A/n- Copyright's theirs. Not mine. And if you think the song has nothing to do with the song, you may be right- the words don't fit, yes, but the mood of the song does perfectly.
__________
I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
Lupin walked nonchalantly down the streets of London. Today was the day before the full moon, and he'd be damned if he was going to spend at home. He had the day off, as always. The rest of the Order preferred it that way.
He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mein
Werewolves of London
He always, as Sirius put it, turned into a cool ass guy, the day before the full moon. He didn't know whether it was the fact that the werewolf magic in his blood was awakening, or that he knew that the next day would be spent asleep in something other than his natural form. It was probably a mixture of both, but whatever it was, it made PMS seem like a slight mood swing.
Today was even more different then the others. It was the first full moon since Sirius had gone behind the curtain, and he felt as if he had to spend this day being utterly and completely reckless, in his memory. And odd sort of tribute, but a fitting one.
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door
Better not let him in
He arrived at the Leaky Cauldron at last. He opened the door to the shabby old pub, and walked in.
"Remus!" called Tom, the bartender, with a huge grin on his face. He was the only one smiling in the bar.
"Hello, Tom" said Remus. He walked through the tables towards the bar. As he did, people quietly shifted their tables and chairs away from him. It was a bit like the parting of the Red Sea.
He took his normal seat. A tall brunette was sitting next to him, dressed to kill in tight, scarlet red robes.
"Hell-" Remus started to say, as she got up, and walked to the other end of the counter. "-May you go. To," he finished, quite weakly.
"Butterbeer, Tom," he said.
Tom looked at him sympathetically, as he put the glass down. Remus waved it off.
"It's all right. Sure, it's gotten a bit worse since it got around that I support Dumbledore-" the only man left at the bar finally got up. "- but I'm used to it."
He drank a sip of his beer. He was amazed, but really not all that surprised, that people still didn't believe Dumbledore, even after Fudge admitted that he was right. They'd had it pounded into their heads all year that he wasn't, old habits die hard, and it had only been three weeks. They'd turn over once the killings started again.
He finished the beer, and walked out. So far the day was a disappointment. But it had only just begun.
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Ow-oooooooo! Werewolves of London again
Ow-oooooooo! Werewolves of London
He meandered slowly around the area, occasionally pitching a coin or two to the homeless people he saw along the way. He knew, unfortunately, how they felt. He got off the streets that one humiliating day when Dumbledore found him, sitting under a bridge, desperately trying to make a magic-less fire, and gave him the Defense Against the Dark Arts job.
He wandered around, contemplating what to do. Breaking every rule formed by that oh-so-famous council of 1692 seemed like an interesting prospect. But the justice system wasn't particularly kind to werewolves.
So he decided to bend them.
He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
His first stop was at a Starbucks. He always hated the bloody things. Ugly green Silcon Valley imports that had spread like a fungus through out the world. The coffee was all right, but it was the principal of the matter that bothered him.
He nudged past a crowd of stiff looking businessmen, out to catch a cup of coffee before going home to their identical houses.
He thought back to the memorized rules, blocking the image of a 16 year old Severas's greasy head that went along with all his school memories. He had learned long ago to block three other faces, since they had been lost for so long. Sirius's return had been like a candle in a black hole. There, and then- gone. Peter's return had been something quite different.
He shook his head, and drove the first degree into his inner eye.
No magical person, under any circumstances, may inform a muggle that they are such. This rule does not apply to relatives. Amended, 1856- Friends may be informed only after rigorous testing as per chapter 4, section 5 of the Muggle Knowledge Document.He paused over the words "magical person" He checked his watch. It was 6 hours, 55 seconds before moon-rise. In 7 hours, he would be an official werewolf, and therefore a beast. As of now, he was a wizard, so he couldn't break it that way. He had a thought. Family members….
He tapped the shoulder of the man in front of him.
"Yes?" the man said irritably. He was a normal man-business suit, briefcase, tie.
"Born in Britain?"
"No…" the man said slowly and suspiciously. "Born in America and moved here when I was six, why the bloody hell do you want to know?"
"Never mind, never mind," said Remus quickly. It would've been easier if he was native Britain. Everyone of any wealth knew their roots. But there was another way. "Ever read this fabulous book based on mitrochondrial DNA evidence that all of humanity is descended from seven woman? So therefore, we have a one-in-seven chance of being related, don't we?"
"Are you mad?" the man said even more slowly.
"No, no of course not!" Remus said gayly. "Wonderful book really, you should read it. But anyway, coz- can I call you coz?"
The man nodded, looking at Remus as though he desperately wanted some to cart him away to an insane asylum.
"Excellent! Just thought you'd like to know that you have a wizard in your family. Well, probably several million, but I'm one. And oh, I'm a werewolf too, just thought you'd like to know- before inviting me to the family reunion and such."
The man was staring down at him, looking scared. "What the hell are you going on about?"
"I'm a wizard! Warlock, shaman, sorcerer, magicican, conjuror, and so on! I'd show you some magic but-" he leaned into the man's ear "-they're not part of the family," he whispered, gesturing around. "Have a good day, coz!" Remus said, walking out of the Starbucks, and giving the man a cheery wave. "See you at Christmas!"
The man waved weekly back.
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
He continued on his way, chuckling at the muggle's reaction. That'll give him something to tell to his family. He thought to the next rule.
Magic can only be performed, in muggle areas, during times when the wizard's life, any other wizard's life, or muggle lives are in danger. In that case, the Obliviator crew should be called, and report to the scene immediately.
This one was easy enough to bend. He looked down the street, and glanced at the cars. Cars caused accidents every day. The muggles inside were surely in danger of killing themselves with their metal machines. Not to mention the carbon dioxide pollution.He waved his wand, and every single car engine in view stopped. The brief silence that followed was immediately interrupted by the curses of the people in the cars.
He took out his wand, and sent purple sparks into the air, and walked on. The law said nothing about being on the scene when the Obliviators arrived. He turned around, and called to the unmoving line of cars-
"Should've used public transportation!"
He went through the rest of the rules. They were mostly about setting up ministries in each country and such. Nothing he could have fun with. He walked past a phone booth, and then doubled back. It was the entrance to the ministry. Here was an idea…
He walked in and dialed six-two-four-four-two. "Welcome to the ministry of magic…" said the woman's voice.
"To… um…register myself as a werewolf," Lupin said, at the appropriate time, thinking quickly.
A badge popped out of the slot, and Lupin pinned it on. The elevator went down with a clunk, and opened up to the Atrium.
He walked into the busy room, awed as always by the hustle and bustle of activity. He almost walked right pass the repaired fountain of Magical Brethren, and stopped and stared. Harry had mentioned something about thinking the fountain was complete propaganda.
Well, I can change that…
thought Lupin, and took out his wand. He did a tricky bit of transfiguration, and soon, the goblin was picking gold out of the wizard's pocket, the centaur was aiming an arrow at the woman's head, and the house elf was jumping around banging itself over the head. The wizard was cursing the centaur, while the woman tried to get the elf to calm down.As Lupin walked on, he heard a voice behind him say, "Now that's more like it."
Seeing that his interior designing was getting good reviews, he looked up to the sky blue ceiling, and the golden symbols scrolling across it. He briefly considered turning into advertisements, but decided social commentary wasn't something Sirius would do. He instead listened to the more immature part of himself and soon, curse words were rolling along among the symbols.
He could here more talk going on behind him, and as a finale, he pointed his wands to the row of fireplaces, and waved. A brick barrier appeared in front of each one. Furious pounding was soon heard.
Lupin continued calmly along his way, looking as innocent as possible, pretending to be deaf to the shouts of astonishment behind him.
I'd like to meet his tailor
Ow-oooooo! Werewolves of London
Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of london.
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London.
Lupin sat on a bench, thinking. He had caused some havoc, yes, but not nearly enough. Causing a major traffic jam, and putting the ministry in an up roar was all fine and dandy, but he needed something big.
He suddenly felt a weight in his pocket. He reached into it, and pulled out a book- Magical Hallucinations. That's odd, thought Lupin I've never heard of this.
He opened it up, and read the brief introduction to the book. He continued flipping through it, interested. The author had managed to construct charms that would cause all in range to have the same hallucination. Then, 5 seconds after the hallucenation was complete, a memory charm, part of the original spell, would take effect. The clever part was that the memory charm was a fairly weak one, and the memory would still remain in the subconscious. So everyone would have a sense of what happened, but no clear picture, almost as if they had had a very brief daydream.
He turned to the index, and found there was one that would simulate the destruction of entire city. Now this was something.
Lupin read through the charm carefully, noting the complex wand movements. The book said he needed to go someplace high, preferably where he could see the whole city. Lupin looked up- a high rise apartment building was behind him.
He magically unlocked the door, and ran in, waving to the security guard. "Just have to get something from my flat!" He got into the lift, and pressed the button labeled R. He stood impatiently tapping his foot, until the doors opened out onto the roof. He admired the scenery for a bit, and then he breathed out, and started the wand movements that made him look like a mad orchestra conductior. "Infermio-" he said, dropping his arms down "-Psuedoblivate!" he cried, raising his arms up again.
A gigantic explosion came from around Big Ben. It was as if Guy Fawks had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. Soon the city was shaking, buildings crumbling. Fires erupted, and sirens wailed.
Then, suddenly as it had started, it stopped. The fires crackled ominously.
Lupin counted slowly to five, and the city turned quietly back to normal. He heard an eerie silence as a million people shook their heads, and the noise returning as they went along their business.
Lupin checked his watch. An hour before moon rise. He had to get back to his place, drink his potion, and go to sleep.
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
His hair was perfect
Lupin woke up groggy the morning after next.
"'Morning!" said a cheery voice above him. He looked up. It was Tonks, holding a copy of yesterday's Daily Prophet. "Look at this!" she said, pointing excitedly at the headline- "Vandals Strike Ministry." Underneath was a picture of all of Lupin's redecorating. "Whoever did this was a genius," she said, grinning.
Lupin took the paper, and read the article, trying to look surprised.
"It's like something Sirius would've done, if he'd been aloud out of the house last year. Giving the Ministry what they deserved," Tonks said, a little sadly, re-reading the article over Lupin's shoulder.
Lupin spun around at her. "Really?" he said, excitedly.
"Yes," Tonks said, raising an eyebrow.
Lupin suddently pulled her towards her, and kissed her on the cheek. "You just made my day," he said happily. "You didn't have any odd daydreams yesterday, did you?"
"Well, there was one, but I really can't remember it."
"Thank you!" he said joyfully, and skipped out of the room merrily.
Tonks sat on the floor, confused. She got up, and walked to the top of the stairs. "Severas," she called down. "I think you need to double check you're ingredients. Lupin's acting happy again.
Ow-oooooo! Werewolves of London
Draw blood
Ow-ooooo! Werewolves of London.