Twilight: A Musical

Chapter 1: Esme's Rock Star Moment

Song: I've Got A Theory - Cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Can you believe it?" Alice squealed as she observed the students of Forks High. A boy of about seventeen was sitting at the table next to them. His head was in his hands, his face flushed as he belted out the lyrics of a love song. He stuttered over the words, especially the ones that had to do with making love, and it had a lot of those. It was a very bad song, but he could not seem to stop himself from singing. Perhaps the situation wouldn't have been so embarrassing if he had been singing to a girl. But no, he had made a comment to his friend about how good the cafeteria food had gotten lately, and suddenly he was singing to his sandwich about how "heartbreakingly beautiful" it was. Finally the song came to an end and he was able to look up from his plate.

"It's wonderful!" Alice exclaimed.

"It's weird!" Bella returned. "We have no idea why everybody has suddenly started acting like we're on Broadway! For all we know, some vampire could be living in one of the houses and using some sort of freaky power on us! Besides, I can't sing. What if it's contagious?"

"Aw, come on Bella! What could it hurt? So we sing and dance a little bit. It could be fun." Emmett interjected.

"Yeah," Bella said with a roll of her eyes, "fun."

E&B

Hours later, as Edward, Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice entered the Cullen house, they were surprised to see Carlisle waiting for them on the couch, watching the news.

"Hey dad." Emmett greeted.

"Hi kids. Good day in school?" Carlisle looked at all of his children. They all looked a bit confused by his presence in the house when he'd normally be at work. "I have the day off today. I'd look odd if I never took a personal day."

"Oh, okay. Hey, something weird happened today. See, this kid at the table next to us just randomly started singing. To his sandwich. I'm not sure what disturbs me more, actually. But do you have any idea why that would happen?" Edward asked.

"I don't know - oh. That's weird. Do you feel that?"

"Feel what?" Edward's eyes widened suddenly. "Carlisle, I can't hear your thoughts anymore! I can't hear anyone's!"

Carlisle ignored the second part. "A sort of itch."

Jasper frowned. "Vampires don't get itchy Carlisle. And why wouldn't Edward be able to hear our thoughts?"

Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Bella all simultaneously scratched their left ears, causing Jasper's and Edward's eyes narrow.

"Okay, something's going on here, -" Jasper was cut off as Esme entered the room, scratching her left ear vigorously.

"Hey Carlisle, sweetie, it's really weird. I was in the garden and suddenly I started to get all itchy. Why would that be happening?"

Everyone who was previously scratching dropped their arms and moved to various places in the room.

Edward's concerned gaze found Bella. "Is something wrong, love?"

"Of course not Edward! Why would it be?" She just smiled innocently at him and hopped up to sit on the counter. Or rather, she attempted to, but slipped and fell a little before Edward caught her. He lifted her gently to sit on the counter and kissed her on the forehead with a grin. Even if she and most of the other members of his family were acting strange, at least she was still his Bella, clumsy as always.

Carlisle's eyes brightened. "Everyone, I've got a theory!"

Oddly enough, music started up in the background. Jasper looked around suspiciously, but he couldn't sense anyone in the house.

"I've got a theory, that it's a demon! A dancing demon - no, something isn't right there."

Edward's and Jasper's jaws dropped as Carlisle sang to the family as though it was something he did every day. Then Alice started from her place next to Rosalie.

"I've got a theory, some kid is dreaming." She motioned to Rosalie casually doing jazz hands. "And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare."

Then Emmett chimed in.

"I've got a theory we should work this out."

Now everyone except Edward and Japer sang "It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about?"

Then Emmett turned to his wife, perched on the back of the couch next to Alice. "It could be witches, some evil witches!" She glared at him, taking offense to the allusion that it would be only women causing this problem. Emmett cowered under her glare and continued, "Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches they were persecuted. Wicca good and love the earth and women power and I'll be over here." He sat down, far away from his wife and smallest sister.

Esme took her turn. "I've got a theory, it could be bunnies." Everyone looked at her like she was crazy, even Edward and Jasper who were decidedly freaked out.

Alice tried to break the silence. "I've got a-"

But Esme just couldn't keep her feelings in for any longer. The music turned into loud rock and Esme jumped up on the coffee table. "BUNNIES AREN'T JUST CUTE LIKE EVERYBODY SUPPOSES! THEY GOT THEM HOPPY LEGS AND TWITCHY LITTLE NOSES! AND WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CARROTS? WHAT DO THEY NEED SUCH GOOD EYESIGHT FOR ANYWAY? BUNNIES, BUNNIES IT MUST BE BUNNIES!"

They were all silent as Esme's outburst. She looked around sheepishly before stepping off the table and finishing quietly. "Or maybe midgets."

Alice looked at Carlisle and sang. "I've got a theory we should work this fast."

They both looked at Esme and sang "Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed." Esme looked away from both of them.

Bella slid carefully off the counter and took her turn. "I've got a theory. It doesn't matter. What can't we face if we're together? What's in this place that we can't weather? Apocalypse? We've all been there." She was referring to all of them having died, or nearly died in her case. "The same old trips. Why should we care?"

Everybody who'd been itchy moved to the middle of the room, looked at each other and sang. "What can't we do if we get in it? We'll work it through within a minute. We have to try. We'll pay the price. It's do or die."

Bella smiled wryly to herself as she sang. "Hey I've died twice." She didn't notice Edward's alarmed look.

Everybody but Jasper and Edward sang their final part. "What can't we face if we're together?"

Carlisle broke off for his own solo, "What can't we face?" before everybody sang in unison again.

"What's in this place that we can't weather? There's nothing we can't face."

Esme sang quietly. "Except for bunnies."

The music finally stopped. As soon as it did, everybody took a couple of awkward steps back from each other.

"Where did all the fuzzy feelings come from? I don't usually get like that unless Jasper's playing a prank or I'm alone with Rosie."

Carlisle shook his head at his youngest son. "I really don't know, Emmett. It was probably the same thing that was causing us to sing like that. Although it was extremely unsettling, may I tell everyone that they have wonderful voices?"

Bella, Rosalie and Alice smiled and thanked him, but Esme was far too embarrassed to remove her head from Carlisle's chest where she'd buried it as soon as the song had let go of its hold on her. Emmett just grinned arrogantly and said, "I know."

Carlisle chuckled and suggested that everyone retire to bed for the night. He asked Alice to call Charlie and ask if Bella would be able to stay the night. She just rolled her eyes at him, her way of saying she already had. After everybody had gone gracefully upstairs (Edward carried Bella), he sat her on his couch and looked her deeply in the eyes.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE DIED TWICE?"

She just sighed, so he toned it down a bit. "Please tell me, I'm all worried now."

"I didn't mean it literally, Edward. Clearly I'm still here with you. It was just part of the song."

He finally relaxed a little, though not all the way. "Okay love. Sleep now." He pulled a blanket from the back of the couch over her and got on top of the covers, wrapping his arms around her. "Goodnight love." He started humming her lullaby and Bella felt herself drifting off to sleep, her last thought for the night being that she hoped Edward couldn't tell she was lying to him.

AN: So…what do you think? Should I continue? I won't use all Buffy songs, I'll probably do a lot of different ones, but I was listening to this song and I couldn't help myself. If you want to suggest any songs that you ever thought it would be funny to have the Twilight characters sing, then go right on ahead. I'll try to fit them in. Just please review! Also, sometimes I need a little motivation to update, so feel free to hound me a bit. I'm going to try to make this a funny story, so tell me how I'm doing. As you can see however, I'm trying to incorporate a plot, too. This will be and Edward and Bella story, but I'm not really good with romantic scenes, so it will probably mostly be them singing songs with the family. I tried to make it readable, so you can tell what's supposed to happen even if you aren't listening to the song as you read, although I do recommend that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Buffy, the song, the characters, or pretty much anything. As a matter of fact, right now, I've only got about five dollars to my name.