hanging down her phone, probably a call from her own mother. After a quick farewell to Mrs. Nogi and a promise to a nearer trip, he jogged to her direction and said without any form of prelude. "I have a question." She didn't say anything so he continued, "Why didn't you tell them?"
"Tell them what?" She answered flawlessly.
Her reply made Ruka wonder if Hotaru Imai had more secrets in herself than the rest thought she did. "You know," he shrugged, "giving the Valedictorian and Salutatorian spot away."
One of her eyebrows quirked in wonder before she answered: "Because my friends deserve them."
She walked off, and Ruka laughingly ran after her. This was something he liked about her; if she wasn't proud, she was terribly modest.
Their conversations may always be brief and may often cause Ruka a headache as she's less "hot" and more "cold", but then again, not all relationships, or, well, would-be relationships are based on loud chatters.
…
Tried to break my heart, well it's broke;
Tried to hang me high, well I'm choked;
Wanted rain on me, well, I'm soaked, soaked to the skin…
Misaki Harada gave Youichi Sakura a tight hug and whispered on his ear, "You take care of your sister for me, okay?"
"She's going to be a handful," he muttered, patting her at the back. "To be honest, I'd rather run with you to Australia."
She laughed and ruffled his hair. "You can't go to Australia, little guy, I already talked to Mikan about boxing you up, but she wouldn't let you go." She smiled endearingly at Youichi who she, along with the rest of her friends, treated him like a brother. "She's going to miss you, too. Edinburgh's a long way. Don't make it too hard for her, alright? And kiss her goodbye for me."
"Why do you have to leave so early?" Aoi Hyuuga pouted from beside her. "You promised we'd go to Sydney and now you're going off alone."
"Tell you what," Misaki grinned, "We can meet up there, and you'd better bring me something Japanese because I'd just go crazy over there!" And just like she did to Youichi, she grabbed Aoi by the shoulders and gave her a tight hug. "I'm going to miss you, Aoi."
"I already miss you," she kissed Misaki's salty cheeks. "Do me a favor and tag me to a new photo every week with an Australian guy, okay?"
"Hey, hey, hey!" a deep joking voice cut through them, and all three rolled their eyes. Tsubasa Andou had a playful glint in his eyes despite of the scowl he had on. "What's this I hear about an Australian guy?"
Aoi pushed Youichi. "We'll leave you two with the goodbyes. And Tsubasa, for goodness' sake—"
"Don't do anything stupid!" The young Sakura cut in.
Tsubasa scowled at the one he regarded as his sister and the junior he treated as his protégée. "Why is it always assumed that I mess something up?" he grumbled.
"Because technically, you do."
Tsubasa raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Are you saying I'm some kind of cyclone?"
"Honey," she mimicked his stance, "you broke my heart."
"It wasn't like there was anything to break. Hey, wait, where are you going? Oh, great, I said something stupid, didn't I? Alright, then, alright, I'm sorry! Come on, Misaki, I said I'm sorry!"
Misaki turned around and poked him hard in the chest. "You weren't sorry when you were kissing that pre-med woman."
"You're jealous," he stated the obvious.
"I'm not jealous," she completely denied. "I'm offended that you chose a twenty-two-year-old nurse-wannabe who's afraid of goddamn needles and looks like a freaking clown when she's not wearing her uniform!"
"Alright, fine," Tsubasa rolled his eyes, "You're 'offended' that I kissed someone. Look, I wouldn't need to kiss someone— while in a drunken stupor, might I add— if someone didn't stood me up over a date!"
"Because you were too much of a dolt to remember your phone! And what Sora and I had wasn't a legitimate date, you stupid idiot, that was just dinner!"
"Dinner my ass. What difference does that make? He was all over you like he had x-ray vision!"
"That's because his amount of respect to women is as big as your ego!"
"Ooh," Tsubasa whistled. "Below the belt, Harada. That's choking me."
She grabbed him by the shirt and their noses touched. "Listen to me, big boy. If I were Mother Earth, you'd be drenched and lightning-struck by now."
"And if I had my way, we'd be making promises to see each other everyday and having Friday night dates."
"Tsubasa," she said weakly, releasing him, "I'll be in Australia."
He frowned. "So?"
"There's like five countries between us!"
"And should that stop our budding romance?"
She gave him a pained look, ignoring the 'budding romance' bit. There was nothing to start with; they both temporarily called it off a few weeks after New Year before they permanently drifted from each other. "Why are being you so difficult?"
He scowled at her. "Why are you? You haven't opened your Twitter last night, have you?"
"No," she eyed him weirdly. "I was going through my packing for Wednesday afternoon."
Tsubasa didn't say anything and whipped out his phone. He went to his Twitter account and clicked his post, which was about seventeen hours before. He tossed the phone to her with a grin. "Look who's going to Australia."
…
It's the end where I begin;
It's the end where I begin…
"I'm going to Harvard," Yuu said, slightly hesitant.
Nonoko gave him a sad smile. "I know."
They just looked at each other's eyes for a long while; it was something they both do often. When words fail and comfort is the only thing around, it was what made the both of them clicked. Yuu Tobita and Nonoko Ogasawara, geeks of the century, they were often teased by their friends. Knowledge wasn't the only thing they had in common, though.
Yuu and Nonoko were both expected by their parents to help in the business. With brains like theirs, it was a waste to let it go. He couldn't be like Koko without any definite plans. She couldn't be like Sumire with her theatre craze. In the world or elites, money and intimidating tycoons, you'd need all the brain you could get. Eventually, they found console in each other's problems, oddly enough. They reassured each other; not that things would work out for their favor like Natsume and Mikan's but by simply just being around.
And to them, it was enough.
"It's going to be strange," she said, "Being away from my friends. I thought we would all go through the motions together, but look at us now. Mikan's off to Edinburgh, Sumire's going to New York, Misaki's shipping herself to Australia, Hotaru's making more money than a working man and Anna will go to some remote island for a one-month discovery." Nonoko sighed. "I just, you know, thought it would be just us, maybe in Santorini or Rio de Janeiro after graduation. We were always talking about trips as if we're one of those normal students fresh from school."
"You were nothing like that, weren't you?"
She shook her head. "No. We weren't. I mean, for a long time, I guess we were. Spoiled, rotten and inconsiderate brats who thought there was nothing in life but money and what we do with it. When getting the latest Prada was in and grabbing one of McQueen's last original designs were the thing. And then the shoes that towered over Lady Gaga's, the colors Katy Perry would be jealous of… to be honest, I think we lived in a closed box. We were so concerned with whether or not we become the next best thing. Comparing it to what we have now… it was pathetic."
Yuu couldn't be any prouder than that moment. He knew, though Hotaru was undoubtedly the smartest of their little group, that Nonoko was the wisest. "And what do you have now?"
Nonoko smiled and reached for his hands, clasping it with hers. "This," she gestured at their hands. "And friendship, and trust, and memories. What I can never buy with any amount of money or exchange with a pair of Jimmy Choos."
Feeling bold, he held her hand and lightly kissed the back of it. "About that project…" His voice trailed off as he let their hands droop.
"What project?" And then she knew. Not long ago, Nonoko was telling him about a development she was handling for her father as practice, and she was searching through towns and sites for an alliance with another company.
"Mind collaborating? I might have some time before college."
She didn't bother to hide the smile that lingered on her lips. "So the Harvard man can bother with a simple Tokyo girl like me?"
"Please, Nonoko. You are nothing but simple."
…
Now I'm alive and the ghosts are gone,
I've shed all the pain, I've been holding on.
Anna couldn't believe it herself. Off alone for a whole month! She knew she had always been the one less excited with trips amongst her friends; she was the one who went for something because everyone else wanted to, and to her, going off to do something for your own was just insane!
But this year… there was something that senior year taught her. This young man beside her, Mochiage, who appreciated her cooking as much as she loved to do it, showed her what it was like to be out of that place you've been caged in for the last seventeen years. He showed her a world with no borders and a life with no limits. He showed her how big the earth is, and the places she could go to. She was showed the opportunities and the chances that came with it.
And that was what she was going to do. One month. Just her. Call it self-discovery, but to her, it was just a journey. She knew she had to go back to reality. Her parents aren't forcing her to do something like adapt to the rich world, but that didn't mean she didn't want to do it. Anna knew she had priorities, one with specific obligations that she was born to.
She was the delicate one, the girl who needed to have 'Frail and Fragile' written across her forehead so people would be wary. She was the one who was scared of ghosts and of being hurt, the one comparable to glass.
And that was the keyword: was.
Mochiage is anything but. Tough and plucky and game for anything, the one who wanted to drag race with Misaki and Sumire and risk getting tickets, the one who would willingly and boldly fly a helicopter over the clouds to fetch his little sister who's stranded in school.
He was her total opposite… and she couldn't wish for any better.
Now, it was down to this. For almost the whole school year, he had done nothing but help her out of her shell. He nudged her way and broke the glasses separating her from the big bad world she dubbed, not to scare her, but to make her see and realize what she's been missing.
Many times, she thanked him. She cooked for him, brought him simple treats and agreed for rare night-outs on places of his choice, and now she's finally going to set out her wings to fly, she wanted him to know how brave he's made her become.
She tugged on his tie, reached for him and planted a soft and gentle kiss on his lips, sending a flutter to her stomach that for some reason, made her content.
When she pulled away, he looked torn between confusion and wonder. "What was that for?"
She smiled. "Something for Busybody Rin to write about."
"I thought you think she's graduating with us?"
"Don't tell anyone," she adapted to a shushing stance, "but Youichi and Aoi are pretty sure Rin's a jealous little junior." She sent a sly look to the bushes, where a flash of hot pink stood against the green leaves.
He guffawed. "I always knew you were the gutsy one."
…
The cure for a heart is to move along,
So move along, so move along…
"Now, don't scowl at me yet," Youichi was saying to Natsume and Mikan, his hands raised in surrender. "Humor me. Just humor me. She's in the University of Edinburgh and you're in ESCP Europe. How the hell are you going to get along? Seriously talking, you guys can barely set each other straight together, and I know my sister."
"It's not the position," Mikan rolled her eyes. "It's the disposition."
"Ooh," Aoi cooed and nudged Youichi. "A smart Mikan. I likey. Anyway, I was wondering about that, too. That's like a twelve- to thirteen-hour car drive, and I know you burn money as pastime but I think weekly plane tickets will cost your college fees."
"Oh, he'll stick around." Mikan grinned, poking Natsume in the ribs." He'll take me to weekly retail therapy."
"Just so dad won't freak out with your credit card bills," Youichi pointed out.
Natsume exchanged a high-five with Youichi before he glanced at his watch. "Want to ditch?"
"Sure, dad freaks out with my bills," she said dryly, "But of course, he won't have your head on a silver platter when he finds out we paid the school guards to let us out on Wednesdays."
"And like I said, what your father didn't know didn't hurt him." Natsume fished the keys from his pocket and twirled them around his finger. "So?"
She laughed, waved a 'see you later' to both Youichi and Aoi and dragged Natsume to his motorcycle— the same Hayabusa bike they rode on when they first escaped high school drama; when what ended was the starting line to a new beginning.
"Every night," Aoi started, looking wistfully at her brother and Mikan, "I wonder if all we did was worth it. If shipping Natsume back from Paris and sending Reo off and stopping Mikan's wedding was worth everything. I mean, what your grandmother said to Hotaru was right, you know. Come four, five, six years, it would all just have to happen. I just wonder about it."
"And what did you think?" Youichi wanted to know.
"I think… I think they just deserve each other. We can't promise forever for them, and neither can they for themselves. But they're happy, and at the meantime… I guess that's what matters the most."
Youichi smirked. "Is my future sister-in-law growing up?"
She lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Remember, I'm older than you."
They turned around, shoulder to shoulder, and headed off; wondering about what it would all be like after, because at the moment, nothing was going to bother them, and maybe for a long time.
"Lei got dibs on the wedding. Do you think they'll let me decorate their nursery? Ow!"
"Come on, that's gross, she's my sister!"
Natsume and Mikan drove off, in the same position when he first managed to get her on the motorcycle. She whispered on his ears things that made him snort and snigger and occasionally laugh, and she felt proud to be able to make him feel that way, just as he to her.
Because sometimes, you have to realize that in life, you have no choice but to move along.
And move along they did.
- F I N -
(as of now)