HAPPY BIRTHDAY TARA! Something you should know about Tara: she's my number one fangirl. So, for the first anniversary of her 21st birthday, I hereby present "Four Nos and a Yes"! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately for Tara, I am not J.K. Rowling nor am I receiving any sort of money for this.
If there was one thing Lily Evans could not stand, it was giant public displays of affection. And, as Fate would have it, there was one person on the planet who would do nothing more but plaster his love across the hallways of Hogwarts for her.
This is the story of the four times Lily Evans said no, and the single time she said yes.
The First "No."
Fidgeting students with shuddered breaths and twitching fingers huddled in a haphazard line outside of the Great Hall. In exactly three minutes, the nervous Fifth Years would face their first O.W.L examination, and it just so happened to be the most difficult.
Among these anxious figures stood Lily, taking in her own deep breaths in attempts to calm herself. She was ready for this, she knew. Endless nights in the Library could not have led her to failure. Still, she couldn't help the tickling in her chest and the way her red hair frazzled ever so slightly with every panicked thought.
However, there were two students who didn't seem fazed by the upcoming battle of quills and intelligence. James Potter and his constant wingman Sirius Black, sauntered down the corridor with their usual casual air, and with only a minute until the door opened.
Lily watched the pair with narrowed eyes. Honestly, how could two people be so arrogantly confident? Even though she was almost guaranteed to get at least an E, she could never smile about an exam.
"Evans," Sirius drawled, a cocky grin stretched across his face. "You look like you've got your knickers in quite a twist. I'm sure my good friend here could help you unwind them."
He clapped his arm over James' shoulder, to which his friend let out a laugh. "I'm only here to help."
An angry nausea rolled in Lily's stomach and she felt her hand twitch slightly in the direction of her wand. If it were any other day, she would have hexed their mouths shut on the spot. However, today was one of the most important days in her Hogwarts career and she would die before letting someone as irrelevant as Potter to ruin it for her.
She forced a tight and obviously false smile. "As much as I would love to take you up on that offer, we've got an exam to sit." Just as she finished her sentence, the doors to the Hall magically swung open. Smugness settled in her stomach as she added, "Good luck."
James and Sirius barely had a chance to exchange a look before the crowd of students began bustling into the Hall, desperately seeking a seat not too close to the front. The Hall no longer held the long dining benches, and the House banners that usually dressed the walls had been tidied away. Instead, it was fairly bare; the towering glass windows had been hidden with dark curtains and single tables were dotted along the floor, covered in sheets of parchment. At the very front of the room stood a large blackboard, charmed to scrawl a countdown of the remaining minutes of the exam in powdery chalk.
In attempt to avoid the mad scramble, Lily quickly grabbed the quickest seat she could find and settled into the seat. From her pocket she drew her pot of ink, and placed it beside the anti-charm quill that was already provided. Once the flurry of students had subsided, an elderly looking man walked to the front of the classroom. His wiry beard had a slight gold sheen to it, as if he might once have had blonde hair but it had now dulled to a cottony white.
He cleared his throat. "Settle, settle," his raspy voice shook. His glassy eyes cast over the students who sat as straight as wands in their seats. "Now, shall we begin?"
After a reply of tense silence, the elderly wizard drew a long, twisted wand from his robes and tapped it against the blackboard. A shudder of magic swept through the Great Hall and the students looked down to their parchment with the expectations to begin their exam.
Only the ink on his parchment was far from what they were expecting.
Lily stared down at her paper in horror. Was it possible that she was hallucinating? She blinked furiously, willing the words on her page to change from anything but what it was at present. From the confused murmur that filled the Hall, she realized that her exam parchment was hardly unique.
Lily Evans, will you go out with me?
She glanced around the Hall in panic. Even the blackboard screamed the proposition, sending the elderly man into a fit of bewilderment. He stabbed the board repeatedly with him wand, squeaking demands of who was behind the (poorly constructed, in Lily's opinion) practical joke.
Lily didn't have to look far to find the answer. Her eyes immediately sought James who was lounged in a seat three seats diagonally down from her own. His head turned at her gaze. With a slow grin, he sent her a quick wink and tilted his head in question.
That incorrigible toad! Anger surged through her veins to the point of her fingers squeezing so tightly around her quill that it snapped. Various eyes around the Hall burned into her, waiting for her reaction. It was no secret that Potter was known for his declarations of undying love but he had yet to interfere with the one thing Lily loved most: her education.
Today, however, seemed to be the day that he did.
"Settle, settle!" the elderly man squeaked. He pointed at a particularly startled looking Hufflepuff. "You, boy! Go and get the Headmaster! Go!"
Just as the Hufflepuff boy scuffled past her chair, Lily reached angrily for the wand tucked inside of her robe. Pointing it at the blackboard, she sent a large golden spark into the air. Suddenly, all the parchments fluttered violently before a new scrawling of ink spread themselves over it.
Like the parchments, the blackboard now donned a new phrase: Not if you were the only existing cure to Dragon Pox, and I was on the brink of death.
A few cackled laughs rang out into the air, one of the loudest being Sirius Black's. Lily directed her furious glare towards James, whose face had particularly blanched.
"Does that answer your question?" she hissed angrily, hiding her wand back in her robe. He simply blinked at her, the cogs of his brain visibly working behind his eyes, before sending her a casual grin and a smirk.
"Eh, worth a shot."
Lily opened her mouth, intending on assaulting James' ears with a surprising vocabulary of harsh language, when Dumbledore strode into the room. The Hufflepuff boy tailed him nervously.
Words caught in her throat as she looked to the headmaster, and she hoped to Merlin that he wouldn't think that she had anything to do with it. Or at least, she didn't want to have anything to do with it.
Dumbledore's eyes cast over the wide-eyed students, to the parchment and blackboard, and finally settled on Lily's panicked expression. Instead of bursting into a furious fit of rage, he smiled.
Why in Merlin's bloody name was he smiling?
"Oh, this is an excellent way to calm those nerves," he said, his eyes twinkling. He clapped his hands together once. "Nothing like a little comedy to ease into an exam!"
Lily stared at him incredulously. Comedy? Comedy?
The headmaster looked towards the culprit of the ordeal, who was currently mirroring his smile. His head shook lightly. "Mr. Potter, now that you have quite finished – and have quite learnt your lesson," Dumbledore glanced slightly at Lily, "shall we continue with our exam without any more hiccups?"
James gave him a slight nod. "Of course, Professor. I'll be on my best behaviour."
"I should hope so."
With that, Dumbledore lifted his own wand and pointed it towards the blackboard. As it should be, the chalk drew a swirled countdown and the parchments turned back to a daunting list of open ended questions.
He smiled, casting his eyes briefly to Lily. "Now that everything is sorted, let the exam begin! Maurice," he nodded towards the frazzled elderly man by the blackboard, "you may proceed when I leave."
He turned, disappearing from the classroom, and leaving the crowd of confused students to try and attempt the exam in front of them. Lily's fury still warmed her veins.
If she managed to survive this exam, she promised herself; James Potter would not live to see his graduation.
The Second "No."
At some point in her Seventh Year, Lily Evans swore she must have lost her mind. What else could have convinced her to sit up in the Gryffindor Quidditch stands in the middle of a blizzard? It could be that her sort-of-almost-not-quite-but-nearly boyfriend had practically begged for her to come, but the fact that she was dating a Quidditch player was evidence that she was clearly barking mad.
Especially when that Quidditch player was none other than James Potter.
As he whizzed around in the air, disappearing on occasion through the furiously falling snow, Lily huddled up in her jacket and tried not to hate him too much for it. There was a possibly positive that came from enduring this Merlin forsaken weather; James did look absolutely gorgeous in his Quidditch gear. Not that Lily would tell him, out of fear that his head would grow so big he would no longer be able to fit through the castle doors.
Then again, that did have a chance of working Lily's favour.
"That's thirty to Gryffindor, ten to Hufflepuff!" the commentator cried excitedly, though his teeth chattered audibly against the microphone. Lily's skin pricked at the sound as if even the thought of being colder drew goosebumps to her skin. Her arms wrapped protectively around herself in hopes for any sort of warmth. Even her heating charm wasn't doing much help.
Wind whipped viciously at her face as she tried to keep her eyes on James' blurring form, but her gaze was suddenly distracted by the stands on the other side of the pitch. Various spectators held different coloured boards and all of a sudden, they all moved them over their heads to face the sky.
Lily watched the ripple effect in confusion. Slowly, the boards began to reveal a word, the first letter being "G". Strange, Lily thought, considering that was the Hufflepuff stands. Her eyes stayed trained on the movement, until the following letters formed.
I.. R.. L.. F..
As the word grew, so did an anxious and irritated feeling in her stomach. Not again, she prayed, clutching her upper arms, please not again.
She squinted through the flurrying snow to the fully developed sign: Girlfriend?
Oh, she was going to bloody kill him.
Angrily, her eyes sought him out in the white. When she found him, the crowd suddenly went wild as he grinned at her. Somewhere behind him, the Gryffindor seeker had finally found the snitch, ending the game. Still, Lily couldn't care less about that. No, all that she cared about now was ripping James' apart limb by limb.
Had he not learned from his various attempts of wooing her? She didn't like big displays!
Pushing herself from the seat, she jogged hurriedly down the stairs from the stands and up towards the castle. James frowned after her.
In a matter of seconds, he was almost at ground level, his feet brushing through the snow as he hovered at her side.
"Where are you going, you daft bird?" he asked, nudging her gently and smiling. "I'm being romantic and you're ruining it!"
Air blew through her gritted teeth, turning to steam in the cold. "James Potter, you better leave me alone."
"Oh, come on, Lils," he tried. He leant to ruffle her hair to which she abruptly gave him a rather unladylike gesture with her finger. His eyebrows shot up on his forehead with an amused look. "Is that a no then?"
"Damn right that's a bloody no."
The Third "No."
With the graduation ceremony commencing in less than two days, Lily was going out of her mind trying to keep all of her Head Girl duties under control. James, on the other hand, was quite happy to sit around and do absolutely nothing.
"Could you please try and help me doing something!" she pleaded, quickly bouncing around their Head Office in attempts to tidy it.
James simply sent her a grin. "We don't have to do anything of that stuff! You're just making excuses to be panicked." His grin didn't falter under her harsh and sudden glare. "Come on, come sit with me."
The subtle, soft and suggestive waver in his voice caught Lily's breath in her throat. Closing her eyes, she forcefully told herself that she had things to do. Lots of things to do. Things that were necessary, no matter what James said.
"James, please, we do have so much to do!" she replied, pointing an accusing finger at him. "We have the Ball plans to finalize, which if you recall, was your stupid idea."
He scowled at her playfully. "None of my ideas are stupid."
"Oh, I beg to differ."
James' soft chuckle filled the air of the office, and he pushed himself up from the couch. As Lily frantically sorted through various pieces of parchment, he wound his arms around her waist and buried his face into her shoulder. She let out a squeak at his sudden contact.
"James."
"Lily," he murmured into her skin. He inhaled deeply, breathing her in. "How can you continue to bustle about like a mad woman when you smell so good?"
Butterflies fluttered in Lily's stomach in the way they had started to do whenever James was in close proximity. This was a recent development that she wasn't so fond of, but often found herself succumbing to. The fluttering began to spread up into her torso, and down her legs into her toes as she felt his feather light kisses against her neck.
No, no, no. She had jobs to do! What was she doing letting him have his way with her? She attempted to wriggle out of his grip, only getting herself half dislodged but enough to stop his kisses. A relieved breath slipped between her lips.
"Stop it," she said grumpily, but the displeasure didn't quite meet her eyes. James grinned and rested his chin on her shoulder, flicking his hazel eyes up at her hopefully.
"But I have something to show you."
Oh Merlin's bloody beard. She let out a sigh and judged the amount of paperwork left on her desk.
"Will it take long?" she asked.
James' grin could've lit up the room. "It depends on how you react."
Suspicion tugged at her chest, but she smothered it. Maybe, for once, James wasn't going to embarrass her to the point where she wanted to hide in her room for the rest of her life.
Yeah, maybe.
She let him lead her out of the room, her feet dragging behind him almost reluctantly. It wasn't a long trip – he stopped abruptly almost immediately outside of the office. In front of them stood all three of the other Marauders, dressed comically in ruffled dress robes.
"What's going on?" Lily asked, looking around the hallway. Small groups of students had stopped on their way to class, to study and giggle at the three boys. Each of the Marauders looked as uncomfortable as the next.
James turned to Lily, and cleared his throat. "I have something to ask you."
Oh, for Merlin's sake!
Her eyes widened in slight panic as all of a sudden Remus, Sirius and Peter simultaneously broke out into a pitchy attempt of a barbershop trio. Their voices rang high into the corridors, causing students to poke their heads over the moving staircases above Lily.
At that moment, she willed herself to faint.
Peter, looking especially nervous and twitchy in his dress robes, began a short sequence of cracked "Ooh"s, while Remus and Sirius passed her name between them in varied octaves. She looked to James, who had somehow turned their singing act into a quartet.
"Oh, Lily Evans, my dear," he began to sing, his hand pressed dramatically to his chest. "You were the girl that every boy fears! But, no, no, no, not for me! I will follow you faithfully!"
Despite James' voice being surprisingly good, Lily felt the bile swim into her mouth as she self-consciously glanced at the now vast crowds of spectators. Don't be sick, she warned herself, but the nausea kept rolling in her abdomen and her knees were starting to feel a little weak.
"Whereas most boys might get indigestion, for you I have one simple question!" James continued, his companions humming loyally in the background. By now, Lily's head was spinning a little and she swore she was starting to see red. If James Potter thought he was being smart or funny, he had another thing coming.
The singing came to an abrupt stop as James suddenly dropped to one knee. Around them, the groups of girls let out shrieks of mingled excitement and devastation. Lily stared at him wide-eyed.
"Lily," he began, his eyes searching her face in all seriousness. "Lily Grace Evans, light of my life, sun, moon and stars in my sky, the reason I wake up every morni—"
Sirius made a disgruntled sound from behind him, tugging irritably at his dress robes. "Get on with it, you sod!"
Lily on the other hand wanted James to stop right there. If he didn't, there was a very high chance she might throw up all over him. Then again, a little bit of vomit might just be what he needed to stop his ridiculous proposal.
"Alright, alright," James grinned a bit. He reached for Lily's hand, to which she shakily pulled it back. Instead of even looking remotely effected, he simply raised his hand to her in a dramatic gesture. "Lily, would you make me the happiest man alive and…"
His pause drew out, filling the air with a thick tension that stole all the oxygen from the room. Lily was sure everyone was holding their breaths, dying to know if his question was the question. After another few seconds of suspense, Lily was very tempted to punch him.
"Potter," she growled, gritting her teeth.
James' smile was slow and wide. "… and do me the honour of attending the Graduation Ball with me?"
Her answer was neither a yes nor a no, but instead a sudden assault of her fists against her lowered chest. James toppled backwards in his half-crouch, wincing and yelping as Lily beat furiously against him.
"You – bloody – piece – of – thestral – shit!"
James dropped to the ground with Lily following after him, her legs straddled either side of his waist and her hands continue to pummel him. "Ouch, ouch! Lily! Stop it, you nutter!"
He grabbed at her wrists, stilling them in the air and looked incredulously up at her. While she stared angrily down at him, her breath heaving in her chest, the crowds around them stared equally as bewildered.
"Is this some weird kind of foreplay you guys are into?" Sirius asked. This earned an acidic glare from Lily, who was only kept from launching herself at him by James' firm grip on her arms.
She looked back at her so-called boyfriend. "You. Inside. Now."
A collective of wolf-whistles and cat-calls came from the surrounding audience, and Lily had to restrain herself from hexing the lot of them. She pulled herself up from James angrily and stalked back into the office.
James followed after her like a scolded puppy.
She turned on him as soon as the office door shut and hissed, "What were you thinking?"
His lips turned into a slight pout and his eyebrows drew into such an adorable expression that Lily found her anger dwindling. No, she chided herself. She would not let James Potter guilt trip her into saying yes. Not after that ridiculous performance.
"I thought you liked guys who sang," he said grumpily, taking a sudden interest in fiddling with tie. "You like the Beatles."
"That's not what this is about, and you know it, James Remington Potter!"
The use of his middle name sent his head shooting up, and his eyes narrowed on her. "What was that?"
A mixture of triumph, smugness and nervousness shot through Lily. She crossed her arms stubbornly, and drew out her next words slowly, "James Remington Potter."
As fast and as lithe as a panther, James shot through to room and grabbed her by the hips. She let out a loud squeal as he pressed her to the sofa, pinning her down beneath him. His laughter was soft, but it rang out in her ears as she felt it against her cheeks.
"I don't like it when you do that," he murmured, his teeth nipping playfully at the tip of her nose. Lily squirmed under him, twisting her legs in hopes to release herself. It was no use; James was somewhat of an expert at keeping her contained.
She let out a huff. "Well, I don't like it when you embarrass me."
"You embarrassed me!" he replied incredulously, his grin widening on his face. "I can't have to whole school knowing that I can be taken down by a little thing like you."
"You deserved it."
James took one look at her wrinkled nose and let his grin melt into a smile. "I probably did." He leant down to brush his nose against hers.
Lily's breath caught in her throat. "I'm still mad at you," she muttered angrily, attempting to push her head further back into the sofa.
"You're always mad at me." He captured her bottom lip between his own and suckled on it gently. A soft, content sound slipped out from her mouth. "But that never stops us, does it?"
Lily felt her traitorous body lean up into him, her arms suddenly taking control of themselves as they wound around his neck. She frowned at him sternly.
"No."
"No?" he replied, his eyebrows rising gently.
She nodded. "I won't go to Ball with you. You better find someone else."
"Really?" Jolts of electricity shot into Lily's brain as his fingers expertly drew down her neck, blurring her thoughts. "You want me to go with someone else?"
"Yes." Her voice came raspy and quiet, but inside her brain was screaming at her. "I… I don't want to go with you."
James' lazy grin grew on his face. "Right. Good, because you know, there's an awful big line of girls just waiting to be taken by me."
"I bet," she replied, rolling her eyes gently.
"And I had bumped you up to the front because I thought you were special…"
"Mmm…"
He let out a contemplative sigh, his fingers still working softly against her skin. "I guess I'll have to take the second in queue then."
"Who's that?" By now, James' fingers were playing idly with her shirt collar and sending shivers across her collarbone. Lily trained her eyes on a certain spot on his chin in attempt to keep herself focussed.
"Henrietta Nott."
Suddenly, his fingers had no effect on her. A sudden urgent flash of possessiveness moved through her, and she scowled up at him.
"No," she said firmly. "Anyone but Henrietta Nott."
The Fourth "No."
In times as dark as those in 1978, many of the shops in Diagon Alley had closed under the looming fear of a Death Eater attack. This made what was usually a bustle of colour and life into nothing more but an image from a ghost story. Lily walked down the nearly abandoned street, tugging her coat tighter around her. This was not necessarily to keep out the cold, but a gesture of protectiveness – an attempt to feel a little safer.
Why James had asked her to come all the way from her parents' house to meet him here, she did not know. For the past few weeks she knew he had been staying at Sirius' flat, in attempts to avoid the empty hallways of his family home. It had been only four months since James' parents had succumbed to their illness, and Lily knew James was finding it hard to be alone.
Her shoes clacked against the cobbled stone street, bouncing in echoes from the outer walls of the abandoned shops. Pain tugged at her heart as she passed what were once familiar meeting points for her and her friends; Florean Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlour was now nothing but cobwebs and broken glass. In her hand, her wand sat heavily as she finally came to the corner where James had wanted to meet.
Except he wasn't there.
Instead, it was Sirius who was lounging against the stone wall, a cigarette hanging half-heartedly between his lips. He nodded to her gently when she approached.
"Alright, Evans?" he said, straightening himself with a mischievous smile. "You're looking too heavily dressed for you own good today."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware that you were my boyfriend now, Sirius."
Sirius held out his arm gallantly in an offer for hers. Tucking her own arm through his elbow, she let him lead her in a gentle walk down the street. "It was only a matter of time, love."
She let out a soft laugh. "Where is James, anyway?"
"You'll see soon enough."
The pair walked through the rest of the street silently. Lily occasionally looked to Sirius for any indication for where they might be headed, but he simply returned a charming smile. Prat, she thought good-naturedly.
They soon came to the end of the street when Sirius drew out his wand. Tapping it to the ground once, he conjured up a small, tattered book. Lily simply raised an eyebrow, to which he replied, "It's a Portkey."
"A Portkey?" she asked confusedly. "Where are we going then?"
Sirius pressed his fingers to his lips. "Patience, Lily." He held out the book towards her and quickly glanced at his watch. "Alright, are you ready? One, two, three…"
She quickly placed her hand on the book and let the overwhelming sensation of travelling by Portkey take her over. The familiar hook sank behind her navel and she closed her eyes, letting the air swirl around her. It took a long while – longer than any other Portkey journey she had been on – and her head was beginning the spin. Lights flashed behind the black of her eyelids, bursts of colour, until there was a slight sharp pain in her temple.
It was slowly spreading across her forehead when she suddenly came into face first contact with the ground. Sprawled against the dusty grass, she groaned. From behind her, Sirius laughed as he stumbled into a nearly effortless crouch.
"C'mon, Evans," he grinned, hooking his fingers around her elbow to help her up, "your Muggle is showing."
She scowled at him and went to protest, only to silence herself when her gaze caught on what was behind him. Towering up into the cloudless blue sky (a first for England, she thought, if they were still in England) stood the biggest house she'd ever seen.
It was wide and made of beautiful cream wood panelling, with white marble pillars holding up a balcony that ran around the upper half. In the middle of the upper house there was a pair of wide arched glass doors, framed by two latticed windows on each side. Behind the house a cliff dropped into a bay of frothing water. It was so stunning, set against the backdrop of blue skies and sea, that it took Lily's breath away.
"Sirius," she said breathily, clutching to his arm to keep herself upright. "Where are we?"
The dark haired boy simply let out a chuckle. "Come on, before your tosser of a boyfriend gives me grief for keeping you so long."
"He's in there?" she asked, her voice high in surprise. Her eyes flicked down to her old, but comfortable, black pea-coat and weathered brown boots. "Whose house is it? Am I dressed alright?"
Sirius ignored her rambled questions and simply continued in pulling her towards the door. As they came to the marble staircase that led up to the porch, he carefully put his hand on her back and propelled her forwards. She looked back at him.
"Aren't you coming in?" she asked.
He simply gave her a mischievous grin that sent suspicious pricking across her skin, "After you."
Nervously, she carefully walked across to the large pine front door and rapped her knuckles against it. After a few moments, there was still no answer. She rapped her knuckles again.
After this, Sirius spoke up, "Maybe you should just walk in."
Walk in? She gave Sirius a sceptical look. In what universe was it appropriate for someone to walk into a strangers' house? Even in the eccentric Magical World, she was quite sure breaking and entering wasn't considered polite.
"Isn't that a bit rude?" she asked, giving him a scowl. "Look, there's nobody home. We'll just come back later."
Sirius made an impatient noise in the back of his throat. "Oh, move out of the way, you silly cow."
Lily pulled a face to Sirius' good-natured insult, and stepped back as he abruptly pushed open the door. Once it swung open, he turned to her.
"Go in before I bloody carry you in myself."
The inside of the house was dark – there was no light except the odd streams of sunlight that cascaded through some of the uncovered windows. It seemed fairly deserted; while there was furniture scattered through the lobby, it was covered in dust sheets. Lily stepped inside, casting her gaze up into the tall ceiling until landed on…
What in the name of Merlin's polka knickers was that?
Across the landing banister, a large banner with words painted across it in obnoxious colours hung. Lily stared at it, attempting to keep her pulse at a steady (and healthy) rhythm.
No, not again. He can't possible have done it again.
"Surprise!" A collective cry rang out into the house as a vast crowd of her closest friends jumped out from behind the sheet-covered furniture. Any attempt at keeping her heart rate calm vanished.
Lily clutched at her chest, wincing against the sudden pain that ran through her torso, and tried to force a smile. While she meant to look pleasantly surprised, she was sure she probably looked like a manic serial killer.
And at that point, there was someone she was willing to murder.
The very devil stepped out from the crowd, an excited smile on his face. "Lily!" He moved towards her before clutching her hands hopefully, his hazel eyes bearing up into hers like a little boy on Christmas. "Lily, Lily, move in with me."
Lily's eyes flicked up to the banner which asked the same question: Move in with me? They moved around the room, taking in the faces of their friends whose expressions were not unlike James' own. She took in a deep breath, ridding the tremor in her voice.
"James," she murmured, keeping her false smile as she leant into his ear, "can we talk somewhere where we're not on display?"
He frowned at her, flicking his eyes in worry over her face. "Is everything okay?"
A reassuring lie froze at the tip of her tongue. Everything was far from okay. First of all, he should have learned by now that the idea of an audience made her want to run for the hills. Second of all, what was this house? Could she even call it a house? A mansion was a more suitable word, but then even that didn't give it justice.
With all her heart she wanted to say yes. She wanted nothing more than to live with James; not only would it be easier than living with her parents and safer for them, she had come to the conclusion that there was never going to be another James for her. There was never going to be anyone else she wanted to live with.
Only, in Lily's fantasies, James and Lily didn't live in a grand house. They didn't have money, or fancy furniture, or enough rooms to house an army. In Lily's fantasies, it was the pair of them cooped up in a dilapidated old flat, with a kitchen that barely worked, and using each other to keep warm. This house, this beautiful house, was a vision of nearly twenty, thirty years down the line. It was rushing – a kind of rushing that Lily wasn't willing to let pass.
Her fingers found James' wrist, curling around it softly, and led him into the nearest room. As she closed the door behind them, James let out a painful sigh.
"You're going to say no, aren't you?" he said quietly, and for the first time since his parents' death, Lily saw true, raw feelings behind his hazel eyes. Her heart squeezed in her chest.
"I'm not going to say no," she replied. She stepped into him, her hands smoothing over his jumper affectionately.
His confused frown bore into her forehead. "Then why are we in here? Why aren't we out there celebrating? Why didn't you squeal 'yes!' and jump into my arms and let me spin you around? Merlin, Lily!" An exasperated sound rumbled in his chest and vibrated against Lily's palms.
She pursed her lips gently and leant up to kiss him once. "I can't move in with you…"
"But you said—"
"… here," she finished, giving him a pointed look. Confusion wrinkled his brow. "If you're asking me to move in with you in this house, then I'm going to say no."
"Don't you like it?"
Lily let out a shuddered breath as she took in the interior of what seemed like a dining room. "It's beautiful. I love it, James."
"Then why are you being ridiculous and saying you won't move in with me?"
"Because this is too big!" She looked at him with an incredulous smile. "It's just the two of us, James, we don't need this. I don't want to feel alone in my own house when you're not home. I don't want house elves running after me. I don't want to feel lost."
Wool rippled gently under her fingers as she picked at his jumper, distracting her gaze from his own. A moment of silence passed between them, long and tense. James' breath moved against Lily's hair, sending shivers across her skin.
"Okay," he said finally, pressing his lips to her hair and taking in a deep breath. "Okay."
Lily nodded carefully now, leaning her forehead into his chest. "I just want to be with you. I don't need a big house. I'd live in a cardboard box in the gutter if you came home to it every night."
James let out a laugh. "Yeah, we're not living in a cardboard box. I do have a cottage though – it belonged to my parents. It's in Godric's Hollow." He leant back from her, and moved his fingers to cup her chin. "Two bedrooms, one bathroom and a rickety old kitchen."
To Lily, that sounded absolutely perfect.
"Okay," she smiled, brushing her nose against his. "Godric's Hollow it is."
The Yes.
Snow assaulted the streets of Godric's Hollow, hiding the village in a thick blanket of white. It was Christmas Eve, and the only reason that most of the residents were not holed up in their homes was because they were cosily tucked inside the warm walls of the Church.
Lily hurried towards her front door, her keys jingling in her numb fingers. Before she could unlock it, the door swung open itself to reveal a rather surprising sight. James stood in the door way, an apron tied haphazardly around his neck and flour stuck in his unruly hair.
Blinking at him, Lily let out a slight laugh, "What happened to you?"
"You're home!" he grinned jovially, ushering her inside and shutting the door against the freezing cold. "I cooked us Christmas dinner!"
Incredulity swept across Lily's face. Cooking and James were not compatible match, unless it involved bread and butter, and nothing else. The one time Lily had ever asked James to cook, they lost three cupboards in their kitchen.
"Uh, have you?" she asked warily, careful not to sound too surprised. If there was anything that would send James into a grumpy mood over Christmas, it would be a blow to his ego. She sniffed the air cautiously. There was a slight odour of overcooked meat but definitely not fire.
James grinned at her excitedly. "Yes, yes, come eat it before it gets cold!"
Curiosity drew Lily to wonder what had gotten James so excited, but Christmas always brought out the three year old in her boyfriend. Not to mention, this would be the first one they spent alone together.
When Lily stepped into the dining room, the small mahogany donned two plates of what Lily assumed was roast beef. It looked a little charred, but overall edible. Candles lined the middle of the table, and between the plates sat a Christmas cracker.
Lily picked it up with a grin. "You weren't supposed to get these out until tomorrow."
"I couldn't help myself," he replied, though his returning grin was a little shaky. Against his thighs, James tapped his fingers in an almost nervous fashion before quickly pulling Lily's seat out. "May I take your coat?"
His fingers continued to tremble as he helped Lily shrug out of her coat, causing her to frown a little. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he replied. He hung up her coat quickly and gestured towards the plate. "You better sit and eat. It'll be cold now."
She dropped into the seat, playing with the Christmas cracker between her fingers. As soon as James returned to the table, she held it out to him.
"Now?" he asked, his voice jumping an octave. "Are you sure you don't want to eat first?"
Lily shook her head with a smile. "Just pull it."
Shakily, he curved his hand around the end of the cracker and pulled. It popped loudly, causing James to let out a slight yelp and Lily to giggle. The bigger half sat in Lily's hand.
"I won," she mused, giving him a look. "Did you let me win?"
James stared at her, panic and anxiety flashing in his eyes. He shook his head gently. "Read the joke."
The joke? Lily raised an eyebrow slightly before rummaging in the small, cardboard tube. After removing the bright orange paper hat and a cheap, plastic spinning top, she found the small piece of paper.
Her eyes scanned it for the joke, but they only found a single word: Yes. She frowned, flipping over the paper only to find a blank side. That was the joke? Yes?
"James, it only says—"
Turning to her boyfriend's seat, she found it empty. Instead, James was on the floor in a crouch that sent Lily's heart in a flurry of beats. Beside her, he bent on one knee and held a single hand up towards her. In that hand sat the most delicate, most intricate and most beautiful ring Lily had ever seen.
Lily had recently had various theories about how James would propose. She knew it was coming; Sirius had a bigger mouth than the whole Seventh Year female cohort together. Only she hadn't imagined it to be like this. She had been preparing herself for a painfully large and public affair featuring all their friends and family – that was the way James worked, wasn't it? But no; this was different. This was small and quiet, and perfectly intimate. He'd cooked for her! He hated cooking.
James swallowed hard. "I know we've only been living together a month, and I know it's not a good time with the war… But that's the whole thing, isn't it? I don't know how much time we have left, but what I do know is that I want to spend every last moment of it with you, as your husband. So…" He drew in another deep breath, and sent her smile. "… Will you marry me, Lils?"
There wasn't a single thought of hesitation in Lily's mind. "I'm guessing this is the punchline?" she breathed, smiling down at him. Taking the piece of paper, she pressed her lips against it and handed it to him. "Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely bloody yes!"
He stared up at her with wide-eyes. "You're not saying 'no' this time?"
"No, you idiot!" She grabbed his sweater over his chest and tugged him towards her, her beaming smile almost splitting her face in half. "I'm saying yes. I'm going to marry you and there's nothing you can do to make me say 'no'. Okay?"
He simply pressed his lips firmly to hers, savouring the taste, the smell, the feel of her against him. Her arms wound tightly around his neck, clinging to him, and like that they stayed. James didn't know how long they had kissed; he'd lost himself in her, and she in him. When he did finally pull his lips from hers, he whispered one word.
"Okay."