He looked at his sleeping form next to him and thinks this should be a really profound moment. But all that comes to mind is Remus' dark eyelashes and the way his mouth sometimes twitches a bit when he's dreaming. And he thinks about the expression he sometimes gets to see in those golden eyes, when all his walls are down and he just stares at Sirius, so openly and honestly and lovingly and Sirius would be frightened by the trust in that gaze if he didn't know exactly the same expression was on his face.
And then he was thinking about the fight they'd had earlier, and how it really wasn't over anything important. But all this tension had been building up all this time and everything was just so stressful and you had to be so careful and so suspicious and so wary of everything and everyone and they were tired, they were fucking tired. And they'd snapped and there was yelling and broken glass and a bit of blood and angry, angry, angry sex but there was that moment, when Remus was looking up at him, and Sirius had just known. It didn't matter whether Sirius was a traitor or Remus was secretly a spy. That didn't make a difference because in that second, golden eyes looking into grey, Sirius knew Remus would always love him. And he might hate himself for that, and try to tear that part out of him, and rip himself to shreds in the process but he would always love Sirius.
And Sirius swore that once this war was over and there were no lies or suspicion, no "good" and "bad", then he'd find Remus and they'd mend themselves together, and they'd just be them. Remus and Sirius. As they'd always meant to be.
And this moment was racing through Sirius' mind as he stood in a room full of flashing lights and muttered curses and knew it was the end – for him at least. And he felt something take him and start tugging, but he didn't let go. Not until he'd found golden eyes in a sea of flashing green and red, and thought I really did want to fix you.
And Remus watched as the man he loved was taken from him, again.
Again.
Again, because all time does is repeat itself.
And Remus wished bitterly that he'd never gone to Hogwarts, never met Sirius, never fallen in love. But he was lying to himself, because Sirius was his everything, and he couldn't take that back, he couldn't make himself want to.
He breathed in, and it smelt a lot like yesterdays.