"Hello?" Dean murmurs into the receiver. He stifles a yawn as he waits for a response and looks at the clock.
'3 am? Who the hell is calling me right now?' he asks himself.
"Hello Dean."
Immediately, he perks up. He straightens up in his chair, his hair stands in shock, and his breath quickens.
"Cas?" he questions in a whisper.
A dark chuckle is the only response. A small smile graces Dean's lips as he quietly asks, "How're you doin'?"
Cas simply responds, "I… I'm fine," but he can tell something is wrong by the evident hesitation.
"Can you talk at the moment?" Cas asks reluctantly.
Dean turns to look at the stairs besides the computer and slowly starts shaking his head. He can see the light in his bedroom still on, and he can almost hear the turning pages of a book if he listens really closely.
"It's kinda hard right now…"
A sniffle from the other end of the line instantly takes precedence over Dean's attention, which is followed by a wavering, "I see."
"Buddy, what's wrong? Is everything ok?" Dean questions.
Dean can hear Cas gulping, and after all the time spent together, he can just see Cas. See how Cas is looking around; see how Cas is moving his jaw, and twirling his tongue around nervously inside his mouth. He can see him take that slow breathe in, hold it, and then quickly let it out. He can see the watery eyes and pained, far off look. That look always gives him away. Dean can always tell that Castiel feels like he's so far away from help, and that he's unworthy of help.
Worry fills him completely as he asks, "Why are you crying? Is everything ok?"
A sniffly chuckle rings from the other side of the receiver as Cas says, "Well, I'm definitely not as bad as you. You're whispering."
Dean smiles at the attempts at lightheartedness and replies, "I can't be too loud. Ben's asleep right now, and I don't want to wake him or Leese up."
"Where's Lisa?" Cas questions almost immediately.
"Well, she's in the next room," Dean whispers, looking yet again up the stairs.
Without thinking, he mumbles, "Sometimes I wish she was you…"
A quiet understanding envelopes them both.
'I guess we never really moved on.'
A noise from Cas's side shatters their silence and then the word "Dean" is said with such beauty, such praise, it's almost reverent.
Dean sucks in a breath as quietly as he can, but he'll never be able to understand just why hearing Cas say that sounds so sweet.
'Maybe it's because they came from the lips of an angel,' he tells himself as he sinks deeper into his chair.
"Dean, I have to go. Thank you. For talking to me," Cas says quietly, regretfully.
"Yeah, no problem. I'm here whenever you need me, got that buddy?" Dean replies.
"Yes, Dean," Cas states, letting that holy name hang in the air just a moment longer.
Neither of them want to say goodbye, but neither of them can go back to what they used to have.
Still, that doesn't change the fact that, even if it were for a moment, they would give up the lives they currently had just to be together one more time, one more night.
'You make it so hard to be faithful,' Dean thinks, willing his words to try to make it to his beloved. To let Cas he still cares.
Oh, how he cares so much; from Cas' head, to his toes, to the lips of that angel.
Two nights later, Dean gets another call. Earlier than the last time. Still late enough that no one else will be awake, but not so late that the two can't talk a bit longer. From then on, they always talk to each other at that time. They never miss a day without talking to each other in that brief time period where everyone in the world is asleep except for themselves.
"What did you dream about?" Dean asks Cas one day in the same way Cas had asked him not long after they first met.
"You," Cas replies sheepishly.
A small smirk grows on Dean's lips and a light blush coats his cheeks.
A full out grin replaces it though once Cas asks, "Why? What did you dream about? Certainly not me!"
He can just imagined the flustered little dork, with his adorable blush, and sweet face, and pure innocence.
"It's funny that you're calling because, yes, I dreamt of you too."
A startled, strangled noise squeaks through the receiver, and it takes all Dean has to not laugh that wonderful, full body laugh of his.
"Cassie, sweetheart, who are you talking to?" a distinctly French voice says in the background.
Dean can hear Cas choke, again, but this time from fear—maybe guilt.
"Does he know you're talking to me?" Dean questions quietly so Balthazar won't hear.
He whispers right after, "I don't want to start a fight…"
A cough escapes from Cas and soon he's apologizing.
"Sorry Balthazar. I just had a little something stuck in my throat right now. I'm just talking to Anna," Cas says matter-of-factly.
"About what?" Balthazar counters.
At that point, the voices—Cas' included—become muddled.
'He must've put the phone against his chest,' Dean reassures himself.
After some minutes of this, Cas talks into the phone again.
"Dean?" he asks nervously.
"Did he realize it was me?" he replies instantly.
After a breath of relief, Cas responds, "No, I don't think he has a clue."
"Dean," a far off voice drawls from his side now instead.
Air is inhaled loudly as Dean gets startled from his thoughts and he can hear Castiel quietly groan.
"Yeah, babe," he responds, covering the phone with his hand to prevent from being too loud.
"It's late. When are you coming up?" Lisa asks from the top of the stairs. Dean gently puts the phone down on his desk behind a pile of books and walks over to the door.
"In a bit, babe. I just need to finish some paper work," he replies coolly. He looks her form up and down. She's wearing a metallic purple teddy and a light pink, silk robe. She stands seductively against the wall and quietly says, "Well, I think you should hurry. Getting to bed soon will be more fun that doing boring paper work, you know." And with that, she saunters off back into the bedroom, her hips moving in a hypnotic rhythm all their own. She doesn't even turn to see Dean's expression, which is good. If she had, she would have seen his disinterested face and the twitching of his fingers that longed to hold the phone close to his ears again.
He sighs guiltily, staring at the bedroom door for a moment, then goes back to his office, closing the door behind him gently.
He picks up the phone and listens intently. He hears a quiet breathing then asks, "Cas, buddy, you there?"
"Is Lisa with you?" Cas asks immediately.
Dean closes his eyes, a light smile growing on his lips as he says, "No. She's in our room right now."
"Sounds like she wants you with her right now," CAS replies almost jealously.
Dean laughs and covers his mouth to prevent being too loud. "Yeah, it does sound like that, doesn't it?"
He can't help shake his head at the idea of Cas being jealous over this.
'How long has it been?' he wonders to himself as he tries to remember the last time they were together.
A low "Dean" pulls him out of his musings, and straight into wanton desire as his blood starts to pool in a certain location.
Castiel's voice always has this... passion behind it. This sweetness to it. It doesn't matter what he's saying; somehow it always makes Dean weak.
"I think it's time I let you go," Castiel comments quietly.
Dean's eyebrows scrunch in confusion immediately.
"But! We just started talking," Dean exclaims as loudly as he can without drawing attention from the rest of the household.
"Yes, but we're both with others. And I know for myself, Dean, I can't do this. I can't be faithful to Balthazar if I'm talking to you every night. If I'm wanting to be with you, and getting jealous over you being with someone else. It's too hard to be faithful, Dean."
'Yet there you go again, saying my name with those lips,' he thinks angrily, painfully, to himself. But he understands. He's been battling the same issue since they first started talking a few months back.
"I don't want to say goodbye, Cas," he tells him fiercely, honestly. He hears a gentle sigh and a hint of laughter before hearing his voice once more.
"I love how you say that," Castiel replies randomly.
Dean starts to think he heard things so he asks, "Say what?"
Without any hesitation, Castiel replies, "My name."
A single tear starts to runs down Dean's cheeks. 'I can say the same thing about you,' Dean wishes he could say. But his voice is lost to him. He can't say those words. He can't say any words.
"Your voice sounds so sweet when you say my name," Castiel continues. A gentle sob escapes from Castiel's side of the line.
Dean closes his eyes as he leans over his desk, clutching the phone tightly to his ear.
"I know I-I'm technically the angel," Castiel starts. "But you've always been the angel in our relationship to me."
Dean can tell Cas is trying to smile from his side of the phone. He can almost see that twitching cheek of his as he tries to force himself to feel better. But they both know how weak the other makes them.
"Goodbye, Dean," Cas says breathlessly as he hangs up.
Dean stares at the bookcase ahead of him.
"...Bye, Cas," he mumbles once the dead tone hits him.
He looks down at the screen and checks the time. 3 am.
"Honey, why'd you go calling me if it was too late?"