Tobi's Easter Surprise
Cyndi: Introducing our star... Tobi!
Tobi: Tobi's a good boy!
Cyndi: Yes you are. Will you say the disclaimer?
Tobi: Sure! Tobi will!
Tobi: Cyndi does not own Naruto.
Cyndi: Hope you enjoy the Akatsuki Easter Special! Sorry, I left out Konan and Pein's gifts.
P.S. Let's pretend Sasori never died, OK?
It was all but a normal day at the Akatsuki Headquarters. It was Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. Tobi, the happy go lucky wonder boy, was wondering...
"It's almost Easter..." thought Tobi, lying face down on his pink pillow. "...What should I get everyone?"
He would tell them a story about how Easter started! Tobi sat up straight, excited and totally caffeine-powered. "Tobi's a good boy, he'll save the day! Whoosh!!" He ran around the room in a super-hero cape.
"What the-" said Sasori as he opened the door. "Get the out of my room. Now."
"Yes! Tobi is a good boy and therefore will go and rally all the members so that-" Tobi walked out of the room and faced Sasori.
"Just get out."
"Yes, Tobi will-"
"Out."
"But Tobi-"
"Sure. Whatever." Sasori closed the door and looked at his pillow.
"Pink?"thought Sasori. "I never knew he was gay."
As Tobi was running down the stairway, he saw Pein reading a book. "Leader-sama?"
"What Tobi? Is it Deidara trying to kill you in your sleep again?" asked Pein, annoyed. "Or maybe you accidentally cooked fish for Kisame? Honestly, there is no end to your antics." He glanced at Tobi in a threatening manner, then proceeded to read his book.
"Tobi wants to tell everyone a story!" yelled Tobi gleefully. "Can Leader-sama assemble everyone so that-"
"No, Tobi I won't." said Pein, flipping a page. "Remember the last time I let you tell everyone about The Cookie Diet?"
"Uh, Tobi forgets."
"Well, Deidara almost died from anorexia," said Pein, now angry, "Sasori became addicted to cookies, Hidan worshiped it for a week.."
Tobi widened his eyes. "Well, Tobi may recall-"
Pein shot Tobi a death glare. "Let me finish! Kisame'a stomach kept everyone up for a month, Kakuzu said that cookies were less expensive than regular, healthy meals. Zetsu became a vegetarian for a while, and Itachi... Well, Itachi never says anything, but he lost weight!"
"But Tobi did it because-"
"You know what, why don't you just get everyone a present?"
Tobi shot up. "Can Tobi do that?"
Pein sighed. "Tobi, there's nothing that you can't do. For example, you never shut up."
"Leader-sama is right! Tobi will now go and-" Tobi's sentence was cut off and replaced by loud shrieks emanating from the bathroom.
"What the hell?! Why the hell?! How the hell?! Where the fucking hell is Tobi?!" yelled a very angry Hidan, running out of the bathroom in a robe clutching his scythe. Pein stared at him.
"Great. You're actually wearing clothes today." said Pein, recalling the times when Hidan came out of the bathroom naked and paraded through the place like a model. However, Hidan came to realize that it was best not to be naked, especially in unholy territory.
"What's the matter, Hidan-san? Sorry, Tobi's too busy to play supermodel today-"
"Tobi, you fucking moron! The shampoo, it's been replaced by glue!" glared Hidan. "I don't know who would do this to me, since I am both crazy and hot, but-"
"Oh! Tobi saw Deidara-sempai this morning in the bathroom..." Deidara, who was sitting in a couch nearby, quickly motioned for Tobi to shut up. Deidara threw the T.V. remote, but missed Tobi by an inch.
"Tobi!" yelled Deidara. "Shut up!"
"Tsk, tsk." Tobi complained. "It was Deidara-sempai who tought Tobi to never interrupt somebody else's sentences. Anyways, Tobi saw Deidara-sempai puring glue into Hidan-san's extra expensive shampoo bottle so-"
Hidan glared at Deidara. Deidara glared at Tobi and looked at Hidan. "Oh, shit." Without uttering another word, Deidara backed away slowly from the scene until Hidan burst into a fit of maniacal rage and chased after him.
"Now Tobi has to go to wrap presents." Tobi left the scene and went into his room.
EASTER TIME
Tobi woke up, tired and exhausted after a sleepless night wrapping presents. He wondered how everyone would react. Last time, during Christmas, they were so happy that they told him never to get them presents again! Those people are so nice and hesitant, thought Tobi, especially Deidara-sempai!
Deidara and Sasori
"Good morning..." yawned Deidara as he made his bed. Sasori was still sleeping, so Deidara decided to open the window curtain and let the sunshine flow in.
"Close the window curtain." mumbled Sasori, sinking into his pillow. "I'm not a morning person."
"Fine," said Deidara, closing the curtain, "What day is it?"
"Easter Sunday."
"Shit."
"Why?"
"Tobi might have..." Deidara searched in his closet for one of Tobi's "surprises".
""I'm going back to sleep."
"Ah ha!" exclaimed Deidara as he pulled out a small pink box.
Sasori couldn't sleep. He turned around to face Deidara. "What is it?"
"I don't know. Let me see..." He opened the box to reveal a note and a baby blue egg. "The note says:
'Dearest Deidara, a little one of Tobi's surprises,
Which you have come across on Easter, when the sun rises.
A bright blue egg, just keep it warm and cozy,
Remember that this came from your sweet Tobi.'
"That was the most retarded note..." Sasori fell down, once again, onto the pillow. He jumped up when he felt a prickling sensation under his head. "What the-"'
"Well, anyways," said Deidara, "Now I don't have to worry about breakfast." He looked at the egg and held it up to the light. "Hmm... Fried or Scrambled?"
Sasori touched a crown of thorns that appeared under his pillow. "There's a note..."
"Read it!" anticipated Deidara.
"Ok... The note says:
'Sly old Sasori, you're as sturdy as a tree,
Your abs are harder than all of me!
For such a toughness, no one can compare,
A crown of thorns, to show that I can share.'
"What in the world?" laughed Deidara. "Abs?" He cupped the egg in his hand. Suddenly, the egg moved.
"Change of subject..." said Sasori coldly. "Your egg is shivering or something."
A robin peeked out from the eggshell. Deidara groaned. "There goes my breakfast."
Kisame and Itachi
"I hear something." said Itachi, rubbing his eyes. "Sounds like a robin on Easter day."
"Or it could be Deidara giggling." said Kisame, uninterested. He shifted his eyes and saw a box under his chair. He lifted it up and tore away the gold wrapping paper. One word came across his mind. "Tobi."
"What?" asked Itachi, staring at the box. "At times like this, I wish I had Byakugan so I could see inside that box."
"Don't you have enough talent?" asked Kisame. "Wow..." He pulled out a Easter Lily and gave the box to Itachi. "Let me just read my note:
'Kisame Kudos, this is Tobi's gift,
A Easter Lily at full bloom,
To put in your room.
P.S. This will be something to look forward to,
I heard Itachi makes fun of you.'
"I don't make fun of you." said Itachi. He added under his breath, "In front of you, anyways."
"And not that I look forward to it either." glared Kisame. He placed the Easter Lily on the bookcase and plopped down onto his bed.
"Let's look at my present." Itachi pulled out a chocolate bunny. It was a light brown color with a silk ribbon tied onto its neck. "The note:
'Interesting Itachi-san, a bunny for you
Because unlike Kisame-san, you don't feel blue.
Take care of this bunny rabbit, I know I would too.
If you make fun of bunny, imagine what he would do...'
"That was somewhat threatening." said Kisame. "Anyways, you going to share?"
"No. I know exactly how to take care of bunny here." He bit the chocolate rabbit's head off. "It's not bad. Tastes like Sasuke's cooking though."
All of a sudden, the bunny came to life. It punched Itachi right in the cheek.
"I can't believe it! The make-chocolate-come-to-life jutsu!" The headless bunny continued to beat the crap out of Itachi.
Itachi did not eat chocolate for the rest of the year.
Kakuzu and Hidan
"Yes! I always love Easter. You know why, Hidan?" Kakuzu pulled out a box from his drawer.
"Becasue Tobi gives you fucking free stuff, right?" Hidan, too, pulled out a box from the top of his closet. Both boxes were wrapped in glittery gold foil.
"Gold. My favorite color, besides green." Kakuzu split the box in half and pulled out his present. His jaw dropped. In the box, there was a sculpture of him while he was taking a shower. "Uhh..."
"Since you're speechless, I'll read the fucking note for you:
"Kindest Kakuzu, I've always loved your style,
Spring stands for spring showers, so this took me a while.
A sculpture of you, taking a shower,
Hopefully you'll like this, better than a flower."
Kakuzu smiled. "At least it's free." He quickly auctioned the sculpture online.
"My turn." Hidan sacrificed the box with his scythe and took out several items. A white cloak, a cross, a brown wig, and a pair of sandals. "The note:
"Hidan, have you heard of Jesus' story?
His crucififixtion was kind of gory.
For Easter you can cosplay him and win,
A whole new faith, free from sin."
"To hell with that." Hidan threw the items into a nearby trash can. Kakuzu smirked and sold those items too.
Zetsu
"Seems like everyone has received Tobi's gifts." He heard Hidan swearing in the next room. "What did I get?"
He took out a bright gold box and ate it whole. "I knew it all along."
At that moment, Tobi came in Zetsu's room.
"Tobi!"
"Yes, Zetsu-san?"
"Your gifts were very well thought out. I enjoyed mine."
"Tobi thinks everyone was surprised!"
"Me too Tobi, me too."
"So, did you eat Tobi's present?"
"Yes, I did, I ate it whole."
"Good Zetsu-san! At first, I didn't know what kind of fertilizer to get you, but I decided on a organic one. Did you read your card?"
"Oops, I sort of ate it."
Everyone
Everyone was eating breakfast, and Tobi and Zetsu came in to join them.
Deidara was the first one to speak. "Thanks for the present."
"Chirp Chirp!" Robin-chan chirped. "Cheep Cheep!"
"You're hungry again?" asked Deidara. Everyone looked at Deidara like he had gone crazy.
"Robin-chan hatched!" Tobi squealed. "Tobi's so happy!"
"Happy Easter, Tobi." said Hidan. "Have a fucking happy Easter!"
Tobi sank down into his chair. "Everyone's so nice here."