Inu-Ranma
By Medina
*Characters property of Rumiko Takahashi. I have no delusions of them belonging to me whatsoever, even as much as I love them.
Chapter 1: Cake
"I HAVE to make this cake right!!" Akane screamed at the top of her lungs, her face turning a bright shiny red, grasping at Kasumi's dress collar, Kasumi with a big sweatdrop on her forehead.
"Akane, do calm down!" Kasumi said, holding a humorative
smile on her face and maintaining the evenness of voice that she
always did. Akane let go and bounded around the kitchen.
"You don't understand! This is Ranma's eighteenth birthday,
and I told him that I would make him the best cake ever... of
course, he laughed so hard that he almost wet his pants... but
I'm DETERMINED to do this," she slammed her fist down on
the countertop, causing all of the items upon it to jump a few
inches. The flour and various spices inch dangerously close to
the edge.
"Alright, I'll help you. I can see this means a lot to you,"
Kasumi smiled, walking to the cupboard to get out the large mixing
bowl and a wooden spoon. Akane brightened.
"Thank you, my wonderful, wonderful sister! I have to prove
to him that I can do something right, and this cake will have
to be perfect. Then he'll stop bothering me about how I "can't
cook"..."
"Ah, Akane, it's so nice for you to be showing how much you
care for him now, and I'm sure even if the cake tastes like chalk,
he'll appreciate you baking for him!" the older girl said
with her ever-cheerful smile upon her face. Akane facefaulted.
"Chalk? HEY, I-- I don't care for that pervert! I
just have to get that baka to stop making fun of me..." she
looked back at Kasumi, who was still smiling. Akane sighed, leaning
her chin onto her fist, "Okay... I do care about him... Just
don't go spreading it all over the place!"
"Do I look like Nabiki?" the two of them broke out into
a fit of sisterly giggling, and then started to gather the necessary
ingredients to create an edible cake.
"Baking soda?"
"Akane, that's father's foot powder..."
"Oops..."
"Can you get me the fudge flakes?"
"Sure, here."
"Akane... these are ground cloves..."
"Oops again..."
* * * *
"Ke ke ke... I still can't believe that I found one! In all my travels, in all my years!" he laughed to himself as he hopped from rooftop to rooftop, a bundle twice his size slung across his back, "and on top of that, it was inside an exquisitely lacy... hehe... darling," he pulled out a lightly padded brassiere that was white with lavender lace and pink flowers. "I doubt I got any sort of bonus in today's haul, but I think these are good enough in themselves."
Happosai bounded down into an open window in the Tendo House,
which led into Ranma and Genma's room, which was fortuitously
empty. The old man took off the rag that he had tied around his
head and under his nose, opened his bag and dug right into the
spoils of the day. Underwear of all shapes, colors, sizes and
materials flowed from the emptying bag, all stolen from women
around the Nerima area, some unaware of their missing laundry,
others had chased the mysterious pervert that had invaded their
unmentionables or thrown a rock or flowerpot at him. The little
man rubbed a bump on his head as he examined each article meticulously,
his smarmy little hands sweating with excitement.
"Now that I think about it... where did I leave my happy
surprise from yesterday?" he took out the bra again and searched
its extent, but didn't find what he was looking for. "Oh
no, don't tell me that I lost it!!" he stood up, his hands
clasped to his face, his eyes wide with fear. "With it, I
could surely become the most powerful martial artist... not that
I'm not already, but it could sure increase my daily haul!"
he patted his own gi all over, and still found nothing.
"It has to be here!" he said aloud, leaping from place
to place, tearing apart the room looking for his prized find.
He stopped, and suddenly, he remembered. "AH! I know, I put
it in my sea salt jar to keep people out of it... who wants to
go through an old man's salts anyway?" he ran to his corner
of the room, looking through the mess that he left of bras, panties,
nylons, garters, teddies, his pipe, and various herbs and analgesics
he kept for good use. "My jar's gone...where is it?"
He took to racing through the house, and came upon Kasumi and
Akane in the kitchen. His eyes brightened, and forgot about finding
his lost treasure for a moment.
"Akane! I need comforting, please hold me in your nurturing
bosom!" he cried, leaping at at Akane, who had automatically
left from mixing eggs in a bowl into a defensive position; in
this household, Akane was always on alert for whatever might creep
up on her, whether it be a suitor, a homicidal fiancee of Ranma's,
or, in this case, a raging pervert.
"Away from me, slime!!" she spat angrily, splatting
Happosai's face onto the counter, this time shaking it so much
that the flour began to teeter on the edge.
"Akane, the flour!" Kasumi shouted a warning from across
the kitchen where she was setting the oven to preheat. Akane immediately
saw the flour nearly tumbling down, taking the other spice jars
with it.
"I can't finish the cake without the flour!!" Akane
reminded herself, and grabbing the bowl, made a dive for the floor
in front of the falling ingredients.
"Phew..." Akane sighed. She had caught just enough of
the flour, albeit mixed with an unknown amount of various spices
and sugar, to make her cake. She stood up, putting the bowl back
on the counter, then turned to Happosai again, who was recovering
from being mashed onto a hard surface.
"You dried-up little toad... you almost RUINED my cake!"
"Now now, Akane, I'm sure you were doing that already..."
he said in a-matter-of-fact tone. Akane's eye were red with rage.
"Oh look! There's my sea salt!" he reached for one of
the overturned spice jars.
"Take your stupid sea salt and rot in hell!!!" Akane
screamed as she booted him through the roof and far away.
In the next town over, from the inside of a Happosai-shaped hole, one would hear...
"My sea salt... where is the shard?"
* * * *
"Come back here, you crummy little cutlet! Gimme back my jacket, or I'll tell Akane what you really are!!" Ranma bellowed as he chased the cute little pig down the street, the pig trailing a red jacket behind him, his jaws clamped tightly to the sleeve. Ranma dove and nearly snagged his evasive shirt, but the piglet deftly leapt to the side, trailing the sleeve in the other direction, sending Ranma skidding in the dirt. "GAAAH!!!"
Ryoga sweated, for he knew that Ranma was really angry now, and
if he did get caught this time, it would mean pain. Who
knows? Would Ranma ever get mad enough to make pork cutlets out
of him? He shuddered at the thought of being battered, deep fried
and dipped in tonkatsu sauce, and continued to run as fast as
his porcine hooves could carry him. He had better get a really
big hug from Akane for this!
The Tendo doorstep? Had he really found it? He thanked the gods
for leading him to sanctuary! A good thing too; Ranma was swiftly
closing in on him!
"I gotcha!!" Ranma finally snatched up his shirt, but
Ryoga relented likewise, and slipped through the Tendo House's
door, which had been conveniently left ajar. Ranma, thoroughly
steamed, slipped his dirty jacket back on and rushed into the
house. "What the hell was that all about? Come out, you little
creep!"
Darkness greeted Ranma, and a strike of caution went through his
body; there was someone hiding in here. He immediately slowed
down, priming his senses to detect any attack that might come
at him under the cover of shadows. The house was too quiet, and
that smell -- he didn't recognize it. He reached for the light
switch and flipped it on...
"SUPRISE!!!"
Leaping into a defensive pose, Ranma scanned his attackers and
saw... balloons, confetti falling on him, and everyone he knew?
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"
His jaw dropped; he definitely hadn't been expecting this! An
Amazon ambush, yes; Akane with a mallet, sure; his pop with a
new fiancee, he wouldn't be fazed; but this, a suprise party?
No. On top of that, all of his fiancees were here, along
with a few of his enemies, and no one was fighting. Akane, in
a blue party dress, holding a wheezing P-Chan in her arms came
forward, and with a smile, strapped a pointed hat to her fiancee's
head, which said "Birthday Boy" in English.
"Forgive P-Chan, I had him steal your jacket so you would
come here in a hurry," Ranma looked down at the pig, who
seemed contented to remain in Akane's grasp -- a little too much.
"Aw, no hard feelings," he said, a smile on his face
that was simply too big to be trusted and began to pet P-Chan.
"not on my birthday, Mr. Cutlet.." he whispered to Ryoga,
the piglet's eyes nearly bugging out from Ranma's "petting"
grip.
"I can't believe all of these people are here. Shampoo, Mousse,
the Mummy, Ucchan, Kuno... (why him?), Kodachi... (why her?),
my school buds, and, wow, almost every person we've had adventures
with! How did you do it? I mean, without causing World War Three?"
Ranma asked, genuinely marveled by the people there... and the
peace that remained amidst the party. Akane smiled.
"Well, you can thank your mother for that! She sent out the
invitations to your other "fiancees" saying that they
were invited, but if they caused any trouble that she would make
you commit seppuku in accordance to the pact made ten years ago
by you and your father," Akane stated. Ranma bigsweated.
"That explains them, but what about everyone else?"
he pointed to all of the other guests that would normally be making
life very difficult, not to mention the house into shambles.
"Ah... I'm not sure. I think since Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi
have reason to enforce the peace, they must have leverage over
some of the other people. I'm sure everyone at this party's life
has been threatened in some way or another, so it'll be a nice
party for once, don't you think?" Akane told him, wryly.
Ranma bigsweated again.
"What about you, Akane, what's your leverage?" he asked,
a sudden flash of cunning striking his brain. Akane looked at
him and turned red, dropping P-Chan, who discreetly skittered
off to the bathroom.
"I... I..." she stuttered, and frowned. "Ranma,
I made you a cake!" she shouted suddenly, gesturing to the
three-layer cake that sat on the dining table. The crowd went
silent, their attention to the cake, where Kasumi, unaware, stood,
putting eighteen candles on it. Ranma blankly walked over to the
confection: it was a cake, it smelled like a cake ("That
was the odd smell that I got when I came in!"), the frosting,
uneven, was a swirly blue, with icing flowers that looked a bit
wilted. On top, "Ran-MA" was written in a childish hand.
"You... made this?" he looked at Akane, trying not to
sound rude. She nodded, smiling at her handiwork. Ranma smiled
too...
"Let's all sing now, the candles are lit!' Kasumi announced,
breaking the tension brought about by the confection of Akane's
making. Kasumi began to wave her hands back and forth to get everyone
to start the song together.
"Happy biiiirth-day toooo yoooooou..."
Ranma felt the song as a funeral dirge, and looked about for an
escape, but he was surrounded by the singing throng. He wanted
to make Akane happy, but... her cooking usually caused hospital
visits, not happy birthdays. The song was almost ending... try
to act naturally...
"Blow out your candles, Ranma," Akane whispered, nudging
him. He smiled at her, despite the sweat that covered his face,
and quickly blew the candles out, to which the crowd gave a hearty
cheer. He was then enveloped by his other fiancees, each trying
to move him in a different direction.
"Ran-chan, I have a gift for you! Open mine first!"
Ukyo said, waving a wrapped box in front of his face so quickly
that he barely made out the shrimp-shaped design on the paper,
then he was jerked to another girl.
"Aiyaah! Spatula-girl no get to give airen first present!
Ranma want Shampoo gift now, yes yes?" she gazed into Ranma's
eyes, holding a gift that was obviously some chinese talisman,
for Shampoo hadn't bothered to put it in a box, the crudely-taped
wrapping paper giving away its shape. Ranma was sweating more
here than with Akane's cake!
"Lord Ranma!" he didn't want to look -- he knew who
it was. "Forget their crude knick-knacks, come away with
me! I've bought us two plane tickets to a tropical paradise,"
Kodachi said, pulling his arm towards her, despite the fact that
Shampoo was refusing to let go, and Ukyo was creeping up on the
both of them with her spatula, "let us lay to waste these
days of rivalry and heartbreak, let us be someplace where our
true passion can thrive!"
"Lemme go!" he sputtered, as Kodachi and Shampoo enveloped
more and more of each arm, staring daggers at one another, Ukyo
sneaking up behind them both with her spatula high above her head.
"Ranma, would you have the first piece of the cake...?"
Akane asked, turning around with a big slice of the cake on a
plate, her expression darkening when she saw the tug-of-war ensuing
before her.
"I guess you're too busy for this, then, aren't you?"
she said, her voice monotone. Ranma was tempted to nod his head,
but took his time, wondering which situation was worse at the
moment. He reeled back as Ukyo took a swing for Kodachi, who pulled
back, along with Ranma's arm, jerking it into a most uncomfortable
angle. Akane frowned, and noticing a damp Ryoga re-entering the
Dojo hall, turned her back to Ranma. "I'm sure Ryoga would
be happy to have it..."
"I want it!" Ranma said quickly -- he hated to be upstaged
by that overdramatic hog, and also found Akane's cake to hold
advantages -- a little food poisoning was better than being in
the middle of a jealous cat-fight, not to mention have to face
Akane the next day.
"You no want!"
"Open my present!"
"Come away with me!"
"A-Hem."
The three girls eyes all shot to the source of the interruption.
Nodoka Saotome stood, her arms crossed, her fingers caressing
the hilt of the Saotome family katana. Ranma found himself free,
and glad of it --for more reasons than one. His mother smiled,
and went back to talking to the old lady from down the street
who always splashed Ranma while watering her front yard. He strolled
over to Akane, who was alone by her cake.
"No one wants any... and I think Ryoga got lost on purpose,"
she said, looking down, disappointed, at her cake. "And I
worked so hard on it..."
Ranma placed his hand over Akane's hand that was holding the plate.
She looked up and saw his face radiating a kind gratitude.
"Thanks Akane, I'm really glad that you made this cake for
me -- it means a lot," he took the plate from her hand, and
while she beamed at him, he downed half of it in one bite. He
chewed, he moved it around in his mouth, checked for the taste
of vinegar or rat poison -- none. Akane awaited her verdict.
"Akane," he mumbled with his mouth full, an odd expression
on his face which Akane didn't like a bit, "this... this
tastes really good!" She nearly fell over. He swallowed a
bit, allowing him to speak clearer; "Yeah, it's like, chocolate
mixed with spices -- it seems like it shouldn't go together, but
the flavor's actually great! And the twinge of salt really brings
out the sweetness of the frosting and the bits of banana. I'm
really impressed, Akane, you must have worked really hard on this!
Thanks a lot -- better than any other present I could get!"
He smiled, and continued to chew, but wrapped his arm around her
back for a semblance of a hug. Seeing this, the jaws of the other
three contendresses dropped, and each in turn sulked away to another
corner of the hall.
Akane was petrified, but not with fear -- she didn't know what
to do when she did something right for a change, and especially
in cooking! She remembered all of the spices that had been mixed
in when she had knocked everything off of the counter when the
old man had came after her... the salt... she cringed. And she
didn't even remember putting in any banana; perhaps that was what
she had thrown in instead of the toffee chips that she thought
went in. Oh well, it worked, didn't it? Finally, she reacted --
she smiled the biggest smile she had given in a long time, and
blushed. He had hugged her, of course, and given her some outstanding
compliments.
By now, others had seen that Ranma wasn't doubled over in pain
or throwing up, so their interest was peaked, and Kasumi was starting
to cut off more pieces for the guests. Ranma chomped down the
second half of his cake, and chewed contentedly until he felt
something crunch between his teeth and slide uncomfortably down
his throat.
"Ech... Akane, I think you left a bit of eggshell in there,"
he told her, feeling around his teeth with his tongue to make
sure he hadn't chipped anything. She didn't hear his comment amidst
her euphoria.
"Eh, what is this?" Happosai said, wandering in from
outside, still dusty from being punted away earlier in the day.
He saw the cake on the table, and looked up at Akane, "So,
you really were making a cake, eh? And it looks like a success!
Hah, thank me for the help!" he began to laugh, and run about
the Dojo touching the women's behinds as he went. Akane didn't
notice him, still in shock, but when the little pervert came across
one stately pair of legs, he was stopped by a blunt object to
his head. He wobbled about, and was plucked up by the hand of
Nodoka Saotome.
"You were not invited, master, so please, leave!" she
told him softly, then chucked him out of an open window, leaving
him dazed outside.
When the stars had stopped circling his bald head, he lay there contemplating something else that he had been intent on finding there.
"The shard! It went into Akane's flour mix, which means...
BLAST! It's irretrievable now..."
* * * *
As the final guest waved good-bye to Ranma, Akane and the rest of the Tendo-Saotome clan milled about the dojo, cleaning up the remnants of the party. Ranma returned to the mound of presents he had received, and began to wad up the wrapping paper that littered the ground, smiling. Akane, looking quite worn out, but still glowing with the success of her cake, took the large platter it had sat on back into the kitchen; there was hardly a crumb of it left, and she had even been asked by a few where they could get the recipe. She had only been able to blush, and tell them that it was an 'old family secret', and felt privately dismayed that she didn't even know what exactly was in it herself.
That night, after a long, hot bath, Akane lay back on her bed,
staring at the celling, letting the light of the full moon fill
her room with a silver hue. She sighed, in her contemplation;
things were going much better these days, less fights, less kidnappings,
more harmony in the family. It was like all of the lunacy of the
past three years was finally spinning down -- curses were just
another part of life, fiancees and suitors were easier to deal
with after the experience they had gained; life had to go on,
she mused, and it looked like her life was taking off in the right
direction. She was so glad that she had made Ranma that cake,
and given Nodoka the notion of a suprise party; and she could
almost admit it to herself... she did rather like Ranma. A silly
grin crossed her face when she thought that.
"Stop that," she said aloud to herself, slapping her
own cheeks as if to wipe the mood away. It didn't; her face just
got redder.
"Sorry, I'll leave..."
Akane shot up from her bed to see Ranma turning from her door,
which was ajar a crack, and found herself running to catch him.
"Wait -- I didn't know you were there... Why were you standing
outside my door...?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow, "and
how long... were you standing there?" she was nearly frowning
now. Ranma waved his hands in front of himself at her, with his
typical 'hey now, don't go jumping to conclusions!' expression
across his face.
"No, no, I just wanted to see.. er, talk to you. I was only
there for a little while, I didn't see.. I wasn't looking -- I
mean, I wasn't spying on you, if that's what you think! I... just
wanted to talk. That's all," he ended, frowning at the floor,
his arms held up behind his head. Akane peered at him narrowly,
and sighed again.
"Well, then, come in," she turned back into her room,
pushing the door open for Ranma to come in through. She hadn't
even made it to her bed before he had leapt to it and was already
sitting comfortably, although his right hand was nervously fidgeting
with the braid on the back of his head. She sat down across from
him on her desk chair and waited.
He looked at the opposite wall, and began, "I talked with
my mom, and she told me that the party was all your idea,"
he looked over to her, to find that she was gazing out the window
at the moon. He looked out too; it was big tonight, and he could
see the rabbit very clearly.
"Yes, it was my idea," she answered, unable to think
of anything good to tack onto her response.
"Anyway..." he began, but paused, rethinking his line,
"anyway, no one's ever done something that... nice for me
before," Akane pulled herself away from the moon to look
at him; he looked like a god with the shimmery moonlight upon
his face. "And I never would'a expected something like that
from anyone, 'specially you."
Akane frowned, and opened her mouth to protest, but he went on
right away.
"I know I've been a real weight on you and your family, and
I know I'm not the most polite and sensitive guy in the neighborhood,
so I never would expect you to do anything for me... other than
givin' me a few punches or kicks. And seein' how you put so much
effort into making a cake that was more than edible, I'm... more
than grateful," before Akane knew it, her eyes were locked
with his, and she felt her heart beating hard inside her chest
and she could have sworn that she heard his beating just as hard.
"I just had to tell you, what you did meant... a lot."
It must have been the full moon, the magic that poured in with
the silvery light, but Akane felt herself leaning over, leaning...
into his lips. She knew it really wasn't much of a kiss, later
on, but it felt like an eternity, a whole new world opening before
her in a quick, novice kiss. As soon as it had happened, it ended,
and she opened her eyes just in time to see a pigtail hurry out
her door. She stood up, shocked for the second time in one day,
and flopped down onto her bed.
"Did that just happen?" she asked herself, pressingher
fingers to her lips. She sat for a while just like that, determining
if it were dream or reality. She gazed out of her window again,
and lingered on a mischievous moon smiling down on her. Yes, it
seemed that her life truly was taking off in the right direction.