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Notes: Dawson's Creek belongs to other people. I thought it was the WB, but maybe not anymore. Ah well. The point is, I'm not making money from this, and I don't pretend to own the characters. Please don't sue me.
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"You're hanging it crooked!"
Doug looked back at Jen over his shoulder. His position was precarious, one hand up in the air on the end of a streamer, his feet balanced delicately on top of a stepstool. He frowned at Jen, steadying himself with his free hand. "It's not crooked! It's fine. And why are we hanging streamers anyway? It's Christmas. Streamers aren't Christmassy."
Jen smiled happily and stuck her tongue out at him. "They are if they're red. And these are red... pretty much."
"They're not red, they're pink!" Doug protested. He put the tack in place to hold up the remaining end and hopped down from the ladder. He looked back up at the decoration critically. "We should have just gotten some holly or something."
"Yes, but this way we can hang mistletoe from the center!" Jen proclaimed gleefully.
Doug smiled in spite of himself. "You're just all about the mistletoe, aren't you?"
Instead of responding, Jen produced a small shopping bag that was bulging in an effort to contain several pounds of mistletoe. Doug shook his head ruefully. Jen seemed bound and determined to set someone up this Christmas. Anyone, really, so long as someone got together.
"So where is this boyfriend of yours, T.J. or something?" he asked, wondering if she planned to use some of the mistletoe on seducing her longtime lover. Jen's face fell suddenly, and he immediately regretted asking.
"C.J., and he couldn't make it. He's not going to be here," she said simply, not choosing to elaborate.
"Oh. I'm sorry to here that," Doug said sincerely. It was a shame that Jen was going to be alone. The entire Capeside gang had planned a get-together at Dawson's house for Christmas and everyone was supposed to bring their significant others. Jen had been one of the first non-locals to show up, and had offered to help Doug with the decorations. Unfortunately, what they had managed to find had been rather limited. In addition to the off-red streamers they had found two pine wreathes and one made entirely of jingle bells, and three giant santa heads. Luckily the tree was already decorated, and Jen had come equipped with her bag of mistletoe.
Dawson appeared from the other direction, sticking his head around the corner from the hallway. "Hey guys, Jack just called from the road. They should be here any minute." He paused, looking dubiously at the pink decorations above the doorway. "Your streamers are crooked," he added, before popping back out.
Jen grinned at Doug as he made a 'God help me' gesture. He flopped down on the couch in front of the fire as she stepped forward to secure some mistletoe to the center of the streamer. "Why didn't you and Jack come together?" he asked. The two lived in New York together less than two blocks apart. It would have made sense for them to have arrived at the same time.
Jen pursed her lips, finishing the pinning with a small flourish and stepping off of the bottom of the stepladder. "It's his new boyfriend," she admitted, making a face as though she had just swallowed something distasteful. "He wanted them to drive down together, just the two of them."
"That sounds romantic," Doug hazarded, not sure of exactly what was so wrong about this. "I take it you don't exactly approve of this guy?"
Jen looked momentarily surprised, then grinned sheepishly. She came and sat down next to him on the arm of the couch. "I guess it's pretty obvious, huh? Yeah. His name is Kyle, and he's completely wrong for Jack. In so many ways. In fact, I think he's completely wrong for anyone. The guy is quite frankly a jerk, with a list of bad qualities from here to next Tuesday."
"So why is Jack dating him?" asked Doug.
Jen's face fell once again, and she looked worried. "Well see, that's the thing. For a while now, Jack has been-"
She was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. The two of them jumped up and walked into the entryway. Jen grinned and pulled open the door. "Hey!" she exclaimed, giving Jack a big hug, which he returned with enthusiasm.
Doug found himself looking at the stranger standing next to Jack on the porch. His first impression was that Jen was absolutely right to not like this man.
He had a generally aura about him of uncleanliness. For one thing he was unshaven. He didn't have a beard of any sort, just the kind of shadow that suggested that he had just not bothered. His off-white t-shirt and jeans had that worn, lived-in kind of look, stained and filthy underneath his open coat. In some cases that sort of thing could look rumpled and endearing, but this wasn't one of those cases. His short brown hair was messy and uncombed, and his eyes were red and slightly bloodshot. The man looked like some drunk who had just been picked up off the street.
In fact- Doug sniffed. The man smelled like alcohol and B.O. Doug wouldn't have been surprised to learn that he was drunk right now, or that he had a history of drug usage. He found himself wondering what the hell Jack had gotten himself into.
The man cast a cursory glance over Doug, smiling condescendingly when he caught sight of the reindeer sweater that the deputy suddenly wished he wasn't wearing. The he turned his gaze to Jen, who was just coming out of her hug with Jack.
"Hey guys," she said, smiling at Jack before looking disdainfully at Kyle.
Jack saw her look and flinched. "Hey Jen, it's nice to see you. Kyle, you know Jen, and this is Doug Witter." He indicated the sheriff.
Kyle gave Doug another cursory glance, then turned his attention once again back to Jen. He smiled, showing his yellowing teeth, and gave her a hug that was, if her expression was any indication, completely unwelcome.
'Did he just grab her butt?' Doug thought incredulously. This was Jack's boyfriend? Jen backed up hurriedly, giving Kyle a disgusted look. From the way Jack was avoiding meeting her eyes, Doug guessed that this sort of thing had happened before, and often.
They stepped back, allowing the two men to enter, and Doug got his first real look at Jack.
He looked frankly horrible. Doug was appalled to see the state of him. He looked as though he hadn't been sleeping well; there were bags under his eyes. He was clean, unlike his friend, but there was a poorly concealed bruise ripening just below his jaw. Jack took off his coat and hung it in the entryway. Underneath he was wearing a large, soft-looking green turtleneck and dark dress pants. Doug hung back as Kyle and Jen went ahead back towards the living room and the fireplace.
"Jack, are you okay?" Doug asked, letting the concern color his voice.
"I'm fine," Jack said quietly, not meeting his eyes.
"Really." Doug put his hands on his hips skeptically. "Because quite honestly, you don't look fine. You look like hell. What's happened to you?"
Jack seemed startled and looked up, meeting his eyes at last. Doug was taken aback by the look of sincere unhappiness. He looked tired and upset and just waiting to talk to someone. But he didn't. Instead he smiled a smile that was almost disgusting in its falseness and put a hand on Doug's shoulder.
"Really, I'm alright." And then he walked on, leaving a bewildered Doug standing in the entryway.
Joey was the last to arrive, shortly before six. After warming and heartfelt welcomes, they sat down at the table to enjoy the Christmas feast that Pacey had prepared for them all.
They made introductions as they ate; all of them were too hungry to wait to start. Dawson had come in the company of a beautiful blond actress, and she and Audrey sat next to each other, engrossed in a deep conversation about who-knew-what.
Doug tried to make conversation with Jack, who was seated to his right, but couldn't seem to manage it. Every time he and Jack started to get even remotely involved on some topic, Kyle would butt in with some stupid, abrasive, completely inappropriate comment that would end discourse right there. And to Doug's amazement, Jack let him get away with it. Not a single harsh or even negative word left his lips all evening. In fact, there was one incident where Doug thought Jack should have hit the man, but he didn't even object.
Kyle had been watching Joey ever since they got to the dinner table. Doug watched as he quickly downed glass after glass of wine, becoming steadily quite drunk, until finally he was intoxicated enough to do something stupid.
"So Joey," he said, interrupting her when she was in the middle of saying something to Dawson, "we were all supposed to come here with our current sweethearts. Where's your man?"
Joey blushed and looked down at her food, and Doug noted with a small grin that she was avoiding looking at either Dawson or Pacey.
"I'm, um, not seeing anyone at the moment," she said.
"Well, tha's a shame," he said, slurring slightly. "A girl, hot girl like you should have a man. Real man. I mean, I would totally do ya. 'n fact, I'll do ya upstairs after dinner if ya like."
There was dead silence at the table for a moment.
"Kyle!" Doug expected this reproach, delivered in scathing and offended tones, to come from Jack, but surprisingly it was Jen who said it. "That was extremely rude! Apologize to her!"
Kyle frowned. "Why? I mean' it. I'd do 'er in a hear'beat."
Jen stood up from the table, her face growing red with anger. "You pig! In the long line of Jack's recent scummy boyfriends, you are definately one of my least favorites! You are a disgusting, horrible, drug-addicted, alcoholic sleazebag who doesn't deserve to lick the shoes of a sweet boy like Jack! How dare you insult our friend like that! How dare you insult him like that, you insensitive-"
"Jack," Kyle said, nudging him with his elbow, "you gonna let 'er talk to me like that?"
Jack squeezed his eyes shut, and Doug heard him take a deep breath. "Jen," he said quietly, "please, just let it go, alright? I'm sure he didn't mean it."
Doug looked at him incredulously. He was standing up for this guy? What was wrong with him? From the looks on everyone's faces, none of them could believe it either. Except for Kyle apparently. His expression went quickly from smug to angry, and he rounded on Jack.
"Who 're you ta tell me wha' I mean an' don' mean?" he asked viciously. Jack was immediately apologetic, and Doug was liking this less and less as it went on.
"I-I'm sorry, Kyle. I didn't mean to-"
But that was as far as he got. Kyle stood up, staggering slightly with drunkenness, and hauled Jack out of his chair. Then, with surprising strength, Kyle punched him hard enough to send him sprawling to the ground.
Again there was silence in the room. Everyone at the table were clearly horrified, but were too stunned to do anything. Slowly, Jack got to his feet, his hand touching the fresh bruise on his cheek. He turned to face his friends, eyes averted. Because he was close enough, Doug could see that he was shaking. He mumbled a quick, "Excuse me," and walked stiffly from the room.
"Yeah, go on, run away!" Kyle yelled after him. "You always do, crybaby!"
Dawson stood up, and all eyes immediately went to him.
"I think you should leave Kyle," he said firmly.
Kyle turned to face him, his drunken anger returning. "An' why should I, huh? I was invided, 'member? 'M allowed ta be here."
Doug saw Dawson's fists clenching. He couldn't recall ever seeing him quite so angry, but he couldn't blame him for it. If Dawson didn't hit Kyle first, Doug thought that he himself might.
"Well, you're not allowed anymore," Dawson said. "This is my family's house, and I'm saying that it's time for you to leave."
"Well I say-"
He didn't get any farther, because Doug had stood up and hit him in the exact right spot and with just enough pressure to knock him unconscious. Police training paid off. He looked disgustedly at the man now sprawled on the floor. "What do we do with him?"
"Dump him in the creek?" Jen suggested venemously.
"With cinderblocks tied to his feet," Dawson added.
Pacey shook his head. "Nah, we wouldn't want to poison the water with that filth."
Doug shot another glance down at the comatose body. "One of you can take him down to the station," he said. "Just explain to him what happened. They can at least keep him there until he's sober."
Audrey blinked at him. "But, you're the cop, right? Why don't you do it?"
"Because," said Doug, "I'm going to find Jack." And he left them to deal with it.
He eventually located Jack by the muffled sobbing that he heard coming from the other side of the guest room door. He opened it quietly, poking his head in. Jack was sitting on the far side of the bed, his back to the door. Doug stepped in, closing the door behind him.
When he heard the latch click shut, Jack spun around, hastily wiping at his eyes. "Go away!" he yelled. "Get out of here, now!"
Doug leaned against the door. "Huh. I see. You don't want anyone to see what's wrong, do you? You don't want them to know that you're in here crying."
"I wasn't," said Jack, but it was a pathetic lie and they both knew it.
Doug walked around the bed, coming to a stop in front of Jack and kneeling down so he could look up into the other man's eyes. "What's wrong Jack?"
Jack shook his head. "Really, it's nothing."
"Right." Doug sighed inwardly. He didn't want to have to do this. "Alright Jack. I see lots of cases in my job, and yours isn't exactly uncommon. I know there's something wrong. Besides, normal, healthy individuals don't do this-"
Before Jack could react, Doug grabbed his wrist and yanked back the sleeve of his turtleneck sweater. Just as he had thought, a series of cuts criss-crossed each other up and down his arm. Doug shook his head sadly. "You've been cutting yourself, Jack," he said matter-of-factly.
Jack yanked his arm out of Doug's grasp. "So what if I have? What business is it of yours, anyway?"
"Fine, maybe it's not my business. But what about everyone else? What about your friends out there, and Jen, who loves you very much? What about all of them? They deserve to know why you're going out with a scumbag like that, and the fact that you've been hurting yourself."
"I deserve it," said Jack, so softly that Doug almost didn't hear it.
"Why?" Doug asked him back, just as softly.
"Because." Doug could hear the tears threatening in Jack's voice again. "I'm a horrible person. I push people away. I can't... so many people love me, and I can't hold on to anyone. Everyone leaves me because I'm incapable of having a relationship."
"Jack..." Doug was at a loss. He didn't know enough about Jack's past to know how much Jack was justified in thinking these things, but it couldn't possibly be as bad as all that, could it?
"I mean," Jack continued, "Everyone I've ever dated- I mean seriously dated -has broken up with me because I wasn't interested enough in them. Because I didn't do boyfriend-type things. Because I just couldn't hold on to them. People like Kyle are all I can get. They're all I deserve."
Doug shook his head in disbelief. "Jack, how can you think that? Jack, if people left you, it's because they didn't love you enough, not because you didn't love them enough. It's not your fault."
"But, no one loves me." Jack's voice sounded small and childlike, needing to be comforted. It ached for someone to tell him that it was all going to be okay.
Doug tentatively raised a hand to Jack's cheek, brushing away a stray tear that had somehow managed to find its way past his barricade. Jack looked at him, startled, and Doug noticed for the first time that Jack had very pretty eyes.
"Well," said Doug slowly, standing up. He moved his hand from Jack's cheek to his chin, tilting his head up so that their eyes met. "What if I loved you? Would that be okay?"
Jack's eyes widened in surprise and he sniffed slightly. The cuteness of it was too much for Doug and it overcame him. He leaned down and kissed Jack very gently.
"You- you're gay?" asked Jack incredulously.
"I think I might be," Doug admitted. "I've... I've never done more than a bit of experimenting. With other guys, I mean. But being with girls just... doesn't feel right, you know? Whereas this-" he indicated the two of them, "-this feels right."
Jack stared at him for a moment, and the first hesitant glint of a smile crossed his face, the first Doug had seen since he had greeted his friends. He had the sudden thought that he wanted to make Jack smile again.
"Are you sure about this?" Jack asked him, just as Doug leaned in to kiss him again.
"Quite sure," Doug assured him. Then he paused. "If you'll have me, of course."
And then Jack smiled. Not just a tiny half-smile, but an honest-to-goodness, true, ear-to-ear grin. Doug couldn't help but smile back at him. "I'll take that as a yes?" he questioned.
Jack kissed him, and it was all the reply he needed.
or
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author.