Scents of Traumas Past
Author's note: Takes place after Illyana returns from who knows where but before the X-Men move to Utopia. This is after Illyana helps rescue Dani and Karma in the re-launched New Mutants (which of course faded out after Illyana left the title). Based in part upon the work by Alcimines. Alcimines is a fan fiction author I found (on this web site) some stories he wrote that explored the impact of enhanced senses. I liked what he wrote so decided to try my own take at it (I had been trying to come up with an Illyana/Logan story).
Just what does, and did, Wolverine sense when he meets Illyana?
I also explore why did Illyana's character changes so much from the end of X-Infernous and the first issue of the relaunched New Mutants (she got quite cold and detached). Plus why did Illyana not free Kitty from the Breakworld bullet? (Yes I know, because they told a different story but I actually like my mythos to be air tight so I added some believable rational; or so I think).
The story:
2:30am on a Thursday night in Marin County, California
Logan leaned against the frame of the danger room doorway while watching Illyana as she went though a practice routine. Currently her back is to him. Illyana is dressed in her black and yellow New Mutants uniform. Login is in his civvies, black boots, jeans, and a long sleeved red and black patterned north west flannel shirt. He is currently smoking one of his pungent cigars while holding an open beer can; the contents partial consumed.
Illyana was making short work of the various obstacles and robotic attackers. Some obstacles she just cut down with her soul sword, same with some of the robotic opponents as well. One robot she had somehow caused to melt from within. Several others she had caused to detonate via some sorceress method. One sad robot was in a corner punching itself, its targeting programming somehow disrupted; all the while proclaiming "I have you now!" over and over again.
Illyana decapitated the last robot and kicked the head across the room. Something that would hurt a normal persons' foot (try kicking a heavy tool box and find out), but somehow, unsurprisingly, Illyana was unharmed.
Logan exhaled a long stream of smoke from his nose. "Not bad kid. Better than you used to be. I thought that sword of yours was unable to harm physical things"?
Illyana turned to face Logan. "I used to believe that so it was. I no longer believe that and so it is".
Logan summed up the slightly confusing statement "Magic".
Illyana replied with a slightly different pronunciation, "Magik".
Illyana mildly gestures with her left hand and the self abusing robot falls silent and inoperative. Her soul sword then flickers out of existence. "I never had the chance to thank you for aiding in my rescue from Limbo. Thank. I appreciate it more than words can possibly describe".
Logan took another swallow of beer while he contemplated Illyana. "You have any plans for the kid? Another soul stone by chance"?
Illyana looks over Logan for a few seconds and than walked over to the left of where he is standing. She ends up sitting down and resting her back against the danger room wall. She looks upon the scattered debris while replying to Logan. "No. Megan is safe from such designs from me. I will kill myself before I walk that road again. I was not... Not... Not aware of what I had been. Of what I desired to be".
"Good. Wanted to hear to from you direct".
"So you could try to sense if I lied"?
"Yep".
"Am I"?
"No".
They shared the silence for a few minutes. Logan was patient. If Illyana was going to talk then he just needed to give her time. Logan could be very impatient at times, but not when he hunted.
After a while Illyana asked a question. "What did you sense back in Limbo? Back when I first... returned. You suddenly started yelling (Ah, hell. It's her, it's...) as I teleported you all away".
Logan took a long puff on his stogie before answering. "You were just a demon that looked like Illyana, traces of her scent was there but they were almost gone. You smelled like you hadn't bathed in a year and had been living in an abattoir. Then Peter touched you. Asked if it was you. You changed then. Your scent returned. The Illyana of old. Along with a bunch of other scents. Shame. Disgust. Horror. Loathing. And that special kind of shame aroma that only a woman apparently issues; after they've been raped and abused. The I utterly hate myself for what was done to me scent".
Illyana was silent for a while. "Did you tell anyone"?
"No. Not my pain to share. I mentioned that your scent was old but left out all the other details other then I thought you had been hurt. How much of you is left in there anyway"?
Illyana stared at a broken robot. "Not much. More then there was at first but not much".
Logan sat down against the danger room wall as well; the doorway between them. "Been there. Had that done to me. Gone so feral I thought I'd never find my way back. I could smell the time on you. You'd been feral for a long time. And I could still smell the stench of him on you as well".
Illyana's face took on an expression of utter hate. "The things he did to me. To my body. To my mind. To me. I... I lost it. Everything that defined the me was raped, abused, burned, crushed, killed. Everything. I was not meant to survive it; I don't really think I did. All that was left was a demon in deeds as well as form. Conceptually I know I need to cry, want to cry, but I can't. That's gone as well now".
"You came back and then took off again after three days. Then returned a few days later but you were different. Changed. Older, heck a lot older. I could smell that years had passed. What happened to you? Why'd you'd vanish kid"?
Illyana picked up a random bit of robot debris and tossed it across the room. Her face had lost all expression. Finally she answered with one word. "Kitty".
"Shit. I told Scott and Emma that we should have come clean on that. Keeping you in the dark while you "adjusted" was not a good idea".
"No it wasn't. None of you would talk to me about Kitty. So the third night I hacked into the system. Yes I know Kitty was the hacker, but technology can be so easily fooled by magic. I found her file. The file marked deceased".
"That's premature. It's possible that she's still alive. We don't know".
"No I suppose you don't. When I read the file I got... upset. I had been so obsessed with trying to undo the form I was trapped in so I could face Peter and Kitty that I was not there when Kitty was trapped and subsequently lost, presumed dead. I failed… Last time I've ever cried in grief. I actually don't know how anymore".
Logan was quite concerned. No tears, not even a sniffle. Emotionally dry tone. Her scent barely showing any sadness. He could tell she was right about the inability to cry.
He hesitantly asked a question about a hope that had gnawed at him, "You never tried to go back in time to free her"?
Illyana gave short and bitter laugh.
"Didn't work. I gave it everything I had. Turns out that somehow going back in time and freeing Kitty creates a paradox. Don't know how other then I become the paradox. Finding out where the blasted Bullet is also somehow creates a Paradox. Any attempt to go back in time from the moment I regained my soul sword creates a paradox. The universe gets... cranky at demons trying to create a paradox. One of the magical safety valves as it were. Rules. Nasty nasty rules. Push too hard and the universe pushes back. Turns out there were still parts of me unbroken. Well, they got broken that night".
Illyana continued after finding and throwing another robot bit. "So I took off. Fled. Went looking for my soul. Partially of my own volition, partially because, as I said, the universe pushes back. The trip took... time, and took some random bites out of me as well".
Logan drained the rest of his beer. They sat quietly for a while.
After a while Illyana continued her story."At one point in my journeys I took a timeout as it were and visited Breakworld. Funny how they had that prophesy that a mutant from earth was going to destroy their world. It's in future at this point so I don't know if that what I did there is ever really going to happen now".
Logan felt himself go cold. "And…?" he asked. But he already knew. The smell of cold satisfaction.
"I guess the fear that a mutant was going to end their world came true. At least for some of them… Well a whole bunch of some of them. Every single one who had anything to do with what happened to Kitty".
Logan actually felt some relieve. At least she did not destroy the world. Then he contemplated his thought and got cold again. He intrinsically believed that she could figure out how to destroy a world if she so chose. His senses were telling him that this was be one very very scary person.
"You never checked on the bullet afterwards"?
Illyana opened her mouth and moved her lips as if she was talking but Logan heard nothing, nor could he read her lips.
Illyana then turned and looked him in the eye, "Well"?
"I couldn't understand you. Your lips moved but you said nothing".
"Like I said. The universe pushes back. I can't talk about it. Can't think about it. Don't actually know if I ever did something about it. It's all a giant blind spot now. Black hole. And because I pushed so hard a part of me got eaten, or turned off. Don't really know which".
Logon puffed on his cigar again and then mumbled a curse, "Well crap".
Illyana pushed herself to her feet and smiled, the smile did not reach her eyes.
"Thanks for pretending that you think there's still a child somewhere inside of me, but we both know you're pretending. I appreciate the effort". She gave him a kiss on his cheek and walked out of the room.