Title: Kingdom Hearts goes to Oz
Rating: T for Teen – story will contain swearing and innuendo.
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all characters © Square and Disney, Wizard of Oz © L. Frank Baum.
Note: This all started out as a silly drawing of Maleficent threatening Kairi the same way the Wicked Witch would threaten Dorothy. Now, I am trying to write one freaky parody with most of the Kingdom Hearts cast. As a warning, some people might not like the sense of humor in this story, read at your own risk.
Chapter 1: On the Destiny Islands
Kairi was a girl of 15 with red hair and violet-blue eyes, she wore a blue and white dress with a skirt cut below the knee. She was running straight to her house on the Destiny Islands; behind her ran her dog Pluto.
"Wait," shouted Kairi as she stopped running. "What is with Pluto? He's not even my dog!"
Pluto, being a dog, didn't say thing but stopped and stared at Kairi.
"Let me explain that," said the author, "since Dorothy, your character, has a little dog, I had to find a dog from the game to play the part of Toto. So Pluto was the best choice for the dog, not to mention that he was following you around when you got kidnapped in Kingdom Hearts II."
"Damn," Kairi sighed. She looked at Pluto, the dog just sat and waited for her to say something else. "Come on boy, let's go home. I'm sure Grandmother will understand my side of the story and not let that mean lady hurt you."
They reached the front yard of Kairi's house, where they found Tidus and Waka wearing white shirts and blue overalls, talking to each other.
"Hey Kairi," said Tidus.
"What's up?" asked Waka.
"Hey guys," said Kairi. "Is my Grandmother home?"
"Yeah," replied Waka, "we were helping her out around the house, she's probably in the kitchen."
The front door opened and outs stepped Kairi's Grandmother, wiping her hands on the apron she wore over her dress.
"Oh, Kairi," she said, "I thought I heard you."
"I need to speak with you," said Kairi. "Pluto got into Malificent's garden today and Pluto is getting the blame when it was my fault in the first place."
"Don't fret dear," said Grandmother. "That woman won't do anything to Pluto when she hears your explanation and apologies."
"That's true," said Tidus, "you've always been honest Kairi. Just tell that lady you and Pluto didn't intend to do anything wrong."
"Stand up to her, yah," added Waka. "Show some courage."
"Okay boys," said Grandmother, "I'm sure Kairi is encouraged enough to explain herself to Maleficent. When that woman gets here, you just have to do your best not to let her get to you." She went back inside to continue her work in the kitchen.
"See ya later," said Tidus as he and Waka ran to the beach.
Kairi sat down on the doorstep with Pluto next to her. Stroking the dog's back, Kairi let out a depressed sigh.
"This world is so lousy," she muttered. "I wish I could see a new, exciting place. A place where I can escape the troubles of the island."
Pluto only made a bark in reply.
"Perhaps we should go inside. We can only wait for what will happen next. The worst thing that could happen is a storm turning this place to Hell." Kairi stood up and opened the door to allow Pluto inside. She went inside and marched to her room with Pluto behind her.
"Why am I the one suffering in this parody?" Kairi whined once she was in her room.
"Because the position you had in Kingdom Hearts was similar to Dorothy's!" shouted the author. "A girl who thinks about the worlds beyond her home and she finally ends up there when a storm whisks her away! Since you didn't really do much but play damsel-in-distress, you might as well have an adventure but you won't like it!"
Kairi just groaned and sat hunched on her bed. Pluto lay on the floor at the girl's feet.
"That stupid dog has ruined my garden for the last time!" came a shrill voice from the living room. It was Maleficent!
"Oh shit!" Kairi hissed. "Pluto, hide yourself, I'm going to confront the witch!"
She ran to the living room where her Grandmother was talking to Maleficent. Kairi stopped and cleared her throat to announce her presence.
"You have no need to be angry," said Kairi's Grandmother. "It was only a misunderstanding."
"I still don't want that dog trashing my garden and attempting to attack me," said Maleficent. The witch wore a bogus disguise, a black dress and matching hat.
She looks as if she had been to a Disney villain funeral, Kairi thought sarcastically.
"It was my fault to begin with," said Kairi. "I should have kept an eye on Pluto, I'm the one who should be punished. Grounding me for several weeks should be enough."
"Take the blame as much as you want!" said Maleficent. "I have a warrant from the sheriff that the dog should be taken away." She took a slip of paper out of her hideous handbag and gave it to Kairi's Grandmother.
"Oh dear," said the Grandmother sadly when she had read the paper. "I'm sorry Kairi, but it seems that there is nothing else you can do for Pluto."
"Rats," said Kairi. Then she noticed that Pluto came out of hiding and into the living room.
"Hand him over," demanded Maleficent, "I'm going to place him in that box so he won't attempt attacking me again!" She pointed to a portable dog cage that had wheels on its bottom and a long handle to tow or push it.
Kairi led Pluto to the cage where he quietly walked into it. "Sorry boy," said Kairi, "seems that I couldn't save you."
Maleficent slammed the cage shut. "Now I shall be on my way to dispose of the beast!" She towed the cage out the door and attached it to the back of her bicycle.
"You wicked old witch," Kairi shouted after Maleficent. "I can't believe you are doing this!" She stormed off to her room cursing at Maleficent.
"What's going on?" asked Tidus when he and Waka entered the living room.
Kairi's Grandmother sighed as she watched her granddaughter storm off and frowned at Maleficent retreating. "Just some bad issues that horrible woman."
Meanwhile, Maleficent was riding her bicycle down the road, but she seemed unaware of Pluto's escape. Since Pluto's portable prison had him concealed from view, except through the door, the dog was planning to break free.
Pluto reached one of his forepaws between the bars and began fidgeting with the lock. Once the lock was loose, the door swung open and Pluto jumped out.
He ran into some near bushes and peaked out to see if Maleficent had taken any notice. The woman continued to ride on as if nothing happened.
Happy that he escaped, Pluto ran back home where Kairi was waiting.
"How the Hell did Pluto become that smart?" Sora asked the author.
"He delivers notes left by King Mickey," replied the author. "My guess is that the King must have trained Pluto to get out of dangerous situations."
"Oh…" Sora scratched his head for a moment. "Do I get a part in this?"
"I'm afraid not, but you can sit back and watch Kairi suffer through everything."
Sora jumped for joy. "Yes!"
To be continued…