Road to redemption

The following is a fan fiction depicting the characters of Todd Manning and Marty Saybrook from the television show "One Life to Live". I do not own these characters and this work is just for means of entertainment. The following story is told in Marty's point of view. I made some changes to this first chapter.

Chapter One

I opened up my apartment door and found that John had come to see me.

"Marty, I just came by to let you know that I want to be with you. Do you think that we can get our relationship back on track?"

"Of course we can. I want things to go back to the way they were." John grabbed my waist and swung me around in a circle, kicking the door shut behind him. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that," John said as he leaned in for a kiss. I put my hand on his shoulder and held him away from my body.

"Maybe we should wait until your divorce is final. I don't need to deal with Blair right now. I've had enough drama and need things to be peaceful right now."

"Marty, Blair's not fighting me on this. She knows that our marriage would never have worked out not while I still have feelings for you. I promise you that she is not going to be a problem. I've delivered the divorce papers and our marriage is all but a signature away from being over. So there's nothing standing in our way."

"You're right, I'm just being overly cautious," I said as I leaned in for a kiss. John leaned closer grabbing my waste as his lips came into contact with mine. His tongue demanded entrance with fervid urgency. I allowed his tongue to enter, wanting to get lost in the moment. I could feel how much he wanted me in his embrace. I took off my shirt as he led me into the bedroom. He lifted me up and laid me down on my bed. He began to kiss my stomach and then moved up to my neck. It was then that I was slammed with memories of Todd. Todd was the last man that I had been with.

Todd grazing my stomach as he yearned for me was all that I could think about. I was no longer in the room with John I was with Todd. I tried to think of something else, anything, to keep the images from coming, but I couldn't. I had never felt so connected with anyone in my entire life. He just knew how to touch and love me in all the right ways. Feelings of love, loss, hate, anger, shame all came to the surface as I remembered how Todd Manning had played me for a fool.

I had been desperately trying to move on with my life since then. I had regained my memory, and was no longer a blank slate but I still felt empty inside. I now knew who everyone was and where they belonged in my life. I wanted things to magically go back to the way things were before I fell in love with the one person I shouldn't have. Todd Manning was a bastard and had hurt me in every way possible. That's what I knew with my head, but my heart knew that he had another side to him. He could be kind, caring, and compassionate to the people that he loved. I had always known that he had a good heart deep down hiding behind his cold and callous exterior.

We had always had a connection that bound us together. It could never be broken. I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I had tried to break our connection when I dared him to jump from the palace hotel roof. He told me that he loved me and would do anything to make me happy again. So I asked him to die for me. I didn't really think that he would jump, his great love for me, was only a lie after all. He surprised me by jumping in the icy water and I surprised myself when the relief washed over me as John saved him. That's when I knew that our love, if nothing else, was true.

Todd had told me so many lies over the six months that we had lived together. He never once told me that I had a son and that the child we were planning on raising was our collective grand daughter. Perhaps in time I would be able to forgive him if those were his only indiscretions, but one more lie existed that I can't get past. The whole truth came out and my world shattered around me like the broken pieces of the window that John shattered when he broke into Todd's house. I suppose if John had never shown up I would have never found out the truth. Is it better being happy in a lie or miserable with the truth? I still didn't know and this question haunted me. Part of me feels grateful to John for showing up when he did and part of me resents him for destroying my happiness.

Todd had no other choice but to confess to everything, He told me about my son Cole and how he had planned on using me for revenge in some sick plot against everyone that had wronged him. It hit me hard. It was then that I realized that lies had become my only truth and I no longer had anything that I could hold on to. Todd confessed to a whole litany of crimes that night, the worst one of all, was what he had done to me in college. He led a gang rape against me. He loved nothing and in his hatred he destroyed me. Todd had told me about the rape once before, but never in a million years would I have guessed that he was the mastermind behind the whole thing. How could I get past that kind of history? Did my new found love for him override the anger and the hatred that had been rising in me, at the end of the day which emotion was stronger? John was the man that I should be with; I had developed feelings for him before the accident and I knew that he would never hurt me the way that Todd had.

John reached his hand to my pants and started unbuttoning them and I couldn't take it any longer. I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore. They burst like a dam as I sat up crying. "What's wrong?" John asked

"Todd."

"Manning" John spat out. I felt so much shame that I just wanted to die. Why was I having these memories of Todd right now when I was so close to being happy with John?

"It's just that…that Todd was the last person that I was with. It's not you, I just can't. I'm not ready." I said in between breaths as the tears streamed down my face.

"It's okay. I can wait. Some things are worth waiting for," he said as he slid me on my side and wrapped his arms around my torso. I fell asleep in his arms. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. When I woke up it was 3:30 in the morning and all traces of John was gone. I looked out my window and realized that the rain was falling and the moon was not to be found. I was once again completely alone. Night collapsed through the shades of the clear windows beyond my balcony. Through the door open of the black patio came the saccharine of roses, of fresh dirt, of sycamore trees. The shadows on my walls portrayed ominous figures and I invented tales about them. I didn't want to fall asleep, because the nightmares were always so much worse in the night.