DISCLAIMER – Roses are red, Violets are blue, I don't own Harry potter, and neither do you

P.S – If you do, you know what I want for my birthday…

You know what I don't get, disclaimers, even If I said Yep, I'm J.K.R, no one would believe me anyway. Some things are truly a mystery to me

Ok, so we had 2 people working on this. Myself and my best friend (her username is Zalina, Check out her other fics). We did it over the internet, so it went back and forth many many times, until we eventually created this.

Tell us what you think.

OOC (out of character, to create this...ahem...masterpeice) but everything else is the same.

September 1, 1978

11:49

Hogwarts Express

My life is honestly just one big disaster.

I mean is it seriously too much to ask for me to have a normal day? Just one? The world seems to have a whole stack of bad things all lined up waiting to happen to me.

I am of course referring to the fact that I cannot seem to go a DAY without having some form of massive crisis!

I've always known I was accident prone and so unlucky it's almost a disease, but this morning just proves it.

I just sighed and now Leslie is looking at me weirdly. I guess it's because not many people sigh and frown while writing their diary. But even she has to admit, that this morning was a catastrophe.

Let me tell you how my utterly fantastic morning went.

This morning my alarm went off at 8:30, just like usual. I rolled out of bed, feeling a little tired, but happy all the same. Of course at this point I had no clue about the impending doom that was about to follow. I guess I should have known I wouldn't make it through the morning, especially as it's the first day of school.

After I had been up for about 30 seconds I suddenly felt a lot brighter. I remembered that I would be seeing all of my friends, and teachers and starting my final year at Hogwarts.

The previous 6 years have gone so quickly.

The only thing that dampened my mood was the fact that I was going to be Head Girl. I am really happy about it, don't get me wrong, its just that whatever klutzy, or embarrassing moments I have, (and trust me, I will have them) will be an even bigger thing for the students to gossip about.

Nothing stays a secret in Hogwarts. Once one person knows, the next morning, that's all anyone, can talk about over breakfast.

I seriously do NOT know what the professors were thinking. I mean me… ME! Of all the sane people they could have chosen to represent and help run the school they went and chose most irresponsible, forgetful, unlucky, unorganized person in the whole school!

I know! They're INSANE!!!

Perhaps poor old Professor Dumbledore had drunk to much firewhiskey the night before. Oops. I am suddenly now stuck with the vision of a drunk Professor Dumbledore. Ok. Don't think about that It is not a pleasant sight. Ha ha, he just started dancing on the table, and Oh...My... Please…please….PLEASE tell me he's not stripping? LALALALALA – shut up brain! I'm not listening to you! LALALALALA!!!!

Kathy just looked at me weirdly.

"It's not my fault I have the vision of Dumbledore drunk!" I sniffed.

She looks shocked. "I don't think I even want to know!" Obviously I wasn't the only one questioning my sanity today.

Let me tell you about the rest of my mortifying morning. Hehe, alliteration.

After I had got dressed, and checked my packing, I sprinted down the stairs, two at a time. I didn't realize Petunia was at the bottom, so I crashed into her.

"OI! Watch it freak" she growled.

Oops. I didn't want to get on her bad side. She's particularly grumpy in the mornings.

I ran into the kitchen. "Muuuuum. Daaaaaad. Good moooorning." I sang. Im not the best singer in the world, but I like to sing all the same.

Mum was cooking pancakes. I love pancakes. Apart from that one time I almost set the cat on fire trying to cook them when I was 8 … But that's another story.

Dad was leaning over her kissing her goodbye.

"Awwww! Daaaad? Do you have to leave already?" I whined.

" Afraid so…Have a good term." He said, as he kissed my forehead. "You'll make an excellent Head Girl. I'm very proud of you." I gulped, but nodded, thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong.

As he was about to leave, I went to ask mum if she needed help. Which knowing me, she shouldn't have let me do.

That's when it happened.

I was leaning over the stove reaching for the jam when I felt heat near my ear and I could smell burning. I stood frozen for a second, and then I screamed.

It was CHAOS, my Mum started screaming too, and flapping her arms at my head. My Dad yelled "WATER!!"- at least one of us was thinking - Now that I think of it, that would have been the smart thing to do, rather than let mum just make it worse by fanning it - but Petunia raced in and knocked him into the bowl of pancake mix, which crashed to the floor and spilt all over us. I searched desperately for my wand, but I realized I had left it upstairs. My eyes fell upon the dishwashing water so I plunged my head in. The noise ceased immediately, and I emerged- wet, covered in pancake mix and with bits of food from the dishwater stuck in my partially burnt hair.

I was close to tears, but too shocked to actually cry. My eyes hurt from the dishwashing water, even though they had been shut. My parents and Petunia just gaped at me silently.

I ran upstairs, got my wand, and muttered 'scourgify' to clean up my robes. I also did it to my hair, and all the pancake mix vanished. So did all the other bits of food.

I looked in the mirror.

"CRAP!"

My hair was black in some parts, and burnt off completely in others. This was not my morning. I HAD A MEETING TO GO TO!!!

I did every spell I could think of, but nothing worked. One of them just caused my remaining hair to become impossibly fuzzy; it was almost standing up on end!

I was about to burst into tears when I remembered that Monika would probably know how to fix it. Monika was the more girly of my friends. She wasn't my closest friend - that was Kathy. Thinking back on it now, I have no clue what I would have done if she wasn't able to help. I would probably have gone to hide in the gutter and wait for the carnivorous rats to emerge. That would have been less painful than having Potter and his mates see me. Ahem.

Back to the story;

I heard mum yelling at me to hurry, so acting on impulse I grabbed the hideous purple and yellow polkadot bandana that my aunt gave me the year before, sunglasses and a hideous red scarf from my cupboard. I summoned my trunk downstairs, and into the car, my Mum followed me, her lips a thin line. Petunia had the biggest scowl known to mankind across her face. She hates it when I use magic. She hates everything about it. She hates me! I saw her mouth twitch though, when she saw my hair. Mums clothes were still covered in pancake mix so I cleaned her up. Dad had left for work, and Petunia was staring at my wand. I knew that she wanted me to clean her up, even though she wouldn't admit it. I muttered 'scourgify' as I walked past, trying to make it seem like I hadn't done anything, but she saw.

"Did you just use IT on me!!??" She half screamed. I had a plan. Which couldn't end well, but you know, it would be fun.

"Yes, but if you don't like it, I'll put them back." I pointed my wand at her clothes and said the incantation to a spell I had seen Potter use. I was pretty sure it undid scourgify. He'd used it in the potions lab once, to make a mess of Sev's potion.

Hehe. Being spontaneous is fun. I finally get why Potter and Black use random spells.

Sure enough her clothes had double the amount of pancake mix, and she was even wetter.

"LILLLY" She whined. Sucks to be her. She shouldn't hate me so much. I stalked past her, nose in the air and went to the car. "NO FAIIIR" She whined again. I muttered scourgify again, and raced to the car. Petunia had the biggest scowl. I mean, if I even said the word magic she would probably throw a tantrum right then.

Mum drove like a madwoman. She had this strangely determined look no her face. We screeched around corners, whizzed through red lights and almost hit an old lady on the side path. I put on the bandanna, scarf and sunglasses while yelling at her to slow down. She yelled back "FIX YOUR HAIR!"

"I CAN'T!!" Honestly, did she really think, someone as responsible and sensible (yeah right, don't know who I'm talking about there) as me, would not have tried every spell she knew?

It is a miracle that we got there alive, and on time, considering we left half an hour late.

After a hurried goodbye, I raced towards platform 9 ¾, getting strange looks from both muggles and wizards. At least they didn't know who I was. I ran through the barrier hoping no one saw me or recognized me.

Heh Heh, the bandanna saved the day.

I tried sneaking instead of walking, to appear less conspicuous but after I almost tripped over a slytherin 3rd year, (who HISSED at me) I gave it up. (Kathy says that's because my idea of sneaking is to scuttle along waving my arms like a loon. Don't know what her problem is, really.)

I looked around for my friends; especially Monika who I was sure could help me. I spotted Potter and his mates, and I hid behind a group of ravenclaw 5th years. I definitely did not want Potter to see me. That would be the worst thing that could possibly happen- they would yell out to everyone to come see, and I would turn red with humiliation…I don't even want to think about it. I gulped and turned around. That was when I spotted her, my personal savior. She had a halo of light surrounding her strawberry blond head (in my mind), and her usual pink lipstick shimmered in the light, her eyes were sparkling and –ok you get the point: I was happy to see her. Very happy indeed.

I ran over to her, practically sobbing with relief. She was talking to Kathy. Kathy had her short brown hair up in its usual pony tail, and was fiddling with the loose bits.

"Monika! Please, you have to help me!" I cried. Yes, I knew whispering would have been more inconspicuous, but I couldn't help it.

Monika gaped at me in shock. Yeah, I guess the whole bandana and hideous scarf thing didn't make a very good fashion statement. Kathy spoke first, rolling her eyes "Lily, what have you done now?" She made to rip off my bandanna, but I hissed at her. (The Slytherins sure know what they're doing, she backed off straight away.)

"Follow me", I said. I lead them around a wall, checked that no one was in sight, before turning to them grimly. I was still nervous as to whether or not she'd be able to help me.

"Okay Lily, let us see, I'm sure it's not that bad." Monika soothed.

I took a deep breath and took off the scarf and the sunnies. I then slowly slipped off the bandanna, and bit my lip. There were 2 full seconds of shocked silence before they doubled over and howled with laughter. Howled!! Kathy fell to the ground and began banging her fists on it, rolling around like a mad woman. (Kathy just read this over my shoulder, and insisted that if you had seen my face you would have done so too. I had to write it, as she can now blackmail me with the picture.) Monika leant on me for support while she sobbed tears of mirth. I crossed my arms and looked away in a dignified silence while they calmed down. Finally, Monika was calm enough to speak. I uncrossed my arms and looked at her anxiously.

"I can grow back your hair, and I will do it now, but first I need you to look at Kathy."

Naturally, I looked at her, confused, only to be met with the flash of a camera.

"NOOO!" I yelled. "Are you my mates or not?? NOOO! GET RID OF IT!!"

Kathy mock sighed. "I could, but then I would have to ask Monika not to fix your hair." I growled, but said nothing else. She beamed at me. "Excellent! Fix away Monika." Monika waved her wand at my head and I felt my usual auburn locks fall back down against my ears. I sighed in relief and hugged her. Phew. She truly was a saint. The next time anyone ever says that she is too fond of her appearance I will stand up for her. Although that might mean telling them of this incident, which, you know, I don't plan to do…

After I got my hair fixed, we boarded the train with minutes to spare, my friends still giggling. Luckily our favourite compartment was still free. Someone somewhere loved me. Even if they did let my hair catch fire.

As we were settling into our compartment, Yolanda and Leslie joined us. As usual they looked like complete opposites. Leslie was wearing extravagant clothes over her tiny build. She had multicoloured pants and a flouro top, and her shoes had little blue flowers decorating their rim. Over her short white blond hair she wore a hat supporting the Hollie Head Harpies. On anyone else this would look plain stupid, but it suited her.

Yolanda on the other hand was wearing her usual inconspicuous clothing, her tight, dark ringlets partially covering her large face. Despite being of big build Yolanda doesn't stand out in crowds. I've always found it amazing that Leslie and Yolanda are such good friends when they are so obviously different. Shmeh. Opposites attract?

Yolanda is a pureblood, and is the youngest out of her MASSIVE family. I loose count of her numerous brothers and sisters. She swears that her mum ran out of good names, hence the name Yolanda. I think that Yolanda is a perfectly normal name, but she hates it. She constantly says to me, "Imagine if you had a last name like Thorn, or Pad, or White". I tell her that me being in that situation would be a lot worse than hers. Can you imagine the grief Potter and Black would give me if that were my name? I already get called 'Lily Flower' sometimes, when they are in a particularly annoying mood, (which, unfortunately for me is most of the time)

"Oi! Head girl, don't you have somewhere to be?" Leslie said to me, going cross-eyed and popping a chocolate frog in her mouth.

I remembered the meeting. Crap. I couldn't be late. I looked at my watch, it started a couple of minutes ago, and I was still eager to find out who was head boy.

So typically me, being late on the first act of being head girl.

As I slid the door open I can tell you I expected it to be Ed Merlocks. All the teachers love him due to the fact that he always sucks up, but he's nice to me, and pretty good looking too.

I opened the door and saw James smiling at me. My initial thought was what the heck is he doing here, but my eyes drifted to him chest, and next to his Quidditch captain badge, I saw the red shiny badge, identical to mine saying 'head boy'.

My jaw dropped.

"You're head boy???" I asked, unable to hide my surprised expression.

Sirius came up behind me and said, "Yeah, it shocked him too."

I turned around. "Hi Sirius." I said, trying to be polite.

"Oh nice." James said, smiling and rolling his eyes. "I've been here for ages, and then the moment you come she says hi."

"I have a way with girls." Sirius said jokingly, wiggling his eyebrows. James scoffed.

"Right" I said, my eyebrows raised. "I wasn't aware you'd ever had a girl." He scowled. Sirius could had his choice of girls, with hair and eyes like those. He just didn't care.

I turned to James, cautiously, I was expecting a prank at my expense any time soon. "Hello James." He smiled down at me kindly. How un- Jamesish.

"How was your summer?" He replied.

"Not too- " But I was cut off by one the prefects saying, "All right, enough lovey dovey chit chat, lets talk so we can go hang out with our friends." LOVEY DOVEY???? Weren't these people aware that I had spent the better part of the last 6 years hating James?

I looked at James, and he said, "Ill start."

My thoughts were along the lines of 'Oh dear, this is going to be bad. He's going to make jokes, and make everyone think we're completely irresponsible!', but I was wrong.

"Ok everyone" He started. "Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts. May I remind you, that we have to obey the rules." Several people giggled, but it didn't affect him. "I hate obeying them, but if I have too, all you guys have to, too. I also need to remind you, that while you are aloud to dock points, you must not abuse that power. In the past I have had points off for not walking in a straight line. It may have seemed funny at the time, but trust me, McGonagall wasn't impressed. Not to mention it just makes us look bad. Also, you are allowed to give detentions, but giving out too many does NOT make you popular, I should know!" I had to give him this much, he was always in detention. "I have been given detention for having my shoelace untied, by a Slytherin I might add." He glanced over at them and the other prefects sniggered. "Mind you the Professors never actually made me do it, but the prefect at the time, well, lets just say not many Gryffindors liked him after that."

I was surprised that he actually made sense. He was telling them the right thing, and making no jokes at my expense. He kept going, as if he wrote the speech and was reciting off palm cards. It was short and to the point. Then he motioned to me.

I said my bit, about patrols, and got everyone to sign their name at the slot they wished to do. When I was done, I went up to James. "So, Head boy? Congrats."

He laughed. "I must admit it was a shock. I was happy but sent owls to Remus and then Ed Merlocks to check if I had gotten it by mistake. I thought only prefects would get them. I knew you would though, it was pretty obvious." My mouth opened in shock.

"What parallel universe do you come from? I'm literally the most unorganized person in the whole school! I struggle with everything and I make a fool of myself all the time, and-!"

Them I realized he was laughing and my eyes narrowed.

"Lily! I can't believe you! I've caused so much trouble, and you get much better grades than me-"

"Not in transfiguration." I didn't actually mean to say that, but I did anyway. My voice came out sulky. How annoying.

"Is that a complement?" He said, sounding surprised.

Er-yes. What, never had one before?

He suddenly changed the subject.

"Hey Lily, when does Samantha have her first patrol?" He asked. I had no clue why he needed to know this, but I told him anyway.

"The sixteenth, with John Benns."

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "And you say you can't remember anything." Right. I intended to make some sarcastic comment but before I could think of one we were at my compartment.

"Bye Lily, I'll see you at the feast. We don't have to make a speech I hope." He laughed, and I waved. He seemed incredibly happy, I noted.

I went in my compartment to see all my friends staring up at me.

"So…" Leslie said. "James as head boy…that was unexpected. Bet you're looking forward too that."

Before I could say anything, my mouth had a sudden burst of life and said; "I don't actually mind, he seems really nice now. There will probably be some prank soon, but he did a good job of the meeting."

Monika and Yolanda looked at each other and giggled. "What?" I demanded. Damn. Damn. Damn.

"Nothing…" Yolanda said, with a sly smile.

"So how was your summer?" Monika asked, changing the subject.

"Oh. It was pretty good. Petunia wasn't as bad as usual because she has a boyfriend now."

They nodded.

"Meet any muggle boys?" Yolanda said with a smile.

"Nope….guess I'm not pretty enough." I joked.

"Come off it." Kathy scoffed, and she looked annoyed for some reason. "You're the prettiest of all of us."

"HAAA" I hooted, remembering my many wild hair days and my face, sunburnt and sore. Me? Pretty? I don't think so. Ha!

After that they were talking about boys and boyfriends, and who likes who. I just sort of zoned out, and then I started thinking of how different James seemed, and how odd it was. I must have fallen asleep, because soon after, I felt Kathy shaking me. "Come on, fire girl! Rise and Burn." Leslie yelled. What a loon.

"You told people?" I moaned to Kathy. I can't believe they told people. Urgh, this was NOT my day.

"Monika did. She also told her friends in Ravenclaw, but that's all. Come on, we'll be late for the feast!"

End Chapter 1

Bye for now

Review and tell us what you think, coz that makes us happy!!!! We have a lot planned….so tell us if you like it so we can continue into these undiscovered depths of lilys insanity……anyway =]

We were'nt sure if this was going to work, because two people working on a fanfic like this is pretty hard, but we managed…I think….review and tell us if you think we did or if its one big disaster lol =]

Anyway, it was fun, =]

BYE!!!! Thanks for reading xxx =]=]=]=]=]=]=]xD

( p.s – I like smiley faces =])