Darkdreams: Yes, I know it's slightly morbid and sad and very wishy-washy...but it's just the way it came out. And it's my first ever posted Gundam Wing fic, with not even my favourite pairing, but hey, whatever my muse commands! I don't like to make him angry...

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When did I realize? When did I finally conclude that I loved him?

Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier. My perfect guy...

But he wasn't so perfect towards me.

During the war I had hinted to him of my affections, but nothing serious. I didn't want him to push me away because we were in the middle of a war, where a relationship could be a dangerous liability to many missions.

It didn't really matter, he didn't get it anyways.

Did he ever get it really?

I suppose he did, only not with me.

Even after the war ended, I was silent. He needed space, needed to figure out who he was and what he stood for. It sounds so clichéd and faded to me, now.

For a while we roomed together, and partnered at the Preventers Headquarters. Being so close to him then, I decided to tell him. We were friends, close companions, although not to say we were best friends. But close enough that I knew him inside and out. And I needed to tell him, I needed it so badly.

And so I did. He didn't pull a gun on me; he didn't mutter 'Omae o koruso'. He looked confused.

"I never knew," he said. Simply, 'I never knew.'

I kissed him then, desperate to evoke some sort of reaction from him, but he didn't kiss me back. I knew he didn't love me too. I knew he never could.

"I'm sorry," he said as he left the apartment. I fell asleep on the couch, and when I awoke...all his things were gone. He had disappeared. I called his phone. Again and again. I called Relena, to see if she could find him. I called everybody, but mostly I called Heero. Finally, days later, he picked up his cell, and I made him explain.

He was with another. Another one of us five! Living with him, sleeping with him, sharing his thoughts with him...and not me. Never me.

How could I not have noticed? He said it had started during the war.

When I had thought to give him his space...

Now I sit in my bathroom, at the edge of the tub. I remember when Heero and I got this place, the first thing we did was get a new tub. Of course, we hadn't realized that taking out the old one and putting in a new one would be such a pain, but we managed. It's white, porcelain white. The water in it is warm. Inviting.

But the razor in my hand is cold.

One slice down each wrist, that's all it would take. That beautiful, thin red line of crimson that I have come to love. They are my friends now, helping me leak out all my pain. My pain has stained many of my white shirts; it doesn't like to come out even with bleach. Just like it doesn't like to come out and leave me. But I make it.

I step into the water, fully clothed.

Goodbye Heero, my love...

The blade glides vertically down my arm. Twice, once on each wrist. The water begins to turn red, even as my head starts to feel light.

I've cut deeper then I ever have before, and it's so easy too, to just let myself drift away.

How could you betray me, when you knew I loved Heero? Did you laugh at me to yourself when I told you? Did you think about me when you stole him away, Duo?

I see, I feel, blackness, dark, a loving warmth. They've never hurt me before...

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The door slams open and Heero rushes into the room. He sees the tinted red bathwater, the bloodied razor on the side, blood drops still fresh on it, and finally, the boy in the tub...he gasps, running towards him, pulling him from the filled tub, wrapping his wrists quickly in pieces of cloth. Things seem to be going very slowly. Time has stopped for him. Heero cries out to the dying boy in his arms.

"Wufei!"

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Lalala...Oh, ok it's done! Review! (You know you want to, the button's riiiiight there...)