The Writers Demand
Here I go again. I write a story I once had a inspiration for then erase it as quickly as it appeared in my sight. All I can do is get fired up for a hopeless piece of wavering script and dialogue. I've tried. Over and over fighting to be better then those I rival against. Yet I find myself sitting here again watching as their views rank up and my viewers grow tired of the same old tricks. I can hear my fingers hitting the keys and imagining a image or movie that is much different then I wish it to be. I can't help but wonder how people stand to read the things I write. Yet I go through my rivals raveling books or stories and find their writing isn't all that better. Perhaps even worse.
That's when the anger settles in like a parasite and my boiling jealousy reaches the top. I work so hard and write all I can. I try and try again only to find they are better merely because they choose a different fandom. The frustration makes the teeth that mold into the cavern known as my mouth grind against one another. I find myself trying to hit the keyboard with all my might even though I myself know I'm holding back so I can write more. Here I go again. I start to hit the keys again.
Maybe this is why I'm missing a question mark on my keyboard now. Sorta ironic.
"Sasuke I left you some food in the fridge when your done!"
Round and round again. He expects me to pull out these happy dainty stories. It's what he does. He likes Inuyasha and funny enough so does everyone else. I write what I know, which is of course my own fandom. It may be the same pairing perhaps the same plot but I certainly try. I have many more stories with more info and yet he still receives more hits. It's tears me apart as the one I love is so much better then I am. So when I turn around and see him on the laptop creating more work I flip.
"HOW COME YOUR SO MUCH BETTER THEN ME!?" He looks at me with what seemed terrified eyes. "I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS TRYING TO BECOME MY BEST AND LET THE READERS LIKE ME, YOU STARTED IN THE LAST YEAR AND ALREADY HAVE MAXIMUM HITS COMPARED TO I!"
He shifted away and shrunk into the couch as I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was done.
"I JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST! Just the best..."
I can feel myself crumbling into little bits and pieces as I slide to the floor. All of this time wasted. All of the fans I had gained, lost. Here I lay hoping someone could tell me sweet words that would make it okay. Can't you do that Naruto? Your so good after all.
"Sasuke I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you... I just wanted to be as good as you."
My eyes flash open and something registers, I'm not sure what. But something does.
"You always talked about how you needed to write your new chapters and check your stats. You sounded so cool. I just wanted to be like you. My writing still doesn't match yours. I don't know how I could have more hits. Maybe it's because my fans aren't the loyal kind like yours."
Did he really think that? Or was he just trying to make me happy. I can't tell anymore. I've been doing this too long. I'm not good enough to be a writer. Please somebody help me.
Author Note: Okay guys so I have a friend and she write inuyasha and dragon ball fanfiction and she has tons of hits and fans its not even funny. Her most reviews on a story is 82, mine is 29... It was making me seriously depressed. Because she liked to write and draw anime so I got her into the fanficton business with me and she immediately became so much better then me. I thought instead of taking out my frustration on her who did nothing wrong Id write it down in a story like a good lil horrid fanfic writer with no talent.