Torn in two
(A boy who feels the stab of pain from the loss of his twin)
I suffer the excruciating pain and agony
of a shattered heart;
a hole eating away at me
threatening to corrode my
every being, till I cease
to emerge from the misery and dismal
place that became my soul.
It feels like I have been ripped
from my limbs -
pulled apart, pulled in two,
scattered into a million tiny pieces
like a jigsaw no one can fix.
The absence of him is everywhere I look,
every thought I have
triggers a memory we shared -
one that can never be relived.
My once stable mind
confusing the real
for unreal,
I stumble over what is memory,
what is present and what never was.
What is in my pained, lonely mind?
It's like reaching for a hand
you can never again hold,
like opening to the embrace
of nothing but the air -
Curled, huddled, cradled by those
who wish to help,
but fall short at every turn.
I don't want the world to see me,
I don't want the world to help.
I want the world to grieve
for this loss;
is greater than any other.
A true hero
he must be,
to not be brought down
by those who envy,
who are spiteful.
For those who were weak
and followed the strong, bold
Good memories bring waterfalls,
bad memories bring tornadoes.
Any memory brings suffering.
The buildings around me collapse,
the whispers invade my thoughts.
Closed eyes means nightmares;
but to be open only promises
a world of anguish, revenge, hatred.
I feel no need,
for the existence of me
does benefit no one.
It entails discomfort,
enclosure, envelopment
I look to the sky;
I talk like he is next to me,
telling me to be strong,
that he is in a better place now.
But this does not stop the nightmares -
the never ending nightmares.
Nights with no sleep,
days that last a lifetime.
I fear that humanity will deem me weak,
but my greatest fear;
is to forget I have suffered this loss.
To act like I never had him by my side.
He was my everything ,
he always will be my everything-
And I will never forget.
Is this what it feels like, to really cry…?