Author's Notes: I don't even know what the hell I was thinking; this idea came to me today and I spent a little less than two hours typing it out. Enjoy the weird pairing and the failed S&M play!

A Two-Toned World

A Gintama story

By The Wumbologist

The 1st Division Captain of the Shinsengumi was a man who liked to keep things simple. It was a philosophy that carried him through life; in fact, he applied Occam's Razor so often that it should be renamed to Okita's Razor. It was just too bad, though, that the razor was metaphorical; he could have really used one right now.

Indeed, for Sougo everything could be split into two: Life and Death, good and evil, black and white, work and play, love and hate...

S&M.

Of all the categories in his life, those were his all time favorites. Sougo always revelled in his sadist tendencies; really, he wore the title of "Do S no Okita"* with a pride that only the title of "Vice-Captain of the Shinsengumi" could beat.

"Oi, what do you think you're doing, stealing Hamada-san's title like that?" The words of the Yorozuya boss rang in his head, an annoying distraction. "Suga-san and Matsumoto-san aren't gonna let you off lightly, you know!"

All it took was the threat of jail time to send the silver-permed man sauntering off. Well, it didn't really matter anyway; if Downtown-san* wanted to take him on in a batsu game*, they would be more than welcome to try.

"Hey, boy, you're spacing out. As I thought, Gin-san is the only one who could possibly handle—MMMPH!" The ball gag he fitted her with silenced her immediately.

"Oi, you pig. Did I say you could speak to me?" Sougo gave the woman a hard stare. He would have to punish her for speaking out of turn...

Turning to the table behind him, he began mulling over the list of "toys" he could use. There was the whip, the leather cracked from hours of use; he had gotten bored of it a while ago, though it was still useful once in a while. A candlestick lay, still lit and slowly burning; they had used that already, the dried wax trailing down her stomach was proof of that. Metal clamps? Already pinching her nipples. The camera? He was saving that for the end; he would take her picture at her most depraved and post it all around town for the residents of Edo to see.

Ah, there it is. He flicked the switch causing the long, hard rod to release a distinct buzzing sound. With a mean smirk he positioned it between her legs, watching with a smug satisfaction as her body trembled and her hips began to gyrate. He teased her: rubbing it up and down. Pushing the tip in and taking it out just as quickly. Allowing the vibrations to resonate in her most sensitive area. And suddenly, without warning, he jammed it in as far as it would go.

Wrong hole. He had to suppress a smile at the tears that streaked down her cheeks and the blush that appeared on her face. The wetness was dripping from between her legs; clearly she was enjoying this as much as he was.

"Bear with that for a while; if I'm feeling generous I'll take it out once you've learned your lesson." And with that, he took a seat to admire his handiwork.

The purple-haired woman was suspended from the ceiling by an intricate weave of thick black ropes. A blindfold covered her face and her hands and legs were tied together behind her in an uncomfortable fashion. A nearby machine periodically fed electric shocks to the clamps currently attached to her breasts. All-in-all, it was some of his finest work.

Sarutobi Ayame... The woman was extremely receptive to his sadistic tendencies; he didn't even have to break her, first. She was unlike the other women in his life... That girl Urara was quite easy to convert; some time on a leash and a little public humiliation brought out her M streak surprisingly quickly. Then there was China; that was going to be a long and slow process of torturing her physically and mentally... Killing her pet beetles, beating her at every competition, appearing at her usual hangouts just to piss her off. She was a strong one; when she finally broke it was going to be so good.

"MMMMPHH!" The sound of muffled moaning.

That kunoichi was different, indeed. No matter what he did to her, no matter how painful the torture or hurtful his words, the spark in her eyes never left. She was the de facto Queen of the Masochists yet no matter how degrading the treatment, she always carried herself with self-respect. While her body was dominated, her soul flew free.

She wasn't a slave to her passions; she was the master of them.

That realization evoked something in the young captain that he couldn't quite place his finger on. Her figure was depraved, yet dignified; a beautiful form that demanded all the respect he could give. But there was something else...

Love? No. Though he knew a lot of people would categorize it at such, it just didn't feel right. His sister Mitsuba was the only woman who he had ever loved and she was gone now, spirited away too damn early by the cruel hand of fate; he was certain that he could never love someone again. Regardless, the sight of the bespectacled ninja carried a different feeling than that of whenever he thought of his beloved sister...

Hate? Definitely not. His everyday sadism was a sign of affection for the people in his life, though he'd rather die than admit it. He didn't hate anyone, not even that mayonnaise-sucking bastard Hijikata; of course, he was in the way and it would be better if he was dead but that didn't mean that there was no respect between them...

The abrupt sound of the vibrator cutting off momentarily snapped him from his thoughts.

"Hmm? The batteries ran out." With a quick swipe of his sword he cut the ropes binding the kunoichi, letting her fall to the ground with a dull THUD.

He removed the gag from her mouth. "Listen, you pig, there are some spares in the kitchen. Go change the batteries."

"Huh... Not bad at all, boy. That cruel timing; letting the batteries drain right as I was getting into it... As expected of the rumored Sadist King." She smiled confidently as she made her way to the hallway.

Sougo allowed an amused grin to grace his features. It was an accident; the batteries had run out because he had been too lazy to replace them... That woman was the only person in the world who would derive pleasure from having to change batteries.

"Oi! Leave the blindfold here; can't have you getting lost in the compound!" He grinned sadistically as she dropped the blindfold on the floor before heading out into the door, hands held in front of her in order to feel her way around.

Sarutobi had left her glasses on the table... Her eyesight was so bad that she would get lost for sure. Hell, it was probably more beneficial for her to have the blindfold on... At least then she would be able to rely on her ninja senses. If he got lucky, maybe she would end up in Yamazaki's room... He'd have enough blackmail material to hang over the guy's head for the rest of his life. Or even better, she would wander into the Vice-Commander's room; he could snap a picture and have him fired over the scandal! Either way, the thought of her bumping into a closed door or tripping on a crack in the floor brought a smile to his face.

Sougo let out a short sigh before plopping himself down on his bed, hands cupped around the back of his head in a lazy recline.

He was having too much fun now, all because of that woman. Those confident eyes. That smooth, pale skin that never seemed to bruise. The passionate moans and cries for more; she never begged, she demanded.

Indeed, Sarutobi Ayame was a woman that he just couldn't categorize; she just didn't fit into his two-toned world. She was an M that acted like an S. She wasn't a deviant, but neither was she a saint. He certainly didn't love her, but he was far from hating her.

That woman, too complex to be simple but too simple to be complex. Her existence was a mystery and damn if it wasn't the most alluring thing.

The sound of a dull crash outside his room broke him from his thoughts. "Yo, took you long enough. I thought Ninja were supposed to be quick and sneaky; the Oniwabanshu must have been really desperate if they let you join." He stood up, making his way over to the door.

"Oh? Big words from one of the biggest wastes of taxpayer money." The retort was quick and sharp, a smug grin painted on her face. That fire she possessed... It was pretty damn attractive.

He grabbed her by the arm, guiding her to the center of his room and tossing her carelessly on his bed. With another flick, the vibrator was back in action, its distinct buzzing sound echoing throughout the room. As he began to cruelly tease the willing kunoichi, a genuine smile graced his face.

He didn't know just what this woman was, but he was going to keep her around until he could figure it out.

More Notes: Yep, OkitaxSa-chan. I always thought that would be a funny pair and surprisingly enough, I was the first to do it on this site. Go figure. I had to do it, man; even though I've never done smut before :/

* "Do S no Okita" OR ドSの沖田 - meaning literally "Okita the Super Sadist". It's a title that belongs to Hamada Masatoshi (ドSの浜田) from the popular Japanese comedy duo Downtown. Hamada and his partner Matsumoto Hitoshi are the number 1 manzai group in Japan, and I believe they have been for years and years. They run a variety of shows, including the popular Gaki no Tsukai. Shows are produced by a man named Suga Kenji, who is also sometimes involved in their skits.

* "Batsu game" OR 罰ゲーム - literally "punishment game", in which you either have to do something or avoid doing something. If you fail, you receive a punishment. Downtown and another comedy group, Cocorico, run a series of highly successful and hilarious batsu games in which they aren't allowed to laugh. If they do, the punishment they receive is getting smacked on the ass with a kendo stick/police baton/long rod, HARD. These games run every year at New Year's Eve and are 3+ hours in length and take place in a variety of settings: hotels, airports, etc. If you haven't seen them, you should watch. There are subbed batsu games all around the internet for your enjoyment!