/AN: Another prompt from the PWKM. I've always loved the idea of Angel, Mia, and Lana being old college buddies, so when someone wanted some fluffy Mia/Lana whatever, I couldn't help but throw in a little angst...but then my hand slipped and it turned into a lot of angst.
A few years of incarceration for obstruction of justice really sullied Lana's reputation. Once free, she felt like she had nowhere else to go, and if history had anything to say about it, that meant there was only one place left to go, and the ex-chief prosecutor let out a long sigh.
She found herself standing at a familiar apartment door and shivered at the thought of her old friend changing addresses, or worse than that, actually being home and giving her the cold shoulder. With a brief moment of hesitation, she knocked anyway. It took about half a minute, but given the early morning visit, she supposed she should've expected as much.
An interesting sight met her: a tired ex-cough up queen with her hair pulled up in something of a messy bun and sweatpants, never mind her usual make up. Angel looked...older, somehow, and not surprisingly also quite annoyed with the unannounced visit.
"What are you doing here?" the apartment occupant asked, somewhat curtly. Could she really still harbor ill-will towards the whole downward spiral of events? Probably. It didn't matter, though.
"Look, I just—" Lana paused. Why did she bother trying to meet with her old friend like this? She turned her gaze to avoid those cold different-colored eyes. "I just want to face a few things. Back there, I lost many things and many people I held close to me, and I want to try building those bridges back and move on," she admitted quietly.
For a couple of minutes, the two stood there at the doorway with a tense, stressful decision to make. To work things out, or to simply let sleeping dogs lie and walk away. The ex-detective pressed her lip into a fine line and narrowed her eyes before pinching the bridge of her nose and standing aside. "Come on in," she said simply.
Once inside, the former college friends and coworkers sat across from the table from each other in a long silence. Honestly, Lana didn't expect to get this far, but then again, time passes and people change, even though the one that stood before her put her under citizen's arrest and gave the testimony that blew everything back up into the air. It didn't matter anymore, though. The longer they sat, the more impatient Angel got, however, so eventually those Cough-Up Queen instincts took over.
"You say you're looking to reconcile, but you're really just trying to go back to the way they were before," she commented coolly, and as Lana tried to open her mouth in retort, she cut her off with a continuation, "And, for the record, that is definitely not the same thing." Lana closed her mouth and turned away her gaze again. After all these years, who knew Angel still had that intensity?
She could feel those cold eyes boring into her without having to look into them. Now she expected an answer. Lana felt sorry for all the sorry criminals put under this pressure before. "The past is over," the one across the table added with just a hint of softness, "And you can't go back, but you can always look back." Angel shifted and sat back in her chair a bit. "When was the last time you let yourself do that?"
A heavy feeling settled over the newly released criminal. She hated it, but she knew this is exactly why she had to try starting over from here; Angel was the one person who would not let her get away with anything. Well, the only person who would not let her get away with anything that was still alive, anyway, but that didn't matter.
Realizing that her guest would take a while to crack, the ex-detective stood up from the table. "It's still early in the morning," she pointed out, "So I'm going to make breakfast. Would you care for something?" Lana blinked in surprise. Her old friend made some face she couldn't quite read and chuckled, "You're going to be here a while, after all." Begrudgingly, she nodded.
Angel's cooking, now that took her back. She hadn't had it since they lost their status as co-workers. Still, it seemed like something was missing from that, but it didn't matter until the ex-detective caught her look as she contemplated that thought.
"I'm not the only one you have to make peace with," the Cough-Up Queen muttered. Lana raised an eyebrow. "I always had my suspicions," the other continued.
"What are you talking about?" the ex-chief prosecutor finally spoke up, perhaps too quickly, perhaps too thickly. Either way, the other took notice. "You know exactly what, or should I say who, I'm talking about," she replied. Another tense silence followed.
"Mia Fey," Angel finally explained. The name sounded so hollow, and like its owner it seemed that no life remained in it. Lana shifted uncomfortably and her thumbnail somehow found its way between her teeth. "I knew it," her old friend sighed, "The reason you came to me, the reason you want to go back instead of look back, the very thing holding you back, whether you realized it or not, I'm fairly certain at this point it's because you haven't faced that loss."
Lana sat in stunned silence, and a pit of lead dropped guilt into her stomach. Her old friend let her sit that way until she was ready to talk. Gulping back her hesitation, she finally let some of her walls slide down. "I...Even at the time of my arrest, I hadn't even realized she was..."
"You blame yourself for cutting ties with her." Lana simply nodded.
"She and I, we used to be so close. Roommates in college, perhaps even best friends, and we could usually tell each other just about anything," she continued.
"You must think I'm some kind of idiot. You aren't fooling me with that shallowness. I know there was more to you two than that." The walls were starting to crack.
"Yes, well," she stumbled.
"And I know you sure as hell hate the way you tried to cope with it, given how that all worked out for us." The cracks continued to spread.
"I just...I just...I didn't want—"
"You miss her so much it's killing you." Once walls of ice now shattered into melting shards of little fractals. A thick knot tied itself in Lana's throat that she couldn't gulp back, so she simply put her head in her hand and nodded.
She knew it couldn't have felt nice for her old friend to have to break through all this mess for her, but she had to. They both knew that.
Leaning in a little closer, the Cough-Up Queen dealt her final blow.
"I bet you hate the fact that you never told her what she meant to you, and that you ran from it, and that you're still running from it."
As her eyes felt more wet, her mouth became more dry. Something of a soft sob slipped into her exhale. Forcing herself to swallow it all back down, Lana blinked back her tears and muttered, "It doesn't matter anymore. I can't change it."
"It does matter," Angel shot back, "Because if it didn't, it clearly wouldn't still be eating at you like this." Lana sat quietly, contemplating her response.
"I didn't want to ruin anything," she finally admitted.
"I know," her old friend nodded slowly, "But because of that, you never took the time to appreciate what you did have. You loved her, I know you did, but the way you constantly pushed yourself back from it...you never were able to let yourself be happy with the good times. I mean, damn Lana, you still force yourself to walk on the edge. I don't even want to imagine how miserable you were alone with your thoughts in prison."
Somehow her thumbnail returned back to her teeth as she continued to try to blink back tears. All sorts of memories flooded back, most of them from college. Going to the movies, long nights of studying together, the dorm pranks (of which Angel was the usual victim), the cafe visits, hell, even how happy she looked with that guy. That did it. That memory of Mia's happy face, and the first tear got too heavy to hold back. God, how that jealousy spoiled so much fun.
She didn't even know when Angel moved to put a comforting hand on her back. "When you're done," her old friend said softly, "There's somewhere I'm going to take you. No objections." Lana simply nodded.
"You've got to be kidding me," the darker haired woman said stiffly, crossing her arms. "Ah ah," the lighter haired one tsked, that sickeningly sweet smile playing on her features, "I said no objections." Lana huffed.
They were sitting on the train headed for Kurain village, Mia's old home, and the forever home of the Kurain spirit channeling technique. "I cannot believe I let you talk me into this," she sighed, shaking her head. Something of a chuffed giggle was her reply. She rolled her eyes.
Somehow the present Lunchland operator managed to talk her way into a channeling without an appointment, and with the only remaining Fey as the medium. At this point, Lana had to wonder whether or not fate was mocking her.
Maya seemed all too eager to do it as a favor, she supposed since she was both the lawyer that took her case's protégé and Mia's sister. Either way, though, the ex-chief was grateful.
The eerie aura of the dark channeling chamber was a little unnerving, but everything faded away once the younger sister's shape started changing to match the older one. Somehow, she had to blink back tears again when a familiar voice asked, "Lana?"
"Yeah," she replied with something of a relieved laugh. A suspicious look met her because of it.
"Angel put you up to this, didn't she?" Mia prodded, although it sounded more like a statement.
"Yeah," Lana admitted with a sheepish grin, "But not without good reason."
That made the spirit crack a smile and let out something of a laugh. "I always hated when she was right."
After a deep breath and some mental preparation, the one on the side of living began. "I...I know I've done a lot of things that I regret, but I'm going to try to move on and change directions. In order to do that, I...well, there are just some loose ends that need tying up."
Mia nodded understandingly.
"First and foremost, I'm sorry that I cut contact with you after the incident. I know you know I was under very stressful circumstances, and knowing you, you probably already forgave it, but it's...something I have to face now."
"Yes. Of course I forgave you, but now you have to forgive yourself."
"I know, I know," Lana swallowed down the knot in her throat and continued. "Secondly, something you may or may not have even noticed."
Mia raised a curious eyebrow.
"I'm sorry that I let my jealousy of Diego get in the way of our friendship," she admitted quietly.
The other eyebrow rose to met it's partner for an expression of surprise. "You were jealous of him?" the spirit asked incredulously.
The ex-chief laughed nervously. "Yeah, I know. It was pretty stupid, but there's something that I never told you because I always thought it didn't matter because how things were." She could not believe after all these years, this was coming to the surface. A familiar deep pit of anxiety washed over her.
"Oh?" Mia sounded a bit concerned.
"I—" her throat closed up, but she shook her head to get rid of it, "I didn't want to cross the line, and it's not the same anymore. I'm not asking anything of you, but I'm telling you now, long after the fact, how things were so I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on."
The look on her old friend's face told her that she knew the other was stalling. "And?" she coaxed.
"And...I don't know when it happened or how I realized, but, Mia," she took another deep breath at how suddenly full and alive her name felt now, "I...Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with you. I just...didn't say anything."
The spirit's expression softened. "I see. That explains quite a lot, then."
"I suppose it does," Lana hummed distantly. The heavy feeling left, and she felt somehow lighter than she had before it had even settled over her. "I used to always think that it didn't matter, but I think now that I'm starting on a new path, even though I'm not really sure which way I'm going yet, I'm going to change that perspective."
Mia smiled knowingly. "Good. I was always worried that you were living like you were dead, and yes, I realize the irony of that statement. I just mean that you should enjoy the life you have left. I'd have to hit you with something if you crossed over still miserable."
Lana cracked a little smile. "Thank you. Things may have all gone south a long time ago, but I realize now."
"It does still matter," Mia finished with a chuckle, "And, for what it's worth, it's not me you should be thanking. Well, at least, I don't get the whole credit. Thank yourself, and as insufferable as it is, thank Angel."
"I will."