So I don't own Roger and Hammerstein's Cinderella. I just wrote this 'cuz my school performed it this past year, and everything fit. And I started writing this before the Madonna episode, definitely, so Kurt's not all powerful and Puck's still an ass. I hope no one's out of character even in that respect, though.
This story would make more sense if you've seen the musical, or at least the Disney version of the musical. Not the animated movie, 'cuz no songs are from there.
Here's bringing you to a mangled fairytale.
"The sweetest sounds I'll ever hear
Are still inside my head
The kindest words I'll ever know
Are waiting to be said
The most entrancing sight of all
Is yet for me to see...
And the dearest love in all the world
Is waiting somewhere for me
Is waiting somewhere... somewhere for me."
Prince Kurt ended his song with a loud sigh. Leaning on the rail of his balcony, he beheld the lovely sunrise and mentally prepared himself for the day before him: lessons in politics, speech, etiquette, fencing, and horse-back riding to attend, fittings for his ever-growing wardrobe, obligatory meetings with various politically empowered people, and listening to the daily report on the wellbeing of his soon-to-be kingdom.
But once the day was over, he had two hours to himself. Two blissful hours completely devoted to singing, dancing, and playing the piano in his private drawing room.
Kurt smiled softly and hummed his quiet, lonely tune as he finished his morning skincare routine and got dressed.
On the other side of the kingdom, in a run-down yet stately manor, a beautiful young woman with cinder smudges on her face began to sing the same song as the prince. She was the unfortunate servant to her horrid step-family, having lost her mother and then father years before. She was kind and lovely despite the abuse and could easily be polished if given the chance. A chance she would get in a few days' time.
But this story isn't about her.
Noah Puckerman spends the days on his ranch tending to his livestock and reinforcing the fence around his land. His well-muscled arms and chest glisten with perspiration as he works shirtless in the sun. He makes a good living selling his livestock and also has a stable for horses—some his own and some he simply holds for others. His mohawk-ed head is filled with dirty, and sometimes down-right evil, thoughts, and he can easily get any girl to share his bed. Everything about him screams "stud" and "badass", except the growing fraction of his personality that plays the guitar in the twilight and sings along with the melodious chords. His talent for music slightly ruins his tough-guy image only to add on an undercurrent of sensitivity that makes him all the more desirable.
His Royal Highness Kurt Marc Jacobs Gucci Calvin Klein Prada Ralph Lauren Armani Hummel had been caught mid-sigh by his diva-licious friend Mercedes.
"Kurt, I swear, if you sigh one more time, I'm gonna smack that crown right off your head!" the gal pal threatened, hands on her hips.
The prince gave a tight-lipped, shocked expression before coolly regaining his composure. "'Cedes, you know it takes a fantastically horrendous amount of time to get this crown set at just the right angle. Please refrain from violence. Just let me wallow in peace…" He dropped into a well-cushioned and fashionable chair for dramatic effect.
Mercedes took that as a cue that their dance session was over and that it was now time to find out what was going on with her best friend.
"Okay, boy, spill," she ordered as she took the chair next to him. "What's been eating you lately?"
Kurt paused before answering in order to think, but Mercedes knew he was just trying to build the suspense.
"I suppose I'm just lonely. I'm trapped in the castle (or on castle grounds) all day, and as beautiful as some of the butlers may be, eye-candy is totally unfulfilling." He sighed once again.
"So grab yourself some fine butler booty and shut up with the sighs already."
The prince delicately raised his eyebrows at his friend's language. "Mercedes, I didn't know you could be so… colloquial."
"Please. It's better than being posh." She emphasized her point by turning up her nose.
Kurt chuckled in light of the attitude that made the diva his only and true friend. "You're a princess, honey. Posh is exactly what you're supposed to be."
Mercedes ignored the baited comment. "Now, don't try to change the subject, white boy."
He chuckled again. "You caught me." He then let his smile drop. "I want something more meaningful than just 'butler booty'."
The princess gave a sympathetic, knowing look before her face brightened. "Why don't we throw a ball? It'll be the perfect chance to find you a man!"
Kurt sat up in a flash. "'Cedes! I haven't even come out to my dad! I can't throw a gay ball!"
"I know that, idiot! The ball will be open to everyone in the kingdom. With all the girls trying to catch your eye, there's bound to be a man that'll pique your interest."
"Oh, Mercedes, I love how you think!"
The two embraced excitedly in an un-aristocratic and squealing manner before walking off arm-in-arm, Kurt excitedly stating the intricate decorations he had planned days before.
Puck came home the next day after a rather exciting trip to the market place. It had been announced that the prince was giving a ball. The rumor was that Prince Kurt was looking for a bride, but the invitation extended to everyone. The ball would take place a week from that night and everyone had already started preparations while singing the ridiculously long names of the royal family.
He relayed the news to his mother and little sister as soon as he opened the door. They were ecstatic and immediately headed for town to buy new dresses. His mother had told him to go with them, but he declined, stating that he didn't want to go to the ball. And he really didn't. Formal settings weren't his thing and shopping for new clothes was a pain. Especially suits. They clashed with the 'hawk.
So he spent the week taking care of business and getting sick of the excited blather of everyone he passed. He could understand that a royal ball was a big thing, but he just couldn't get why everyone was totally blowing it out of proportion.
'You just had to make yourself look pretty and go. No big deal,' he would think every time he heard people complaining about what to wear or how nervous they were.
On the night of the ball, Puck's family finally left the house after hours of preening and daydreaming. He rolled his eyes as his mother and sister giggled their way into a carriage and joined the procession leading to the palace. He closed the door in time to not see the golden sparkles floating through the sky, making their way to a garden where a young woman would be crying and praying to her deceased mother.
As soon as he had dinner, Puck grabbed his guitar and headed outside to watch the moon rise. For all he knew, he was the only person not going to the ball tonight, and that thought made him feel a little more lonely than he was comfortable with. So he began strumming a slow tune and let his voice be his company for tonight.
"I lie in the loneliness of evening looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon, 'Oh, how soon, how soon, will my love appear to me?'
Will my love appear…?"
His voice drifted off as his heart gave a soft pang.
"Wow, you're really good at singing," he heard a voice say behind him.
Puck turned around and saw a swirl of blue sparkles produce a ridiculously tall and fairly built young man.
"Who the fuck are you?"
The new teen didn't seem affected by Puck's crude language. "I'm your fairy god-brother, dude," he answered cheerfully.
"Fairy god-brother?" Puck put his guitar down and tried to remember the things he had heard about fairy god-anythings. "So you, like, grant wishes and stuff?"
"Yeah. Totally cool, right?" the tall teen smiled back.
The non-magical teen quickly looked over his guardian. "Shouldn't you have—?"
"A tutu and a magic wand?" Finn finished.
"Well… yeah."
"I kinda… forgot them," the fairy replied, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.
At that moment, Puck realized that the universe was finally cutting him some slack and sending him some help. But he also wasn't that lucky as said help probably had an IQ of, like, 40.
"So what are you doing here?" Fairy guardians didn't just appear for no reason, and Puck wasn't in any dire situation, or at least he hoped he wasn't. So he had no clue what exactly had granted him this visit.
"I'm going to get you to that ball," Finn answered, smiling.
Puck's face immediately gave a "bitch, please" look. Of all the things for a magical being to try to do for him, this one wanted to make him attend a stupid, giant dance.
"Why the hell would you do that? I don't even wanna go." The rancher was seriously annoyed. If he had had some sort of drink handy, he would have splashed it into Finn's face.
The fairy was saddened by the teen's unexpected discontent. "Well… you sounded kinda lonely when you were singing before…" He then cheered up as he remembered the rest of his duty. "Besides, with my help, you could totally get married to the prince."
The mohawk-ed teen raised his eyebrows. "Dude. The prince is a guy."
Finn looked at him blankly, clearly not understanding what he was trying to say.
'Oh, yeah, not too bright,' Puck remembered and then decided to continue with one of two obvious facts. "He's looking for a bride, not a groom."
The guardian frowned, thinking. "I don't think so…"
At the fairy's statement, Puck began to think back to every memory he had of the prince. Even with only the minimal glances, the way the effeminate teen walked, talked, and especially dressed just screamed gay.
"I knew that little fucker was queer. Matt owes me fifty bucks."
Finn felt accomplished. He had just won an argument. "So you'll go?"
The teen answered with the other of his two facts, slightly disgruntled that his first one hadn't worked. "I'm not gay."
The magical individual was dispirited that he had yet again failed to do his job, which made Puck think about why he would be given a fairy god-brother in the first place if it wasn't for the fact that it was his destiny to get married to Kurt. Sure, it was extremely gay, but who was he to argue with destiny? Besides, the girly prince was good-looking. He might even reluctantly admit the prince to be beautiful—for a guy. And wasn't marrying into the royal family always a good thing?
He thought about all aspects of his potential new life—money (Yes!), responsibility (I can just shirk that off to some court official), sex (terrifyingly monogamous and homo but possibly awesome)—before deciding that he should at least give it a try.
"I'll go."
"Yes!" Fairy Finn made a motion as if he had just made a touchdown. He got the job. He wasn't going to get demoted to fairy mail-boy.
"So how do we do this?" the mohawk-ed stud demanded.
"Well, they taught me this song that I'm supposed to sing. Maybe it'll help."
Puck glanced around as music began playing from nowhere.
"Impossible
for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage.
Impossible
for a plain country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage.
And four white mice will never be four white horses.
Such fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee of course is
Impossible!"
"Wait, hold up." Puck took the break in music to interrupt. "So you're not helping me?"
Finn had stopped singing because he, too, was confused by the discouraging words. "Uh, I don't know. Let me see what the next verse says."
The music swelled to a crescendo.
"It's possible
for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage.
It's possi—"
"Okay, okay, I get it! Stop singing; my ears hurt."
The fairy shrugged apologetically. "Sorry. That song's a little high for me." He then got back on task. "So I gotta turn a pumpkin into a carriage."
"Actually, golden carriages aren't my style. I'll just take a horse." There was no way Noah Puckerman was going to step into a gigantic, sparkly fruit.
"Uh, okay." That made Finn's job a little easier. "Let me just find a mouse to turn into a horse, then."
Puck rolled his eyes. "Dude. I have horses." He motioned to his stables.
"Oh. Cool, cool." This job was easy. "So, uh, I think all I gotta do now is make you some clothes."
The stud-ly teen's jaw dropped in surprise. "Formal wear? Hell no!" He was starting to hate whatever reasoning had gotten him to say yes.
The fairy god-brother didn't want the teen to go back on his decision. He took an imploring tone: "Come on, Puck. You know Kurt really cares about looks and stuff..."
Puck glared, tried to tell himself that he could rock any look, and growled out, "Fine."
Finn made the same winning motion again and blue sparkles began to swirl around Puck. His head began to swim as the fast lights whirled around him.
When the blue finally cleared, the teen looked down to see that he was dressed in a red and gold ensemble. His coat was a brilliant red with gold accents, as was his waistcoat. He wore a high-collared white muslin tied with a white neck stock, and his crimson trousers were tucked into shiny, black boots.
He nodded approvingly. "I am so hot." He posed and turned, then ran a hand over his hair. Which now encompassed his entire head.
He froze and then grabbed his fairy god-brother by the shirt. "You took away my 'hawk?"
Finn didn't move, though he was getting nervous about the fury in Puck's eyes. "Sorry, man," he tried to placate, "It wouldn't match with the suit."
The rancher seethed. "I better be married to the prince when this night's over." He let go of the magical teen.
Finn rubbed the back of his head, now uneasy about his job. "Uh, actually… you only have until midnight."
Now Puck really wanted to punch this guy. "The fuck! That's total bullshit!"
The fairy tried to calm his violent charge. "Come on, man. I bet you can totally get Kurt to fall for you in… under two hours."
The un-mohawk-ed teen began cracking his knuckles.
Finn was now tired of being intimidated and crossed his arms over his chest as he straightened to his full—and hopefully daunting—height. "All you have to do is sing to him."
Puck, slightly surprised and silently giving his guardian props that his bullying tactics didn't work, took a more relaxed stance before running a hand over his head. "God, he's such a girl. What song?"
At the ball, Kurt was having an absolutely HORRIBLE time. His father had decided that he should dance with every girl there, and he had now spent four hours completely bored and disgusted. All the girls in the kingdom were in garish, ill-fitting dresses, trying to touch him inappropriately as their boobs almost popped out of their corsets. EW. And he was positive that one of his dance partners had had a rash. He had dealt with that one quickly.
So he was nearly falling asleep, no longer even bothering to be polite to the female monstrosities, when his eyes caught sight of a tall, dark, and beautiful man at the top of the stairs. He immediately left Lady Who-Cares-She-Doesn't-Have-A-Penis and approached the dreamboat stepping into the ballroom.
Puck froze on the last step. The prince was coming right at him. The rancher didn't know what to do. Sing right now? Just say hi?
But when Kurt stopped at the bottom of the stairs, he wasn't looking at Puck. He was looking to some place just over his head.
"Hi," the soprano breathed out.
The magic-ed teen turned around to see the prince addressing his fairy god-brother. Of course.
"Uh… hey," the fairy teen replied uncertainly.
Puck took that as his cue to stomp off the stairs. And straight to the open bar.
Prince Kurt spent a long time just looking at his hopefully-husband, watching him adorably shift from foot to foot as his facial expression changed from confused to nervous to scared. How cute. The smaller teen then decided that the best way to comfort his new love was to sing to him.
"Ten minutes ago, I saw you
I looked up when you came through the door.
My head started reeling,
you gave me the feeling
the room had no ceiling or floor.
Ten minutes ago, I met you,
and we murmured our how-do-you-do's.
I wanted to ring out the bells
and fling out my arms
and to sing out the news.
I have found [him]! [He's] an angel
With the dust of the stars in [his] eyes.
We are dancing, we are flying,
and [he's] taking me back to the skies!"
"Umm…" Finn interrupted, "Shouldn't you be paying attention to your party?" He really needed to do good on this job. And having the prince intensely stare at him was starting to get really creepy.
"Hmm?" was Kurt's dreamy reply.
Things were not looking good.
Puck had decided to spend the rest of his time at the buffet table and chatting up some girls. He was kinda fucking pissed that coming to this ball had been a huge waste of time. He was just about to get the address of another girl when the huge clock tower started clanging.
Midnight.
Well, whatever.
Some girls giggled and gasped as his formal clothes sparkled back into his regular white shirt and black trousers. The muscled stud ran a hand over his head and was very pleased to find that his mohawk was back. He then decided that he was god-damned tired of seeing his should-be wife make goo-goo eyes at his fairy god-bro and grabbed his guitar, marched up to the prince, and began to sing.
"Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
The mohawk-ed teen smirked as Kurt drew his eyes away from the fairy and looked him over, jaw dropping. Puck winked and the prince practically swooned. Oh, yeah, he still got it.
Am I making believe I see in you
a [prince] too lovely to be really true?"
The lights seemed to dim and focus on the performer.
"Do I want you because you're wonderful,
Or are you wonderful because I want you?
It was time to really lay on the charm. He walked until he was right in front of the prince before going down on one knee.
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream,
Or are you really as beautiful as you seem?"
Kurt's heart nearly stopped as he saw the gorgeous hunk before him. Those muscles, that mohawk, the guitar! And Gaga-be-damned if he wasn't completely turned on by the bad boy aspect. This wicked singing sex god was exactly his type.
As response to the performance, the blue-eyed teen took the rancher's hands, pulled him to his feet, and sang to him:
"I have found [him]! I have found [him]!
He's the light of the stars in my eyes.
We are dancing, we are flying,
and [he's] taking me back to the skies!"
Everyone at the ball then joined in as the two waltzed.
"In the arms of my love I'm flying
over mountain and meadow and glen,
And I like it so well that for all I can tell
I may never come down again!
I may never come down to earth again!"
With the last notes finishing with a flourish, the country bumpkin and prince kissed in front of the entire kingdom.
Once finished, Kurt quickly turned to his dad and breathlessly announced, "I'm marrying him!"
King Burt looked extremely uncomfortable before finally letting out a long, resigned sigh with a shake of his head. Somehow he always new his son wasn't the type to settle down with a nice, quiet girl.
The prince beamed, knowing that sigh was a "yes". "Fetch the priest!" he yelled to no servant in particular. Everyone was already dressed up and present; no need to throw another party.
Puck smiled at his bride. He was bossy and proud and beautiful. And filthy stinking rich. He could totally get into this.
At the other side of the ballroom, three figures were hovering by one of the windows.
"Oh… he's gay…" fairy god-relatives Rachel, Tina, and Artie said at the same time.
"Well, that made my job a lot easier," Artie points out, looking at the boy now linked to Princess Mercedes' arm.
The other two scanned the crowd for their own charges, pleasantly satisfied that although they didn't get Prince Kurt, both of their girls were looking cozy with two very eligible young men.
Then their Senior Fairy Godmother floated toward them in a ray of gold. "Yup. This night wasn't a total waste." She was looking at some prince, His Royal Highness Christopher Something-Blah-Blah-Blah, gazing thoughtfully at a glass slipper in his hand.
The wedding was beautiful and rushed, and immediately afterwards, the new spouses dashed to Kurt's room for mind-blowing, I-don't-really-know-anything-about-you-but-this-is-a-fairytale-so-who-cares? sex.
The other human god-relatives all found true love.
No fairy was demoted to mail-boy.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Well, except for Cinderella's stepsisters who ended up mutilating their feet and had their eyes pecked out by birds.
The End.
So I came up with this while I was taking this really important test. (Which I actually kinda failed, like, a D-.) But whatev. And it actually started with Kurt being Cindy, but then I started twisting things around and I thought this concept was better. I even made Cinderella her own character! I do kinda feel bad that Puck isn't in love with Kurt, but I just couldn't fit it in. I hoped you all enjoyed it as much as I did. And I also hope you liked the bit of Grimm Brothers I threw in. Much luv.