You've Got To Mean It
There was a strange glow filling the room, the gap in the curtains letting a small flicker of light through, the only sounds filling the room were that of the CD John Paul had bought with him, he had despaired at the fact Kieron owned only five CD's, he found that most of his own were working their way to his place now. He could also hear the faint sound of Kieron's breathing, the feel of his breathe against his neck as Kieron lay closely behind him, his arm wrapped around John Paul's stomach.
There was something about lying in Kieron's arms like these, the soft music in the background relaxing him further that gave John Paul a feeling he hadn't experienced before. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on just the music, but Kieron was so close to him, and he could think of nothing but turning to face him and commit everything about him to memory.
He tried to do so slowly, lifting Kieron's arm slightly so he could turn around, trying his best not to wake Kieron, although he had learnt from the many nights spent here that Kieron was a deep sleeper, something that made John Paul happy as he was able to have moments like this, where he could just look closely at Kieron's face tracing across it with his fingertips. Sometimes when John Paul had done this when Kieron was awake, his mouth would curve up into a small embarrassed smile and his eyes would avert away.
Kieron didn't understand what John Paul saw in him, but John Paul found new things every day that he loved about Kieron. The way just before Kieron would lean in to kiss him he'd bite his lip and smile nervously, almost making sure with John Paul it was okay and when he laughed the dimples that would form on his face, he smiled to himself remembering the sound of Kieron's laugh.
He often wondered if Kieron was finding new things he liked about John Paul every day, sometimes he would catch Kieron looking at him when he thought he wasn't, a small contented smile across his face, his eyes shining as they looked back into his own. It was at moments like that when John Paul could read everything that Kieron felt, it didn't need to be all words and promises, it was about showing that love and he provided John Paul with a feeling like nothing he had felt before. He felt safe.
John Paul closed his eyes and leaned in closer, resting his forehead to Kieron's, their noses touching slightly, John Paul opened his eyes and remained just as closer, his hand now tracing across Kieron's jaw line moving softly across his lips. He let his fingers linger there for a moment. He closed his eyes again as he felt Kieron's arm tighten around his body, his hand falling to the small of his back pressing their bodies closer together.
"You're doing it again"
John Paul moved his fingers away quickly, opening his eyes to find that Kieron's were still closed "I'm not doing anything..." John Paul tried to sound as innocent as possible but he knew Kieron would see through it. He opened one eye slightly and his mouth pulled up into the smile that John Paul loved more than anything.
"Aren't you getting a little bored of watching me sleep?"
"Never. I like watching you sleep; the silly little faces you pull, the sound of you're breathe..." Kieron's eyes were both open now, but he had reverted his eyes away, the embarrassment across his face that John Paul knew all too well "... and the fact you don't do that every time I look at you" John Paul smiled softly, and placed his hand on Kieron's face again, running his fingers across his lips again.
Kieron sighed and his eyes closed again, giving into the feeling of John Paul's fingers tracing across his face "Honestly Kieron... it's been two years now and you still can't figure out what I see in you?" John Paul was teasing now, they had this conversation many times over the course of their relationship, and John Paul always liked to see what kind of reaction he could provoke in Kieron.
"I've been trying to figure out what you see in me since the first moment we met"
"And I've been telling you ever since we met exactly what I see in you... you notice how I've never once asked what you see in me..."
"That's because you just need to take one look at you to get the answer..." Kieron smiled and John Paul felt like he had to catch his breath, the power that smile had over him every time was enough to make him lost track of any thought.
John Paul smiled again teasing "Is that all you went for me for then? My good looks..."
Kieron's face turned serious as he realised what he had implied "Now you know that's not true..."
"Yeah I know" Kieron leant forward moving his face away from the closeness of John Paul's before leaning back down to place a small kiss on John Paul's neck, just below his ear lobe. Kieron knew exactly where to touch and kiss John Paul to send a feeling through him that left him wanting more.
It was hard to believe that two years ago Kieron had come into his life; it was hard to believe that after all the struggles they had gone through to get where they were now that they were stronger than ever. The feelings he had for Kieron had been so unexpected, shocking to more himself than perhaps the other members of the community. But as the relationship continued those feelings only intensified, leaving John Paul with the feeling that he had found someone with whom he couldn't imagine not having in his life.
It had been far from easy, when their relationship was revealed, they took time apart, the reactions from John Paul's family had been everything they both knew they would be, and Kieron had to deal with the consequences of his actions. The one thing they hadn't counted on though was the reaction they had from not being around one another, the phone calls once a week weren't enough, and the pain John Paul had felt when Kieron wasn't around only intensified as the days passed.
Those few months away made them both realise that with each other they had found something rare, a need for that person to be around, the other half making them whole.
Kieron's voice was soft as his face moved to whisper into John Paul's ear "You know what I love about you... do I even have to say it?"
John Paul would usually give in now, and not demand Kieron to say it, but he wanted to hear it, he wanted to hear Kieron's voice whispering to him, telling him exactly what he loved about him. "It'd be nice to hear it" John Paul's voice was serious now and Kieron pulled back to look into his eyes, licking his lips before he spoke again.
His eyes averted down to where John Paul's hand now rested, Kieron gripped hold of John Paul's had, entwining their fingers, and pulling both their hands up level with their faces. Kieron kissed John Paul's hand softly "I love the way our hands fit together like this, the way when we go out, you always grab hold of my hand and squeeze it slightly, it's comforting... and I feel safe"
John Paul's eyes widened with Kieron's confession, this was just another thing he loved about him, he didn't say things like this much, but when he did it meant everything. "And I love that look you've got in your eyes right now. I love when I say something and you can feel exactly what I am feeling in that moment, when our eyes lock and you understand without any confusing that I love you more than anything else"
John Paul kept hold of Kieron's hand but moved it between their bodies, resting both their hands between them, he moved forward closing the gap that had grown between their faces and softly placed a kiss on Kieron's mouth, he was about to pull away, happy with that and the words spoken, but Kieron's hands were suddenly pulling out of his grasp and gripping into John Paul's hair, his tongue prising John Paul's lips apart, dipping into his mouth. John Paul's reaction was the only one he knew to Kieron kissing him like this and he reciprocated fully. His own hands gripping into Kieron's hair trying to get even closer to him than he already was, his tongue duelling with Kieron's pushing into his welcoming mouth.
John Paul felt the same feeling every time he kissed Kieron like this, it hadn't faded since their first time, everything about it was natural, like this is where he should have been all the time, with Kieron like this, the connection unbreakable and unseen by anyone else than the two of them.
Kieron finally pulled away, his breathing uneven, trying to recover from the kiss, his hands still remaining firmly locked in John Paul's hair.
John Paul smiled "I love you too Kieron"
Kieron laughed huskily and pressed his palm on John Paul's back again, pushing their bodies close once again, and John Paul could see the same look Kieron had given him just over a year ago when they had seen each other after months apart, a desperate need just to be close to him, to feel him in his arms.
John Paul never once doubted Kieron's love for him, he may not always say it, but he showed it every day with looks and actions, and the fact that everyday Kieron was exactly what he needed what made him feel safe and content, and loved.