A bajillion ways Caillou died in alternate dimensions

by MechanicCave

Just a series of short stories/ideas that came into my head. No continuity between each. Some may become full-length stories if I feel they have the potential of stretching as long as Cartoon characters in the real world did! Rated T because of not overly-descriptive violence, some swearing, and sometimes philosophical concepts purely to make you laugh. Read and Review!

1. Gilbert's Revenge

One day Caillou was playing with his blocks. Or his teddy. Or his dinosaur thing? Argh screw it! They all look too similar because of the cheap animation! Then Gilbert walked up to Caillou to play. "No Gilbert! Go away!" Caillou said, annoyed. Gilbert decided to leave by the quickest route as he was a very intelligent cat. Unfortunately, that quickest route happened to have Caillou's stack of dinosaurs. I mean teddies. Wait never mind, blocks. Caillou was just about to put another dinosaur onto the stack and beat his record of 2 stacked on each other! Suddenly, the entire universe's time went 2 times slower, and dramatic music started to play. The fabric of space-time was nearly torn to give you this effect so BE GRATEFUL! (We will come back to this story after this advertisement break)

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(Back to the story) … But THEN! Caillou's mouth that was weirdly always on the left side of his face gasped with ALARM as his eyes darted to Gilbert, leaping through the air like a female praying mantis jumping to eat her husband's head! Okay that was a terrible metaphor. In fact I don't think insects like praying mantises HAVE husbands. Caillou's voice, that had been deepened due to the temporary breaking of the space-time continuum came like a screeching mix between a chalkboard being scraped and Chinese water torture; "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" But then the space-time continuum was repaired (although it would be bad to break it a second time, as it may cause temporal rips to destroy the multiverse) and Gilbert smashed through the stack of blocks, causing Caillou to scream like a stuck pig.

"GILBERT!" Caillou thundered, although it came out pretty squeaky and whiney (squiney) due to him being four years old and not intimidating at all, "YOU KILLED MY BLOCK STACKS! I'M GOING TO KILLLL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Remember, Caillou was four years old, and at the point in life where he thought his toys were alive (although if his blocks were alive it would be like living in hell due to being unable to move your body, or affect your surroundings, and being like in a coma, except that you are completely aware of everything that is happening around you and knowing full well that you cannot do anything about it, for all eternity, or unless your body was destroyed.), so don't blame him for speaking errors.

Caillou grabbed Gilbert by the neck and attempted to strangle him, but due to him being four years old and living a 100% exercise free lifestyle, he barely tickled the cat. Gilbert, however felt differently from being tickled. Not physically, but mentally. Gilbert was a cat, but he always liked to think of himself as a lion. And lions tended to think of their manes as holding all their pride. And guess where the mane was? On the neck. And Caillou had both his stringy little hands on it. Gilbert went into a berserker rage, unleashing his claws on Caillou. Slicing at a rate of 112.563 hits per second, there wasn't even time for Caillou to feel pain. There wasn't enough time for blood to hit the floor. Gilbert sliced so fast that he cut the blood molecules in half. Gilbert stalked off, satisfied.

Meanwhile, Doris, Boris (Mummy and Daddy), and Rosie (who had been wearing Caillou's teddy shirt) had videotaped the whole thing with a camera that was so fast that it could take pictures of hummingbird wings flapping, in the hopes of videotaping Caillou's tantrum when he saw Rosie wearing his teddy shirt. But this. This was much better. They posted the video onto youtube, and gained 18,923,564, 128 likes to 2 dislikes within the first hour.

Hey guys, I know I haven't been updating my latest story, "Night of the living Caillou". Don't look for it, because I've deleted it. I lost interest in the project a few weeks back after I couldn't think of a suitable way to introduce the tf2 mercenaries and have them battle the Caillou army. Well, introducing "A bajillion ways Caillou died in alternate dimensions", a collection of short stories that won't make the final cut of being made into full chapter stories. This one was especially long to start with a bang, meaning that most of them will probably be shorter. Please note that each of these stories will have been set in a new dimension/universe, meaning that each will have been a normal Caillou episode until the events happened. There will be no continuity between each one, unless I feel like making a sequel to each shorty. Who knows, some of these might even turn into full-length stories. Thanks for being patient. NOW GO OUTSIDE AND THROW A BASKETBALL OR SOMETHING INSTEAD OF STARING AT THAT COMPUTER SCREEN FOR SO MANY HOURS!