Drew Tanaka has the same nightmare almost every night. It's guilt. Guilt racking up on her conscious. Guilt for not being able to save her siblings. Guilt for not being able to save her father. Guilt for not fighting hard enough in the final battle. Guilt for not being able to stop Silena from giving out that information that got people killed. Her own boyfriend killed for gods' sake.
The nightmare always starts the same. It's Luke Castellan and Silena, her very one sister, yelling things at her. Guilt tripping her. Trying to manipulate her into thinking it's all her fault. And sometimes it works. It's why the nightmare keeps coming back. It's like the gods are trying to make her realize something. Like maybe they're telling her to let go of her guilt.
She stands in a misty land that almost looks like how she pictures the Fields of Asphodel. She sees Silena and Luke come from the area she only refers to as the promised land. It's huge and nice and she wonders how either of them made it there. They almost glide over to her.
"You could have saved him!" Silena taunted Drew. "Saved your father! If you just would have grown a spine and told Chiron that you suspected me instead of playing right into my hand! You hesitated and it came back to bite you in the – "
"STOP IT!" Drew screamed, falling to her knees and covering up her ears. "STOP IT! You're lying! Even if I had told Chiron you would've gotten him killed as punishment!" She takes her hands off her ears and uneasily stands. "Stop trying to blame other people for your mistakes! Even if you died saving other people that doesn't make up for the people you led to be killed while you were still alive."
Silena took a shocked step back. Like she really believed dying a hero made up for the other lives she led to the end of. Drew was upset. Drew was far more than upset. She was beyond mad. These people were monsters. Most demigod children had horrible backgrounds. Hell, Drew did and she didn't become a person who helped an evil Titan commit the killing of hundreds of children and teenagers.
Luke stepped forward after Silena stepped back. This has never happened in the dream before. She never stands up for herself. She always thought she deserved the guilt. But she's done with that now. She'll be respected.
"Honestly I don't why our spirits choose to haunt you each night! It's useless. Just like you were in the Battle of Manhattan." He takes a step forward and, if this had happened any other night, Drew would have stumbled back to avoid letting him get close to her. But she kept her ground.
"I was not useless!" Drew said. Shocked by how bitter she sounded. "My cabin was great." She noticed how Silena was gathering herself and was about to step forward. Drew sent her a glare so sharp it could cut diamonds. "Without Silena. We don't need you help!" She yells at her, quite harshly. Silena retreats again.
"What about all your siblings that died?" Luke sneered.
"You mean the ones killed by the army of the Titan you let possess you?!" She basically screeched. She was upset by how easily they manipulated her. No more she decides right then and there. No one will ever walk all over her anymore. She was in charge.
Luke's sneer fell. "I had no choice."
Drew's jaw tightened and her eyes hardened. "You did. You had a choice whether or not to let a TITAN. POSSESS. YOU." She says letting anger get the best of her. She was tired of this damn dream guilt tripping her when in reality these two people – who definitely don't deserve it – get to sit in Elysium enjoying the rest of their lives.
Goddammit she was angry. So, so angry. She deserved to be angry! These people have tortured her brain and made her unwelcoming.
"You killed them! Annabeth's friends! And Charlie. The only person who treated me like I wasn't broken for thinking of myself as pretty. Being a demigod made my life hell! But I didn't become a homicidal maniac!"
Drew felt her insides burst with something. Something warm that she knows she's felt for other people…but she's never felt this for herself. Pride. She felt proud of herself for the first time in what felt like forever. Her eyes brimmed with tears. Happy tears. The first time since the Battle of Manhattan.
"Why're you crying? Thinking of your miserable life! Well I had a hard life too- "
"Yeah, Luke. That's my point. We both had hard lives. And I reacted to mine better than you. Stronger than you. I resigned to raising myself at the age of 8 when my grandma died. And I did. And I may have turned out full of myself and able to do impeccable eyeliner. And you bet your ass I'm proud of those traits."
Drew decided that from now on she would be sure of herself, think of creative ways of punishment, and would make sure no other traitors lived in her cabin. No traitors.
She stood up straighter and a smirk blossomed across her face. They retreated. They disappeared completely. Drew was confused. Then she felt a jerking sensation.
She sat straight up in bed and looked over at her clock. It said 4 A.M. Hopefully, Drew thinks this dream thing has finally come to an end. And she can follow her promises and become the best cabin leader the Aphrodite cabin has ever had.