AN: I didn't know how to start this part. I knew what was going to happen, but I just didn't know how to start. I wrote a few different ones and I think this was the best one. Still not happy with it, but when am I happy with it?
I know it took forever, but I hope it was worth the wait.
My stomach was hurting, I hadn't eaten in days, I could feel knots forming inside. I had made a small potion this morning that I had seen Severus make once, it was supposed to numb the pain but I didn't make it right so it wore off after an hour or so. I took another dose before venturing back downstairs to the mass that was my mothers wake.
I didn't recognize anyone at first, strange unfamiliar faces looking towards me as if they knew me. None of them even knew my mother. Her friends had only shown up for the funeral. It would have been awkward if they had come to this house since it would involve magic to get them here. Although having people who have only seen my mother in a casket mourning her in her own house was unnerving. I could feel their eyes on me as they whispered in soft murmurs. I could hear my name spoken by unknown voices through the droning of the crowd. One woman with clear gray eyes stared at me as she spoke softly to her friends, her eyes never wavering from my face. I could feel my shoes clicking on the wooden floor as I tried to leave the room. But people I have never met kept trying to give me their sympathy for my loss.
New faces with the same mask of empathy went up to me, trying to get me to respond.
Who were these people? I wasn't sure at first but slowly my mind registered that I had seen most of them, years ago in a party held by Severu's parents.
They kept pulling me into their circles; their concerned smiles sickened me. I wanted to be with someone who cared for me.
But I was alone.
Petunia had been carried to bed by her boyfriend the moment the ceremony was over and we arrived home. She had been to week to stand on her own.
I don't know where Tom went; I lost him in the crowd a few hours ago. I felt desperate to find him. I felt alone in this room full of strangers
A sheep amidst the wolves.
I kept telling myself that it would soon be over and I could collapse in the privacy of my own room. Tomorrow I would be back at Hogwarts, where its cold stone walls would help numb the throbbing pain. I could loose myself in my studies and forget.
The gray-eyed woman suddenly took me into her arms and murmured into my ear. "My poor sweet child, what will become of you without a mother?"
Her words dug into me just as her sharp nails dug into my shoulder. She pulled me back, my eyes locking with hers; she ran a finger down my jaw line. I shivered with fear. "Such beautiful eyes... It's such a shame that they are marred with tears..."
"I believe that Lily is tired Regina." Isabel Snape stared at me with true concern, "I think I should escort her to get some rest."
I was led way from Regina as she pursed her lips at Mrs. Snape. I was glad to be away from her, her eyes were cold and her words had cut through me like her sharp nails had dug into my shoulder. I could feel the small moon shaped wounds pooling with blood. But I didn't care.
When we reached the staircase I felt my self being pulled into a pair of familiar arms. I could smell wormwood and myrrh and I sighed at the scent. I looked up to see Severus smile softly at me. He pressed his lips on my forehead and I felt my resolve come crashing down. I collapsed in his arms and I felt the tears threatening to fall. He held me tightly and whispered words that I couldn't decipher in my ear.
Mrs. Snape spoke gently to her son. "Severus, take her to her room and stay at her bedside. Don't leave her alone do you understand?"
I felt my self being scooped up and carried up the stairs, I wrapped my arms around his neck and let my mind drift.
I was soon being placed gently on my bed. I stared at him through bleary eyes as he pulled the covers up to my waist. He was about to sit down on a chair by my bed when I suddenly found the ability to speak.
"Can you lay down with me?"
He merely nodded and I made room for him beside me. He lay on his back and I instinctively laid my head on his chest. His arm came around and he held me close.
I felt safe in his arms; the familiar smell of potions was a comfort to me in that state of mind. It comforted me that he was here. Because I knew that he cared for me and that his feelings of remorse weren't fake.
"Thank you for being here."
"I had to; you were in pain so here I am." He said it so simply that I felt the corners of my mouth rise a little.
I snuggled closer to him, his robes were soft and warm against my cheek and I could feel his heart beat through my skin.
"Do you think you will be able to sleep tonight?" He asks softly, his fingers smoothing down my hair, his voice resonating through his body.
"Probably not."
"Do you want to sneak out?"
I nodded and arose from the bed, he held his wand out and with a few flicks of his wrists he had tied my sheets together in an intricate rope ladder. I opened the window and looked at the wooded area surrounding the Serpents Garden. He went first, his lithe body moving swiftly down the wall. I followed slowly, taking time to stare at the vines that lead to my window. They looked almost black in the dark. Black tendrils circling around the stone tower of my room.
I stumbled.
But I felt Severus' arms circling around me before I hit the earth.
We walked around the grounds aimlessly, his silence soothing, his presence calming my fragile nerves. We made it to the small lake and I watched as he leaned against the tree. He was watching me, his eyes black as water in a pewter cauldron. I always feel like he is reading my thoughts when he looks at me in that manner. But at that moment my mind was blank. I felt numb inside.
"You haven't cried yet have you?"
I shook my head. It was true. I hadn't cried, since the moment back from Dominic's house I've been trying to keep everything together. My sister hasn't spoken a word since I came back; I've been taking care of her. And Tom, I closed my eyes.
"I haven't been able to cry. I'm afraid that if I start that I won't be able to stop." He pushed himself away from the tree and walked towards me. His hands rubbed the side of my arms slightly and I shivered at his touch, my composure slipping beneath his fingers. I felt tears welling up and I looked up at him. He brushed the first one away with the tips of his fingers.
"It's all right to cry Lily. I'm here..."
Soon the tears were flowing from my eyes and I collapsed on the grass, Severus sat down in front of me and pulled me to his lap. I could feel my shoulders shaking and my body growing weary. But Severus held me in his arms without a word. I didn't' know how long we stayed there but after what felt like mere moments, Severus noticed that it almost time for the guests to start leaving. He took out a handkerchief from his pocket, black with 'S.S' embroidered in silver. He wiped my tears away and helped me stand. But I lost my footing and fell into his arms.
Maybe it was because of my emotional state of mind.
Maybe I was being grateful that I was no longer alone.
And maybe it was meant to happen.
Whatever the logic behind it, whatever the reason, it doesn't change the fact that we kissed.
I felt a surge of adrenaline as our lips met. His lips were cold and tasted of peppermint, but they were so soft. My hands clung to the front of his robes as his arms snaked around me. I deepened the kiss, my tongue dueling with his, and my hand moved up to his hair, feather soft reminding me of a crows feathers. My other hand on his face, scratching him slightly with my fingernails. He shivered and I felt his hands under my dress shirt, touching the base of my spine with his fingers. I gasped and pulled back from the kiss, flushed and without breath.
I felt disorientated, my head was spinning and my heart was pounding in my ears. He pressed his forehead to mine and I stared up at him, who also was flushed and trying to catch his breath.
"Lily..."
I looked down, feeling confused and ashamed. "I'm sorry..."
I tried to pull away but Severus held me tighter and kissed me again. This time it was soft and I sighed against his lips. It felt so right to be in his arms like this. I felt safer. I felt as if he was the only thing keeping me from crumbling into dust at that moment. He traced my swollen lip with his thumb and took a deep breath.
"Let's go back inside."
On our way back my hand found his and our fingers intertwined. I placed my head on his shoulder feeling confused still and wondering what would happen next. I looked up to my bedroom window, hoping to see a sign up on the stone tower. But I saw nothing but my open window and the balcony doors ajar. I climbed up the makeshift ladder and Severus helped me inside. We sat in a corner, my head on his shoulder, his hand in mine.
"The last thing she told me was that she was pregnant." My voice was raspy but I didn't care. I felt Severus tense slightly next to me.
"I'm sorry."
I smiled weakly; tiredly I closed my eyes and drifted. "So am I."
He stood there, staring unwaveringly towards the fire; shadows played on his still features making him look haunted. It was as if all the answers to all the questions could be found in the depths of the hearth. All he had to do was stare into the angry flames.
He never blinked, his arms never twitched from being locked in the same position for so long, he never wavered slightly to the left. He just stood there.
Eventually however the spell was broken when a noise behind him drew his attention away. He glanced back and noticed a blond woman closing the door behind her. For a moment he couldn't remember her, he couldn't remember what was going on or where he was. But finally he blinked away the feeling and looked away from Belinda and walked over the desk in search for something. She merely watched him as he opened something in his desk drawer and studied it. A dagger. Its handle was silver and a snake was wrapped around it with garnet eyes. He removed it from its sheath and it gleamed in the firelight.
She almost screamed as he stabbed himself in his hand, blood pooling quickly and dripping to the floor. She wanted to make him stop but Belinda knew that would be suicide at that moment. He removed the blade from the wound and more blood flowed freely. He placed the bloody dagger on his desk and started walking towards her. When he reached her the smell of blood was overwhelming her with the mixture of smoke and ash. He held out his bloodied hand and spoke softly, his voice slightly raspy.
"Tell me Belinda, what does my blood smell like."
She noticeably shook, from head to toe; her entire body couldn't keep still. "Like copper..."
"Yes, and what else?"
She hesitated, "Magic?"
"Yes, as it should since I just cast a simple spell on myself moments before you arrived. Why is that Belinda?"
"Because... Magic leaves traces behind every time a spell is cast. The most noticeable trace is a faint smell that is a mixture of pure energy and the castors very essence found in the blood..."
He nodded. "That is correct Belinda. And how long do these traces last?"
She swallowed, not knowing or liking where this was heading. "A few days depending on the intensity of the spell. The stronger, or Darker the spell the longer the trace lasts and its intensity."
"Very good."
He walked away from her and she felt as if the ground beneath her feet was about to crumble.
"I saw his body today. He was a fragile old man, barely alive before the...incident. I couldn't comprehend how someone who could barely walk come up and attack R-...my wife." He had almost said her name, he visibly shook. "But the moment I looked at him closer I was attacked by this strong smell, that I stumbled. I smelled magic on him, Belinda. Strong magic. It was all over him and I grew ill being there. But I had to know. I did the strongest tracing spell that came to mind and I could only see the traces of The Imperious Curse. And suddenly my mind grew clear and I knew that this was my fault.
He grabbed the nearest thing to him; a black desk lamp with silver trim went flying against the wall shattering into tiny shards of nothing. "They killed her to get to me Belinda!" He ran his hand through his hair pulling on it in desperation. He let out a small sob and grabbed the side table by his armchair that went flying. Soon furniture was flying across the room as Belinda watched in horror against the door. He started screaming, his voice breaking as he flung his desk chair into the fire. Belinda gripped her wand tightly. Soon with every scream something broke in the room, no longer by his hands but by pent up magic seeping through his fingers. His hand aimed towards the bookcase, it exploded. He pointed his hand towards his desk and splintered wood went flying in every direction, missing Belinda's head by mere inches. He pointed his hand towards the stained glass windows and glass rained around him cutting his face and robes.
He stood there, bleeding from his face looking as if he had cried tears of blood. He stared at his bloodied hand before covering his face with it and falling to his knees. Belinda rushed to his side, kneeling down to look at his face. He looked up and she felt her heart tighten at the sight. He was crying.
"I'm a monster."
She shook her head, "No you're not."
"Then why did she have to die then?"
Belinda's eyes grew wide and she didn't know what to say. What could she say? She looked away, "I don't know."
He looked lost, his eyes were bloodshot and his face was covered in blood. He looked at her through bleary eyes and spoke softly. "You're the only one I can trust right now, I don't know who did this. It could have been anyone. You'll help me right?""
She felt herself nod tensely, she felt as if she was digging her own grave. He stood, and looked around as if he just noticed the state of his office. He then started walking over the debris to the door; he motioned for her to follow him. They walked down the hallway, there were only a few people still inside the house but all were upstairs. Tom led her through a solid wall that he merely slid into sideways; she followed him quickly, fazing through. There was a staircase in front of them; it spiraled down towards what looked like infinity. Belinda had never seen this part of the house; the stairs were narrow and close together, almost indistinguishable between one another. All made of a dark metal that shone green in the torchlight. He quickly started descending the stairs and Belinda stumbled to follow him. Down and down they went and Belinda didn't think they would ever reach the bottom. But finally her feet touched stone floor and she took a sharp breath.
In front of her was a massive stone door with a skull carved in its center. Its eyes were hollow and its mouth was closed. Surrounding the skull were flowered vines overlapping with one another. And right above the skull was a long stem rose with what seamed like a small snake intertwined with the rose's stem, its thorns grazing the snake's intricate scales.
She heard a soft hissing sound coming from him, the snake around the rose squeezed the rose, making itself bled a dark green liquid that landed on the skull. The skulls mouth opened as if it screamed and another snake appeared, this one much larger, out of the skulls mouth.
She clutched her forearm, she would recognize that symbol anywhere, it was burned on her arm and it would remain there until she died.
He hissed again and the door split in half and opened, the stone screaming as it scraped against the floor. In lied a chamber with a massive ceiling and a platform in its center. Torches flew to life, casting shadows that seamed endless. Belinda stood there, unable to speak as he walked in towards the platform. On it was a casket, black with carved flowers on its side. Belinda recognized it from earlier in the day.
It was Rosemary's casket.
"What did you do...?" She whispered, her anger rising deep inside of her.
He looked over his shoulder to her and gave her a peaceful smile. "What I had to do."
Belinda took a step inside, her shoes scraping against the stone floor. He looked up towards the casket, his back towards Belinda. "I want her back, Belinda; I will find a way."
"What if you cant?" She whispered, looking on as he climbed the steps of the platform and she watched as he trailed his fingers lovingly on top of the casket.
"Then I will create a way."
AN: I would like to thank all of my happy reviewers who have stuck by me through my absence. I love you all, my friends constantly reminded me of you when I wouldn't update. I would also like to thank my friends Mudds, Princess, Fluffy, and Jordan for casually reminding me that I hadn't updated for a while. And for bribing me with starbucks...hehehehe...