A/N: Okay, Dudes and Dudettes? Hi. I'm genuinely afraid of posting this story. And anxious, almost like I'll be graded for this. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind if this had actually counted for my school work but still... I'm literally shaking while publishing it. For one, I know this story immediately shows Lisbon completely OOC but you're just gonna have to bear with me here... because it will get better. And she'll fit inside her personality more in future chapters. Just this chapter... she's OOC. Accept it, please?

Anyway, hope you guys are able to look through the faults in this chapters. Mind you, I asked for help from my muse Erica, and she already helped me altering some aspects in this chapter. So far, she's seen six chapters and I've just finished a seventh. She's been such a tremendous help and I thank her for that. And she basically forced me with a knife to my throat to publish this so it's really her fault you're reading this now. Blame her! (lol no love you Ericaaa)

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Sadly. I'm afraid I sold my soul as well when I started watching TM - and Doctor Who a couple of days ago. So I seriously don't own anything right now.

'Pink Ribbons'

Chapter 1: The News

He stared at the picture he was currently holding.

It was a picture taken from the crime scene of Red John's demise, many months before. One bullet straight through his head and one through his heart – he was instantly killed.

Jane's goal of living was destroyed within a matter of seconds. What was he supposed to do with his life now? End it? He had fulfilled his promise to his family – well, Lisbon had.

Lisbon. His sweet, tender Lisbon. He had actually thought that a lot would change between them with Red John being defeated, but nothing had happened up until now. He knew how he felt about her, and he could even be so arrogant to say that he knew how she felt about him too. But how could one change such a friendship without knowing for sure if it would work out as a romance? He would most certainly lose her and he couldn't ever lose her.

He sighed and put down the picture. That moment, his phone buzzed and he didn't need to look at it to know what someone down there was summoning him – probably Cho, since Lisbon would leave him up there in his attic for days if it made him happy.

When he came into the bullpen, the team had already packed their stuff and was waiting for him.

"Thanks for joining us, Jane," Lisbon said. He looked at her – she looked paler than she usually did. Perhaps she hadn't slept well that night – all his fault, obviously. "You coming with?"

"Of course."

He saw her looking at him with a hint of a doubt but she nodded anyway.

~...~

She looked even paler that night in her office. He had chosen her couch, for the first time since weeks, and was now watching her. Something was up with her, but he couldn't put his finger on it what exactly.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She didn't bother looking up, just continued her paperwork. Well, at least one thing was the same – Agent Lisbon saw no time for useless small talk.

"Lisbon?" he tried again.

"Jane, can you go sit in the bullpen or your attic instead of my office, please?"

But she looked tired and pale, he couldn't leave her alone.

"Teresa, are you alright?"

"Yes, Jane, I'm fine, now leave me alone!" she snapped, looking up.

He didn't want her to throw a stapler at him so he got up quickly and left her office. As he closed the door behind him, he looked through the glass at her.

Whatever it was that was bugging her mind – he had to find a way of making it leave.

~...~

He hadn't seen her the entire day. Where was she?

That very moment, he heard his phone buzzing and he needn't check the caller ID to know whose number it was.

"Hey Lisbon. Where are you?"

She didn't answer immediately which made all his alarm bells go off at the same time. He felt his breath accelerate. What was going on?

"Jane... I... I'm getting a scan in a few minutes."

He frowned. "A scan? For what?"

"I..." He heard her take in a deep breath. "I think I might have cancer."

His jaw dropped at the same time as his phone. He stared into the room without really looking for almost two minutes. He heard her voice coming from his phone but he couldn't move, even if his life would have depended on it.

He slowly dropped to the floor and just as slowly grabbed his phone.

"T... Te..." He stammered. He couldn't say anything. He wasn't even sure if he had heard her correctly, but he knew he had. "Where... where are you, Teresa?"

"At the hospital."

He swallowed heavily. "I'll be there as soon as I can." In fact, he was already picking up his car keys and was running out of his attic.

"Okay."

He wanted to assure her. God, she sounded so afraid. She was never afraid. Teresa Lisbon, afraid? Pff. She couldn't be.

But now she was. Because he knew she hated to lose control and this was definitely something she had no control over whatsoever. If this were true – and damn, he hoped it wasn't – she couldn't beat it with her awesome ninja moves.

He wanted to say something sweet. Something that would make her feel more at ease – but he couldn't.

It'll be okay. Really? He didn't know if it would be okay. It scared him too.

"I'm on my way, Teresa." With that, he hung up and ran into the parking lot.

~...~

He found her on the big staircase that was placed in the spacious main hall of the hospital. She was staring in front of her, and she looked paler than she had ever looked.

He swallowed, pushed back all the horrible thoughts that were bugging his mind, and sat down beside her.

She didn't look up at him.

"Did you get results yet?"

She let out a breath, as though between her taking in a deep breath when she was on the phone and now, she hadn't really breathed at all. She shook her head.

"Did they have any idea yet?"

She shook her head again.

"Look, Jane, you don't have to be here-"

"Why did you call me, then?"

She sighed and looked at him. He was forced to avert his eyes because he didn't like the look on her face at all. It made his chest constrict painfully.

"I just needed to hear someone's voice. It-"

"Miss Lisbon?"

She turned around, as did he, and they found a doctor standing a few steps above theirs. He was holding a file in his hand and his face was clearly showing distress. Jane didn't know an awful lot about this doctor, or any doctor in general since he had always hated them, but he did know that this was not a good sign. Again, his heart slammed against his chest.

No, please, no.

"We have your results."

He saw her nodding from the corners of his eyes and she got up.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked her. She shook her head, but he saw she was clutching her hands together – they were shaking. He nodded, slowly. "I'll be waiting here."

He stood and looked as she walked after the doctor. When she walked around the corner, he collapsed onto the stairs.

~...~

Half an hour later, minutes that went by so slowly that Jane was on the edge of screaming his frustration into the open air, she walked down the stairs again. He jumped up and looked at her.

He had always been able to see what mood she was in by her facial expression. She really was not difficult to read, but then again, all the good people were that way.

Now that he looked at her face, he knew enough.

She came to stand in front of him and swallowed a lot of times. She couldn't face him, while he wanted her to do that so badly.

"I have breast cancer," she finally whispered after an agonizing silence.

She looked at him. He saw the sensitive, frightened little girl she was deep down in her eyes. Her lower lip was trembling. Tears were burning in her eyes.

He grabbed one of her hands and rubbed the top of it with her thumb.

"I was..." she tried to say. She swallowed the lump that was currently in her throat away. He did too. "I have been feeling strange lately and... and I was too stubborn to go to the doctor because I didn't think it was something horrible... until I felt a little lump in my left breast."

She averted her eyes.

"Can they cure it?"

She shrugged, pretending not to be deterred. When she looked at him again, he saw the tears that had been threatening to fall were now streaming down her cheeks. "They will probably have to remove that breast."

His arms moved before his brain caught up and he wrapped his arm so tightly around her she started sobbing.

He lifted her just by wrapping his arms around her waist and gently carried her to the bathrooms. Her arms had wrapped around his neck just as tightly as his arms were around her. He put her down but didn't move away from her. She cried in the crook of his neck, still on tiptoes.

"I don't... I don't..." She was still sobbing. He didn't insist that she say anything, he just held her while both their worlds crumbled down all around them – for as much their lives weren't already intertwined into one. "I don't want to die."

He shut his eyes and told his mind not to cry.

Why her? Of all people who could have fallen ill, why did it have to be her? She had never done anything wrong, had never harmed a fly, only when the situation was too severe like the moment where she killed his nemesis. She hadn't done anything wrong... what did she do to deserve this?

Life wasn't fair.

~...~

He didn't want her to be alone now, but he could also admit that he didn't want to be alone now. So without asking her consent, he had brought her to her apartment and had claimed the couch as his.

He had made dinner for her. She was unsurprisingly silent, just alternating between staring in front of her and staring at her lap. Some moments, she would sigh heavily, but she didn't make much other sounds.

He didn't say anything either. Their evening passed in silence.

He noticed her lifting her hand from time to time, most likely unconsciously. She would touch her breasts. Just a small brush of her fingers against the fabric of her shirt, but it was still obvious to him. It only hurt more to see her like that.

She wasn't an overly feminine woman – hell, even he was more feminine than her, with his always perfectly combed hair and his ever matching three-piece-suit – but he knew she appreciated her body. He knew she didn't think of herself as a sexy woman, hence her never showing it. But the fact that he had dropped a few times that short hair would suit her well and she still hadn't done anything about that made him realize she still was a woman inside. A woman who wanted to be found beautiful and attractive. Losing one of her breasts, the very image of femininity, would be too much to cope with.

She wasn't entirely present either, not with her mind anyway. She was far away in thoughts and he had to gently lead her to her bedroom to make her go to bed. She, absent-mindedly like she'd done everything that night, stripped down to just her underwear but then stopped moving altogether.

He stepped behind her. She shuddered. Then she took in a deep breath again – her breath hitched and she lowered her head. A soft sob escaped her. He felt so helpless; he knew nothing that he could do to make her feel calm. He just hopelessly watched as she started crying again.

He lifted a trembling hand and put it on her shoulder.

"I won't allow you to die, Teresa," he whispered.

She shook her head and took in a deep breath, sniffing a bit.

"You don't have control over this-"

"No I don't. I know that. But I'll stand by you. And we'll get through this, together."

She turned around and wrapped her arms around him again.

"I haven't even told the team yet," she breathed. He lifted her and put her in her bed.

"All in good time, Teresa. Just sleep for now."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks still, even as he tucked her in. He had never in all of their years as partners seen her cry, and now she couldn't stop.

It was his entire fault.

As she slowly fell into a restless sleep, he felt tears running down his own cheeks.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed holding her hand, but he slid off the bed and kneeled on the floor, still holding her hand.

He closed his eyes. Kissed the top of her hand.

"Lord," he whispered, "I know it's a long time ago since I last talked to you. I... lost my faith. I didn't understand your ways, and I still don't. But I need your help now. I know I haven't been a nice man, and I know I have hurt a lot of souls on the road to getting my revenge. But I regret my actions. And I will do anything to become a better man, if you save my Teresa. If you want to take anyone, take me, not her. Please let her live. I need her. I want her to experience the rest of her life without having the burden of my chase blacken her heart. Please, Lord, let her be happy. Please listen to my prayers." He swallowed and blinked rapidly to let one tear fall down. "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost," he made the cross sign with his free hand, "Amen."

He grabbed a pillow from the empty side of her bed and curled up into a ball on the floor, crying, sobbing, until exhaustion beat him to sleep.

A/N: See? OOC. But hey, who wouldn't be shocked to find out they have cancer? And anyway, we've seen Lisbon on the brink of tears countless of times in Season 5 so I don't think it's something completely OOC. Anyway, I would much appreciate it if you would let me know what you think of this story so far.