Author's Note: Look! I'm not dead! I'm actually posting something! (Even though I should probably be posting a new chapter for one of my continuation stories, but, well, that didn't seem to happen...Sorry!) So, this is deffinetly crack...Kinda...Actually, I'm going to do a re-make of this and make it more serious and slightly scary, so be watching for that! I might even have it done by the end of this weekend, but no promises!

Disclaimer: So, anywho, I don't own Death Note or Alice in Wonderland (though, I made most of the AIW stuff that I used up myself [besides the whole white rabbit and falling down a hole bit], and I do own those things, I guess...). I also don't own SexyBack, but that was only used in, like, one line, so whatever.

(By the way, the random "l"s are to show a break in time, and such, so, yeah...)

Enjoy!

Light in Wonderland

(A Death Note Parody)

"Kira would never kill you, you fuzzy little snuggle-poo." Light Yagami was talking to a little fuzzy bunny. And cuddling with it. And calling it 'snuggle-poo,' apparently. Misa would be jealous. But who cares about that bitch? He thought to himself. He was happy that no one was around, because, really, seeing a grown man snuggling with a bunny and calling it 'snuggle-poo' might be a strange sight.

Just then, he saw Near run from around a tree. Light was in a park full of trees. He realized that the small boy had bunny ears on. "Near, what are you doing?" he asked calmly. What was really going through his mind was: Fuck! Did he hear me call myself Kira? Well, I didn't call myself Kira, I was just observing that even Kira couldn't kill a bunny that cute….speaking of bunnies, what's with the bunny ears?

Near either didn't hear him or was ignoring him because he didn't even look in Light's direction. The older boy was sure it was the later. "Near? NEAR!" What could he be doing? Light chased him around some trees, and watched as the white-haired boy jumped right into a rather big rabbit hole. Light was almost dumb-founded. But, of course, he wasn't, because prodigies were never dumb-founded. He was merely "confused by this young man's strange actions." Yeah, he was dumb-founded.

But, even though his genius-ey brain told him not to, his curiosity told him the exact opposite: so he did it. He followed the boy down the hole.

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And he fell. And kept falling. And screaming. Like the little girl he really was. As he fell, he realized that this was no ordinary rabbit hole, but it didn't take a genius like him to figure that out. There were chairs, and shelves, and tables. I could really use a mirror right now….And what an ordinary thought for Light to have in such an unordinary situation.

Finally, he reached the ground, where he saw Near bounce off. Yes, Near bounced. The really amazing thing about this was that he managed to stay in a crouched position while bouncing. It was truly an extraordinary sight.

"NEAR! NEAR, YOU LITTLE BASTARD GET BACK HERE!" Near didn't even turn around. He did, though, mumble something about being late, and occasionally checked a big pocket watch.

Light looked down and realized he was in a dress. A yellow dress with a petticoat. "Damn, I look hawt," he said to himself.

"Yes, maybe. No, certainly," a deep voice drawled.

"Who said that?" Light asked, turning around and around in circles.

"Me. Or you. Possibly. Deffinatley."

Light looked to his left, and found himself staring into a mirror with a face. "Um, are you the one talking right now? Because, if so, then that's just real strange."

"Am I? I might be. I might not be. I'm not sure. But I am confident in what I think I am, so I'm right. But I'm really wrong."

"I think you're contradicting yourself…."

"No. Yes. Am I? I know I'm not," the mirror continued its banter, but Light had already turned around and started walking away.

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Light walked down a sea of doors. Literally. The floor had a water-like feel to it, and he felt like he could almost swim thought the air. He would have actually tried to swim through the air, but he would have looked like an idiot, and Light is definitely not an idiot (not to mention that he didn't want to mess up his dress). So, he just stuck to walking. After what felt like hours, he got bored of just walking, and started strutting like he was on a cat walk. I really should have been a model, he thought to himself. He twirled a little, and, when he was confident that no one was listening, he began to sing.

He started by just humming, then mumbling, then full out screaming "I'M BRING SEXY BACK, YEAH, THEM OTHER BOYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT!" He had just gotten to the "you see these shackles?, baby, I'm your slave," part when he finally turned a corner and ran into a hunched over man with big eyes. Literally ran into him.

"Umph, uh, oh! L! What's up, bro?" Light asked, getting up and brushing off his dress as if it got covered in dirt during his little fall.

L just started at him.

Then he stared some more.

After a period of time, Light decided to try to walk away, but after he had gotten a just a few centimeters away from the older man he fell again. He had just enough time to think what the- when L came toppling down on him. Light gave him a confused look which L answered by raising his hand-cuffed wrist. Light soon realized that his own wrist was the object it was handcuffed to.

"Did someone say 'shackles'?" A blonde said, slipping out from behind a door.

"Technically, Mello, those are handcuffs," his red-headed friend said, seeming to have appeared from nowhere.

"Mello? Matt?"

"And how are you sure that those are our names? You've never met us before."

"The red-head said your name," Light answered, smiling triumphantly. The blond opened his mouth to object, but before he could he was swept away by a fog that encircled L and Light. Light tried to stand, but was pulled back down by L's unwillingness to get up.

When the fog finally cleared, Light tried to stand again, and, this time, it was extremely easy.

"Finally stopped being such a lazy ass, eh, L?" Light grinned, turning to the other man only to realize that he was no longer there. "Oh, okay…." Light said to himself.

"Baby!" Light tried to plug his ears from the high-pitched squeal, but failed as his arms were tied down in a tight hug. "Light, Light! I missed you!"

"What, what do you mean? I wasn't gone for that long, I know you have abandonment issues, but, really, woman, jeeze."

"But Takada said all these nasty things! Scary things! She says that she loves you, but I know that's not true."

"Takada said what?" Light was in shock, he had made the intelligent woman promise not to talk to Misa.

"It's okay, I know she's lying, because she's in love with me," the blonde said with an innocent smile.

"Okay, now that's just weird. I don't really get how that works, but whatever floats your boat, I guess…."

"It works great." Just then, a giant teddy bear jumped out and tackled Misa. "Light! Help me!"

"Uh, I'd really rather not, you know, I might mess up my nails, or something."

"Just as I thought, you bitch!" Takada's voice yelled. Suddenly she was in front of Light.

"Um, excuse me, but you're my bitch, and it's not the other way around. Got that?" Light said.

"You don't help Misa, because you won't even help yourself. And how do you know my name?" Takada had suddenly morphed into Mello. Mello suddenly morphed into Near. Light was being tossed back up the rabbit hole.

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The first thing Light thought when he woke up was: "Whatever I was on that made me have that dream, I'll have to remember never to do again…."

Author's Note #2: Thank you so much for reading my short little story! Now please review, it would make my day! Hell, it would make my life! I'll promise to love you forever if you review~ (yes, I am resorting to begging, so, please review!)