Prompt for this fic: Kirk was on Tarsus IV. Something causes the crew to relieve the worst moment in their lives (your choice what causes it). It's discovered that the only way to truly break the cycle of reliving whatever memory it is, is to share it. Cue the bridge crew sharing...and Kirk trying to lie...but eventually spilling it then bolting because he's afraid of the reactions. Spock follows...
Jim had no idea how long it lasted, but it seemed like days. Later his first officer would claim they were only under psychic attack for 7.5 moment Kirk was on the bridge of The Enterprise, the next he was on a planet he would recognize forever, that played a prominent role in his nightmares. He was part of a massive crowd, losing sight of the aunt and cousins he had been visiting on Tarsus IV. There had been a military coup, and no one knew what would happen now. Food supplies had become scarce and when military began sweeping homes and rounding people throughout the colonies into the main town center, it didn't appear to be a good sign.
People were screaming around him, and he ducked down, pushing himself against the direction they were being herded towards. He made it into a alcove and hid in the shadows, watching. A few minutes later he saw a small boy, who couldn't have been more than five or six years old, standing confused at the end of the alley. Without even thinking, Jim grabbed the child and pulled him back into the shadows as well, working them behind debris to hide their heard someone speaking over a sound system, words he would never forget.
"The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."
Seconds later, he was glad that he had placed his hand over the little boy's mouth, keeping him from crying out. The sound of phasers was unmistakable. Bodies fell and the people who were still alive screamed and began trying to fight their way free of the guards surrounding them. Jim couldn't see the people who had already fallen, but he could see the reactions of those who were where he would have been if he hadn't broken away and hidden. He heard them scream and beg, and saw them fall. He watched a guard nudge one of them with his foot and turn dismissively away, and beneath his hand he felt the boy he was holding sob and mouth "Mama..."
He remember the hiding and the constant hunger, the fear and the horror. Holding the little boy, whose name was Kevin Riley, as he cried quietly at night and promising Starfleet would be there soon, even as he wondered if they have even been contacted. Glimpses of survivors eating meat, when the only meat anywhere was one kind he couldn't bring himself to consume, not even to stay alive.
The terror when they were finally captured and brought before Kodos himself and his own conviction they would die then, only to be told that the government had decided to keep alive as many children as they could support, especially children related to those important to the Kodos, executioner of thousands in the eyes as he stated, "My mother is a Starfleet officer and my father was the hero who was captain of The Kelvin."
Feeling icy chills go up his spine when Kodos smiled at him and said, "I have a special job for you, James Tiberius Kirk."Leaving Kevin at a makeshift orphanage and lying about who the child was, claiming he was the only surviving son of the aunt he had been staying with, thus related to a Starfleet science officer and hoping it would be enough to protect him. Being led to a barracks full of young teenagers his age, all of whom were being used to "keep order" besides the guards with what remained of the starving population. Realizing he might have to kill innocent people in order to stay alive and swearing to himself to turn the weapon on himself first, ending the pain and the hunger.
Running away, trying to escape with the two children he had been ordered to kill. Wondering how he was going to hide himself and protect them. How would he keep any of them alive with a army of child soldiers stalking them and no food to survive with?
In this reality, there was no relief when Starfleet managed to appear, no tearful reunion with his mother, no being stationed with her on The Endeavor on the way back to earth, slowly recovering and building his starved body back up, no long meetings with the ship counselors about what he had experienced, or interviews besides other survivors. The worst parts of his experience simply replayed again and again. The pain of hunger, the horror of death and the fear of causing it himself. Unending and endless...