What Hurts The Most
(A/N: Entry for the Bomba/Tugger/Etcetera love triangle contest)
How stupid was I? I'm not pretty, I'm not funny, I'm not smart. I'm bitter and an idiotic groupie! How could I ever think that he would show an interest in me? He'll never love me, he's to loved up with her. We never really got on, I saw her as competition but now I realized I didn't have a hope in hell on winning him over. He's now made it plain that he has kittens on the way and that I never meant anything to him. Well I'm sick of it. I can't stand this anymore! I need to escape this pain! I need to escape the cruelty of real life! I sniff around and find a sharp blade of glass, I take it to my throat. Only seconds of pain, then all the torture would be over.
~I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do~
Sighing I set off trying to find the annoying queen – kit. Bombalurina was making me apologize, she thinks I was to hard on her. I don't see why, she never liked Etcetera more than I did but I guess she sort of felt sorry. I go by the oven, she usually hangs around there when she's having a strop. She's there all right, pale, limp and drowning in a sea of crimson. I hurry over and pick up her unmoving body, I force myself not to well up in tears. I lick away all the blood to make it seem she's sleeping. But more blood spurts out, I yell out in anguish and carry her over to Munkustrap. He steers the other kits away and takes the un breathing Etcetera in his hands He held on tight and then sighed, "I'll tell Old Deuteronomy, go home Tugger."
I would've usually protested but I hurried back to Bombalurina. I reach her and whisper the story in her ear, she claps her hands to her mouth and shakes her head, tears spurting down her cheeks. I held her close and we silently mourned over the lost soul.
~It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do.~
Days turn to weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years. I've had my kittens. Aphrodite, Juno and of course the youngest, Etcetera. Tugger and me were emotionally scarred for life when the sad news reached us, but we decided to keep a straight face, remembering that soon we were going to be happy parents. Our little Etcetera is mostly white, we didn't find that strange because when I was a kitten I had lots of whit patches. She also had brown leopard prints, black and red tabby stripes and a white, red, black and brown mane. She was bubbly, enthusiastic and nearly always hyper. We saw the old Etcetera live through our own kitten. Its nice to think we still have a little part of her.
~I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do.~