Hello readers! I decided that last week's episode of White Collar didn't give me nearly enough of the emotional stuff (though what was there was great!), so I wrote this. Hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer-I don't own White Collar-I just play with the characters from time to time :D
Some spoilers to Gloves Off.
Somehow, Neal managed not to slam his door upon entering his apartment. Instead, he leaned against it. How could Peter do this to him? Neal didn't know what he was angrier over—the fact that Peter's search for Sam sent the former cop into hiding just in time to avoid being killed or the fact that Peter still didn't trust him. The latter caused anger and despair to well in the consultant's chest. Tears sprung into his eyes, and his throat constricted. How many times has he told Peter that he trusted him? And recently he told Peter that his trust was too important to jeopardize!
Neal brought his hands up to his face and let out a long, shuddering breath in attempt to keep the tears at bay. He had to get these emotions under control. Neal took a number of deep breaths. In…out…in…out…in…out…in…out. With each breath, he managed to overcome his emotions and buried them deep behind a thick wall.
After getting control of himself, Neal went over to his wardrobe and picked out a change of clothes before he headed to the bathroom to shower. Slowly, he peeled off his sweats—a few places Peter got him were sore already—and jumped into the steady stream of hot water. The heat from the water was so comforting as he cleaned up, Neal wasn't sure he wanted to get out. But then the thought of what he said to Peter about being done personally popped into his head. Why did he say that? Neal knew why he said it, but Moz was right. Peter is his second best friend…what would he do without the FBI agent?
Before he could wallow in those thoughts much longer, Neal turned off the shower and got out. He busied himself with pulling on his blue jeans and green button-up t-shirt and mildly attending to his hair. Neal just walked back out into his apartment when there was a knock on the door. He was in two minds about answering it. It could've been Peter, and he didn't want to talk to Peter right now, but then again it could be June, and Neal didn't want to be rude.
"Comin'!" he called.
When he opened the door, Neal was slightly surprised to see Elizabeth on the other side. Immediately, his suspicion flared in regard to why she was there.
"Elizabeth," Neal greeted with a hostile edge. He didn't move welcome her in.
She didn't miss the anger in her friend's voice when he said her name. "Neal," Elizabeth said with as much empathy in her voice as she could fit in.
Neal still refused to move away from the door. "Did Peter send you?" he asked accusingly.
The FBI agent's wife gently shook her head. "He called and told me what happened, but I came of my own accord," she answered truthfully.
The anger and despair from earlier tightened Neal's chest. "Why?" he asked thickly.
Elizabeth could see Neal fighting for control, but she was able to catch a glimpse of the anger, despair, and even betrayal that were flitting about her friend's features. "Because, Neal, you need someone to talk to," she answered caringly.
"Are you going to tell Peter?" he asked through clenched teeth.
Elizabeth took a breath. "Only to help him understand where you're coming from," she answered gently.
Neal stood silently in the doorway for a moment while he contemplated letting his former-second best friend's wife in. He could easily turn her away, say that there's nothing she could do for him, but that would be a lie. He'd be a fool to turn her away, for Elizabeth was one of the few people who welcomed him openly into her life without worrying about his past. He also remembered her comment from the other day about Peter being hard to talk to.
Hesitantly, Neal stepped back and opened the door wider to let Elizabeth in. A warm smile spread over her features as she walked into Neal's apartment.
"Would you like some wine?" Neal offered with a slight smile on his face.
Elizabeth returned the smile and nodded. "That would be lovely," she said as she figured Neal needed a bit of a distraction.
The consultant studied his wine collection while Elizabeth retrieved the stemware. He finally settled on a Lafite.
"Say when," Neal said as he began to pour the expensive wine.
Elizabeth grinned as she heard Neal start sounding more like himself. On second thought, she decided that could be a bad thing.
"When," she said when the glass was half full.
Neal stopped pouring and proceeded to fill his own glass. Once he set the bottle down, the two took opposite seats across the width of the table.
Elizabeth sipped her Lafite. Her eyebrows rose in approval. "That's very good."
A half smile made its way across Neal's face for a moment. "I'm actually surprised there was a bottle left. Moz tends to down it pretty fast."
Knowing that she needed to get Neal to talk about what happened between him and Peter, Elizabeth decided to bring up her husband's opinion on wine. "I wonder if Peter would like it," she said thoughtfully before taking another sip.
Neal gave a short, hallow laugh. "Peter would probably rush you to the hospital if he knew you were drinking my wine because he'd think I tampered with it," he replied darkly as he stared at the table.
Elizabeth frowned at his idea about how her husband would react. "Neal, the bottle was new."
"Wouldn't stop him from suspecting anything," he countered quietly.
Neal looked up and met Elizabeth's gaze. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the raw emotion in her friend's eyes. Despair and betrayal fought for dominance, but anger topped them both.
"He doesn't trust me," Neal choked out. "He thought I showed Sam the tape, and because he thought I did, he ran Sam's name. Sam found out and had to run…before his place was ran-sacked…by whoever probably killed Ellen." Neal's voice rose as he spoke, but broke when he mentioned his deceased friend.
Elizabeth started to move to comfort him, but Neal jumped up from his chair and stood in front of the French doors that lead out to the balcony and placed his head in his hands. Anger might've won out before, but it was despair's turn to overtake her friend. Elizabeth could see the tension in Neal's shoulders as they started to shake. She rose from her chair and made her way to stand next to him. Neal's shoulders started to shake harder as he lost control, and he half wished Elizabeth would leave so he could break down in peace. Instead, she reached up and gently took Neal's hands away from his face. Elizabeth gazed into his eyes for a moment—taking in her friend's grief—and then tenderly eased his head down to her shoulder and held him. Neal hesitated a moment before he brought his arms around Elizabeth and let himself be comforted. As soon as she felt Neal's hands clasp behind her, Elizabeth led them in a peaceful sway to sooth her friend.
They stayed that way long enough that they both lost track of the time. All the while, Neal silently let his tears fall—his hitching breath was the only clue Elizabeth had that he was crying. She softly shushed her friend and rubbed comforting circles on his back to try to bring the peace that was expertly evading him. Even once his tears dried, Neal didn't want to move out of the embrace.
"Honey, I'm sorry," Elizabeth said once she felt Neal's breathing return to normal. "This is my fault."
Neal pulled out of the embrace and looked at her with questioning blood-shot eyes. "What do you mean?"
Elizabeth paused a moment before she spoke. "When I stopped by the other day, I saw the second glass of ice water in your sink and got a little suspicious," she explained slowly. "And the way you behaved didn't exactly put an end to any thoughts I had."
Neal visibly tensed as he recalled her visit. Elizabeth looked at her friend apologetically. "You didn't leave right away, did you?" he asked sans malice in his tone.
Elizabeth shook her head. "I waited outside until Sam came out and sent a picture to Peter."
Neal shook his head and laughed hollowly as he glanced back out the balcony doors. "Peter's comments make sense now," he said to himself.
Elizabeth frowned in confusion. "What comments?"
Neal's gaze moved back over toward her. "While we were undercover, Peter said no one could keep secrets from him, and that the FBI had an unparalleled reach."
Elizabeth's frowned deepened as she still didn't know what Neal was getting at. "I'm not sure I understand."
Neal looked back out the doors, taking in the view of the New York City skyline. "Peter said that to the mark, but he was directing the comments towards me…because you're his unparalleled reach."
Elizabeth nodded in understanding. Silence soon enveloped the consultant and FBI agent's wife. Elizabeth thought about how Peter thought Neal broke their agreement about keeping the tape a secret. Then she recalled again Neal's strange behavior when she tried to talk about the tape those couple days back, and how Neal said he hadn't showed Sam the tape.
"Neal," she said to draw his attention back towards her. Neal turned his head and met her gaze. "When I stopped by, and you didn't want to talk about the tape, where was Sam?"
Neal's eyes fell to the floor. The one thing he hated about talking to Elizabeth was that she could get almost anything out of him. Neal wouldn't be surprised if it made Peter jealous the way his wife could get information out of the consultant that he couldn't. Maybe it was because Neal still felt a tad guilty over the Keller incident or maybe it was her caring manor that he definitely didn't get from Peter.
"He was behind the door," he answered after a moment, motioning towards the door to the left of the refrigerator while still studying the floor.
"And you displayed uncharacteristic behavior so he wouldn't find out about the tape?"
Neal looked up at Elizabeth and gave her a sad half smile. She noticed frustration work its way back into her friend's eyes. "A lot of good that did me. Peter ran Sam's name."
Elizabeth couldn't help the loyalty for her husband that flared behind her eyes. Neal shifted his stance to a more guarded one when he caught the fire in Peter's wife's eyes. Elizabeth caught his movement and softened her expression. Neal relaxed.
"Peter worries about you, Neal," Elizabeth finally said.
Neal resisted the urge to laugh again for fear of what the woman in front of him might do. "He has a funny way of showing it. Feels more like an invasion of my private life."
Elizabeth fought the urge to smile because even though it was very true Peter had trouble dealing with emotions, it was clear that Neal was upset by the way he expressed his concern. Elizabeth tilted her head to the side in thought and narrowed her eyes. "You two never really talk about each others' concerns, do you?" she asked critically.
Neal's silence paired with the guilty look in his eyes confirmed her suspicions. "Why not, Neal? Why don't you talk to him?" she asked gently instead of criticizing him.
Neal shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. He turned his gaze back to the view out the balcony doors. The sun light made the glass of the Chrysler Building sparkle brightly against the clear blue sky.
Elizabeth studied her friend. His posture was slacked, almost in defeat, and his gaze out the windows seemed lost. While she was aware Neal was a master of manipulation, Elizabeth knew he was being completely genuine. Neal didn't really know why he had a hard time talking with Peter.
Elizabeth moved closer to him again. "Neal," she said softly as she placed a hand on his forearm to draw his attention back to her. "Do you trust Peter?"
Neal gave her an incredulous look. She countered with a tilt of her head.
"Yes, I trust Peter," he answered. "I told him before he gave me the drive with the information on Ellen that his trust was too important to risk anymore."
Elizabeth remembered that night, and Peter's fear that Neal had conned him into giving up the drive. Based on this conversation she was having with her husband's partner, Elizabeth decided she was going to talk to Peter about jumping to conclusions.
"So why don't you talk to Peter?" she asked again.
Neal shook his head. "I don't know…maybe I feel that if I do, I have to choose between loyalties," he answered thickly. "I kept my search for Kate quiet because Peter wanted me to forget about her when I couldn't." Neal paused and shut his eyes as he remembered how his search for Kate ended. He could still feel the heat on his skin from the fireball that engulfed the plane. It still tore at his heart to think of the day he lost the love of his life, though it was a tolerable dull pain rather than an unbearable bone-deep pain. Neal opened his eyes and swallowed thickly before he continued in a shaky voice. "This past year with the deal about the treasure…I had to choose between Moz and Peter—and believe me, Elizabeth, I dragged my feet as much as I could on that one because I didn't want to choose," he told her.
Elizabeth's heart wrenched when she saw the tears gathering in her friend's crystal blue orbs. She was finally beginning to understand Neal's position. "And then because Sam didn't want to involve the FBI, and Peter wouldn't do anything off book, you felt you had to choose between them. You keep getting caught in these lose-lose situations," Elizabeth finished.
"Yeah, I guess that's an accurate way to describe it," Neal agreed soberly.
"But, in two out of the three situations, you didn't choose Peter," she pointed out.
Neal nodded in consent. "It's hard to go to Peter when he doesn't seem to understand how much some things mean to me."
"He might understand better if you explained it to him," Elizabeth commented.
Neal's eyes went wide in disbelief. "If I try to tell Peter about something that means a lot to me, it'll be a miracle if he doesn't try to figure out if it's connected to a crime first."
Elizabeth gave Neal a sympathetic look. "You should give him a chance."
"You said yourself Peter's hard to talk to," Neal countered.
"That doesn't mean you shouldn't try," she thwarted.
"Touché," Neal conceded with a small smile, and Elizabeth smiled along with him. "Thank you for stopping bye, Elizabeth," he said after a moment.
The FBI agent's wife picked up the hint and gave her husband's partner a warm smile. "You're welcome Neal."
Elizabeth moved toward him for a final hug, and Neal accepted it whole-heartedly.
"Now," Elizabeth started as they pulled apart. "If you don't feel comfortable talking to Peter about something, you come to me alright?" she told him seriously as she looked directly into his eyes.
Neal smiled in appreciation. "I'll do my best to remember," he answered honestly.
Elizabeth smiled but narrowed her eyes in mock disbelief. "You better," she said as she turned to walk towards the door.
"Elizabeth," Neal called out when she was almost out the door.
She turned around and looked at her favorite consultant. She raised her eyebrows in questioning as she waited for him to speak.
"Thank you," he said gratefully.
Elizabeth smiled. "You're welcome, Neal."
Have a wonderful day! And if you could just leave a review! I mean, it's right there :)
Blessings!
~Fierce Queen