1Disclaimer: I own none of the characters about to be used herein.
As Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable flew away from the ruins of another villain's lair on a Global Justice jet, Kim's Kimmunicator began to beep.
"What up, Wade?" asked Kim.
"I don't think that's Wade," said Ron, looking at Kim's wrist.
"Excellent observation, Ronald," answered the face on the other end of the Kimmunication.
"Dr. Director," said Kim, "is there something you want?"
"Actually I need to talk with Ron." Ron's heart began to race.
"AAAGH! I CAN'T GO TO PRISON!! THEY'LL PASS ME AROUND LIKE CURRENCY OR A FAMILY-SIZED NACHO PLATTER!" Rufus's panic mirrored Ron's.
"You're not in trouble, Ron," Dr. Director began, "but I was monitoring this mission, and there was something that I saw that I do want to talk with you about."
"If this is about me losing my pants..." Ron started, but was interrupted by the one-eyed director of Global Justice.
"Not exactly, but I still would like for you to report to Global Justice headquarters for immediate debriefing. I will explain all later."
"OK." Ron, Kim and Rufus looked at one another with bewilderment.
--
The aptly named Dr. Elizabeth Director was the youngest director Global Justice had had in its relatively brief history. Yet in spite of all the accolades she had earned, there was still one title that eluded her. Poring over the files on the Ron Factor, she concluded that his input would ensure the success of her most recent project which, if successful, would allow her to claim this title. She realized that she would have to keep a few things about Ron's role in this project from Kim and that she would have to make sure that Ron did likewise.
Kim and Ron finished their journey through the series of tubes that led to Global Justice headquarters; Ron wondered why they couldn't have just sent a big truck to pick him up from where the Global Justice jet had landed. An agent greeted them as they entered.
"Dr. Director has been expecting you, Ron" said the agent. "Follow me. Miss Possible, he shouldn't be long. Make yourself at home, and if you wouldn't mind, keep Rufus with you. Dr. Director specifically requested that she see Ron alone."
"Did the director tell you anything about why she director needed to see Ron?" Kim asked the agent, as he and Ron walked away.
"She said it was on a need-to-know basis, and that I didn't need to know," replied the agent.
Ron went through a set of double doors, although the agent didn't follow him into the office he said was where he needed to go. As the doors closed behind him, the commotion from the central command center seemed to vanish even though it was barely 50 feet away. He took a quick look around the spacious office, seeing a number of portraits of the director with assorted foreign dignitaries, heads of state, even with the Oh Boyz. A large chair behind the desk spun around to reveal Dr. Director.
"Good to see you here, Ronald."
"So, what brings me here?" asked Ron.
"I do," replied the director. "I was looking into reopening the investigation into the Ron Factor. While our original studies indicated that it didn't actually exist, I have been looking to do some independent research."
"And this involves me how?"
"If you will follow me back to our double secret debriefing room, everything will make sense."
Dr. Director took a copy of A Brief History of Cheese off one of the shelves in the office. The shelf swivelled around to reveal a dimly lit passageway. Ron followed the director down this passage. She opened a door and gestured to Ron to follow her into the room, which Betty claimed to be the "double secret debriefing room."
"Um, Doctor..."
"Please, call me Betty." Had Ron scrutinized the director any further, he would have noticed that her uniform wasn't quite as securely fastened as it had been a few seconds earlier.
Ron glanced around the room. He saw nowhere to sit down except for the large bed that took up most of the room, which was marginally brighter than the hallway through which they had just passed. He sat on the edge of the bed; one of the most powerful women in the world sat down by his side, nearly touching him.
"Before we begin, do you have any questions?"
"Is anyone watching us?" said Ron, gesturing towards the mirrors on the ceiling. He neglected to notice that Betty had slid the slightly bit closer to him as he continued, "Are those two-way mirrors? You know, so that they can see us but we can't see them? Kinda unfair if you ask..."
Ron's inquiries were silenced in a way that only Kim had done to him before, and he found himself returning the favor. He soon felt a pair of hands frantically trying to separate him from his clothing. Within a minute or so, the director of Global Justice was wearing nothing but her eyepatch, and Ron was wearing even less. For some reason, the phrases "black hole deep" and "sixteen styles of kung-fu" began to lose their meanings as their hands and lips found themselves in places that were generally not visible on network television in the United States. Although Ron had never gone this far with Kim, nor had he really thought much about it, judging by Betty's reactions, he seemed to be doing well for his first time.
--
"To the 30, the 40, HE...COULD...GO...ALL...THE...WAY!!" Highlights from football games played on a TV in the recreation area at Global Justice's headquarters. At an adjacent pool table, Kim Possible sank the 2 and the 7 off the break in her rubber match against Will Du. He had become measurably less annoying and pompous since Kim had last had the displeasure of working with him. Nonetheless, he still thought of himself as the greatest and best agent in the world and made this belief known to all those around him.
"What do you think is taking them so long?" asked Kim.
"I imagine that Dr. Director is giving Ron quite a dressing down. If he thinks he can continue to expect our support while he keeps doing ... whatever it is he does, he's got another thing coming. His 'Ron-ness' costs Global Justice time and money."
Kim shrugged off this comment as she sank the 1 ball and gave herself a good shot at a 3-9 combo. Yet for some reason, something kept bothering her. What could the director of Global Justice possibly want to discuss with Ron for such a long time? She had not worked with Betty very often, but this did not mesh with what she knew about her. It had been more than an hour, and she just wanted to go home and go to sleep. It wasn't a school night, but Wade's first description of the sitch had been nearly eighteen hours ago, and their ride over to Europe was in the cargo bay of a plane that needed more than a little engine work, and some soundproofing and actual seats would have been nice as well.
"And you're absolutely certain you have no idea what the two of them possibly could be doing right now?" asked Kim with a sense of weariness and impatience.
"For the last time, and I mean it this time, NO!"
--
Ronald Stoppable and Elizabeth Director found themselves on the floor of the "debriefing room" entangled in the sheets that had once covered the bed. While Dr. Director had a look of complete inner peace on her face, Ron seemed a bit pensive.
"It took me a little while to figure out what you meant by 'debriefing' back there."
"Was it before or after we were naked?"
"Actually, probably sometime while you were clawing at my boxers. Also, you're sure no one saw us?"
"If you stay quiet, I'll stay quiet," Betty said as she mindlessly traced abstract patterns on Ron's chest. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."
After they showered (separately), Ron and Betty began the short walk back to the beehive of activity that pervaded most of Global Justice's headquarters. Before they return to the floor, Ron had one last question for the director.
"You don't think Kim will find out, will she?
"As I said earlier, I won't tell her if you don't. Besides, judging by your performance back there, Miss Possible would be an imbecile to let you go."
Ron and Kim were reunited shortly thereafter, and within two hours found themselves approaching Middleton. Kim asked Ron about his meeting with Dr. Director; Ron didn't say much except for the fact that he really didn't want to talk about it.
A few weeks later, Dr. Director discovered that Ron's input had in fact been successful, and as long as everything else went according to plan, the title that had been bestowed on so many of her old friends would finally be hers.
A/N: What better way to start writing than to get my crack pairing out of the way right off the bat? This was largely inspired by a one-shot I saw a while back, except it paired Kim with the director. I started on this a while back and finished it in a couple hours, and then I spent at least a month refining it. I think I'm really better suited to beta-ing and throwing out periodic plot bunnies anyway.