Disclaimer: I own none of the characters and none of the songs which served as inspiration for this story. No infringement is intended, though my borrowing of other people's genius was certainly intentional.
A/N: I was challenged by foxdvd to follow others in writing a "shuffle" challenge. This is one of them. The title is from a Nickelback song which came up second-to-last in my playlist: I cheated and replaced it with Missy Higgins. But it makes a good title for the story, as it turns out!
Savin' Me
Shuffle Challenge: CSI New York
1. "Whistle Down the Wind" Tina Arena
There was no sound but the wind, a constant moan through her ears, a sharp strike through her bones. It seemed to call her, to ask her questions she could not answer. There was a voice there, a need there, that drew her to the edge of the roof she had been standing on, arms wrapped around herself, coat loosely bundled around her shaking body.
"Montana?" His voice was simply another whisper in the wind.
"Montana? What are you doing, sweetheart?" It was more than that now – a shout against the pressure, drawing her towards the edge that she could not, would not deny any longer.
"Lindsay! Come back from the edge, sweetheart. I'm here. Lindsay. Come here."
When his arms went around her, she collapsed.
"I'm here, Lindsay. Right here."
2. "Wake Up Call" Maroon 5
He stood on the street corner, waiting for the traffic to stop long enough to get safely across the street. A month ago - hell, a week ago - he would have walked across the street and damned the cars that didn't stop, holding up his badge to instill the fear of God (or at least the fear of paperwork) into their black hearts.
Now he stood on the sidewalk waiting for the world to stop to let him move, waiting for the world to mold itself to him.
He had pushed away everyone who mattered to him, finally succeeded in simplifying his life to the point that he could hardly move, hardly make his feet move one in front of the other.
Everything had gone wrong. He had practically shoved Lindsay at Flack, knowing that at least his best friend would be careful with his ex's feelings. He had pissed off Stella and Mac, leaving them no choice but to ground him – put him on deskwork until the psych eval was over.
And now he stood on the side of the road and waited for the traffic to stop for him.
3. "Beautiful" Lifehouse
She sat on the bed, staring down at the small bundle lying in front of her. She was afraid to touch, afraid to believe in the existence of the tiny creature sleeping wrapped in blue blankets made for him by his great-grandmother long before his existence was more than a vague hope, a promise to the future. She could hardly breathe with the weight of generations on her.
This tiny creature, this small collection of flesh and bones and blood, had been created inside her frail and inefficient body, had grown day by day and night by night until he had burst through her in a flood of birthwater and blood, in a storm of screams and pain that rivaled anything she had ever felt in her life. In a gush of power that went beyond anything she had ever imagined.
Daniel Louis Messer screwed up his nose and sneezed. She could feel her eyes fill with tears, as they did so often these days, and she rubbed a gentle finger down his soft cheek, afraid to do more in case she woke him.
Nine months and a lifetime of fear in one tiny bundle of blue blanket on a white bedspread, sunshine pouring in through the window.
"Lindsay?"
She looked up and smiled as Danny walked in through the bedroom door, a cup of tea carried carefully in one hand.
"You okay?" His voice was soft, his eyes worried.
"Everything's okay, Danny."
4. "Ten Days" Missy Higgins
It had been nearly a week. She had not seen him – their shifts had been changed. Their paths did not cross. He had told her stiffly, formally, that he had to back away. He had said – oh, so coldly – that there was nothing in him left to give to her. He had said, "You need someone who can give you what you deserve. Not me, Linds. Not me."
And she had stood with her heart burning, her eyes filled with tears, and had said nothing in return. She had watched him walk away - defeated, so tired - and done nothing.
The next day she had phoned in sick.
The day after, she had gone to work and told Mac she needed to change to the swing shift. He had nodded – simply nodded – and signed the papers.
She had gone out, twice, with Flack. But once they had agreed not to talk about Danny, there was nothing left to say.
And for eight days, and eight long nights, she had curled around the pain.
And she had burned for him.
5. "Bridge Over troubled Water" Eva Cassidy
He had walked away, knowing it was the right, the only, thing to do.
He had stood helpless when Mac told him, with ice in his voice and a dismissive glance, that Lindsay had requested and received a transfer.
He had listened painfully when Flack had told him that Lindsay was alone, that no one, especially not his best friend, was going to fix this for him.
He had stood under her window night after night, waiting for her to leave, to return, to go to work or out to shop or anything. Something.
He had stood under her darkened window and could swear that he heard her crying.
But that could not be true. He was nothing to cry about. There was nothing in him that could hold the affections of someone like Lindsay Monroe. She deserved better – she did, he tried to convince himself – and she needed more than he could give. Needed more than he might ever be able to give again.
He was empty. And there was nowhere to go with his pain.
And yet, every night, he would stand beneath her window, listening for her voice, listening for the sound of movements that would tell him she was still there, still holding him in place.
She was the only thing he could hold onto.
She was the one thing he had to let go.
6. "Hallelujah" Rufus Wainwright
She held out a hand. "I can't do it any more, Danny."
He reached for her - his body moving without conscious volition – pulling her into his arms hungrily. He had tried – God knew he had tried – to do the right thing. But in the face of her sorrow, of her need, he was helpless.
When his mouth covered hers, she moaned. Tears streamed down cheeks pale and drawn from sleepless nights and days spent working herself into the ground – anything to bring on a few minutes of exhausted sleep that was filled with nightmares chasing her further into the darkness.
His warmth surroundeded her, and she could not keep her body from shaking as she pressed against him. When he filled her, she knew that there was no place that could ever be home again. He was her home. He was all there was.
And he cried out as he felt her move against him.
7. "Fields of Gold" Sting
They could barely stand to be apart. There had been so many hours, so many nights, when they had been stifled behind the heavy doors of pride and guilt and anger.
He had pushed her away. She had let him.
There was so much to forgive that there was no room left for anything but love.
When he moved against her, she could feel the sun. When she opened to him, he could feel the breeze through his soul. They answered each other before the questions could even be asked.
No matter how ugly the crime, no matter how deadening the evidence, they could feel the heat of each other through the walls and doors of the lab. And where before that awareness had brought pain, now it brought only certainty.
They had survived. And they were together.
8. "Musicbox" Regina Spektor
It wasn't easy being in a relationship at work. Everyone had an opinion. It was even harder, Danny thought, when everyone knew how badly you had screwed up, and everyone wanted to make sure you knew how lucky you were.
He knew he was lucky, damn it.
He thanked whatever passed for God every day that Lindsay was in his life.
He knew that he would never make that mistake again.
But his so-called friends watched him nonetheless.
Lindsay trusted him.
No one else was sure enough to just let him be. So every day he had to start all over again, convincing them that he was okay, that Lindsay was okay, that they were okay together.
Flack was the worst.
Stella was a close second.
Mac and Hawkes seemed content to watch from a distance, but Danny could feel the eyes on his every move.
9. "Speeding Cars" Imogen Heap
"Let's just go, Linds."
"I have to pack."
"I'll buy you whatever you need when we get there. Let's just take off."
"Danny, what's up with you? Why are you so eager to get away?"
"I just want to be alone with you. Just you and the sun and sand and nothing else."
"Is something wrong? Has something gone wrong?" In spite of herself, Lindsay could not help but look at him with a touch of suspicion. She tried, God knows, she tried to trust him. But this aggravated and impatient Danny was a throwback to a man she thought was long gone.
He rested his forehead against hers for a moment, holding her hands in his, and sighed.
"I just want to be with you. No one else. I want to get away from people asking every five minutes how things are – how I'm feeling. I just want to run away with you – just for the weekend."
She kissed him softly and smiled. "Maine, here we come."
10. "Nightminds" Missy Higgins
It was one year since Ruben had died, since Danny had gone on self-destruct mode. Since he had nearly thrown away everything he had worked for.
Including her.
He had left early in the morning, sneaking out before the sun rose. She knew he had gone to the church – it was the Blessing of the Bicycles again. He needed to go, she knew.
But he had not asked her to go with him. One more tiny tear in her heart, she sighed. Not the first in the past year.
It wouldn't be the last, she knew.
He needed to do this himself. She imagined him walking to the church, then to the cemetery, where he visited once a month regularly, sometimes with Rikki, sometimes alone.
Lindsay had adapted – she knew that Ruben would never leave Danny's heart.
But she knew she was there, too. This past year had taught her to trust that
She wrapped her arms around her growing belly. She had room for Ruben, for Rikki, for the other strays Danny brought into their relationship.
Her heart was torn, but not shredded. He would mend her, piece by piece.
And she would mend him, heart to heart.