This is the second of a series of drabbles I'm writing with some of the Hunger Games characters. First one is 'Drunk' in Haymitch's POV and it's in my profile, please check it out :) This one is also pretty short, and it's Peeta's thoughts before Katniss meets him in the rooftop the night before the Games. I hope you enjoy reading!
Summary: What was Peeta thinking about when Katniss found him on their apartment's rooftop the night before the Games? Told in Peeta's POV.
...
...
...
How can you know if someone is the love of your life?
You really can't, until you get to know them or, in my case, her. Until you are able to dig into their head, until the moment you know what they're thinking and share their thoughts, until that moment you cannot know if you truly love someone, or if it's just a passive crush. Most people find love when they're older, ready to settle down and found a family. Have little children and take care of them. But I have always known who I'm in love with, ever since I was a little boy. She was the girl who stole my heart with her singing in Music class, the girl who almost died of hunger when we were just children. I probably shouldn't think I was his savior, but the look on her eyes always seems to tell me she thinks she owes me something. And I know as a fact Katniss Everdeen is not the kind of girl who likes being indebted to people.
I've wondered what will happen to me for the last days, since Katniss and I were reaped. It would already be hard to kill a perfect stranger, how could I possibly handle dealing with Katniss in the Arena. Would she kill me? I can't tell. I know Katniss is not a bad person, it's just more of a hardcore thing. But still, I can't help but wonder. We aren't that attached anyway, and she has to survive. Her mother and little Prim need her more than my family needs me. But would I die for her? Just to let her return to District 12, crowned as a victor? I think so, even though I'm sure she doesn't feel half of what I feel for her.
Now, not only Katniss knows about my feelings towards her, but the whole nation too. I had just blurted it out in front of Caesar Flickerman, in front of the whole goddamn Capitol and therefore in front of Panem entirely. I bet some of the boys from school are snickering at me right now. Poor Peeta, in love with a Seam girl. But now there's no point in denying it. Plus, it could be useful for the Hunger Games. The star-crossed lovers of District 12. I can already see Capitol girls squealing at our sight in the screens. Perhaps we could stir up something...stand for the cause. I have never been this revolutionary kind of boy, but the Hunger Games have always ticked me off. If only we could do something to stop them, or at least avoid them...
I hear footsteps approaching, so I sit up quickly. Probably it will be Haymitch, arriving to our apartment completely drunk and flopping onto his bed noisily after a couple of minutes wandering around semi-unconscious. But I'm surprised to see a tall, slender figure walking towards me. She wears her black hair in a braid, and seems to be wide awake despite the time it is. I check the clock and I notice it's three in the morning already.
"You should be sleeping."
She doesn't say hello, or even smiles. She just states the obvious and stands in front of me, staring. I still feel wrong about everything that has happened today, but I don't know how to tell her how sorry I am. I know she's technically the one who almost broke my hands, but let's be honest, I don't have a chance in the Games with her around.
I show her what the people outside are doing: dancing, partying for the start of the Hunger Games tomorrow. I don't feel like talking, not to her. Not right now. I know the less I talk to her, the less painful losing her will be. But she keeps talking, and I try to answer without talking much. Until she says she's sorry for my hands, and then I answer it's okay. I don't hold a chance in the Games anyway.
"You shouldn't think that," she tells me.
"Why not? It's true." I answer, torturing myself with every word I say. Now I realize I might very well be dead by tomorrow night. "My only hope is not to make anyone feel ashamed of myself and..."
"And what?" she insists. I feel how her voice has slightly changed.
"I don't know how to put this...you know, if I'm going to die, I want to still be me. Does that make sense?" she nods, and I let out a sigh. "I don't want them to change me out there. I don't want them to turn me into a monster, because that's not what I am."
Katniss falls silent for a second, biting her lower lip. Is she feeling guilty? I guess so. But why should she, anyway? It was me talking, not her.
"So do you mean you're not going to kill anyone?" she finally asks.
"No. When the moment comes I'm sure I'll end up killing like everybody else. I can't go down without fighting. I just want to find a way to show the Capitol they don't own me, that I am something more than a piece of their Games."
She looks at me with her brow slightly furrowed, and from this moment our conversation turns harsher and harsher. She ends up leaving, practically fuming, after I answer her with one of Haymitch's condescending pick-up lines. At first I feel mad at her for everything she had said, but then I just press my head against my knees. I can't just hate her, no matter what she does. She's Katniss Everdeen, the girl I've been in love with since I was six years old. Tomorrow we will be thrown into the Arena with other twenty-two tributes, and at least one of us won't make it out alive.
But just as I told Katniss a few minutes ago, if I'm going to die I want to still be me. And to be me means to love her with all my heart, no matter what.
...
...
...
Ta-daah! That was all for my little Peeta POV drabble :) I hope you liked it! If so, please R&R. Critics are always welcome, as long as they're not flames.
Also, the dialogues between Katniss and Peeta might not be completely accurate, since I just took them from what I remembered from the movie and the book. So please don't be too hard with that!
Anyway, see you soon~!
Juliet :)