Disclaimer: I own neither the characters (except for Nasreen Suq, and even she belongs more to herself than to me), and nor the songs which served as inspiration for this story. No infringement is intended, though my borrowing of other people's genius was certainly intentional.
A/N: I was challenged by foxdvd to follow others in writing a "shuffle" challenge. I also promised marialisa I would give Sheldon Hawkes and my OC Dr Nasreen Suq from Journey's End a proper resolution.
This isn't really a resolution, but it seemed a way to answer both promises at once. So here are ten songs and the story they wove for Sheldon and his Nasreen.
The title is from Griffin House's song, which unfortunately did NOT show up on my shuffle. I guess I'll have to write another one.
Only Love Remains
Sheldon Hawkes: Ten Song Challenge
1. What If I Had Never Let You Go – Kate Winslet
He sat in the coffee-house, waiting. Laila had smiled at him uncertainly when he walked in. Fatima had come in from the kitchen, and spoken to the girl quickly, urgently under her breath, but then had retreated into the back room.
Hawkes just sat, idly sipping at the bitter coffee in the tiny cup in front of him. Laila had brought a plate full of tiny honeycakes, and he had eaten one before pushing the rest into the centre of the table.
He was waiting.
He was waiting, but he wasn't sure what for.
She had left him. Left him cold, left him flat, left him hurting, unable to breathe for months.
She had pulled him back with a crook of her slender fingers. He still couldn't believe she had reached out to him.
He couldn't believe he had answered the emails she had sent. He had managed to ignore the IMs, managed to turn away from her again and again.
But he couldn't keep running.
He loved her.
2. Bring on the Wonder – Susan Enan
When she walked in through the door, the world simply stopped. She was surrounded in the soft light of an autumn evening, the rosy orange glow of sunset in the early evening. His eyes filled, and he could not be sure that it was really her.
Except that he was perfectly sure it was her. He had tried to move on, go on without her, but it took only one look at her serene face, one breath of the perfumed air that she seemed to move through, for him to know he had moved nowhere, done nothing.
Six months, and he had not moved one single step from where she had left him, the spring breezes carrying the sound of her tears to him as she disappeared.
She was a part of him he had never recognized.
3. Autumn Leaves – Eva Cassidy
It had been spring when she left. It was autumn, now, dry leaves swirling on the sidewalks, the crisp scent of apples and earth filling his senses when he walked through the park on his way to work.
Everywhere he looked since her first message, though, he saw peonies, harbingers of spring. He knew they were a lie – knew they were a figment of his longing to turn back time, but still he had seen the bright brave stalks, red against the brown earth, the over-confident red and white petals falling to the ground as if ashamed of their own beauty.
And now it was fall, and the trees were ridding themselves of their own glory, dropping leaves like clothes to the floor after a night of dissipation, decaying into sorry piles.
He looked up and her eyes caught his, and the world began to spin again, a little too fast – a little too hard. He stood, his hands gripping the edge of the table.
"Nasreen."
She reached her hands out to him, a shy smile spreading across her face, faltering when he made no move towards her.
4. Samson – Regina Spektor
He stood unmoving, hardly breathing.
She was lovely.
Still lovely, though her slenderness had become fragility sometime in the past six months. Her eyes too big for her face – a deep brown that seemed to look right through him. Her skin an ashen brown like a stain across the snow. Her lips pale and trembling now.
And her hair. Uncovered. No hijab.
Deep shade of chestnut, with red and gold and silver strands running through it. Curling off her high forehead, falling softly around her cheeks and shoulders. He could not take his eyes off it.
Her hair snared him deeper than he could have imagined.
5. Still Feels Good – Rascall Flatts
She stood uncertainly beside the table, and turned with a relieved smile when Fatima came running from the kitchen, talking in liquid Farsi so rapid Sheldon could only understand it as a melodic line, with no discernible words in it. Nasreen smiled, touching her own hair when Fatima reached out to it and ran her hand through the rich weight of it before pulling the younger woman into her arms and hugging her hard. Laila came out with a whoop and a laugh, pulling Nasreen from the old woman's arms and hugging her as well, speaking a mixture of Farsi and teen-talk no one could have kept up with.
Hawkes sat, stunned into silence.
6. Falling – Missy Higgins
When the women had released her, had gone chattering back to the kitchen to put together a feast for the prodigal, Hawkes finally managed to get to his feet.
"Nasreen."
"Sheldon." She smiled shyly, uncertain of her welcome here, where it mattered most to her.
He reached across the table and, mimicking Fatima, ran a gentle hand through the glossy curls around her face. "Your hair."
She put her hands to her cheeks. "It no longer felt – true." Her voice was so quiet he could hardly hear her.
He took a step closer, then another. Suddenly, without him making a conscious decision between Here and There, Then and Now, she was in his arms and for the first time in months, he felt himself breathe in cool refreshing air. The floor beneath his feet swung and steadied – the sun outside flared for a moment, so that his eyes dazzled and he could see nothing but her face.
This was home. This was life. This was what had been missing for as long as he could remember.
And with her arms around him, he knew that he would do anything – anything – to keep this feeling.
7. Aquarius – Regina Spektor
She stepped into his arms as if coming home. She had thought she would be worried about the spectacle of meeting him in her old neighbourhood – that she would feel uncomfortable, self-conscious without the protection of the hijab, without the acceptance of her faith and community to protect her.
But the minute she had seen his face, seen the remnants of pain deep in his eyes, she had known that nothing else mattered. He was her community, her faith, her life, if he would allow it.
Six months of watching her family live and grow and thrive, feeling always as if a wall of ice stood between them and here. Six months of trying to convince herself that the difficulties were too great – that the rewards could be found some other way. Six months of falling asleep with his face before her, waking with his name on her lips.
She had suffered loss. She had discovered how easily a human being could move through pain to acceptance, from paralysing grief to stuttering life. Amir had been the great love of her youth – the partner she had chosen. His loss had changed her forever.
Had changed her into the type of person that could fall in love with Sheldon Hawkes. And his loss was too much for her to bear. It had taken weeks, months, to admit it.
She carried him in her heart, and could not let him go.
8. In My Place – Coldplay
Everything in him yearned to simply snatch her up and carry her away – to take her to his home and never let her out again. His heart beat slow and hard, as if he had been running. Her hands were cold in his, and when he reached for her cheek with his lips, she shuddered.
He wanted to pull her closer, never let her go. But he stood back, gestured stiffly for her to sit across from him, and sat down after her, feeling as if his knees could not longer hold him up.
"You have been well?"
"No," he wanted to shout. "I have not been fucking well."
"Yes," he answered. "And you? Your familiy?"
She nodded, and smiled at the excitable Laila who brought a cup of coffee, and another plate full of sweet goodies from the kitchen.
"We are all well. Sheldon …" Her voice broke.
9. Warm Whispers – Missy Higgins
He took her hand quickly. He could hold anger, pain, the heart of a dying man in his hands. But in the face of the tears in her eyes, he could only hold her hands and give up all the bitterness he had thought was his burden forever.
"Nasreen – don't."
"I am so sorry. I had not thought I was a coward. I had not thought I could hurt someone so."
"Nasreen – my love."
"Sheldon, I thought – it had been such a little time. I thought it would be like pulling up a plant – do it swiftly and the roots would not have had time …" She stopped.
"Nasreen, it's all right."
"No. No it isn't. I thought I could keep from hurting you. Instead, I made it worse."
He shook his head.
"You could not have left without hurting me."
The honesty nearly destroyed her.
10. Closing In – Imogen Heap
He leaned forward. "I don't say it to hurt you, Nasreen. I need you to know how much you meant to me."
"Meant to you?" Her eyes, drowning in tears, looked up and were caught in his.
He sat back with a muttered curse. Caught.
"Mean to me." His voice was gruff.
Fatima came up and signaled towards his cup. With a sigh and a patient smile, he pushed it towards her.
She turned it over, and turned it counter-clockwise three times before staring into it silently for several minutes.
Nasreen watched her, afraid to look at Hawkes. She was not surprised by the pain in his eyes – had in fact been surprised that he had agreed to meet with her at all. But his gentleness with the old woman did not surprise her.
His gentleness never surprised her. Only his strength surprised her.
Fatima looked up solemnly and nodded to Nasreen to translate the words she spoke.
"Blessings and long life. And lots of children. Many, many children." Nasreen looked up with a hint of mischief in her smile – that mischief that had so captivated Sheldon when he first met her.
"All boys."
He laughed so hard, he felt the walls break down between them, and when she stood and held out her hand, he stood and took it without reservation.
"Home, Sheldon. Take me home. Please."