Desperate
When the sun faded away far away on the horizon and the silence and darkness of the night slowly took control over the world, he could be seen on the balcony of his little apartment, standing on the railing, looking into the distance.
You´re reachin´out
And no one hears
you cry
His face still emotionless, his fingers dug into the wooden railing, as he thought about his comrades and how they had spent the day. It was hilarious. They used to be killers. They used to spend their hole live working for the Government and now they were all the time out, laughing, having fun. Enjoying their pitiful little lives.
You´re freakin´out again
Cause all your fears
remind you
He really wanted to join them. But he couldn't. Wasn't it weakness to let his guard down even once? Wasn't it dangerous to show that much of himself in front of the others? Couldn't anyone of them - especially Jyabura - hurt him, if they get that much knowledge of him?
After all they had done for him, he couldn't trust them enough to join them and laugh with them. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't even know why.
Another dream, has come undone
You feel so small and lost
Like you´re the only one
You wanna scream
Cause you´re desperate
He looked up to the sky. Someone up there had to hate him. Once in a long time he had almost felt happy, eventually driving home after five years on a successful mission, leaving the ones who'd thought of him as a friend for the hole time badly hurt behind him. Now he was able to act as himself again.
But then this pirates had turned up, destroying everything he had lived for.
You want somebody just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
Sure, he had felt alone all the time he had lived, but he had became used to that. He may have a pet pigeon but he didn't need anyone in his life. He could care of his welfare by his own good enough.
You want a reason
To keep believin´
That someday
You´re gonna see the light
He quietly sighed without making a sound. The last two days had shown him that he couldn't. Without the help of the others he wouldn't even be alive by now. He would have died slowly in the ruins of the once so magnificent Tower of Justice.
Realizing that two months he had been unconscious and totally helpless and was even now forced to rely on the help of his comrades, he suddenly felt very sick. If he couldn't even care for himself anymore… wasn't he worthless? The urge to become one of the strongest man in the world was the only thing which had made him wanted to live after all what had happened when he was young. And once he became strong, he had wanted to become even stronger. It was the knowledge of his own strength that had calmed him down every time. But now that he was weak, what was he worth anymore?
It´s 3a.m.
There´s no one left
to call
And sleep´s your only friend
But even sleep
can´t hide you
From all those tears
And all the pain
And all those years you wasted
Pushing them away
You´re goin´down
It´s time you face it
If he looked back on his life now, he didn't know how he should feel. For twenty years he had lived for the Government alone, risked his life again every day for their sake. And now they left him and the rest of their secret killers for dead, because… because they had lost the battle against the pirates.
Not knowing what to do with his life anymore, he felt somehow hopeless. But had he ever felt hope in his life? If it was so, he didn't remember.
You want somebody just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason
To keep believin´
That someday
You´re gonna see the light
While thinking of the day, he suddenly felt alone. The others came along with each other so well, having fun and laughing all the day. He had sat next to them and only had watched. Sure, they had ask him to join them. He had always thought 'yes' but said 'no'. After a while they had shrugged and had let him be.
Cause you´re desperate desperate
You´re desperate now
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched lightly while scolding himself for not noticing the entry of the one who had his hand on him now. He didn't need to turn his head to know who was disturbing him.
"Lucci." He heard Kaku's voice. "Is something wrong with you?"
"No. What do you want?" His voice sounded more annoyed then he wanted it to.
You think that things
Are gonna change
Then you´re back to be feelin´strange
What´s it take to
Make you feel alive
"Nothing. I was just checking if you are all right. But if I am disturbing you that much, I can go…" Kaku turned away to leave.
"As I'd care whether you are here or not." Lucci turned to face the sky again.
Kaku smiled, for he knew just to well that even the oh so mighty Lucci sometime felt lonely but was way to stubborn to gave in and say it and that what he just said was his vision of 'please, stay'. So he took his place on Lucci's side once again.
They stood shoulder near shoulder and watched the sun going down, both in their own world but enjoying the presence of the other one.
You want somebody just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason
To keep believin´
That someday
You´re gonna see the light
You want somebody just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason
To keep believin´
That someday
You´re gonna see the light
Cause you´re desperate desperate
So desperate tonight