"How I feel?" Those three words circled around my head. Ever since that day. Ever since that day Mio asked me. "I don't know," was what I replied. Maybe I was stalling for time- it is an embarrassing question but even now I couldn't answer it. "How do I feel?" I rolled over in my bed and glanced at the time. "I better get some sleep."
Azu-nyan!
Yui-sempai, you need to stop hugging me. And everyone's staring. You're about to graduate soon and go to university.
But how am I supposed to start the day without my Azu-nyan energy?
You're supposed to be mature by now.
Eh? Azu-nyan's growing up. Then I'll let you take care of me.
Sempai's are supposed to take care of their kohai's!
"Ow." A view of the floor greeted me when I woke up. I probably fell out of bed and my back was aching. Morning had come too quickly. I enjoyed my sleep. It was during these moments of bliss where I was away from the world. But now that I'm back here, I guess, I should get ready for school. As I got up, I saw a picture on hung up on my wall. There was that strange feeling in my heart again, that feeling I had never felt before last week. Maybe I should take that picture of Yui down?
Hello Azusa-chan. Good afternoon.
Mugi-sempai, good afternoon. Ritsu-sempai, Mio-sempai, good afternoon. Where's Yui sempai?
Oh, haven't you heard?
Well of course, Azusa isn't part of our class.
What happened?
Yui's fallen under a curse and is now haunt- Ow!
Baka-Ritsu. She caught a fever after lunch so she had to go home early.
Oh, okay. Are we going to get some practice?
What? We can't practice without our lead guitarist. And I still haven't had tea yet.
Everything's still the same even without Yui-sempai…
"Good morning, Ui-chan. Jun-chan."
"Yo Azusa. Your eyes are really baggy. You need to get more sleep." I shrugged my shoulders in response. From the look of Ui's tired face, Yui hadn't improved. That same peaceful sleep since last week. It would be nice to visit her dreams. It would probably be full of sweets and cakes, with rivers of Mugi's tea. Maybe Afterschool Tea Time were there with her. Maybe I would be there- a version of me not scolding her about practice. A version where I would hug her back and eat sweets and drink tea. Maybe…
Jun snapped her fingers. "Earth to Azusa? No answer… Well, I'll just take your bento."
"Huh?" Somehow it was lunch time. I must have dazed through the entire morning again. I slouched over and yawned.
"Geez, you need to get with it. Both of you." I glanced over and Ui was as out-of-it as I was. Yeah, Yui is Ui's sister, not mine. I have no right to be this upset. But still…
"Hey, where's my lunch?" I asked.
Yui-sempai isn't in today either?
Yeah, though Ui-chan said her fever has gone down. I hope Yui-chan is okay.
Practice is going to be hard without Yui-sempai.
We'll just have to wait for her.
In the meantime, let's have tea and sweets.
Geez Ritsu-sempai, you just don't want to practice.
"Here we are." Sakuragaoka hospital. We all walked in together. We were almost a band again if Ui was Yui. She would say something goofy with her happy grin of hers. Ritsu would then join in whilst Mio and I would scold them. Mugi would be there, enjoying our life together. Like a family. I guess our family is a little broken at the moment without Yui. No-one can replace her in our band.
"She's still asleep but you're free to come in." The nurse opened the door and the five of us stepped in. As usual, Yui lay there sleeping. As still as that day. None of us said anything- it was peaceful. Yui's cute, sleeping face rested on her pillow and she was sucking her thumb. I wanted to touch her cheeks, to feel her warmth and her cry as she called my name. I guess I dozed off because visiting hours were over before I knew it. Mio was the one that quietly shook me awake and I found myself resting on Yui's chest. It had happened a few times before but I was no longer embarrassed. We all wanted Yui to be with us. I think I miss her the most. I know I wanted to stay. But what could I do? What can I do?
"I'll be back tomorrow," I whispered. "I promise."
Shall we go visit her tonight then?
Yeah, she must be really ill. She isn't answering her texts or her phone.
Well, she hasn't been in school for a few days.
Has she seen a doctor? I haven't seen Ui in a while either.
Ui hasn't been in school today. I'll call her to see if she's okay.
I'll bring some sweets for her. I've saved the strawberry shortcake she enjoys so much for her.
I don't think sweets will help her fever, Mugi-chan.
G-guys!
What's wrong Azusa-chan?
Yui's in hospital!
"What's the point?" My alarm clock was ringing but I didn't want to get up. School was just a menial chore now. As was breakfast, lunch, getting dressed… Still, the floor was uncomfortable as usual so I eventually got up. Mum and dad were out and wouldn't be back for a few days. Maybe I should visit the hospital? "What can you do?"
"Nothing," I answered myself. "Nothing."
Ui! Where's Yui-sempai?!
Azusa! This is a hospital.
S-sorry.
It's okay. She's sleeping in that bed. But…
But?
She won't wake up.
What do you mean?
She's been sleeping all this time so I called the doctor. He said it isn't safe to sleep this long since she hasn't had any food or water so we brought her to the hospital. Nothing I can do will wake her up though.
Have you tried cake?
Yes.
Then it's hopeless.
If I bring my drums and play really loudly, do you think that would wake her up?
Ritsu, do that and you'll wake the whole hospital. She'll wake up in her own time. I think we just need to be patient.
"What am I doing?" I was skipping school. What's wrong with me? I've never done that before without a valid reason. Though, stress over a… friend counts hopefully. Yui's picture stared back at me. "Jeez, you're always causing so much trouble, even when you're not here."
I think I fell asleep again since my buzzing phone jolted me awake. Ui and Jun were worried about me. I guess I'm not helping anyone by not turning up to school, especially since it had been a week since Yui fell asleep. If I fell ill as well, the band wouldn't be able to take it.
"I accidentally slept in," I texted back. Then I caught sight of the time. "Oh, it's past noon." It turned out Ui had sent several messages from morning to now. "Sorry for worrying you, I'm fine." Send.
I was making lunch when I received a text back.
"Yui's awake."
Azusa. You've been very quiet today as well.
M-Mio-sempai? I thought you already left.
You've been quiet the past few week as well. Can you tell me what's wrong?
…Nothing.
…
I know it's been hard on you. It's been too quiet without Yui.
…Yeah…
I miss her too. We don't even know what's wrong with her.
…
Can I tell you something?
…Sure.
I've known Ritsu for a long time. We're childhood friends. But she's really annoying and plays too many pranks. She knows I'm shy and tries to put as much attention onto me as she can. She knows I'm scared of a few things-
(A few things?)
-and purposefully brings it up all the time. She hides my stuff, puts on scary movies, brings back too many bad memories and she's involved with all of them.
You… look quite angry at the moment.
Ritsu is the source of all my fears. But one day she was involved in a car accident.
What! When was this?
It was a few years ago. She fell into a coma and I think I was scared. Her parents and my family went to visit her everyday.
…
But then I was free. Free of all her torment. No more pranks. No more whining about helping her with homework. No more random alarm clocks sounding at midnight with scary ghoul noises that would stop me from sleeping for several days on end until my mommy would hug me and stroke my hair and tell me it's all right.
I don't think it's healthy to harbour so many grudges.
Oh, I just hit her over the head to relieve stress. But… school became quiet and so did my house. Nothing ever went on in my street anymore and life got pretty dull. I had no-one to play my bass with, even if she is noisy. In the end, I missed her. So, when she woke up, I told her everything. I never want her to change. I told her how I feel.
That's a really cheesy story, even right up to the end.
Hey! That's a secret. Don't tell anyone! Besides, you missed the point of the story. How do you feel about Yui?
…Eh?
How do you feel? About Yui?
I… How I feel about… Yui? I… don't know.
"Yui's awake." Before I knew it, I was running out the house towards the hospital. I don't know why but my feet were carrying me away. I passed some surprised faces on the way but I couldn't stop. Yui may fall asleep again and I won't be able to tell her what I need to. I won't be able to tell her everything. "Please, wait for me." I was glad the hospital was so close to my house and, as I skirted round the corner, the tall building appeared in my view.
The automatic doors didn't open fast enough and I went head first into them. I quickly picked myself up though and headed for the stairs. Up two floors and fourth door on the right. I almost knocked over a surprised nurse but I didn't care.
"Yui-sempai!"
"A-Azu-nyan?" She sat up in her bed looking dozy. Her hair was a bit of a mess and idiot hair sprung out all over the place. Her hair clips were in place, holding several bangs of hair out of her eyes yet there was always one down the centre of her head.
"Yui-sempai… *pant* Please listen to… what I have to say."
"Azu-nyan, you're out of breath. And you're in your pyjamas."
"Please listen. I… I have to tell you something important. I have to tell you… how I feel." My heart was beating faster now. Yui's face looked at mine with concern but I could tell she was taking this seriously. Slowly, she nodded. I sat down next to her on the bed. My breath came back yet my heart would not calm down. It hammered against my rib cage, wanting to burst free.
"H- how I feel. I- It's hard to explain. I don't quite know how I feel." What am I saying? What am I trying to say? "I guess I feel a lot of things. In the light music club, we eat lots of cake and drink lots of tea. We- we never get any practice done and you guys are always lazing about. It's so annoying. You hug me out of the blue wherever and whenever. It's really embarrassing in front of all my classmates and they keep joking about it. And you gave me a weird nickname that I will never live down.
"But I'm having fun. Lots of fun. I'm happy.
"And you're here. When I first joined this club, I took music too seriously. But you taught me music is supposed to be enjoyed. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me.
"But… But…"
"Don't cry, Azu-…sa." Yui reached out to me and wiped the tears from my eyes.
"No… I want you to keep calling me by my nickname. You gave it to me, remember? But you're leaving soon. You're graduating. Soon, I won't be able to see you every day. I won't get your warm hugs in the morning. That warm, fuzzy feeling when I hear you call my name."
"Azu-nyan…"
The tears wouldn't stop. I looked up and saw Yui's concerned face for me.
She noticed the graze on my forehead. "Azu-nyan, you're hurt." I couldn't respond between my sobs as she patted me on the head. She pulled out a bandage, one of the ones with funny animals on it. Her hand gently smoothed it over my head.
"I'm sorry, Azu-nyan, for making you worry so much for me. I've been a bad sempai. I've never taught you guitar and I've been selfish with you, never considering your feelings. Instead, you've been a better, reliable sempai. You always looked out for all of us and did what was best. I wish I could have been the guitar player you looked up to."
"I wouldn't ask for anyone else, Yui-sempai. I look up to you all the time. When you play, you give it your all. You put your heart and soul into your music and that's why…"
"…Azu-nyan?"
I wrapped my arms around her and she stopped talking. For the first time, in the two years we've spent together, I hugged her. She was warm. Fuzzy and warm.
"Don't change. You don't have to change… Don't let me go." Tears welled up again and my vision went a fuzzy. My heart started beating faster and I stumbled on my words. But…
"I love you."
Her arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to her. I rested my head on her shoulder, and hers on mine.
"I love you too."
A soft kind of silence had enveloped us. We spent a long time in each other's arms and my mind started to wander. "I just confessed to Yui-sempai." Was this how I really felt? Maybe I was swept along in the moment and said too much. I have read a lot of shoujou manga recently, instead of doing school work. Maybe I can take my love back, though I imagine it won't be taken very well. I looked over but when I saw Yui's face I bit my lip. I don't think I'm wrong with my feelings. Maybe…
"Yui-sempai…" Our eyes connected. For a moment, I thought about leaning in. My eyes glanced at her lips for a brief moment and my mind flickered back to the shoujou managa that I read. Normally after confession scenes, there would be a… There would be a-
"Bah- I can't take it anymore!" We both jumped as Ritsu, Mugi, Mio and Ui fell into the room.
"Ritsu-sempai?!"
"When are you two love-birds going to kiss?"
"K-k-k-"
*WHAM* I paused for a moment and looked at Mio's shocked face before realising it wasn't her. We were all surprised that Mugi just hit Ritsu, including Mugi.
"Did you just knock out Ritsu-sempai?"
Mio shook her head. "She's fine. She's a bit dense."
"O-ow…" There was quite a lump on the drummer's head. I made a quick mental note not to get between Mugi and her yuri. Wait, was I about to be part of that collection?
"Since when did you get here?" I asked.
"Ahem." Ritsu coughed into her hand, a sign just before her impersonation. "Yui-sempai… *pant* Please listen to… what I have to say". Ritsu got extra points for mimicking my breathing pattern.
"Azu-nyan, you're out of breath. And you're in your pyjamas.
"Please listen. I… I have to tell you something important. I have to tell you… how I feel."
I would have been impressed if I wasn't flushing red and shouting at her. "That was since the beginning!"
"Yeah, but who would interrupt after that entrance?" The nurse that I had almost bowled over stood at the doorway and peered in. She probably didn't want to ruin the moment and stopped Ritsu and the others from barging in earlier.
I gave up. At least I wouldn't have to explain anything to the others about my… interest? My other school friends would be a different story though. I looked at Ui and she smiled back at me. She seemed happy enough- maybe she already knew?
"Onee-chan, you're awake."
"Ui~" I was quickly dropped as the two sisters clung to each other like lost lovers.
I sighed. "So, what was wrong with Yui in the end?" Everyone stared at the guitarist in the middle. She seemed completely fine.
"Maybe she was hibernating," Ritsu suggested.
"It's Summer," Mio replied.
"Then we've discovered a new species of human sloth."
"Then what kind are you?"
"That's mean, Mio~chan."
Ui cut in. "According to the doctors, there was nothing wrong with Yui. She just caught a fever last week and slept a lot."
"Oh!" shouted Yui. "I caught a fever because forgot where my blazer was at school."
I recalled that day. "You left it in my homeroom. You came in the morning just to hug me. I don't even know how you could leave your blazer there."
"Er, I was thinking about what you said that day…"
"What I said that day?" That day… I told her to stop hugging me. And that she was going soon.
"And then when I got home I started thinking about what you said. And I kept thinking and thinking until I dozed off.
"And now I'm here!"
"…"
There was not a more appropriate response except for silence. It was Ritsu that broke the moment.
"So this was all Azusa-chan's fault."
"Wh-whaat?"
"Yeah, if Azusa-chan hadn't said anything, Yui wouldn't have fallen asleep for a week."
"Wow! I was asleep for a week?"
Everyone nodded.
"Did… I miss much at school?"
Ritsu placed a hand on Yui's shoulder and put on fake tears. "I'm sorry Yui. You're not going to enjoy catching up. I'm not sure if you'll be able to make it."
She sank to her knees and mimicked some corny movie with raised hands. "Nooooooo!"
"Right, right. Let's move on." Everyone looked at Mio. "Well, the doctors want to examine Yui now that she's awake so we should let them do their job so they can let Yui go quicker." I didn't want to leave, not yet anyway, but I couldn't argue with the doctors. As everyone was leaving, Yui called out my name.
"Azu-nyan." I turned just in time as Yui's lips met mine. "I love you."
I felt myself warming up instantly. All those jumbled feelings I had, the sudden blood rush whenever I saw a picture of Yui, that feeling in my heart. Suddenly, they were all resolved with one kiss. "I love you too." I guess that answers my question. How I feel.
The doctor's came in then and I was ushered out. My face must have still been red after the kiss because Mugi noticed it instantly. And when she asked me about it, all I could do was mumble.
"Is it that obvious?"
*WHAM* I watched as Mugi took it out on Ritsu. I guess it was Ritsu's fault she missed the scene but still- then again better her than me.
"Is she dead?" I asked.
"It's a good thing we're in a hospital."
/*Author's notes
- Title is inspired by 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. Only those three words though- I couldn't remember the rest of the song.
- Also, random advertising my own work, I'll be attempting Nanowrimo. K-On! Armlet of Ridiculousness and Randomness! It begins tomorrow- WOO!
- I am never going to bother with 'Shift + Enter for single line breaks' due to massive amounts of effort of editing them in at the end. Look at how much speech there is! *RAGE* And I know I missed one. Just above "..." (the last one). Still, my only concern is if it looks like a massive wall of text which may happen in lots of prose meets lots of prose meets...
- Did anyone notice how each scene began with speech? Hopefully I was consistent with everything. But nanowrimo awaits me.
- I think I messed up the ending. I may have dragged it out too much and put in too many bad jokes/terrible attempts at humour or crack. Especially since it was after the initial serious part of this fiction.
- I purposefully wanted to story to feel obscure in what's happening at the beginning but things became clearer as things went along.
- Whilst this is a one shot (for now) my beliefs in how one loves another is best explained in song- specifically 'You Grew on me' by Tim Minchin. If this wasn't a one shot then expect more character development and blossoming love before the confession or realisation scene.
- And please review. How did YOU feel when you read this? Please feel free to write essays, include constructive criticism or just squee. (If you squee, I'm doing my job right.)
- Oh yeah, there will be an alternate ending to be posted at some point. Hopefully soon. And hopefully when I have a lot of fans.
*/