If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong
I know better, 'cause you said forever and ever
Who knew

My alarm went off –I didn't want to get up. But if you have four children, you have
no choice.

Fortunately, in the last few years, I had developed a good way to start the day
without screaming, fighting or any stress at all. And that meant that I had to get
out of my bed.

For a brief moment, my gaze wandered over the cold empty side of the bed.
Quickly, I pushed the thoughts aside.

I wish I could touch you again
I'd give anything

I went into the bathroom to take a shower and got ready for the day. Then I had to
wake up Zola and Bailey, which was not that easy. While they'd get dressed, I'd
check on the twins.

After that, I went down into the kitchen and made breakfast for the Kids.

I was really tired today. I had had a hard day yesterday and at night I hadn't slept
very well –damn rain. Probably, I'd never get used to the many storms here in
Ireland. It rained a lot more often than in Seattle and the sound of the sea
sometimes drove me crazy at night.

When I was just making hot cocoa for all of them, Zola shuffled into the kitchen,
followed by a drowsy Bailey.

"Morning, Mommy." She sighed and slumped into a chair.

Bailey rubbed his sleepy eyes and muttered a quiet "Morning." Before he also sat
down.

"Good morning." I said, smiling to my children.

I put their cups and plates with sandwiches in front of them.

"Are you looking forward to go to school?" I asked both. Today it'd be Bailey's first
day of school and Zola's first day after the Holidays.

"Oh Mom." Zola gave me an annoyed look, which I now knew only too well. It bored
her to go to school. Many times she had complained that she would learn nothing
new - yeah, she really was smart for her Age.

For this reason, I had an appointment with her teacher, Mrs. Simsons.

"It's a new year of school, sweetie. I'm sure you'll learn quite a lot of new things!" I
tried to cheer Zola up. She was right, somehow. Zola had learned already much,
when she was in preschool in Seattle. Here in Ireland they had to start right from
the beginning.

I just hoped that Mrs. Simsons and I would find a good solution, because that
couldn't go on much longer.
The situation was neither good for Zola nor for the other children in her class.

"You've said this before. Remember last year?" She grumbled and took another sip
of her hot cocoa.

Yes, I should hope that it would be better this year.

I felt sorry for Zola that she was so under-challenged.

"I'm sick, Mom." Bailey said suddenly and rubbed with his left hand over his
stomach.

I knelt in front of him and put my right hand on his forehead. "You have no fever,
Bails." I said to him and sighed. Then, I patted his stomach. "Your stomach is fine
too, like you. You're just excited." It was clear that he was nervous, excited and a
little scared, too.

Today was his first day at school and he had heard some of Zola's stories, which
were not the best.

If I was honest with myself, I was a little scared, too.

"No, I'm really sick." He clutched my hand tightly.

'That had to be scary stories, which Zola told him' I thought.

Suddenly, I had an idea. "In school you're getting gifts, but if you're sick, you can't
have them, unfortunately."

I looked at the clock. It was already late. We had to leave the house. Mrs. Simsons
had specially given me an appointment for today, which fit into my schedule.

Instantly, Bailey's face brightened. "Why didn't you tell me, Zola?" He asked his
sister.

"Because," she was interrupted by the screams of her two younger siblings.

"Mommy, can Miss Molly come with?" Aimee held her doll in her arms and looked at
me expectantly.

I turned around to my little daughter. "If she want to come with us, sure, why not?"
I replied and picked Aimee up.

"Hurry up, we have to leave." I called after Zola and Bailey.

"Yay!" She laughed merrily and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

When Bailey got up, Noah immediately ran up to him and took his hand. "I come
with to school!" He laughed proudly.

"You can't, Noah." Bailey looked apologetically at his little brother.

No matter what Bailey did, Noah was always there –it would be a big change for
them. Although they were three years apart, they were like best friends to each
other.

"But I wanna go," he said defiantly. "Mommy, why I can't come?"

I had no idea what to say to him, so I took him in my arms. "We'll drive him to
school. So you can say goodbye. And I promise, in a few hours you'll see him again.
Sounds good?" I smiled, hoping that he would be satisfied with my answer.

"But–" He looked at me sadly with his blue eyes –Derek's eyes.

I shook my head.

"Silly mommy." He avoided my gaze.

"Put on your shoes and jackets. And don't forget your school bags." I said to Zola
and Bailey.

Then, I turned back to Noah. "Shall I tell you a secret?" I asked him.

Somehow, I finally had to cheer him up.

"Wanna hear, too, Mommy!" Aimee exclaimed.

Noah nodded silently.

"Okay." I whispered mysteriously and leaned down. Bailey and Zola had gone
upstairs and brought their school bags. "In daycare, it's much cooler because you
can play all the time. At school, you have to be quiet all the time and well-behaved.
There is nowhere near as funny as daycare." I winked.

"Really?" They looked at me in astonishment.

I nodded and gave them a kiss.

"We are cool, Aimee." Noah winked at his sister, who smiled at him cheerfully.

"Yep!"

I nodded and put them their jackets on. "You are so cool!" Then, I gave them their
small backpacks. Bailey and Zola came down. I took my stuff and we went outside
to the car.

The drive to school was as loud as everyday –the kids were arguing about who was
allowed to pick the radio Station.
Bailey seemed much happier than this morning during breakfast.

I hope he would have a good day at School.

"Aunt Elizabeth will pick us up, right?" asked Zola who was sitting in the passenger
seat. "Don't forget to tell her that I want to go to the library!" She reminded me.

"I won't forget it, Zozo. I'll remind her when I see her at work." I promised her.

I had to work long and Elizabeth got off earlier than me, which is why she'd pick them up.

Here in Ireland, she was really a big help to me. She was sort of my Cristina.

Cristina, my person. I had forgotten to call her last week. This I would have to do
when I get home.

I miss her –surely, I had other friends, but no one would ever be able to replace
her –that was for sure.

She was the only one who perfectly understood me without needing to tell her how
I felt. Now that I lived in Ireland, we saw each other more often than before.

Sometimes, the kids and I fly to Switzerland. Most of the time, Cristina visited us in
Ireland, though. It was quite tiring to fly with four kids as a single mother.

I enjoyed it every time she was here with us, even if I had to work.

I stopped in the parking lot of the School.

"See you later, Mom." Zola quickly gave me a kiss and then hopped out of the car.

To be able to say goodbye properly to Bailey, I got out. Quickly, I opened the trunk
and took out a school cone, which was cofered in cars.

"For your first day of school, little monkey!" I said, handing it to him.

He was totally surprised, at the same time he was visibly delighted. Bailey always
wanted to have a school cone.

Back when Zola got hers, he was jealous and also sad. He couldn't understand why
he couldn't have one.

"Thank you, Mommy!" He beamed at me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Zola had come back again, and had placed herself next to Bailey.

"Pretty." She Smiled and ran her index finger gently over one of the cars. "Daddy would have liked that, Bailey." Tears glistened in her eyes.

Instantly, my stomach clenched.

"You think so?" He asked softly, watching his sister carefully.

"I'm sure." She nodded firmly.

And time makes it harder

Why was Derek not here, here with us?

It was an important day for his son, and he wasn't here.
Our children needed their father.

You promised me you'd be around

I thought about my own enrollment. Ellis had insisted that I didn't need a school
cone, "This is something you don't need, Meredith. I have more important things to
do than this."

Enviously I have watched the other children who were brought by their parents to
school – those were the times I missed my father and mother.

I wouldn't repeat her mistakes.

"Come on, Bailey. Let's take a photo for your photo album." I suggested and took
my camera out of my bag. "And later we'll make some family pictures." I added.

"Aimee, Noah!" Zola called and opened the rear door of the car to help the twins
getting out while I was taking pictures of Bailey.

Zola was really a big help to me. She tried to help me as best as she could. Especially when the nanny left us, I really needed any help I could get.

I just hope I would soon find a new one.

As the twins were out of the car, they all stood together, smiling for the camera.

The only one who was missing to complete the picture was Derek.

When someone said count your blessings now
Before they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better, still you said forever and ever
Who knew