AN: Hello all, Fushigi Rockna speaking. Along with being a yaoi fangirl, some of you may have noticed I am also a fanatic of metaphoricalcrack. But I also happen to like crossovers.
Sometimes.
But then there are people who kill any chance a crossover could have had of being decent.
Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.
Recently on the lj community envylightbulb we were discussing crossovers. A general consensus was "They're only good when they're crack" (well what else would you expect from a FMA!Crack community X3) And then…THIS came to my mind.
Why not make up horrible crack FMA crossovers using the most over used c-o ideas ever, and mock the crossover genre? Make it as horrible as possible, but so horrible, it's good. Crackilicious good.
So, here is my series of Crack FMA Crossovers. Please do not take them seriously, for god sake's they're crack. Also, rather than post each crossover separately and individually I'm just grouping them all together. :3
First up, the most over used c-o ever: Harry Potter. I hold a particular hatred for HP crossovers. Mmmmmm…this shall be most fun.
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Fushigi Rockna Presents, a Horrible Crack Fullmetal Alchemist and Harry Potter Crossover!
One day, the Fullmetal Alchemist cast were walking through Mary-Sue Town. Why they were all together or why they were walking through Mary-Sue Town of all places, I don't know.
Anyways, they were walking through Mary-Sue Town and suddenly the sues were all over Edward!
"Please have my baby!"
"You will fall madly in love with me!"
"I'm your long lost sister, you know!"
Roy felt unloved. Why did so many fangirls love Ed instead of him? One sue tried to glomp him, but she was ugly, so he set her on fire and made her pretty. :3 Roy decided to sulk off out of Mary-Sue town to wallow in his own misery. Why? Because he's an emo kid. As non-conformist as can be.
Once out of Mary-Sue town, Roy saw in the distance three teenagers dressed in black robes, waving around pointy sticks and acting like dumbtards. Their names were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Roy did not know they were from another world and would certainly not know how they got there. (They actually got there by accidentally opening Gate-chan with magic) Their words sounded very competitive.
"I'm screwing Snape!" Harry declared proudly. "And I'm on TOP!!!"
"When I'm not watching my twin brothers going at it, I'm doing it with Malfoy." Ron proclaimed next. "Omg our love is so 'we hate each other':'3333"
Hermione pouted. She had no crack or homosexual pairing she was in to beat out Harry and Ron's!
"Who are you screwing Hermione?" Ron asked, knowing full well her pairings sucked.
"And don't say Pavati or Lavender, they're screwing each other! O:" Harry added.
"I'm….I'm doing Krum!" she exclaimed.
Ron and Harry backed away in disgust.
"EWWWWWWW!!! CANON!"
"Your pairings suck Hermione, haha. :D" Harry giggled.
"No crack pairings for yoooouuu!" Ron snickered.
Hermione did not like it. Why should they get outrageously ridiculous yet delicious crack pairings and not her?
"I do so have a crack pairing! A very cracky one that beats out all yours!" she lied.
"Oh really? With who?" Ron asked skeptical.
"Uh…..This guy!" Hermione shouted, flinging her arms around Roy who was right there with them now via plot hole. "A total and complete stranger! Hoooo! Take that pussies!"
"Hello, little girl." Roy began. "Do you like mini-skirts?"
"No."
"Oh……………………..what about Mudkips?"
At that moment, Ed and the others showed up.
"Hello Colonel Emo!" Ed began, wiping off kiss marks from all the Sues. "Wanna see the hickies the Sues who love ME – not YOU- gave me?"
He stopped however when he noticed Hermione. "WTF? Are you Colonel Pedo now too?! Pedo Emo? O.o"
"I screwed you, didn't I?" Roy said dryly. "What the hell do you think?"
"Come on Nii-san." Al began. "We should start searching for the Philosopher's stone. Why we weren't before, I don't know."
The three wizards' ears perked up.
"The Philosopher's Stone?" Hermione repeated.
"That's the Sorcerer's Stone for the American Audiences! 8D" Ron pointed out.
"The Philosopher's Stone is gone. O.o We destroyed it." Harry told them.
Instantly Ed got pissed off.
"WHAT!? WHY'D YOU DO THAT!?"
"We need the Philosopher's Stone to restore our bodies! D: You meanies, I hope cats poop on your head!" Al cried.
"My cat's a psycho. :D" Hermione said.
"We had to destroy it." Harry started again. "Voldemort was gonna use it for his evil purposes!"
Hermione and Ron both gasped. Ron cried like a girly girl.
"Harry dropped the V-bomb:O" Hermione exclaimed.
"Nuuuuuuuuuu, my ears!" Ron cried like a baby.
"STFU! I'LL USE THE DAMN NAME IF I WANT." Harry snapped. "AND I'M ALL SCREAMY NOW BECAUSE J.K. ROWLING TURNED ME INTO AN ANGRY TEENAGER FULL OF ANGST RAWRRRRR!!!"
"Cheer up Emo kid:D" Winry said. Yes, she was there the whole time even though she never said anything up until this point and won't for the rest of the story. And no, she is not here for you jealous fangirls to bash.
"I'M NOT EMO I'M ANGSTY RAWR. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE." Sadly, there is a difference.
"Who the hell is Voldemort?" Ed asked.
Once more, Hermione and Ron gasped.
"OUR EARS!!!"
"STFU AND GTFO!!" Harry yelled at them, getting more angrier by the second.
"GASP AGAIN:O HARRY!"
"AND WHILE YOU'RE AT GO DIAF!"
"Diaf?!" Roy exclaimed, perking up. "OMG YAY, LET ME HELP! 8D"
He then snapped his fingers and kablooie went Ron and Harry. Harry had not expected Roy to know the meaning of diaf: die in a fire.
"WTF!? MUSTANG YOU PYRO! We could've asked them how they made the Philosopher's Stone!" Ed shouted with much anger.
"Then why didn't you?"
"Because there are Sues humping my legs! Come on Al, Winry, let's go!"
They then left Roy behind with Hermione, who was still hugging Roy all this time. She looked at the pile of ashes that were once her friends in silence.
"Now, where were we little girl?" Roy began, fully intending on tapping a minor that night.
"You killed my friends…"
"Ah yes. Look, I'm sure if you put on a mini-skirt you'll eventually learn to love it…"
"YOU BASTARD JDHBGUIFRGY24987DSUGWYH8P I KILLZ j0000000!!!!!"
Burning with rage, she stabbed her pointy stick into Roy's eye socket.
"OMFG MY EYE!!!!!" he screamed along with tons of incoherent sounds.
"Bitch." Hermione cursed, before taking back her pointy stick, kicking him and leaving.
And that, is the real way Roy Mustang lost his eye.
The End.