"Now Duchess-"
"No mother! I refuse to attend the cotillion with that haughty, boorish Count Lionel!"
"You tell 'em Duchess!" Stan cheered from the comfort of his plaid armchair.
If anyone was to ask Stanley Pines if he is interested in romantic period pieces such as The Duchess Approves, he would immediately deny it before forcibly changing the subject. But in the convenience of his own home, an underwear-clad Stanley Pines was on the edge of his seat as he watched The Duchess Approves anyhow.
Clutching onto his half-eaten tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, the old codger remained in his armchair as he watched one of his favorite movies. Funny how I accidentally came across this cinematic masterpiece so recently. He thought. This movie looks like it was made in the forties. How is it that I haven't discovered this movie earlier?
But Stan knew the answer to his own question: A childhood with a hard-to-please father who hammered with the impossible expectations brought upon by hyper-masculinity. His Pa expected him and his brother Ford to toughen up during their youth. Even though their Ma encouraged her boys in their artistic talents with their sketchbook drawings, their father was not too impressed with his children engaging in 'feminine' activities. After learning that Stan and Ford were being picked on by the local bullies, the pawnshop owner knew that enough was enough. He wouldn't accept his boys acting emotional and focused on improving their physical strength.
When the boys were nine, their Pa forced them against their will to take up boxing. Stan thought that his father wanted to torture him at first, but he soon figured out that his Pa wanted him and his brother to learn how to fight back. This outlet worked with Stan too perfectly as he tried desperately to emulate the basic foundation of 'manliness' with his street smarts and his acquired skill of physical violence. Even though Stanley wanted to pursue his interests in the movie industry as a background designer, he knew his father would immediately dismiss the very idea. He needed to put on the facade of being a man's man in the hopes that it would make his old man proud…
Come on Stan, the old fart is dead for cryin' out loud! He reprimanded himself. You're free to enjoy your old lady movie without him judgin' ya!
Stan was alone in his own home and free from prying eyes. The conman was especially lucky to have the entire shack to himself for the day. Ford took Mabel on an expedition to find fire-breathing rabbits, Dipper was over at Wendy's house, and the Ramirez clan went out for a picnic at the local park. As far as Stan was concerned, he was all alone. Free to indulge himself in his favorite guilty pleasure. He saw no reason to move from the couch.
"The Duchess Approves will return after these messages."
"Ugh," Stan groaned at the obnoxious non-corporeal voice what halted the movie. But there was a bright side to this temporary quandary. "Well, now's probably the best time to use the john."
Stan's joints creaked as he slowly removed himself from the sofa. After stretching out his skinny legs, he swiftly paced to use the bathroom, hoping to complete his business before the commercials ended. When Stan arrived inside the john, he could have sworn he heard the front door open and shut. But after pondering for a moment, the elderly man shrugged it off. Eh, I must be hearin' things. He thought.
Stan soon washed his hands under the sink, cleaning off the germs from his hands. Before he could approach the towel rack and dry his hands off, he heard a male pubescent voice calling for him.
"Grunkle Stan?"
Dipper! He panicked. He can't find out that I was watchin' my period piece!
Stan needed to change the channel before the movie comes back on! As he barged out of the john, he stubbed his toe against the door. Stifling his pain, Stan continued to bolt down the hall in the hopes that the living room was empty and Dipper simply wandered up to the attic. But the truth of the matter worsened Stan's predicament.
"We now return to our feature presentation."
Stan froze in shock. It was too late to hide his guilty pleasure from Dipper. Curse you annoying disembodied voice! Stan chided in thought. But instead of sneaking off to any other room in the shack, his morbid curiosity got the better of the conman and he proceeded to stealthily walk back to the living room.
When the old man approached the living room entrance, he witnessed his nephew sitting on the arm of the couch, silently watching the black-and-white period piece. If Stan didn't know any better, Dipper seemed to be interested in the film. This sudden realization gave the former businessman a brilliant idea.
I could make my escape now and Dipper wouldn't even know it!
Stan began to make his quiet exit by walking backwards. But on his first step, he heard a ear-piercing creak from the wooden floorboards. If Stan was able to perceive the sound of the high-pitched screech with his hearing-aid, then surely his nephew would have heard it as well.
Dipper whipped his head to the side to see his underwear-clad uncle at the living room entrance. The teen gave Stan a small smile. "Hey Grunkle Stan." He greeted.
"I wasn't watching that." Stan quickly fibbed. The con man began to feel uneasy. It wasn't that Stan was a terrible liar. Heck, he made a living out of conning strangers into purchasing his cheaply-made junk when he ran the Mystery Shack. It was the thought of lying to Dipper again that made him perturbed. He remembered keeping the portal and his twin brother a secret from the kids, and as a result it almost shattered their uncle-nephew relationship. But at the same time, Stan's pride was on the line. So his effort maintain his manly affront prompted him to continue his charade anyhow. "I, uh...I lost the remote again."
"Oh…" Dipper sounded dejected, which flawlessly matched the disappointed expression on his face. "I guess you don't wanna watch it then-"
"No!" Stan yelped.
Dipper silently stared at his Grunkle with calm skepticism for a few moments before questioning him. "Are you alright? Cause it's not like you to be sweating more than I do, and that's saying something."
Stan felt the droplets of sweat beading his forehead as he figured out a way to cover-up his overreaction. He violently shook his head as he came up with a excuse on the fly. "I'm fine Dipper, I'm just going through a bit of a spell at the moment."
"Do you not want to watch the movie?" Dipper inquired. The teen's soft brown eyes pierced his conscience, or whatever's left of it.
Okay Stanley, don't screw this up! The elder Pines prepared himself. "No, not at all. In fact, I'm more than happy to watch it with ya!"
The boy's eyes further scanned the old codger to see if there was any ulterior motives or malevolent intent. After assessing the con man, Dipper responded with a nod and a smile. "Sounds good Grunkle Stan." The teen returned to his spot on the couch's arm and continued to watch the movie.
Stan stood dumbfounded. He couldn't wrap his head around the very idea that his nephew would be okay with his beefy, hard-knuckled uncle enjoying romantic period pieces.
"Aren't you gonna sit down?" Dipper asked his uncle. "Cause I'm claiming territorial control over the whole couch if you're not." The boy began to migrate over to the seat of the couch.
"Oh no you don't!" Stan bantered, quickly approaching the armchair. He playfully lifted Dipper up from the couch, causing the teen to laugh, before plopping down onto his rightful seat. Stan then lowered Dipper on his lap.
"Go an' make yourself comfortable kiddo cause this is a looong movie." Grunkle Stan muttered offhandedly. The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes, watching the eccentric antics of irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire. Once it cut to commercials, Stan realized the mistake he had made. With widened eyes, he turned to face his nephew.
Dipper smiled slyly at his Grunkle. "So you have seen this movie before." Part of Stanley knew that Dipper would have figured out his secret sooner. Even at the age of thirteen, the boy was very clever and possessed a keen sense of deduction.
Stanley's cat was out of the bag. He could no longer deny the shameful truth of his guilty pleasure. His tough-guy image would be destroyed, Dipper would tell Mabel and Ford all about it, and his family would most likely tease him for it. With no other option available, he had to confess his secret love for overly-dramatic feminine historical dramas.
"Alright, so I watched this movie before, and I kinda sorta liked it...okay, I loved it. So much so that it's one of my favorite movies!" The old codger stood up as he continued his erratic admission. Dipper hopped over to the arm of the chair as he stared at his uncle's over-the-top explanation. "Is it so wrong for a man to like something feminine without bein' judged an' ridiculed for it?! Even eldery, hairy men such as myself can enjoy a decent chick flick every now and again, ya know! Your old Grunkle Stan loves to watch romantic old lady movies! There, I said it! You happy?!"
In a grand and dramatic pose, Stan finished his explosive tirade. He expected his nephew to start mocking him for his cinematic preferences the same way he and his sister teased about his special cologne. What came afterward was not youthful mockery, but a strong silence from his one person audience. The exhausted old man looked at his nephew, who simply stared back at him with equal parts bafflement and sympathy.
"What's wrong Grunkle Stan?"
Stanley gawked at the boy with immense confusion. "What's wrong? Aren't ya gonna laugh at me for likin' old lady films?"
"No, not really." Dipper answered. "If I really want to make fun of you, I could tease you for reading those weird, old man magazines of yours."
Stan was miffed by the boy's snarky comment. "Hey, I'll have you know that Gold Chains for Old Men has some quality literature and stunning photography!"
Dipper chuckled at his Grunkle's loud reaction. Once he calmed down, Dipper returned to the previous topic. "I digress. What I meant to say is that I'm not judging you for liking old period pieces because I, too, like to watch old period pieces as well."
Stanley's eyes softened upon hearing the sincerity of Dipper's honest answer. "Really?"
Dipper nodded at Stan whilst giving him a gentle smile. "I've been doing some research on film history during my spare time, and I heard about how important The Duchess Approves was in the golden age of cinema. I've been meaning to watch it for a while since it was on my movie list. And when I noticed that it was playing on TV, I decided to take the opportunity to see it for myself."
Stan was stunned. Sure he was well aware of his nephew was a self-proclaimed film buff. Dipper even surprised him with his knowledge of the complexities behind some of his favorite movies.
"So there's no need to be ashamed of what other people think about your interests. You should be confident in the things you like because it makes you happy and fuels your passion."
"That's some wise stuff kid," Stan commented. "Where the heck did you even learn that?"
Dipper looked up at his great uncle. "Well, let's just say that you and Grunkle Ford provided me with a lot of insight on confidence and encouragement to pursue my interests."
"Huh," Stan was nearly at a loss for words. He remembered from last summer's road trip how the disastrous dating advice he gave to Dipper actually bolstered the kid's self-assurance. Perhaps I can influence the kid on more than just committing petty crimes. The old man felt his lips transform into a smile. "Thanks Dipper."
"No problem Grunkle Stan." The young teen responded with sincerity. But the tender Grunkle-nephew moment was interrupted by the melodious sound of sophisticated classical music. "Oh hey, the movie's back on!" Dipper commented.
Stan comfortably plopped back on the couch. Dipper shortly climbed on the sofa shortly thereafter, taking his small spot next to his Grunkle. Both Pines watched in amazement as the Duchess waltzed her way through the crowd of attendees at the cotillion. Her dress was especially elegant, with its soft ruffles and intricate design.
"She looks beautiful…" Dipper awed, his eyes widened with wonder.
"She definitely does kiddo." Stan replied, who was also enchanted by the Duchess's gorgeous dress.
Over the next two hours, Stan and Dipper huddled together on the armchair as they watched The Duchess Approves. The two of them were almost quiet throughout the viewing, with the exceptions of subtle remarks at the movie or engaging in small banter. Once the final scene occurred, Dipper was just livid with the film's conclusion as Stan was when he first saw it. Fortunately for Stan, Dipper didn't take his rage out on the television and shouted at the screen instead.
"Oh, you gotta be kidding me!" Dipper shouted uproariously as the cursive The End title card appeared. The teen stood up on the couch to express his discontent. "Seriously Duchess? You can't go back to that lame Count Lionel, especially not after his stupid excuse to win you over! He doesn't understand you like Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire does!"
"Preach." Stan agreed, raising his can of Pitt Cola.
Dipper's cheeks turn pink as he realized that Stan was watching his animated tirade against the movie's ending. "I got a little carried away there…"
"Don't worry about it Dipper." Stan assured his nephew. "I was also angry with the film's ending. So much so that I threw the TV out the window!"
"I remember you doing that last year." Dipper briefly reminisced. He returned his focus to Stan. "Glad to know that I'm the only one who gets incredibly emotional over movies."
"Same here." Grunkle Stan chuckled as he began to stretch out his legs from his sitting position. "Well if you're interested in movies, I have a couple of books on film that I can give ya."
"Really?"
"Yep. I got a few books on special effects written by Henry Claymore, a couple on film history and one on the history of horror cinema." Grunkle Stan explained. "They're a bit old, but they might catch your interest."
"Thanks Grunkle Stan." Dipper said happily.
"Sure thing kiddo."
The two focused their attention on the television only to find an annoying infomercial selling shoes for pets, featuring none other than Robbie Renzobbie.
"Ugh, it's the informercial hour." Stan groaned.
Dipper, however, began to brainstorm ideas on how to alleviate the situation. "Grunkle Stan, do you have today's newspaper on you?"
"Sure do, kiddo." Stan handed the rolled up paper to his nephew. Dipper unrolled it and began to scan through the fragile pages. He soon came across the local TV listings and began to search for another program to watch.
"Hey Grunkle Stan," Dipper held up the newspaper. "If you wanna watch more period pieces, EBS is marathoning the first season of Woburn Palace."
"Woburn Palace?" The conman repeated. "What's that?"
"It's a show about the lives of a dysfunctional aristocratic family in Victorian England. The series has been praised by a majority of critics and it won a boatload of awards" Dipper explained.
"Does it have any romantic subplots and poor parent-child relationships?"
"Most likely."
"Then I'm sold!" Stan exclaimed, beaming at his nephew.
The elder Pines grabbed the remote and changed it to the Educational Broadcast Services channel. Shots of lavish castles and stuffy aristocrats alongside title credits appeared on the screen.
"Nice, it's starting." Dipper observed. The teen jumped on the couch and settled himself next to Stan. The conman and his nephew exchanged eager grins as they were about to begin their fancy old lady TV show marathon.
Four hours had passed and the two were still seated on the couch, watching the daily dramas surrounding an illustrious British family.
"Man, that duke guy is really gonna get himself into some hot water if he gets caught with smoochin' the maid." Stan remarked. Dipper nodded in agreement as he sipped his can of Pitt Cola.
Suddenly, Dipper and Stan heard the front door open, crashing against the wall. There could only be one plausible clue as to who had barged into the shack.
"Stanley, we're home!" Ford announced.
"And I have more scrapbook photos!" Mabel shouted.
Shoot! Stan panicked in his seat. If Ford sees what I'm watchin', there's no way he's gonna let me live it down!
Dipper calmly reached for the remote and changed the channel. The steamy love affair between the young duke and the housemaid switched to the image of two testosterone-fueled wrestlers duking it out in an over-the-top cage match. Stan didn't have time to react as his brother and niece entered the living room.
"Dipper! Grunkle Stan!" Mabel happily greeted as she ran towards the couch. "So how's your day been so far?"
"Pretty well," Dipper answered. "Grunkle Stan and I spent most of the day chilling out on the couch and channel surfing. I bet you and Grunkle Ford had a blast on that bunny expedition."
"You bet we did bro-bro!"
"I was thinking we can talk about it more over lunch. I promised Mabel that we take the family out to eat at the local Mexican restaurant." Ford explained.
"You mean Hermanos Brothers." His brother assumed.
"Ah yes, that's the name of the place."
"Alright, lemme get changed first." Stan announced as he got up from the couch. "Dipper, I need you to help me find something upstairs." Dipper heeded his Grunkle and followed him up towards the second floor of the shack.
The two reached the second floor within seconds and they continued their walk towards Stan's room. Before the conman entered his bedroom, he knelt down and put his hand on his nephew's shoulder. "Okay kiddo, what happened today needs to be kept a secret. I don't want Ford knowin' that I like old lady media. If he ever finds out, I'm never gonna hear the end of it!"
Dipper looked at his uncle, seeing the apprehension in his eyes. The teen knew how to comfort the old man. "Don't worry, we'll just keep this between us guys."
"Will you promise me that Dipper?" Stan asked, his voice slightly faltering.
"My lips are sealed." He responded. The conman figured that the boy would be good at keeping his word.
Stanley smiled at his nephew, relieved to hear that the boy was willing to keep their feminine-drama marathon a secret. "So, would ya wanna watch some more period pieces again with your old man sometime, well, when it's just the two of us?"
Dipper didn't hesitate to give an answer.
"Of course Grunkle Stan."