-1The average day of Sam, Danny and Tucker…
Tucker picked his nose while Danny sucked on his toes. Sam was asleep on the floor.
Finally, tired of the silence, Danny looked at Tucker and said, "Hey, I like your ear hole." Tucker looked at him. "And you have the cleanest right nostril I've ever seen."
"Thanks," Tucker said, ceasing his picking.
…
"What should we do now?" Tucker asked. Danny looked up. "We'll sing!"
"Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me!
No you don't mean nothing at all to me!
But you've got what it takes to set me free!
Oh you could mean everything to me!"
After their singing got boring, they left Danny's room. His parents were dead because they would ruin the story if they were alive.
Suddenly, a cell phone on the counter started to ring. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! And they're like, it's-" Tucker answered it. "Hello?"
"Hello, Tucker," said a deep voice. "I wanna play a game."
"Ooh! I like games."
"For the past ten years-"
"What kind of game are we going to play?"
"For the past-"
"I like Scrabble."
"For-"
"Or Goldfish!"
"For the past-"
"No wait, that's too much thinking."
"Could I please speak to someone else?"
"Oh, sure! Hold on." He held out the phone. "Sam!"
Sam took the phone and Tucker walked away. "Hello?"
"Hello, Sam. I-"
"Hello?"
"I wanna play a game with-"
Sam waved the phone around. "Heeellllooooo?"
"Sam, I wanna play-"
"Hello?"
"Fuck!"
Sam shrugged and closed the phone. She set it back down on the counter.
Ten minutes later, it rang again. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're-"
Tucker answered it. "Hello?"
"Oh, fuck. It's you again."
"Hey, you're back!"
"Uh, can I speak to Danny?"
"He's kind of busy right now but I can put you on speaker."
The voice sighed exasperatedly. "Fine."
"Okay. Hold on." Tucker walked over to the table where Danny was sitting. He had a piece of paper in front of him that read:
2+37
3+4
He suddenly pressed a bunch of buttons on the calculator. "OH!" he said to himself. "Of course, of course." He wrote something on the paper.
3+4 :)
He picked up the piece of paper and examined his work. "Now it all makes sense."
Tucker came over and put the phone down on front of him. "Someone wants to talk to you," he said.
"Hello, Danny," the voice said. "I wanna play a game."
He backed up a little, shaking with fear. "How do you know my name? And what do you want from me?"
"…I told you already. I wanna play a game."
"Oh, right. Ha."
"Actually, I wanna play a game with all three of you."
Suddenly, Tucker and Sam were standing on either side of him, staring at the phone. "Where did you guys come from?"
"We heard," they said in monotone unison.
"Oh."
"Ten years ago," the voice continued. "All three of you suffered from a disease known as A.D.H.D. Or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. For this reason, I will make all three of your lives miserable. The rules are simple. The last man standing, wins."
Tucker and Danny looked up, but Sam continued staring at the phone. "You know," Danny whispered to Tucker. "if we kill Sam, we have a better chance of winning." Tucker nodded. They both looked at her.
"What?" she asked.
Ten minutes later, Sam was laying on the floor. "We killed her," Danny confirmed.
"What are we gonna do, Tucker?" Danny asked frantically.
Tucker clenched his fists. "Think…think…think…think…"
…
"Brain blast!"
"What?" Danny asked.
"Vagina," Tucker said, nodding his head.
"Indeed. Vagina." They left the room.
And so continues the nose-picking and staring off into space.
Danny looked at Tucker. "What are we doing again?"
Tucker looked at him. "Vagina."
"Wait, wait, wait. That's not gonna work!"
"…Well, what should we do then?"
"We must train. To fight him." They nodded their heads.
So the training began.
Weight lifting, video games, practicing karate moves on Jazz's stuffed animals, picking their noses, more video games, more nose picking, reading books about dinosaurs ("…and the bunny went hop, hop, hop, all the way home,") and playing childhood hand games.
"We are ready," Danny confirmed. Tucker nodded his head.
Unfortunately, this is when Danny decided to eat a banana. When he was done, he threw the peel on the floor. Tucker came by and slipped on it. He died.
"Oh no!" Danny shouted. "First Sam, now Tucker!" He straightened his pants. "I WIN!" He danced.
Suddenly, the house phone rang. Danny reluctantly answered it. "Hello?"
It was the deep voice again. "Hello, Danny."
Danny looked at the ceiling. "God?"
"No, you dumass. It's me."
"Oh. Hi."
"You have won the game. Now you must kill yourself in the fridge."
"Okay." He hung up.
He opened the fridge, got in and closed the door.
The phone rang again. The camera guy (that nobody ever notices) looked at it frighteningly and then at the fridge. It read loud and clear: "YOU LOSE."
"YOU LOSE!" the voice yelled. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HOO HOO HOO HA HA TEE HEE!"