Hamster in Hamster
A Hayate the Combat Butler Oneshot
By
EvilFuzzy9
A/N: This is a companion fic to a contest entry of mine in the "HnG Cuteness Competition" at The HnG Fan Club on DeviantArt dot com. There is a link to the club in my profile, as well as two alternate links to the picture in question: HnG CuteComp -H.i.H. Inked-.
Narrio Wakamator: "Show your support! Vote for Hamster in Hamster today!"
Ayumu Nishizawa, Hinagiku Katsura, and Nagi Sanzen'in were silent. Their faces -grim and stolid- were as carven façades hewn from solid rock. The atmosphere was tense, and the air between them crackled, as if sparking with electricity. They were locked in a heated battle of wit and will, luck and pluck, grit and determination.
The small, round folding table around which these three lovely chits were sitting -with each of their individual shapely behinds resting on the seat of a matching folding chair- was laden down with towering stacks of uniform, circular chips of brightly colored plastic divided into varying quantities between the three of them.
Off to one side of the table, between Ayumu and Hinagiku, sat Maria. She was dressed (against her will, if the slight tic and dangerous glint of her eyes was anything to go by) in a flashy, revealing cocktail dress of bright red be-glittered silk. The neckline was a precipitously falling V which dipped well below her round, perky breasts, and the skirt was split right up the waist to just below her panty-line, revealing her creamy white thighs every time she shifted her legs even slightly. Before her, on the tabletop, rested a deck of standard-issue playing cards. Since Hayate had been abducted by the Three Stooges to help out with their club and was thus unavailable, Maria had been roped by the three girls into acting as the dealer pro tem for their weekly game of poker.
Yes, you did in fact read that correctly: a weekly game of poker. Between Nagi, Hinagiku, and Ayumu.
It was... well... a thing of theirs. ... Yes, 'a thing' would be the best way to put it...
It had started out as both a way for them to endure one another's company and as an excuse to schmooze and shamelessly flirt with Hayate under the (exceedingly flimsy) pretense of getting him to give them better hands (which he could do quite effortlessly, having mastered all the tricks of the trade back when he was just a young lad working under card sharks to pay off his mother's distressingly frequent gambling debts), but it had eventually evolved into a sort of regular ceasefire and peace conference wherein these three girls played poker together every week regardless of whether or not Hayate was present (although his absence tended to render the atmosphere considerably more volatile). It was, without a doubt, a most curious ritual where these three rivals in love (though, due to the... unique... understanding between Hinagiku and Nishizawa, there were really only ever two truly opposing factions present at the weekly games) deigned to ostensibly set aside their mutual enmity for an hour or two and bond after a fashion.
That was in theory.
But in practice...?
Well... let us just say that this unofficial ceasefire did not mean jack squat about whether or not they were entirely civil with one another for the duration of these meetings. Because they were not – oh, they were most DEFINITELY not. Indeed, they were just about anything but civil.
Case in point?
Nagi, adopting an faux thoughtful expression, looked over the cards in her hand and met Ayumu's eyes. Opening her mouth to speak, she set her plan into action. "Yo, Hamtaro," she taunted, intentionally addressing the girl with as obnoxious an appellation as reasonably possibly, "Do you know what's truly pathetic?"
Ayumu twitched. It was clearly obvious that she was being baited, but she bit the hook anyways. "No, what?"
Nagi smirked. "Someone thinking that being 'more than friends but less than lovers' would ever work."
Ayumu glared at Nagi. "That was uncalled for," she griped sourly.
Hinagiku, chiming in, nodded. "Yeah, Nishizawa's right. Besides, what's even more pathetic is someone who puts others down because she needs to feel superior, you know?" she remarked, eying Nagi rather pointedly.
The blonde heiress stuck her tongue out at the student council president and blew a raspberry. "Pthbbbt~! What do you know? You're just a common, wannabe tsundere who doesn't even have the guts to confess to her crush!" she sniped back at the older girl.
Hinagiku harrumphed at this, crossing her arms and affecting a pseudo-snobbish tone. "Hmph, the incoherent ramblings of a basement-dwelling shut-in... Such things as that hold less than no weight in the real world," she stated imperiously.
"Yeah, yeah!" Ayumu agreed most vociferously, "What Hina said!"
"Shut it, fatty!" Nagi spat venomously.
Ayumu hissed and narrowed her eyes at the younger girl. "Why you—!" she began to yell, prepared to give the Sanzen'in girl a rather violent dressing down, only to be stopped by a Look from Hinagiku.
Don't let her get to you: she who loses her cool loses the battle.
That was the message which this pink-haired jill of all trades conveyed to her ally-slash-rival in the arena of love with no more than a look.
She and Ayumu had grown extraordinarily close in the time they had known each other, both of them feeling perfectly at ease with one another – much more so than they could ever feel with anyone else. And this closeness, this intimacy, allowed them to communicate their thoughts to one another with just the subtlest glance or tic. They could read each other's nonverbal cues with preternatural ease. They had no need for words, not when they could each "speak" so clearly and so honestly with the other simply by meeting with their eyes.
Ayumu smiled softly at this, nodding. With little to no difficulty at all, she replied to this friendly exhortation in a like manner. Yeah, you're right. I can't let her get into my head. If I do, I'll lose.
Hinagiku grinned, sending a smug look in Nagi's direction.
The twin-pigtails lolita with hair like threaded sunshine glowered darkly. "Let's just get this over with," she grumbled peevishly.
"Fine," Ayumu shrugged. "And the wager?"
Nagi sneered wickedly, sending a stab of ill-boding through the other two girls' guts. "Yes, yes, the wager..." she mumbled absently. "Ah... if Katsura loses, she has to... Hmmm..." she scratched her chin contemplatively as she considered her various options for humiliating the student council president. "Ah, yes!" she exclaimed in a moment of "Eureka!". A self-satisfied look so impish and so mischievous then appeared on her face that Hinagiku found herself shuddering fearfully. "If Katsura loses, she has to send Hayate a 'sext message'!"
Hinagiku blanched. 'That's pure evil...' she thought.
"And if Hamster loses..." Nagi continued, "... she has to dress up in a hamster costume for an entire day!"
Ayumu gulped nervously, but Hinagiku laughed. "Hah! Is that all? So unimaginative... Nishizawa isn't the least bit intimidated by such a simple dare," the pinkette declared confidently, causing the bluenette in question to sweat-drop.
'Oy, oy, speak for yourself...' Ayumu thought peevishly. 'If I end up having to do that, then she'll never stop calling me "Hamster". And I, for one, HATE that nickname...'
Hinagiku, however, was not privy to her friend's thoughts at this time. "Okay," she nodded slowly and deliberately, having once more adopted a cool demeanor. "But if you lose?"
"Ehhh. You can just go ahead and surprise me," Nagi said with a shrug.
Hinagiku and Ayumu perked up at this. They each glanced towards the other. Their eyes met, and some imperceptible communication passed between them in that brief instant. Then they broke their gaze and, as one, turned their attention back towards Nagi.
"Any limits?" Hinagiku inquired shrewdly.
"Nope, none." Nagi smiled. "IF you win, I'll do whatever you say."
Ayumu grinned evilly at this, but Hinagiku frowned. 'She's up to something...' the pinkette thought suspiciously, '... but what?' She sent a surreptitious Look in Nishizawa's direction.
Be careful. There's something fishy about this...
Ayumu smiled brightly at her friend. Don't worry, Hina; you're over-thinking it. Besides, this is a chance to make Nagi back off from Hayate... maybe for good. We can't just let an opportunity like this go to waste!
Hinagiku frowned. 'I wonder about that..' she thought to herself.
Nagi, looking rather impatient, said, "Hey, hey! You two! Are you in, or are you out?"
Hinagiku and Ayumu looked at each other once more, before looking at their respective hands.
'Heheheheh... I've got three aces and a pair of kings in this one hand...' Ayumu grinned inwardly while keeping her outward expression perfectly blank. 'Unless Nagi has some sorta crazy super-hand -like a full house or a royal flush- I'm practically guaranteed to win! There's no way I could turn down a chance like this!'
"I'm in," the mini-pigtails lass said evenly, masking her emotions with seemingly expert ease as she laid her cards face down on the table and pushed all of her chips forward into the proverbial pot.
At the same time, Hinagiku shook her head and declared, "I fold."
Ayumu frowned at her friend. What are you doing? You should have taken this chance with me. We can't afford to let this opportunity slip through our hands!
Hinagiku shrugged, shaking her head. It's too suspicious... Nagi has something big up her sleeve, and I, for one, am not going to risk it.
They likely would have continued in this nonverbal exchange, but they were interrupted by Nagi slapping her own cards down onto the table. "I'm in!" she announced brashly. Her eyes were sparkling, and there was a toothy, predatory grin adorning her lips.
Nishizawa was not about to let herself be fazed, however. Flipping her cards right side up, she said: "Three of a kind, aces; two of a kind, kings."
Nagi simply smirked and flipped over her own hand, allowing the cards to speak for themselves.
[Narrio Wakamator: "A few days later..."]
In a generic, unspecified location with no discernible scenery or any kind of background, Hayate -unseen from the perspective of this scene- stared dumbly at the sight before him.
"...?" he mumbled silently, uncertain how else to respond to what he was seeing.
Ayumu, dressed in a hamster costume (sans the head, which was lying on the ground beside her) with a sunflower seed painted on its belly, sweat-dropped. Then she smiled sheepishly, her hands behind her back. "Uhhh... well... this sure is awkward..." she commented, inwardly cursing Nagi with all her might, "But I can assure you: there's a VERY good explanation for it."
Under her breath, she added: "Namely that Nagi is a big, stupid jerk who totally cheats at poker."
Hayate, still off-screen, sweat-dropped.
A/N: Well, be sure to support the HnG fan community in any way you can!
... Preferably by reviewing this fic and/or checking out my primary entry for the "HnG CuteComp" (and commenting/fav'ing it if you have an account on DA) – as I said earlier in the first author's note, I've placed two alternate addresses for the picture in question on my profile.
On the subject of this story, it's been forever since I first learned the basic rules of poker, and I have not played it in ages. So the actual poker part of the story was therefore downplayed as much as possible to mitigate my chances of making an ass out of myself through vague ignorance regarding the game's rules.
On a related tangent: despite a number of delays, I am -in fact- once more making acceptable progress on the next chapter of Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!, but it's still a while in the making. Nonetheless, feel free to R&R it in the interim, if you haven't done so already!
TTFN!